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Bottomwilltop
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MrGoodlLife
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| For those who do not like to read long profiles, here is a summary of the words below: If your not healthy, both physically and mentally, BDSM is -not- for you. Before you go hunting for a master or slave, make sure your not insane or likely to die from a heart attack.
(A.K.A. If you are: bipolar, depressive, manic, insane, obese, anorexic, or too dumb to read this, you should delete your profile here and get medical attention before returning)
Time for a honesty check everyone.
First things first, people who come to this site usually end up at another site (that gets deleted every time I mention it...it involves a . Do the math.) It's a better site on the whole.
I always doubt anyone on this sites ability to grow a pair (metaphorically) and do something about it (literally). People mostly come here for attention, not for the kink. I strongly suggest you prove me wrong.
I have been doing this for seven years. -seven years-. I teach both Doms and subs how to do their kink without killing each other. I have several students throughout the Chicago and Indiana area. Not all my students are the sharpest knives in the block, but it is better to make sure they have an understanding before they go and destroy themselves.
Expect criticism from me if your profile is angsty poetry (this is not myspace or facebook), has zero bearing on reality (if you say you want to chat, and don't...), Or have too big of an opinion of yourself (no one here is worth access to my wallet).
This website is for -meeting people- not sitting around and angsting about how your boy toy or girl toy left you, leaving ashen shards of your heart on the blood spattered earth.
It's time for all of you to grow up. A chat request is not the end of the earth, a message was meant to be responded to. Silence is the great killer of kink.
For some information about me: I am a mentor and teacher, and responsible for educating several local professional doms. I have three students currently, and have graduated two. The nice couple I mentioned here have gotten married (grats Stacey and Dan!). I am currently educating two women on both how to be a Dom and a sub, and a third professional dom in the complex world of submission.
A disclaimer: I am not perfect, I am not all knowing, I make mistakes and I am not the best Dom in the universe (that crown is firmly held by Deviant, who is smart enough not to have a profile here).
What I teach: I teach basic techniques, 'bondage 101', safety and some advanced topics like mummification, breath play, knife play and communication. I DO NOT teach extremes that can cause severe damage or hospitalization.
I am certainly looking for my own sub, but I find that educating others comes first. It is always more important to keep people out of the hospital then it is to have a toy of your own.
Should I find my own sub, my education of others will end, assuming the sub is alright with me continuing my education of others.
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Tomorrow is Continuum!! 5 hours of non stop fetish fun!
for all you Chicago folks, RSVP with the owner, mistressxena_chicago@yahoo.com.
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So, I did a little experiment today. I created a dummy profile of a young girl, set up a pretty picture and left the profile nice and vague. I of course gave her a good height and weight ratio, and sat down to watch for 30 minutes. I recorded the results
25 Minutes, end of experiment.
Total: 21 messages
.2 were from women
1 was utterly unreadable due to bad grammar
8 had profile pictures
2 mentioned something in the limited profile
0 made unreasonable demands
6 commented on the behavior of people on this site.
The chat request prompt only shut down after 20 minutes
after 5 more minutes and changing the profile to reveal it's nature...
5 more messages came in, only 1 noticed it was an experiment.
I hope we all learn a lesson from this. We should not "hipshot" messages to new people. I apologize to everyone I have done this to! I am just as guilty of it as any other idiot on this site.
1 noticed the fact that this was being logged.
1 was asian
1 was black
10 were from people over the age of 30.
2 were from couples.
I hope this serves as a lesson to all of you.
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I have seen an interesting trend in young women on this site. They claim to want older men.
I would love to hear why. I understand the draw for maturity, but it can be found in men of almost any age. One good reason, thats all I ask! |
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So, lets play another game of "Is it a Scammer?"
Here are some hints.
In the profile it says "Native American", while also claiming to be "Caucasian".
Apparently people in Uzbekistan or Nigeria don't realize exactly who "Native Americans" are.
If it ever says "Native American", you had best just slap it with a report profile and move on, ESPECIALLY if it has a picture of a white girl on the profile :P
If the user cannot use proper grammar. They are either not well versed in the English language (a pretty good sign they are a scammer), or they are too stupid to use it.
If their profile is too good to be true.
if they send you a message -but have not read the messages you have sent them!- you can check this by going to your inbox and clicking -sent mail-.
If they ever want to take you to an alternate website for video chat. Chat programs are just fine (AIM, yahoo, gtalk, msn).
If you see a profile picture in two places at once. Someone had a pic ripped off. |
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Birthday came and went. Looks like most of the ill will missed me and landed soundly on the people around me. It's good to see that the universe has shit aim.
Updated my profile, now registered as a switch, which is more accurate then the true dom i was registered as before, and now my age has updated as well.
