So for those of you that have have been paying attention, or even
those that care, I've been going through something of an identity
crisis. Recently I've been best describing myself as a sadomasochist. This I feel
was somewhat more accurate than my previous standings. I'm not sure that
even puts into words what I need to though.
For more than the past year or so I've been experimenting on occasion
with being submissive, bottoming, or whatever label you would like for
it. I've told a few people that long ago, beginning into the lifestyle, I
actually was a sub.
Recently the stress of life has been building around me. With school,
work, home, and anything extra it all seems too much to balance. I
simply can't continue the way that I am. I feel broken, damaged, and
defeated. With that in mind I feel one final change to my profile is
necessary.
I simply can't be Dominant anymore nor do I even want to at this
time. That includes any Top position or even the sadistic desires I once
felt. For anyone that knows me, this is huge for me to say. I'm not
sure I want to be classified as a submissive yet again either. That
wouldn't be 100% accurate. For now I simply think masochist is the best
term. All of the stress in my life is causing me pain and rather than
succumb to it I'm going to embrace it.
I'm not sure what possible implications this will bring on. Domme
play partners? Not sure... A potential Mistress? Possible... Maybe I'll
just snap back to my "old self"? I doubt that... All I can surely say is
that I am a different person for the time being. Things within me have
been changing and I'm finally ready to accept them.
Nothing feels as right for me at this time than simply "letting go". I
can't phrase it any better. I would appreciate any input or advice to
all of my rambling from those that care to do so. Although not new
altogether for me, this is something strange and different. I'm just not
my same sure footed self.
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