Dear Potential Male Suitor,
It has come to my attention after a day of being back on collarme, that you and I might have different expectations for how this relationship is to go. Please let this letter serve as my basic expectations in any relationship.
I am poly. I am married. I have pre-existing relationships. I go to work. I go to school. I am busy. This is a reality that won't change no matter how magical your penis is. Patience is a virtue that will serve you well.
Immediately launching into heavy sexual innuendo (or just "uendo" as is often the case) is a turn off to me. Finding ways to elude to sex may seem clever to you, but usually it is reeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllyyyyy stretching it.
Example:
Me: "You are interested in intentional communities? What do you envision for your intentional community?"
You: "I just want to be able to have sex with whoever [sic] I want without the government getting involved. Do you like sex?"
That may have sounded like an intelligent segue, but I am rolling my eyes so hard they might get stuck looking at my brain. Please spare us both this awkward indignity. Most online conversation ends with the -"Uendo 'Segue'."
Let's say you've proven that you have more than two brain cells, and can talk about more than sex. I am usually up for meeting for coffee or someplace public that is still conversation-friendly. At this stage, I will not be going home with you. I will not be taking you home with me. I am meeting to see if we have chemistry and to see if you can hold an actual vis-a-vis conversation. I don't know if you've noticed, dear reader, but not all internet daters are particularly socially savvy. If Mr. Suitor launches into a barrage of "Uendo 'Segues'" or has nothing to say, then it isn't likely that he and I will go past this point.
But you, sir, are different. You've dazzled me with your intelligence and impressed me with your respectfulness. Sex has likely crossed my mind at this point. Your work is not done, however. Remember, I am poly. You must meet my husband and any other primary SO(s) and have "the talk." I must meet your primary SO(s). I want to confirm that everyone is on the same page. Nothing can be under the table.
Let me tell you why: first attempt to date someone without my husband went like this: He and the gentleman met once. Husband says: "He seems okay. I'm probably going to be okay with you being intimate with him." I hear: "You have the green flag! Sex him nao!" Really, really terribad decisions and shenanigans ensue. This scenario is NEVER going to happen again. To contrast: second lover, upon finding out that there is even the remotest possibility that there could be more than friendly flirting asked for my husband's number and immediately called him. They had an hour-long conversation wherein the door was left open for more conversation. We then all hung out platonically and got to know one another. My husband felt respected rather than rolled over, and the relationship went a lot smoother. I did not feel like something mushy being rolled between a rock and a hard place.
Please let the latter example be your guide.
I am intelligent, have a pretty decent sense of humor, a great rack, nice legs, enjoy good conversation, and open to new experiences, and for the right people, am totally freaking worth it. Please adhere to these very basic expectations, and you may be worth it, too.