Interesting thing. I started working out at my local FFC, started at 30% fat ratio, i was 230 lbs at the time. I am now close to 240, and now my fat ratio is down to 23.5%.
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Hey everyone.
My birthday is coming up. I fully intend to hide under my bed in case the world comes to an end.
*gets his trusty cooking pot helmet and spork ready for the zombie hoards* |
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Things that are not my problem:
1. Your emotional distress. This is not the place to look for someone to rescue you from your own psychosis.
2. Your mistrust of the 'chat' command. The site put it here for a reason, to bypass the 300 messages in your inbox quickly and slap down a 'block' in a more efficient way. This is about meeting people, not hiding in a little box trying to pretend the world isn't there.
3. How stupid the other men are on this site. I know they are. I really don't care. If you can't tell the difference by profiles alone, you really don't belong on the internet.
4. Your bank account. If your the age of 30 or younger, and looking for someone twice your age, your not here for BDSM, your here for money. I have not once heard a legitimate excuse for women wanting men so old.
5. Your ego. Yes, I am sure your hot, sexy, and bring all the boys to the yard. I don't care, I am more interested in who you are then trying to curry favor.
6. How amazing your current master is. If you have found someone -this is not the site for you!- Go on and wax poetic, but when you have found your sub or dom... you really should close down or hide your account, otherwise your just begging for trouble.
This website is for meeting people. If you want to sit around and do nothing, write angsty poetry while cutting yourself (yes I went there), or talk about how amazing your boy toy is... go to facebook where it is expected. |
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Nothing in the world makes me feel better then driving an attention whore to block me. |
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I just changed my profile again, probably for the last time. If it is too long for you people, just know this: It's time to grow up, get over your angst and meet new people. This is not your personal sorrow blog. |
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Hey folks!
It's time to get off your lazy butts and go do something social! Continuum's monthly party is this weekend, and you should go.
21+, BYOB, bring your own toys, standard scene attire is recommended.
check out www.bondagenightchicago.com for RSVP info.
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new profile update! read up all!
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Hey folks.
Just another reminder, since another cash demanding trollop has appeared on this site.
Any Dom or Domme who demands money is a waste of time(if they are not a PRO Dominant). Do not pay other peoples bills, do not give money away for no reason.
NO ONE is so pretty they deserve a free ride in life. Submission comes from something greater then just the desire to be abused.
You can be the most submissive person in the world, but some things should be kept away from a dominant, here are some examples.
1. your family
2. your wallet
3. your job
4. your uterus (if your a woman)
5. your health
These things are your responsibility, and NO dominant can take them away from you. even a 24/7 sub should know this.
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Some people may have noticed that i changed my weight on this site. Some may ask, "how does someone drop ten pounds so quickly?"
the answer?
I contracted H1N1. It burned 10 pounds of weight off over an 8 day period.
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Holy flying monkey poo.
What has happened to the Domme population on this site? it seems like every week, some stupid teenager fresh out of highschool thinks they have what it takes to be a Domme.
An important note to everyone.
1. Never take anyone who demands money seriously
2. Never follow any orders from someone who demands respect without earning it first
3. No one is so pretty or perfect that they deserve a free ticket in life
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A real Domme joins the ranks of collarme.
Hey folks, If your a female or male sub looking for a REALLY beautiful and talented Domme, I strongly suggest MistressYola. She is a friend of mine and works out of Continuum. If your in the Chicago, Indiana, Wisconsin, or Illinois area (yes, I am separating 'chicago' and 'illnois' for a reason), send her a message.
Be good, and don't do anything David Bowie wouldn't do... he draws the line at sheep.
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New photo, me in my Ren Faire garb! enjoy!
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Tell me all you Dom's out there..
What are you willing to give in exchange for submission?
I am willing to give:
1. Love
2. Attention
3. Respect
4. Fair treatment
5. Protection
6. Gifts for good behavior
7. Education
8. Monogamy
9. Understanding
10. Equal treatment
That's 10 things off the top of my head.
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What does it mean when the spammers and scammers stop trying to make their profiles look or seem legitimate?
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To all you sub women out there..
This is a SINGLES site, not fetish Facebook.
If you have a master or mistress, this is not the website for you. is your preferred destination.
Not telling people your already hitched until deep into a conversation is also the very height of bad manners.
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Nooo! shaved my face and the hair is growing back faster then ever! i watched myself develop a 5 o'clock shadow in 30 minutes!!!
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Time to end your shut-in ways!
All of you in the Chicago area, RSVP for the Continuum party on June 19th. It runs from 11-4, and is a non-stop fetish free-for-all.
It is safe, fun and filled with interesting and amazing people.
