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I have just been taking a step back. I'm SO confused. Confused about
what I want, confused about what to do. I AM almost sure of one thing
though, that I just might be in the mood for a good spanking. Maybe.
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"You may be shining in all your glory now that your traditional ruler
Jupiter is in full light of the Sun. You can experience the outer
limits of your own imagination and then extend it even further into
your real world. Others may be able to see the extra sparkle in your
eye, but they won't know what has gotten into you. Don't tell them
everything; maintaining a bit of mystery can work in your favor."
My horoscope today.
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I thought about it (of course). And I guess You were right about the slave/submissive issue. I guess I like to think of myself as a slave. I know I'm not, but it's nice to think about. Me thriving in total subservance. An interesting concept.
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I sometimes wonder why You like me so much. I had that thought again today. Wondering what it is about me that You find so wonderful. And extremely flattered I am to know that You thought of me first. That You seem to always think of me first. I smile inside to know that You value me as much as You do. It continually suprises me too. But You are right. I am not at all ready to give myself so completely to anyone. Listening to the conversation today I knew that the slave You were discussing could not be me. I am not that person to take pleasure in things like that. I can hear You now; "Things like what?" Like being treated as an object. I am not an object. I don't know how to explain it exactly. It's just not what I want. I don't wonder why people would, it's just not for me. I guess my sense of self is too strong for it. I am always very aware of myself; what I'm doing, how I feel about it, and of course what I'm thinking about it. To be an object conflicts with all that. Too much thinking for an object I think.
Dammit, I'm rambling.
About the other thing. I think You (and I hope You realize that when I say "You" I mean You both) are good and wonderful specimens of the human race. You are most definitely nowhere near boring. Such lively and thriving People You are. You are alive. Really alive. And as we discussed at an earlier time, not a lot of people can say that. To be around You and influenced by You is a wonderful thing. Don't worry. You will not soon be rid of me, if it pleases You.
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Being naked on a table with wax being poured onto me for everyone to see... terrifies me. Of course it does. I never wanted to be put on display. Not in any sense of the word. I prefer people notice me and discuss me later, something harmless like that. I don't want them to watch me, to study me, take in everything about me. It's too much. I prefer to watch, not be watched. I prefer to know, not be known. I suppose that's what it boils down to. I prefer to watch and know. Someone putting me under the same microscope that I put everyone else under, is too much. The microscope sees too much. Too much I don't want to show.
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Hummm. However will I find the time to giggle as much as I feel the need to? *remembers her "dance"*  I think I will somehow manage. *giggles* |
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"For now, don't be too concerned about staying on a narrow path; let your active fantasies motivate you toward your future."
my horoscope for today. |
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Last night i dreamed that i was sitting on my Master's lap. i don't see Him enough. |
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i have been watching a large amount of the history channel for the last week or so. tres interesting. i love all the documentaries on the ancient world... of course because that's what i am completely obsessed with. i could go on for hours about history and why i treasure it so, but i will do no such thing. suffice it to say that i truly love it. |
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Got a lot more reading done last night. There is so much to learn... But i'm eager and excited to learn everything i can. |
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