|
|
|
|
Well, I am Count Nosferatu from Transylvania.
I dont usually do the on-line dating thing, but my last partner ran off with Van Helsing, so Im in the market for a new love interest. I am looking for a feisty, bosomy wench, who doesnt mind being up past sunset. Likes eternal love and nightfall. Dislikes garlic, mirrors, consecrated ground and daylight.
I enjoy all the typical manly man stuff
carrying sofas on my broad shoulders, building IKEA furniture, putting up squinty shelves, chatting up your best friend, ogling your rack,ogling your best friends rack, devouring you last rolo, chopping up wood with my bare hands, forgetting your birthday and not sweeping you off your feet.
My mind is like a Salvador Dali painting
a beautiful disaster I can simultaneously beat 10 grandmasters at chess, solve the Rubiks cube by telekinesis whilst mixing you a Martini, and ravish your very essence with a mere sideways glance. I invented bubble baths, the shoe, multiple multiple-orgasms and the letter oO
A man of many layers, strata if you will,
A cold granite exterior, A fiery magma (shoe) centre. Should you ever journey that far. Different from the norm, king of the int, a dislike of pubs and clubs (well I am really getting on a bit now you know (hot water bottle and slippers) and emperor of the kitty kingdom. Can make a ms grumpy-pants smile, enjoys films - old and new, reading, starry skies stormy nights, the bath of many bubbles, midnight feasts, cake (insert wanton sweet demands) just sprinkle me with pixie dust x.
So, if you feel that youd like to get to know
a quirky, caring, understated man, who has a lot of depth, and some integrity, to laugh with, smile with, eat string mozzarella pizza with, drink wine with, relax with, and maybe, if im very lucky, cuddle up to), and the occasional ravishing atop the kitchen table.surely its implied.
I seem to have aged another year
not that I really notice these thingies now due to my senile incompetence. I have commenced construction of a time machine, which will be operational as soon as i come into possession of 5 miles of tin foil, 3amp fuse - from my toaster, and collapse the planet earth into a quantum singularity. Secretly I fear my stumbling block will be the tinfoil as it only comes in 15m rolls from tescos..K i must go and feast on cake which has age halting properties. Mention favourite colour is rainbow in your mail,or reply just so i know you read my profile ,only 0.2 do, rascals.
About Chemistry and ms muffinium
I would imagine thee to be a women of substance (no girls) about my age, sword swallower to trade, Introverted like myself, (no rampaging extroverts please) quiet on the outside and with an alive mind on the inside, and, a ex-lingerie model, double jointed, newtonian defying attributes and legs reaching to the very heavens themselves bathes in streams and waterfalls, and has an unparalleled mind, even by a parallelogram, and, a fairytale princess, with magical powers and an endless supply of extra special chocolate muffins a bag of goodies obligatory boots - above the knee, oh and corset, ill probably not datemarry you at all.
A famous statistician once stated
that while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do. But you can, with precision, say what an average man will do. Individuals vary, percentages remain constant. So says the statistician. I am not an average man.
Reading my profile may cause
spontaneous combustion of the hither brain sprocket and raving lunacy, probably should have mentioned at the start )
I hath spoken,
And so must it be,
Malarkey malarkey.
x
My hobbies include
Magnetizing myself with fridge magnets
Working out with bars of chocolate
Reanimating the dead
Fightclub
spoon bending
Tattoos
Gothic symphonic rock*
Equality
Photography
Reading
Walking
Cycling
Epic rap battles of history
Weights
Chocolate cake
Muffins
Not presuming everyone is a cum dumpster
Icecream heaven
Ruling the cosmos
Comedy
Films
Scenery
Night sky
Snow
Horizontal rain
Tying you to the kitchen table
Being fond of nice genuine people
Being not so fond of Sophists and those making demands of others they cannot live up to themselves.
Howling wind
Classical movies
Archaeology
Antediluvian civilizations
Ancient texts
Filosofee
Quantum fizizism
I do have a hook for a hand and a glass eye
lost it sword fencing a crocodile.. Got hit with a meteor from outer space. Although I did have some cheese for supper and the excitable hamster in a wheel that drives my nither brain sprockets doth no understand text spake although he is currently working on a decryption ula - the machine keeps pushing time through the cogs, like paste into strings into paste again, and only the machine keeps using time to make time to make time. Mists of dreams drip along the nascent echo and love no more. End of line.
wE arE tHe voiCes,
We SAtuRaTe yOur aLPHA brain WAveS, ThIs is nOt YoUR DrEAm Tis oURrs. The wiZaRd of Oz, shoES, CaLcuLUs, DECorAtiNG, FrIDGE SProcKeTs, muhaha, More DECorAtiNG, be VeRy sCarDed SLoBbers, you are aWake ahaha nooo your not, a dream within a dream Evil guffawing. We DeEManDErs Sloowee DAnCiNG, SmOOches whisper whisper CaAkEE.
I enjoy writing screenplays in my spare time
and talking to pots and pans. I may well be a figment of said screen play and not really exist save in ones lurid, lucid imagination - now would be a good time for you dear reader to stop huffing turpentine.
Coming soon a wish-list
or a nasty parasite list as I call them although I shall use the term ms santa so as not to appear like a pathetic parasite fuknut who will burrow into your numb skull brain and drink the cogitative matter with a straw, DeELiciOus.
Dear Ms Santa as I have been so good flutters eyelashes, I require the following
A Muffin made of muffinium
A pair of golden slippers
A castle, with turrets and those lovely beds adorned with 4 posters, if you catch my drift and I am sure that you do.
A moat filled with lava and magma and ravenous crocodile peckish piranhas best to be safe the crocs are wrapped in tinfoil, be no continuity errors here
A pair of funky ankle socks
A Map of the planet urth
14.3 quintillion joules of energy
An extension socket
The Cullinan diamond
A Steinway piano
All the chocolate selection boxes in the world, minus any blasphemous piece of chocolate that has the word orange in it please note orange is clearly a fruit
A toaster made of lead
(so i can beat some sense into y
|
|
|
|