Don't come to this site claiming to want to meet someone, actually DO it this time! The first step to doing something new is the one out your door. I hope to see you there!
Go to bondagenightchicago.com to RSVP!
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The golden dream.
No, this does not have anything to do with Golden Showers or scat... not my thing.
I am referring to what appears to be everyone's goal on this site... I commonly refer to it as the "BBD", Or the bigger, better deal.
When you have a chance to talk to someone who seems nice and interesting (and just MAYBE attractive enough to meet), I feel it's common for people to fall into this train of thought...
"Well if I met him/her... I am sure i will meet someone richer/prettier/better soon!"
People tend to do this after the first meeting, without actually trying to get to know the individual first.
Some advice to all you subs and doms... don't be afraid to actually investigate people beyond the first meeting. You can't possibly begin to know people after one coffee visit, or even one play session.
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Hey folks, Mistress Xena has requested for me to hold another class this weekend at the Studio.
The subject of Saturdays class will be "Abuse and BDSM, knowing the difference"
Please come with questions, stories and opinions. This is a more open subject then last class, and a hell of a lot more personal.
RSVP at bondagenightchicago.com
Hope to see you there!
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Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Zelnik's
Mystery Quest!
Today's episode: Mistress attitude on collarme
No one knows why they do it, and why they keep on persisting in the attitude that they seem to so eager to present.
Allow me to clarify. Many collarme profiles for domme's start something like the following examples
1. I am a princess and expect to be treated as such
2. Its time you be taught the meaning of royalty
For your information, I know plenty about royalty, having studied history EXTENSIVELY. If you are truly royalty, I will avoid the in-breeding and psychosis that comes with the title.
More are like this
1. Know your place and bow down
2. I deserve submission
3. I can have anyone i want, so be glad if i message you back
These mentalities suggest that people know better then to 'bow down', you don't deserve submission and you CAN'T have anyone you want. Otherwise you would not be here.
A message to all the domme's out there. None of you are so pretty that you get a free ride. Be reasonable, intelligent and respectful in your profiles. Otherwise your just another bitch off the street looking to steal another man or woman's pocketbook.
Submission never comes free, and anyone worth dominating requires a great deal of effort on the Dom's part to build up trust.
So, on behalf of the Male, 26 year old intellectual switch population... Fuck you all, this isn't highschool. Grow up and learn how to act like adults for a change.
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Love.
This is easily the most difficult emotion a human can feel. To spare you the tacky poetry, it can really mess things up for your life.
The problem is, sometimes you fall so deeply in love, that you can't climb out again. It's like jumping into the black hole of Calcutta, and burning your rock climbing materials when you land at the bottom. You don't want to leave, you can't conceive of going anywhere else.
If somehow you DO get out of it, you will always remember where it was, and that feeling of being in it. Given the opportunity, you would dive in again, head first, with no parachute.
Love..
If you can feel it, do so. It's unlike anything you have really felt before. I love a woman, but I cannot be with her for now. It's the most beautiful, and at the same time, most painful emotion anyone can have.
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THIS SATURDAY!
I will be running a Bondage 101-Safety and health class at the Studio from around 9-11. Come with your subs, doms and questions.
To RSVP, please go to bondagenightchicago.com and email Xena :)
Hope to see you there!
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(Danger, the following post is NOT Politically Correct.)
hey everyone. It's time for another edition of...
"Zelnik's wacky Collarme adventures!"
Yes, this is the first one, but I figure there will be many, many more.
Tell me, ladies and gentlemen, what is the one response that (according to scientific findings) gets you absolutely nowhere, and is used all the time?
The answer: Silence
yes, friends. This often used tactic of "go away" is frequently used by the mind incapable of escaping grades 8-12, and is commonly referred to (by experts!) as the "Highschool Mentality". This can be roughly defined as:
"The ignorant assumption that believing someone is not there will make them go away".
Time for a reality check. It doesn't work, especially for people who have this thing called "determination."
Here is the common string of events.
Conversation is initiated->conversation ends, one side thought it went well, other side didn't but said nothing about it -> one side tries to initiate conversation, other side doesn't respond-> One side persists until some form of response is given, good or ill, mostly to try and find out WHY they were shut out.
Case and point: Silence does not make people go away, it is not a subtle method of rejection, and it shows a mind too insecure to realize what it really wants.
So next time, ladies and gentlemen, someone messages you, or you talk to someone, and you don't think it will work... SAY SO. If you think you can hold them in your back pocket in case your current fling doesn't work out... your wrong.
I guess my point is...to a certain 'sub' on this site... it's time for you to grow up and realize your plight is shared by millions of other women. Grow up, get over it, and move on.
It's long past time that you realize age does not equal maturity. It equals a larger pocketbook, and makes you look like a gold digging tramp.
