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BeingChewsie
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tazantatish
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I conduct myself with respect towards others, respect towards the rules of their chosen lifestyle, and a friendly nature. Do not mistake this for weakness, and expect me to take your self-appointed nonsense lying down. I won't.
At various stages, I've considered myself, this, or that. I've learned that the main thing is that I am happy with my life, no matter which formal 'label' it carries.
I seek friendships and the possibility of a partnership or two. Message me if interested.
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My journey into domination is just getting better and better. The more I take control of a situation, the more I crave to take control. I'm steadily gaining confidence, which is a totally new feeling for me. I had a situation recently where the process of dominating was subconscious for me; not once did I "choke" when in the moment; I think that was one of my journey's turning points, and it allowed me to move forward and keep going. Since that moment, taking control has seemed easier... |
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It's strange how sometimes, things just fall into place. I've struggled with unleashing the dominant part of my nature for years (I was always laden with guilt for my desires, or feeling "stupid" or "selfish" for voicing my wants) but all of a sudden, I seem to have the "right" mindset, one that feels natural to me, and not at all forced from me. I can't even pinpoint a catalyst; it just...happened, like puzzle pieces fitting together. I find that the more I indulge the dominance, the more I thirst to experience it again. |
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I'm in the process of turning everything on its head. |
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Still hunting for that elusive submissive male...I live in hope that one day I'll find the "right fit". |
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= SLIGHT RAMBLE AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! = Just as I think I have a handle on what gorean philosophy is to me personally, something else emerges, and I feel as if I'm back to learning to walk. I am the type of person that, in order to fully understand something, needs to be educated about it, being walked through each concept if necessary, dissect each of those concepts, turn each one over in my mind, then come to a conclusion that feels right to me. I see a blatant relationship between the wives of ancient rome, and the Free Woman/Free Companion of Gor. I am certain that the author took his FW/FC from those ancient women, and the institution of "wifehood" that surrounded them. Their primary function in life was to be a wife to a man, and bear and raise and educate his children. It was seen as a vocation that a man had total control over (sound familiar?). I believe the kajirae were taken from the roman model of slavery, hence the "classifications" of slaves on Gor, that the author often references. Where am I going with this? simply to say that in my view, FW = unmarried woman, FC = wife, nothing more. As for the slaves, in a modern sense, they seem to correlate to an employee, like a maid (my thoughts on this are unfinished, so bear with me!). I am still trying to articulate my ideas on the function of kajirae/kajiri. I'm sure that one day, I'll definitely post something on their place in Gorean society, but for now, I have nothing. |
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17 days to go....to say I'm excited is such an understatement. I can't wait to welcome our little man into the family. |
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I'm in the process of reading the novels again, and taking notes as I go. I'm amazed at the things I'm picking up this time around (3rd time that I've attempted a read through in the past year). I'm understanding so much more than I did before; there are so many things that are starting to fall very much into place for me. The understanding I'm gaining is not the understanding that I thought I would gain when I started; things are so much richer than I first gave them credit for. I have a lot of holes in my background knowledge though, historical references and such...the history is just another angle that I'll have to delve into to gain a complete understanding of what's going on. So much work, but so much fun :) |
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I'm feeling optimistic about a progressing acquaintance that I've struck up with a local man. He seems everything that most people aren't. I'm enjoying the chance to just chat, and get to know someone, without expectations attached, or a shopping list of fetish demands shoved in my face. The ability to just kick back and chat with him is what will keep me interested.
He has renewed my hope of finding a compatible local situation (even if not with him, per se). The city does have normal, decent, switch/sub males after all. Who would have guessed?. |
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It's one of those days....
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Last night, I began to have another crises of identity. I am beginning to wonder if I have held myself to a false "label" all these years. I have always thought of myself as a Gorean/Gorean-inspired slave (whether I am owned or not) but recently, I am feeling that, as far as a Gorean framework goes, I may well fall under the banner of Gorean Free Woman.
I discussed this possibility with my Master tonight, and his reply was (paraphrased here, as I cannot remember his exact words): "as long as you are my version of a slave, you are free to self-identify and present to the community as you wish". So, the research, and soul searching, starts anew. |
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Must behave, must behave, must behave....I saw a bunch of posts on the boards tonight that I was *dying* to respond to, but thought better of (I wouldn't please Master at all, by replying the way I wanted to). Now I have a bundle of excess energy from the emotions the posts generated in me. Blah.... |
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Why is it that a good male slave is so hard to find? Maybe it's a gender difference thing, maybe it's just personality. Either way, it's like searching for a quilting (very very small) needle in a hay barn. |
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It might just be pregnancy doing its bit, but lately, I just haven't been able to get it together on the forums. I can't articulate my thoughts at all, or capably write posts, or anything. I've just been reading, and hoping that one day soon, things will return to normal. There are a variety of posts that I feel the need to respond to, but right now, I can't respond with my usual...humble...style. |
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It is beyond me why people quibble over definitions. As a slave, we obey. That's it. Why question definitions, and motivations, and things that don't concern us?.
