Off for the holidays...See you back in January - or not!

I don’t give second chances and yes, your messages will go directly to delete, unread, if you have offended me. To be thoroughly precise, that means the following:

-          You lacked manners and failed to thank me for our last conversation/chat. It’s like “the day after” in vanilla life: always call, because it’s the polite thing to do. I have thankfully never experienced being left hanging after a date, and had to politely decline many times, but the same rules apply to virtual meetings.

-          You disappeared for several days and expect me to patiently wait for you to get your act back together. This remark does not apply to victims of car accidents, TIAs, or heavens forbid, death in the family – if properly documented, because I have no intention of taking your word for it.

-          You asked me to send my cell phone number first (derisive laughing) or even better, my home address so you could come visit me anonymously. Does it look like I hold a bordello or a spymaster safe house?

-          You displayed insulting lack of enthusiasm and/or chose inappropriate words to address me. I am a cat person, and female dog epithets don’t apply to me. Also, restrict the use of profanity to the times when it’s really needed.

-          You got the mistaken impression that talking to you automatically shows my commitment to a monogamous relationship or the famous 24/7 fantasy. Do you even realize how non-submissive these demands are?

-          You revealed to be crass, unpleasant, lacking in social and intellectual polish, or in general, an insufferable bore.

No worries though: there are plenty of pro-Dommes who will be happy to take care of you, disregarding all of the above, providing sufficient financial tribute. That’s the beauty of matching expectations.

I’ve had it with you pathetic compulsive masturbators, online fetishists and other pretenders. I’ve had it with married people’s guilt and their abject reassurances: I would prefer an amusing online relationship than having to be exposed to your lies and excuses. If you are exploring your submissive side and simply want to play under the anonymity of e-mails and chats, that’s fine with me, but don’t pretend otherwise. Do not waste my time or underestimate my intelligence: You will be left with your pants down and your eyes on my digital picture, realizing what you’ve lost. Consider yourself warned: After a few weeks of corresponding with you, I will ask for your cell phone number, and if you don’t give it to me, that’s the only strike you’ll suffer before being out.

The only type of tribute I would ever accept:

MY Queen 

My Queen is a fascinating Lady

She stands tall, stretched neck and all

She desires pleasure and servitude

To be entertained by royal clowns and Court jesters   

And others too, vanilla stars and super stars as well

men who think they are, but really aren't

subtly, they know, their knees will fall

Before the Queen, they're putty

To Her amazing beauty, brains, class and grace

Immediately, they know their place

On your knees, on your knees, servant boy

Be ready to expect, be ready to perform

You'll take your punishments true and BLUE.                                                                      d. 

Let me give credit where credit is due: Some people have been writing me some very amusing, witty, and sometimes exciting messages. A couple of them even surprised me, whether by their originality or their pertinent observations. I try answering them immediately, but due to time considerations often have to postpone until later, at which point that lovely sparkle of brilliance is buried under a mountain of crap…Now who wants to swim though an ocean of revolting sewer talk to fish out that unique pearl? Sadly, not me. If you think you are one of these overlooked Queen’s favorites, then by all means, write again. I will answer you this time. If I don’t: get a clue!

To the couple of wannabes and closet fetishists I wasted my time on: I am as real as it gets, but you are not. Your search for a Domme is a fantasy you like to play with. You claim I am the one you have been waiting for, that you’d do anything to spend time with me, but if I were to grant you your wish, you would deflate like a helium-deprived balloon. You know deep down that push come to shove, you will probably chicken out and return to the murky comfort of your vanilla life. Even though you readily find me more beautiful, more passionate, more desirable and more dominant than your very fantasy, that kind of intensity scares the living lights out of you, and it’s simply infuriating. To illustrate in a joke:

Prospective sub: Mistress, I want you to own me, collar me, use me for your pleasure. I’ll do anything, I’ll cross St Patrick on my bare knees, I'll wrestle a Panda bear, I'll swim to Jersey, I’ll go down on you in the Empire State Building elevator (that one actually happened, right O.?)

Mistress: Ok, you convinced me, come visit me.