And to the other readers.. when someone fills their journal and profile with angsty, high school-level, emo poetry about their suffering and how their love turned on them but states they don't want someone to help them deal with their problems... It's high time to run for the hills, because that bitch is mad as a hatter.
Poetry of that caliber is an attention seeking device, and typically is a "cry for help" for those unable to admit they have a problem (I wrote the stuff all through collage and highschool.). When they say "I don't want a psychiatrist", it means that they enjoy wallowing in their misery so they look sad and pathetic.
It's true men, younger women are pretty with smooth skin, but never forget that a true 10/10 is a 3/10 with a good payin' job. With age comes less emotional baggage.
A special note to women who are suffering or have suffered abuse: 90+% of all abuse is preventable. Your there because you choose to be. I have spent years trying to help women get away from relationships that risked their physical and emotional help. The result? 100% of you folded right back into the abuse as if you enjoyed it.
If you really don't want it.. then leave. Don't use it as an emotional weight to be used against other people. While it is indeed a terrible thing, that no women should ever suffer in a civilized world... It is no different then PMS to the rest of us: Your problem unless you chose to fix it.
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Every time a sub on this site (especially ones who are too self important to talk to people because they aren't pretty enough for their standards) says something like "Stop sending me rude messages" on her journal...
an angel gets it's wings.
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Grog-O-Matic Sub advice, part 4,642
Despite popular belief, it's not easy for a sub to find
"Master/Mistress Perfect". The first thing most subs learn is that
there is a VERY narrow line between being a sub, and being abused. Here
are some tips that should help you on both sides.
"When No REALLY MEANS NO!". Safewords are there for a reason, we all
know it. Sometimes, one or the other can get carried away, and either
forget(in a moment of despair) or ignore (in a moment of
overstimulation) the safe word. If a dom can't be empathetic enough to
realize he is really causing suffering beyond the point of pleasure,
even IF the safeword is not used, it's the sign of a dangerous dom.
For you doms out there: This is sometimes hard to get a handle on, here
are some tips (These assume that they have not been previously agreed
on)
1. No reaction for long periods
2. Crying
3. Extremely loud screams
4. Begging to stop
5. the words "too much" or "I can't take it" in regards to pain.
6. Loss of consciousness
7. visible blood
8. Large welt or bruise formation
9. cowering away from delicate touch
10. unable to hold themselves up with their own two legs.
"No dom deserves access to your wallet."
Unless you are the equivalent of married OR are actually married, never
give free access to your bank account to a dom. Never, ever, ever buy
them something without meeting with them first (I don't care if it's a
pack of chewing gum). If your a sub, never pay for a date, remember
that YOU are the one in control until you surrender it. You should
never have to buy someone anything to keep them at your side, gifts
should be spontaneous, not ordered.
No matter how cute they are, or how they sound, or how fun they are to
play with, never buy a dom anything until you know they are serious
about the relationship... not even a vibrator.
Always avoid the phrase "I Told You So."
People don't like to change. You can't make them change, don't even
try. Sometimes we are utterly blind to the crippling faults of our
significant others, until it results in lawsuits, hospital visits, or
homicide. I must stress this point, If all of your friends (sub, dom,
switch or vanilla) say "I really don't like the way he is treating you"
or "you could do so much better then him", maybe they are right. Should
you really be washing him in the shower? doing ALL the chores? be
beaten for no reason (not the fun way)?), be restricted from seeing
your friends? have your cell phone spied on or confiscated? Don't be
afraid of being alone, it's only temporary. And if it does result in a
disaster, you WILL hear the dreaded "I told you so" from everyone you
know. Avoid it, at all costs.
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I ask all of you on this site.... what are you really looking for?
You all seem to ask for the same thing in the end, but when it knocks on your door, you run like frightened mice. Is it that no one really understands what commitment is? or that they really don't understand what this site is for...
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Performers at college cafeterias should sign a waver stating that the students can throw fresh fruit and excrement if they interrupt studies.
I don't care how much you want to express yourself for a cause, this is a place of learning, not a place to ask for money or earn a quick buck.
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No matter how bad things may seem, feel, or be... It always can be made better with a healthy application of really good sushi.
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For all you legitimate yahoo users out there..
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About 50% of you have some kind of problem with the messenger.. can i suggest using skype, or digsby?
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For all you Chicago fetish lovers out there,
There is going to be a Munch from 9-11 on Saturday, before the Studio Party begins.
This is a rare opportunity to not only meet new people, but to play with them in the same night. Go to Bondagenightchicago.com for info :D
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A little Piece of Knowledge..
Hey everyone. After talking with some very nice people (in person) from this site, it has come to my attention that experiences for men and women here are VERY different. This is what I have been able to isolate as the truth.
