The year in review (by: The Mister):

How does somebody tell you in one breath they want to be forced to blow a dog and eat it's shit, then in the next say that kissing girls is a hard limit? Also, as much as I'd love to break someones fingers and toes and shins and what not, that is both counterproductive (how does someone with casts on their hands and legs perform any service to anyone?), and borderline psychotic to ask a complete stranger to do such a thing to you. Now, I'm not saying we won't do it, although I know the Missus is a little squeamish about it...I'm just saying I require video consent, a note from your shrink, and some sort of immunity against liability. 

I don't care how fucking cute you are, I'm not dressing up like a leather bear...or any kind of bear for that matter. 

It's hilarious how many more suitable down-ass girls there are on facebook than there are on here. 

Campy kink is stupid. Pleather cuffs aren't bondage.

Stop calling yourselves males and females. You are men and women. 

I <3 girls with retainers.

Stop calling us Master/Mistress/Daddy/Mommy/etc. We don't know you. Unless you plan on sending us money for nothing, then I'm sure it would be infinitely more tolerable. 

Sure, you can wear the plastic cat ears, but know I am mocking you silently while you pretend to purr on my lap.

You cannot like assplay and freak out if scat spontaneously comes into the equation. Grab a baby wipe, shit. 

We have a very selfish photo policy.

Eventually, you'll no longer be considered cute by the people you want to and you will learn how to make a sandwich and tell a joke. 

The smallest adult is still hundreds of thousands of times more powerful than the largest bug. Get off of the chair, stop shrieking, and grab a shoe. 

Fake kink is stupid (See: Campy kink is stupid)

"I never thought I'd hear it...an atheist thanking god for rumspringa"

What happened to all the Wiccans? Did the ICP fans eat them?

We are not perverts...at least not exclusively. We are collectors of rare humans, even in our casual relationships with friends, we keep company with people who deserve it. If we were exclusively perverts, we would be in contact with every nubile young girl on here 18 to 22. Fact is, most of them aren't what we want. This is a great place for girls who have just realized they are out of school and no longer popular enough to feel important, not smart enough to do shit with themselves, and not willing to work hard enough to do shit for themselves, because similarly, this is also a great place for guys who just got divorced and want to beat up and sodomize a 19 year old after 15 miserable ass years of marriage and are willing to pay anything to make it happen. We're not knockin your game...your kink ain't our kink...we just don't need 'cute but otherwise useless' people in our lives. To some a submissive girl is a warm wet compliant hole with a pulse that affirms your dominance...well, to most I venture to say. To us, a submissive girl is something wholly different. We'd rather wait for the one we want to keep than waste our time dedicating energy to some cute girl we're going to fuck twice and then ignore. 'Cute enough' is a bullshit mindset. 'Cute, smart, driven, obedient, adventurous, reliable, trustworthy, sweet, openminded enough' is more our style. Ya throw some love for our kinks in there and ya got a message in your inbox and two very interested and penetratingly inquisitive people overjoyed to go digging around in your head.

I personally have a lot of fun dominating through a submissive proxy. 

Notices/Clarifications:

We aren't into renting out, randoms or gangbangs.

NO ANIMALS, CHILDREN, ELDERLY, TSTV, SWITCHING, SHITTING ON ME US PURPOSE, OR DOMMING UP ON THE MISSUS. 

The Missus and I are the same rank, get that shit straight. There will be no replacements, substitutions, or behind the back shit. 

Trying to get as deep into TPE as possible. We have no limit in TPE short of drug induced vegetative states and infant play.

We're not into adult babies. 

I will not rub feet attached to any legs not my girl's legs for anything less than a 25lb. bag of jalapeno flavored pistachios.

We are really, really, really excited to mess around with sensory deprivation and get started in shibari. 

We do rape and abduction scenes with sober video consent and under our own guidelines ONLY. 

For the record, when even remotely applicable, we are all about our own glorification. 

WE ARE RUMSPRINGA SPECIALISTS.

If you injure your submissive, she does for you at one half the normal speed...

We not only train submissive girls, We mentor dominant men and women. 

We are forgiving, but far from stupid.

If we wanted a stupid submissive animal, we would own a dog.

If we wanted a selfish submissive animal, we would own a cat.

If we wanted an annoying submissive animal, we would own a bird.

If we wanted a boring submissive animal, we would own a fish.

If you have fucked up kids, you cannot possibly train another adult.

If you train adults around your kids, you should not have your kids.

We are perfectly comfortable with nonsexual male and female submission as long as the dynamic remains submissive and nonsexual. It won't matter the investment on the other end, the minute it gets off track we're done.

We love cooking, but expect someone else to do dishes.

We love taking pictures. We love them so much that we feel deep down in hearts that we own them. We own the pictures, the images on them, the experiences involved with making them, the time spent carrying out those activities...all OURS. We don't share, so if you are involved in any photography with us, don't be shocked if you don't get copies or you see a void on or collarme where you feel your likeness should be. Our exeriences aren't cheap enough to share with the world.

Any costs for play resulting in travel is the responsibility of the other party. Food, gas, lodging, drinking/drug money...all you. If we were into paying for play, we'd get a hooker and do whatever we wanted to her.

We don't do roleplaying outside of playing our natural roles. We don't communicate like some sort of dungeon master death squad because we think it's pathetic and fake. We speak to everyone as though they are submissive, and we do so politely and directly. We have both been this way our whole lives; we don't need an evil second voice we use for BDSM. 

We love tests and tasks. LOVE em.