Prospective sub: Now? But Mistress, it’s raining outside!!!

I am an Equal Opportunity Sub Taker, and I don’t discriminate by age, sex, national origin or religion (apart from Islam, and if you don't like that I will gladly beat you up and have nothing else to do with you).

My once and ever beloved sub: I do miss you. I miss your hands, your mouth, and your wit. I miss your infernal subjugation. I miss your talent, your spirit, and your passion. I will use this forum to carry out my sense of loss and my sorrow over leaving you. I read your emails and I grieve, but there is no point in calling me a femme fatale or a heartless bitch: You were warned and knew the rules, however you thought to bend them through the weakness of my love for you. You did not realize that my love had no weakness. Did you really expect me to walk off the mists of my realm straight into your arms and become your kinky vanilla partner? Did you think I would give up Avalon? How could you imagine for a minute that all bets were off, and that I would renounce the very power that brought you to your knees? You wanted to love a Queen and you did. Do you remember the one in a million odds? Yet it was not enough, as your carried within you the seeds of rebellion, the ambition to reign at my side. Do not protest, do not deny it: I readily agree with you that you were always the perfect submissive lover. But you of all people should know that I don’t play second fiddle…and know better than to make statements that would cut the very root of our relationship.

I do miss you, more often than not, but I felt exhilaratingly relieved and free slamming that door on you. I had made the only possible choice: I chose my realm over you.

The reference to a good-looking dick was a PUN. I noted numerous times in my journal that I really did not want to see pictures of your naked anatomy. So now you know why I am not answering.

Another reason I am not answering is that I have to go stuff a turkey, a task for which I display incredible talent and expertise, for some (not so) strange reason.

OK, hold on to your seats, guys: This is where I answer your most important question. No, I am NOT a guy and have always been a woman – but that’s not the question I mean. What does it take for me to enter a D/s relationship with you? Well, it takes a relationship. Stop considering the emotional involvement it requires for you to submit, and start thinking of my side of the equation. Why would I bother disciplining you if I did not care for you at all? Why would I waste my time, charisma and sexual energy on people I feel nothing for? Nobody needs their feet licked that badly, and if they did, I hear that salt and goats work pretty well.

What's the story with the friends requests anyway? Don't you need to be somebody's friend first?

Typical CM message: Dear Mistress/Goddess/Queen, I love your pictures and your profile. I have a big car/house/boat/ego/appetite/cock that you can use. Please call/write/text/abuse/insult me at your very earliest convenience. As I will be in your neighborhood tomorrow afternoon, can we meet at this charming hotel/house/club/massage parlor and engage in a more fruitful relationship? If you don’t want to, that’s fine, I knew you were a fake anyway. If you don’t answer my message within 48/72/96 hours, I will stalk you/curse you/annoy you until you wished you had whipped me as a service to humanity.

Not only did your upbringing ill-prepared you to deal with a person of quality, you hardly know the basics about behaving like a proper gentleman.

So I have no other recourse than teaching you etiquette.

A few ground rules first:

Always take me to the door of your car, open it for me, wait until I get in, then close the door. Don't slam it or dare pushing me in. We do not need to be uncivilized. Continue the door opening ceremony beyond the third date and even if you are sure you are scoring tonight because I am horny as hell.

Inquire about my well being. If I am hurt or sick in any way, refrain from brushing it off, instead be solicitous, attentive, and generally pretend you deeply care about my well-being. In the long run, it will even become a reality.

Provide entertainment. If you see that my eyes are glazing over when you talk, it's not because my superior mind cannot comprehend the advanced concepts you are enunciating - it's because you are boring me to death.

Carry heavy objects for me, even if I am perfectly able to do so by myself. That rule particularly applies to my purse when I go to a public restroom, even if it makes you look like a sissy. Better that than having me do you with a ten inch strap on to carry the point that you are indeed a sissy ( and a slut too).

Make me feel, when we are together, that I am more important than your friend Archie from California, your next conference call - even if I graciously remind you of it and make you attend it, because I know etiquette - and of course more important than the blond girl smiling at you over the bar. I certainly have more spanking power, remember that.