For Dominant Men looking for submissive women:
about 80% of the female sub population is taken up by scammers, 10% of the rest are either too picky or too stupid to know when something real walks past, and the last 10% are actually worth talking too.
It is TOUGH to find real women here, and even harder to get them to talk. Advice for all you subs out there: Give us a break, we deal with a lot of shit that can ruin more then just our dignity.
Advice for the other men out there: be careful and know the signs of a scammer. Any profile that has a yahoo address in it's description is a dead giveaway, as well as poor grammar and spelling (can't expect Nigerians to know how to spell after all). If they want to talk on yahoo, and then ask to divert you to another website for webcam usage, say NO. And NEVER, EVER PRESENT ANY SORT OF PERSONAL INFO IF IT IS ASKED!!
Submissive women seeking doms: oddly enough, it appears most dominant men are real people here, i would estimate 75%. of them are real... however only 1 out of 50 of THEM have the brains required for social discourse.
Piece of advice for you subs out there: If anyone asks you to do anything more difficult then reading a profile, they probably aren't worth your time. Don't provide pics of yourself until you are sure they are real. Insist on viewing a webcam of the prospective dom, if they don't have one, find some other way to validate their existence (a digital camera works)
The biggest problem is VOLUME. there are WAY more doms then there are subs, and it only takes about five minutes for a woman's inbox to fill up with messages once her profile goes online. here are some hints to sorting them out: Look for ones that actually want you to read their profile, use common sense, and if the picture on the profile is too good to be true, it probably is.
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Just met DarkShadowQueen at Continuum. Had a good conversation too!
It's great to see that people here actually go out and try new things from time to time.
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how do you define 'wanting something too much?'
aside from extremes, isn't the desire for something enough to pursue it with all your might and will? |
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New pic up! Not too bad, one of me at Dark Requiem last night.
I suggest you all create funny and interesting quotes for the picture, it's a pretty good one
Here is mine:
"What the fuck, comrade?"
"Buttsecks?"
"There are thirty five ninja's in the room RIGHT NOW, three are hidden in my navel"
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Here is
today's token of wisdom! I have undertaken a study of the top dump
excuses I have heard or experienced myself, and have managed to
translate them from the complex language of "bullshit-ese"
Lets begin!
- "I need time single".
Translation: "Your a rebound, and were perfect to help me feel pretty
after the boy/girl of my dreams dumped me. You are also not what I
want. I don't care about your feelings on the matter, and please delete
me from your phone."
Explanation: This is the #1 favorite tactic to be employed by women
already in a relationship. They may even believe that they want time to
be single... However if they had spent most of their time in a
relationship, they are not likely to change. The upshot of this excuse
is that it gives the poor sod who got dumped some hope of getting back
with them again. Don't get your hopes up, after a month they will be
with someone, not you. "Time single" is not a natural state for anyone,
and it mostly means they are trying to play the field
- "I am not where I want to be in my life."
Translation: I met someone who is MUCH richer/better looking/connected then you.
Explanation: Everyone has a dream they want. When they see that
dream in front of them, a little thing like commitment that has lasted
months or years means jack squat. We all know that if a dashing, rich,
beautiful person of our dreams shows up and offers us the time of our
lives, we rarely stand back and ask "what's the catch".
- "I'm just too busy for a relationship"
Translation: I'm just too busy for OUR relationship.
Explanation: If anyone gives you this one, you should punch them in
the throat for uttering such a bullshit laden excuse. There is always
time in the day to send a text, or make a phone call. There are twenty
four full hours in the day, and most of us are OK being out of contact
for lots of it. there are also seven whole days in a week, and some
days can be spent apart. If someone says this piece of garbage, get
yourself an STD screen quick, because they are probably sleeping around.
- "It's not you, it's me."
Translation: It's all you, none of it is me.
We all know this one, and we know how stupid it is. Clearly you did
something wrong, and NO they are not going to tell you what it was.
- "I still miss my ex".
Translation: "I want to sleep with my ex."
This is frequent for women who don't want to have physical
relationships with their new boyfriends right away. they get sexually
frustrated, and the only thing they know is their ex's job in bed
(however good or bad). This is frequently the precursor to getting back
with said ex, (however good or bad).
- "I'm sorry, I found someone else"
Translation: Pretty obvious
This is actually the most honest one I have heard. It's also the most rare.
Special Translation!
7. "We need to talk."
Translation: I am breaking up with you
The words "we need to talk" NEVER, EVER, EVER result in good news.
Even if they say it does. If you hear this even once, consider your
relationship kaput.
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Today's educational Journal: Scammers, a "how to fuck with them" guide.
