Update:

I li live in Southern IL near Saint Louis MO I used to live in the area and was relatively active in the community. Since moving back I just haven't had enough time to get involved. I am hoping that will change soon.

I am in a open relationship with a woman who is mostly vanilla, she is bi and open minded though. First and formost I need a sub, since she is not a sub, I have needs to fill.

As I said she is bi and open minded a bi sub who wanted to join the 2 of us from time to time woiuld be wonderful, but not required.

I have strong natural instincts but very raw and still seem to have issues taking full control. I need someone who can guide me and help me become a better Dom.

If you are an experienced Dom/me who and would like to have that feeling of passing your wisdom on, I am a good student and a fast learner.

I do not drink enough to count nor do drugs, nor do I judge those who do.

It has been said time and time again, the only thing constant is change, so true. It seems at this point in my life I am changing so fast I can't keep track. I am still learning more and more about me and my place in this lifestyle every day.

I have only been in the lifestyle about a year, and some of the things that once offended me are now of great interest, actually I think that statement applies to the lifestyle in general.

I was suppressed all my life and the min I looked into the lifestyle with an open mind I was amazed at the weight that was lifted from my shoulders. The thought of BDSM used to trigger very negative responses. I personally feel it is much like the gay basher that is actually a suppressed homosexual. The most effective way to resist the urges that you feel are "wrong" or immoral is to lash out against them.

The joy, freedom, and happiness I have felt since opening my mind, and heart, and accepting who I am, has been the most awesome feeling in the world.

As for what I am looking for, well now that is kind of touchy subject, there is a difference between what I want, and what I am looking for. What I am looking for is education and growth. I must grow and learn before I am in position to receive what I want.

You can not look for nor can you find what I want. What I want is that sub that is my soul mate, my other half, the one that completes me, as I will complete her. I am a 10 on no body's scale, but I will be a 20 on hers as she will be on mine.

When one goes looking for their soul mate they are destined to fail, you will see the traits you seek in everybody you "want" to see them in whether they are actually there or not, or you will dismiss the trait you don't like telling yourself "it's no big deal". If you can give or accept less than 100% then you are not with the right person, and that may be ok as long as you keep it in perspective.

When you try to turn something into something it is not is when people get hurt, I am not talking BDSM hurt I am talking the pain in your heart and soul, the pain that doesn't go away, or put you in sub-space.

When it is time, you and your soul mate will be brought together. Just as when I am ready she and I will be brought together. It is the way of the universe.

If these simple ramblings of a mad man interest you please feel free to drop me a line.