Who I am

I sit here wanting to write but nothing comes. I am blessed beyond means with love  and yet  it seems not to be enough. I look out for what I am sure is within. But how does one find it. To change it to be at peace. I have people who care for me tell me I am special that I am a gift and they must believe. There is no reason for them to say otherwise, so why is it so hard for me to believe in me why do I doubt my self worth. I love talking with others .I find it is what makes life bearable but I feel so false when I tell them what they should do and can't. If anyone reads this forgive me. I am not sad or lost or angry. I am just trying to find an illusive answer in word  for me to read tomorrow. I type without thought letting my inner self answer questions I can't. If you want to know me,  who I am read this. I am a wanderer  traveling a journey trying to understand the reason. I see beauty in sky and earth and all things dwelling here. I see people searching for right or wrong when there is none. Life is an essay question. There are no right or wrongs, there are only choices and those choices define you. The lessons learned from choices define what you are seen as in a society that judges for deeds done past present and future. It does not define you to your self. It strange how one person can be seen as something different. To one person you are mean, evil, a player, a liar. To another a friend, a scholar, a teacher. You can be seen as a player by one  and someone to be played by another. How can one person be so many things to so many people and be the same person. Is who we are important or is what others think more important. Why would a person  hate me because one can't give them what they desire. They have someone that desires them wants them, wouldn't it be better to take love when it is given and when it fades rejoice in the giving.Why is it wrong for a man to love more than one person when it is felt and shared in honesty. Why does one get judged as a player because her says he is married but likes to tease and flirt with others. Is it better to hide in the shadows pretend to be someone else, to deceive to get friends. I will stay alone if so. I believe one can cherish the world with the same passion and hold true to what they commit to. I feel that each person that graces me with their beauty deserves to be told they do so and are loved for it. This is who I am. I never take what isn't given I never ask more than one desires me to have. I never promise things I can't give and I will not change. If I am seen as a player so be it. I see me as a person that loves life's choices and chances and the beauty of the dance.