First and foremost, we all know scammers are a plague on every part of this site. They are present at every level and in every part of this site. They are relentless and determined for one simple purpose: They know it works.
there is always one or more morons on this site willing to fall for their tricks, and as a result, their bank accounts get drained by someone in Nigeria.
Here are some handy hints to A. determine if someone you are talking to is a scammer and B. fuck with their heads.
1. Yahoo messenger, while not universal, is the messenger of choice for scammers. if your not a scammer and use yahoo, i suggest you switch to another messenger service. IF you decide to talk to someone, do something unreasonable like demand they turn on their webcam if they have one. If they don't, it's not likely they are a scammer (as most will flaunt and boast about having one). If they are not willing to turn it on, or insist on using a different website other then collarme to use it... either A. stop talking to them and delete them from your list or B. Play along until they give you a webpage to go to.. then log off immediatly and never talk to them again. Be sure to report their profile on Collarme too!
2. If someone asks for a credit card, tell them to go fuck themselves and report them. If you want to fuck with them, write down a TV credit card ad number and give that to them just to fuck with them.
3. insist on evidence of who they are. this can be a chat-program mediated webcam session or a collarme video chat session, a digital picture taken with specific requirements (hold a loaf of bread over your head while holding a sign that says "Chimichanga" or something like that). If they refuse, report the profile and delete them from your list. If people aren't willing to undergo proper precautions before real talks happen, it doesn't matter if they are real or not.
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Today's Educational Post...
Munches: A How-To Guide
So ya wanna go to a munch? Great choice! Munches are a fantastic way of meeting other people in the scene. Just remember these simple rules, and you will be better off in the future.
1. Figure out where the place is before you get in your car/get on the train. Figure out if parking is an issue (like it is here in chicago). The last thing you need to foul up a good night is a parking ticket.
2. Show up early. When you come in halfway through the night, it can be hard to get into a conversation. If you have problems being social, this is even more important. With fewer people, it's easier to find someone to talk to.
3. Touchy-feely....to be or not to be..
These events tend to be VERY physical (depending on the crowd). There are people kissing, cuddling, even doing (very) mild play. Some go along, others don't. Find your own theme for it.
4. Don't forget why you are here. This is a social event to find people who are interested in the same thing you are... and it heavily revolves around sex. This is not a place to go and gossip, this is a place to go and talk about BONDAGE.
5. Didn't have a good night? don't worry! New people come and go all the time. Plenty of people when they find someone never come back. Usually there is a small group of people that frequently come back over and over again because they enjoy the group, or are the organizers, otherwise there is a LOT of turnover.
6. Suck it up: Not everyone will agree with you. With every conversation, you have people who will violently argue about your kind of BDSM. this means you should be an adult and learn to either compromise or agree to disagree. Keep an open mind and don't let one person you don't agree with stop you from coming back.
7. Alcohol. I don't recommend it. You can if you want, but it's not a place to get drunk. plain and simple. even tipsy is not worth it.
8. Be active. If someone is holding an event, take part, even volunteer. It's a great way to build a rep.
9. Go as frequently as you can. Munches can turn into an alternative to a weekend party run, and cost a hell of a lot less money. The more you go, the better chances you will make more friends. Not every day mind you, but persistence counts
10. Don't be a dick. these people can stop coming just like you. Don't be the source of a collapsed munch.
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Today's Educational Journal: Proper manners at a dungeon party
Okay, so you made it to a dungeon party, great job!
Here are some handy tips to make a good impression on the host, and to possibly meet some people to play with.
1. While inside the dungeon, respect the host or hostess. You may hate the very earth they walk on, but your in their home (sometimes literally), and dealing with jerks is part of life. You can stab a voodoo doll later. Realize that ProDom's and Prosubs talk, and your name and face can quickly spread in a blacklist.
2. Dress properly. Street clothes are not appropriate here. If you don't have fetishwear, wear something nice, or something respectful. This is more lenient for women, since they tend to look good in anything
3. Don't be intimidated. If this is your first trip, your going to see a ton of people doing stuff you had only seen in pictures or video's. It's a shock to see it all done so openly and so fearlessly. Relax and go with the flow
4. Don't be afraid to play. You came here for a reason, don't let being shy stop you from having fun. Telling a dom your "just sitting and watching" can make them think you just came here on a dare, and turn them off to playing later. IF you came to just watch...why are you at a dungeon and not at home looking at videos on the computer?
5. Don't touch anything that isn't yours. Dungeons have tons of toys out and about, but they are usually not for public use. Ask your host if you can use them. Never touch another doms toys without permission! It's a great way to be shouted at and kicked out (theft is a huge problem at parties, and doms are fiercely protective of their gear).