Obey, and please the one that owns you. It is that simple. |
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Lately, I've gone through a heck of an experience. Master is in the process of pushing me...far beyond what I formerly thought I could handle. I'm excited, and scared.... |
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I am in a mental no-man's land right now. I really struggle when it dawns on me. The mental free-fall feels awful. When I have times like this, I wish that certain women I've gotten to know on the forums lived closer. |
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After a particularly odd (to my uninitiated ears) discussion, I am pondering the fact that I am indeed a Flintstone mobile....I have been having a lot of realisations lately, least of all that my slavery has just been kicked up a gear by my Master. It is now that things are starting to get serious, and I have never felt more alive. I feel special. Life is good. |
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There is a male sub here who just blows my mind. I am a fortunate girl indeed to be able to get to know him.
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I adore the denizens of the Gorean forum. They are all such incredible people. Yet again, I have been humbled and surprised by the tolerance, and generousity that they've shown me. |
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I met an incredibly sweet man from the UK tonight. This is just to let him know that he's made my night!. |
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This is an old profile I had. I hope it is of use to those who seek a Dominant woman: I am seeking to explore my dominant side in more depth. I am not interested in men who think BDSM is all about sex, nor those who wish to give me a long list of demands before "conditions are right" to submit. Take a chance, you may just surprise yourself. I understand that a relationship of any substance takes time and effort to achieve, and I am not afraid of the hard work needed to get to that point. I seek someone with the same outlook. I seek those who have a knowledge of what it truly is to be a submissive or slave (I will not tolerate those who think submission is pushing their own agendas) and those who have a genuine desire to learn. I consider myself someone who will compromise, and within reason, accomodate those that I am involved with. I do not believe that identifying myself as dominant gives me the right to dominate everyone around me. |
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My dominant side hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. I saw the profile of a sub that made my mind spin. I felt instantly drawn to him as a dominant partner, and wanted to take him for my own on the spot.
This reaction made me realise (yet again) that the dominance is a valid part of my personality, and that it needs nurturing as well. I have been exploring it for almost ten years now. I find so few people who approach female dominance as I do.
I despair that I will never actually find the male that I sense is out there for me (though, I despaired that I would never find Master either, but I did). I guess all I can do is hope, and wait. |
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I got a cmail from my ex Master today. It's made my day (and probably my month). I am so grateful that He still cares enough to keep the friendship (that has been going on for something like eight years now) going. I think back on our path together, and never fail to marvel at how miraculous (and how strong) our bond actually is. It has survived distances (he is formerly from the US), a net to real life meeting (and subsequent attempt at an M/s relationship) and now me settling down with my current Master. A part of me regrets the past with him (the fact that, back then, I was a complete fool and took actions I really shouldn't have). He is truly a beautiful individual...I was stunned that there are single men like him, walking the face of the earth. Any woman should count herself lucky to associate with him, let alone be in the situation I was in, but, I know that for me to act the way I did was fated, and pushed me towards the path I am on now. I dont regret my decision to consent to my current Master's ownership, He has taken me places that I could only dream of before. I am a blessed girl, truly blessed. |
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Over this past couple of months, I've grown quite a bit. I've become comfortable in my own skin, for probably the first time in my life.
I've realised that a label does not maketh the slave. I've also realised that I spent far too much time worrying, and trying to live up to the specifics of a label, when all I had to do was be me, and the rest would take care of itself. I feel so much freer now, so much more...powerful (for want of an apt word). I feel good. |
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You know how, sometimes, you have a real "couldn't see the forest for the trees" moment?. Well, today, I had one. I was sent a wonderful cmail that basically hit me over the head with a 2x4 (to use an Australian expression) and made me realise that I was seeing certain things from the totally wrong angle (I adore blunt people, they speak *my* language). I am truly blessed.
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My Gorean discovery journey has advanced. I feel amazing.
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If anyone is wondering where I've disappeared to, I found out in January that I'm expecting my first child. Ever since, my life has been focused on my Master, and consumed by nurturing and enjoying the pregnancy. I am still online regularly; feel free to get in touch if you wish! |
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a Master friend has disappeared from collarme. i have *no* idea what's gone on, and it's worrying me. BW, if You are out there, please, get in touch.
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i have information overload...i've been doing some very frequent forum reading lately, and there is a lot there to think about, to ponder on, and to truly come to terms with on a personal level.Due to a post i read this afternoon, i started questioning my own, independent ethics, the ones i had before i ever recognised myself as a slave; things like honesty, integrity and honourable intentions. i am a country girl, through and through, and i was raised with a rock solid sense of right or wrong, amongst other things. It all got me thinking on what i truly believe, and where i see myself fitting in the world. It should be interesting to see what comes of my explorations. |
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== Be Real == they all say. i *am* real (i live what i claim to live every day of my life). Yes, i am owned, but i am not dead, nor invisible. Master and i are open/poly/swingers/ (insert alternative lifestyle here) .... Apart from my Master requiring *friendship* with potential romantic partners, i am not limited in any way by Him. == There you have it == *takes a bow* |
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Just to give everyone the heads up: i am formerly known as SlaveSoul. Why the name change? it was simply my Master's will. He wished for me to honour my BDSM roots, and so, gave me my BDSM scene name as a slave name. From now on, in the forums, and generally on collarme.com i'll be known as "Xaviersxian". Take care everyone! |
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| Age: 43 |
| Los Altos,
California |
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