Spoil me. Now I am not a material girl, so I really don't expect presents - or tributes - but a note on a beautiful card, a flower, something to show that you think of me - always.

Don't assume that if I let it go, you are getting away with it. My mind is like the vault of the federal reserve. I'll hit you with it when you least expect, and serve it back to you as many times as necessary. Discipline is sometimes postponed, but never totally withheld.

Let it be perfectly clear: I am a demanding bitch, with high standards and equally high expectations. But we both know I could get a whole flock of eager subs to fill them. Be happy that I chose you, but don't be too cocky: the minute I feel you are not treating me properly, you'll have a mountain of grief falling over you, and not of the kind you like.

After all, what are your chances of finding another perfect domme? So isn't is worth the hard work?

To the self-proclaimed male dom who just sent me a message asking:

"Do you want to be a good girl for your Daddy?" I prefer to answer here "I'd rather sit on an anthill with a honey-flavored g-string".

I have never been anything but in control throughout my whole life. If you think you can surpass my level of education and IQ score - I won't mentioned attractiveness as it is quite subjective - then you can always try to dominate me. It probably won't work, because at the bottom line, I am still the one with the vagina.

Don't ask me if I am real, it does not make any sense. If you wonder whether my pictures and writings are mine, consider the fact that only pathetic human beings pretend to be somebody they are not. That would not be regal, or worthy of a real domme, and I am both. I am also much more than my profile. If I don't answer you, it's because I don't have to alleviate your suspicions and prove myself to you. You're probably not interesting enough, if you were, you'd make me want to talk to you and then you would realize that I keep my promises.

WOW! Thank you guys, but although I do read fast, it's going to take me a little while to get back to you.

Several things however emerged from our fascinating correspondence:

- Let it be completely clear that I am not into money or any type of financial tribute.

- The best way to my feet is through my brain, which is still my most erogenous organ: be smart, and if you can't be smart, be at least interesting.

- Watch your spelling! The English language, unlike male subs, does not require merciless screwing.

- Nothing in your profile and one short sentence in your message? I won't answer you, even if you are the Incredible Hunk.

- I do speak 6 languages, but swahili is not one of them. And no, I am not of Italian origin: I was born in another Western European country.

- I really, really don't want to see pictures of your cock as a conversation opener. Not in a pink thong, not in bondage, not covered in chocolate (was it chocolate?) and even not if it is four feet long.

Just got back after a long break. Who is new and interesting?

I have to warn the serial stalkers here: If you did not get a response by your third message, I am just NOT into you. Pleading and begging are good under specific circumstances, but they are pathetic and useless when they follow an icy silence or a polite no.
This being said, I have a rather hectic and demanding vanilla life, boredom (boredomme) notwithstanding, so don't be surprised if I do answer your (first, or second) message after a week.

No time for anything today, not even for a relaxing foot massage.
Today's winner is this dominant couple from some unidentified heartland location:
"is tht  thte only skinny part of  you"
No, dumbass, but that's the only part you'll ever see.

Ah, do I detect the beginning of a trend here? Everybody has been asking about the worst message of the day. This time, just to baffle you guys, I'll post a general remark: Spelling and grammatical mistakes are similar to raping the English language. Therefore, you are not a true submissive, thus, I won’t answer you. On top of it, I really cannot take seriously a guy who says that he is hily educatted and vary inteligent.

Thank you for your entertaining messages, even though amusing me was not your primary purpose. I’d like to give back to the Community and share with the larger public here the most outrageous, revolting, or simply silly message of the day, everyday. Now you will think long and hard before imposing on me the fruits of your pathetic ruminations. On the other hand, this may give you a unique chance for recognition with the invaluable pearls of wisdom you could contribute to humanity.
Today's winner, hands down:

“you expect beauty brains and class from men? baby? how about a mansion in malibu while you're at it.
Im sure you are a hot piece of ass....but don't aim high....this is MEN we are talking about, right? Lol”

Now this would have been extremely pertinent and attractive, had it come from a woman.