6. Don't be afraid to learn. If you see something you like and want to learn, WAIT UNTIL THE PLAYERS ARE DONE then ask about it. Almost always they will be happy to show you. This isn't a secretive thing, and we all love a chance to play with someone new.
7. NEVER interrupt or comment on a scene.
8. Report anything dubious to the hostess. If things like drugs appear at a dungeon, or someone is acting inappropriately, tell the hostess. if she does nothing about it, don't go back to the dungeon.
9. Don't drink on your first few trips. Dungeon parties tend to have BYOB rules. I don't recommend drinking on your first few times there so you can get a focused perspective of the entire situation.
10. Have Fun. this is pretty self explanitory.
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Today's educational journal: Proper behavior... or... How not to be a tool on collarme.
this may seem like a stupid subject, but I figure it's high time for someone to shake their finger at the collected masses of collarme. Frankly, if half of you acted like this in public, I think you would not be able to walk out of a room with your genitalia still in tact.
Collarme is a meeting place, not a seedy bar for you to get a lay quick. This is not a place where manners and decency are to be discarded in the drive for efficiency.
Here are some helpful tips.
1. Spontaneous Disappearance. If something pulls you away from the computer or an internet connection for a long period of time, say so. If your tired of Collarme, close your account. If you don't want to talk to someone anymore, TELL THEM. Simply ending all conversation is not only rude, but could make the people you were talking to worried and insecure.
This is about communication, people, don't forget it.
2. Manners. Yes, we know your a big, bad dom. Your sexy and smart and have many fun toys. That's great. If someone asks you some reasonable questions, like "Why should I submit to you," don't get your panties in a twist. Being a switch, I will tell you quite openly that I won't be anyone's bitch unless I have a damn good reason to. If you feel that you don't need to talk to people on an equal level, you probably need to be publicly castrated.
3. If people want evidence that you are who you are, be prepared to show it. This means turning on the webcam on the first chat, or taking a picture with a hand written sign, or something like that. It's easy to scam here, it's easy to avoid them.
4. "I was too busy" is never an excuse for poor communications. If you don't hear from someone in more then 3 days without prior warning, you should be suspicious. In the modern world of the information super-highway, it's not hard to hop on to check your email. It's not hard to send a brief "hey, got your letter, can't talk long too busy" notice. It doesn't fly in relationships, it shouldn't fly here.
5. The Golden Rule: Honesty yields the best rewards.
Yes you can spout off about your skillz you picked up, just don't expect anyone to believe them. I can tell you from experience that overstating your abilities is a great way to ruin any chance for a long term relationship. Be realistic in your abilities and telling them to others. When you hear "That was way better then i thought it would be", it makes it worth it!
6. Suffer Not the Scammer to live.
If someone is even slightly suspicious... report their ass and never talk to them again. If your a real person, learn from your mistake and try to be less stupid next time.
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Okay folks, it's that time again!
Today's educational journal: The reality of profiles!
Not everyone's profiles are written equally. You can see a myriad of them on this site. This handy guide will help you distinguish between real and fake ones. Remember, if you spot a fake, report the profile as a scammer.
NOTE: this is not the ultimate authority, and occasionally these profiles are made in this fashion because they are clueless as to the terrible power of the interwebs.
1. Any profile that asks to talk on yahoo or provides an email.
Translation: Scammer. If you talk off of this website, CM can't log the chat and boot the false profile. If someone asks to talk on yahoo, ask them why. If they refuse to talk via letters or in the CM chatroom, they are either too stupid to deal with or a scammer.
2. "I will be your loyal/willing/submissive/slut/etc."
Translation: More then likely this is another scammer trying to nab low hanging idiotfruit. Anyone on this site who is real is probably smart enough to realize that they won't bend for just anyone. If it seems like it's too good to be true, it probably is...
3. "I am the lord over all men/women/whatever is in between"
Translation: This is about a 50-50 split between scammers and fucking retarded doms. Don't get me wrong, subs can be dumb too, but Dom's always win out on the "idiot-meter". Piece of advice to up and coming subs, if a dom is acting like a dick when you just met, bail. This goes for Domme's too. Domme's are the best at being stuck up wenches to men who are looking for something real. Half the time I see a domme on this site, their profile makes me want to throat punch them.
Also, ask the dom questions only a skilled one would know. For instance, how does he treat his leather (if he uses any form of alcohol on leather, close the chat window and report as a scammer). Also, ask him if he knows where NOT to hit while flogging or spanking (if he says lungs, liver, crotch or abdomen, close the chat window)
If you want to know other questions to help distinguish a dom, send me a letter, and I will provide.
3. "Experienced"
Translation: Not likely. Experienced doms tend to find their subs in the outside world. Those who come here have either recently moved to a new location, or have extinguished all possibilities that they have met. Understand you need at least two to three years to be considered "experienced" and even then you probably won't garner much respect. If a dom claims to be experienced, ask him how many years, how he got into it, and what his specialty is. If it is something that does not require toys or tools, close the chat window (any mook can spank).
4. "I am very new at this"
Translation: Probably true. This website either attracts single doms or subs, and the curious. Sadly this site is the WORST PLACE EVAR to meet a dom. Go to your local munches! Meet new people THERE. CM should only be considered an "ace in the hole" for finding a playmate.
5. "..."
Translation: Any profile that lacks a description is either another scammer, or someone who is not taking this seriously. Don't send them any letters, and don't read any made by them. If they can't spend ten minutes talking about themselves, they clearly aren't human :P
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Woo! lost weight! down to 230-225 lbs range!
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Hey folks. I got a lot of feedback from people about my "translation" post. Thanks everyone for your replies!
I thought it would be wise to lay off the smartass attitude for a while and give everyone a little bit of hard earned wisdom. I will try and switch off between my normal smartass self and more useful comments... but I may skip one or the other from time to time.
If you want to know my 'resume' so to speak, read the profile, though it is a little out of date (I now am volunteer security at a local bondage party).
This advice is for doms, since I currently have the most experience as one, and spend a lot of time teaching other doms as well.
1. Buy a book of anatomy, or a decent book on bondage safety. Read it from cover to cover. The first thing you need to know is how badly you can hurt someone in this fetish.
2. If you have never used a flogger, paddle, crop, whip, or any piece of bondage equipment, let someone who has show you how it's used. Any piece of fetish gear can be lethal if used wrong. You do not know everything and it's never bad to learn.
3. Figure out your limits BEFORE you play. Discuss these with your sub. Communication is key in any relationship and failure to do so is the #1 killer of all BDSM relationships. Bombard your sub with "how is this" or "does this feel good?" questions. It may make you seem insecure, but it's better then landing your sub in the hospital.
4. Despite popular belief, toys do not have to be expensive to be high quality. A lot of doms push their own private leatherworkers, but it is usually cheaper to just buy it off ebay. There are a few sites that have good quality stuff for good prices, if Ebay is not your forte, try extreme restrains, or JR stockroom.
5. Utilize your local Munch and Dungeon. Munches are great places to meet new people and learn about events going on in the area. They usually work out of a local dungeon, and its a fantastic place to meet and greet others in the fetish.
6. Never be ashamed to learn something new. You are not the master of anything. There is ALWAYS someone better then you at your specialty. When someone offers to show you a trick or technique, let them. If they are wrong, then you can tease them for it.
7. There is a fine line between being an abusive asshole and being a dom. Some say that fine line is Afterplay. Afterplay is important, and if you don't know what it is, I suggest you start asking questions.
8. Everyone has their own style. No one does BDSM the "right" way. After the basics are covered, NO ONE has the right to tell you that you are a bad dom (unless you are being an abusive assfuck). It is alright to provide advice, its not alright to tell or be told that you are a terrible person for doing what you do.
9. Know when to stop. Sometimes the sub will be too into the play to realize things are getting dangerous. Set strict limits and warning signs that things may be going too far.
10. Clean your damned toys. This includes you, your floggers and whips, and your sub. Infectious disease does not care that your a rebel in leather.
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Hey Friends! it's time to play "Translate the bullshit!" with your host, Zelnik.
I am going to post some common Dom and sub statements found in profiles and actually TRANSLATE what they mean! Using the amazing power of the very rare "bullshit-o-meter" we can determine the real intent.
1. "I am looking for an older (+5 to 10 years) Dom"
Translated: I am too lazy to get a real job/in debt/disappointed that my life is not what i dreamed it to be.
2. "I am looking for just the right dom to fulfill my dreams"
Translated: I am looking for someone with good looks and lots of money. Mostly money.
3. "Talk to me on yahoo!"
Translated: I am a Nigerian scammer
4. "I am looking for the right sub to follow my orders"
Translated: My last sub was too independent, and got upset when i restricted certain privileges.. like breathing.
5. "I am looking for a sub (-5-10 years) my age"
Translated: I haven't had sex in longer then I care to say, and all the women my age look like deflated bean bag chairs.
6. I am looking for a fit dom/sub
Translated: No fat chicks or dudes. Whales should stay in the ocean and only penguins should waddle.
7. "I will serve your every desire"
Translated: I am more annoying then an invincible mosquito. If I really served every desire of my dom I would not be looking here.
8: Online only dom/sub
Translated: I am doing this behind the back of my husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend. I am also a camwhore.
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| Age: 28 |
| Anderson,
Togo |
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