Fractured Psyche

Recently, I discovered that I was not alone in my body. There are eight different personalities living inside me. We are aware of each other, and sometimes they can talk to me. There are times however when one of them takes over completely, and I (the person you all know and, hopefully, love) lose time and do not remember what was said, done, or how I got to where I “wake up.” I don’t say this to scare you; however, being the responsible person that I am, I am trying to warn you that I may not necessarily be myself, well at least not the self You know. So, my goal for this journal entry is to write down characteristics of my personalities, so that you may know who you are dealing with. It may not work for every situation, but forewarned is better than being shocked when something happens that is not exactly in character for me. The first personality is of course me.

• The High Priestess – She is extremely spiritually aware of herself and her surroundings. She only comes out if called by another’s personal or spiritual pain. She is extremely strong, completely dominant in her dealings with others. She will look anyone in the eye and call you on your bullshit. She rarely makes appearances outside of ritual space, but if you come into contact with her, you will know it by the authority in her voice. She will also introduce herself with a name starting with D.

• The Homicidal/Angry Chick – She is perpetually angry about everything. She dwells on the past with a vengeance, and is most likely to come out when someone is talking about violence towards or the mistreatment of women, children, or anyone weaker than their attacker. She is not a big fan of BDSM because these were similar circumstances in which the fracturing actually occurred. She is a big fan of “homicidal diatribes” mostly directed at abusers or men in general. If she deigns to introduce herself to you at all, her name starts with an E.

• The Suicidal/Sad Chick – She is perpetually sad and depressive about most everything. One little comment, one correction, or even a hint of disapproval could bring her out in full force. She thinks she is worthless, despoiled, and no one could ever love her. She is emotionally disconnected and will most likely stand in the farthest corner away from everyone or just leave without a word to anyone. She thinks she is a waste of air, space, and time. Nothing she does is ever right. She doesn’t think that she’s important enough to interact with, so she will not look at you; she will flinch away from large groups of people. If you ask her, she will tell you her name begins with a T.

• The Slave – She wants a Dominant who will treat her right but will show deference to anyone she sees as a worthy Dominant. She is very responsive, will keep her eyes lowered out of respect. She will not initiate conversation with a Dominant. If engaged in play, she has been trained not to speak a word, not to complain, and not to make any noise. This proposes a serious problem during impact and rope play because if she comes out she will not safeword. This behavior stems from the problem that created the fractured phenomenon in the first place. If she cried out, complained, or made any noise, she was only beaten harder, berated and mocked. If you ask her name, she will give you one that starts with the letter L.  She is mute.  She can hear but can only sign very poorly.

• The Slut – She is an indiscriminant, insatiable nymphomaniac. She wants sex all the time, but the act never fills her. She doesn’t care who her partners are, if they are safe, or if they are wearing protection. She is loud, brash, and in your face. She will tell you exactly what she wants, demand it in fact, and if you turn her down, she will simply move on to her next target. Currently, I have been starving her, as the medication I take for the PTSD has significantly lowered my sex drive. She is a voracious vixen; however, so she will introduce herself with a name starting with M and then start making demands of you.

• The Little Girl – Out of all the personalities, she is the only one who cannot drive. Her age ranges from 5 to 12 depending on what is happening around her. She speaks in a little girl voice and is very awkward with her limbs as she doesn’t expect them to be as long as they are. She is completely innocent when it comes to sex of any kind. She comes out rarely, but she usually emerges as a fear response to outward stimuli. Things that she fears include: large, sharp knives; surprisingly loud noises; and basically anything else that a small child or teenager fears. She is prone to pouting, tears and baby voices. She probably won’t introduce herself because she’s not allowed to talk to strangers, but if you do coax a name out of her, she will give you one starting with the letter K. (Please do not confuse her with a BDSM “Little.” She actually is underage.)

• The Know-it-All College Student – She will argue with you about everything even if she knows she is wrong because she hates admitting it. She is bookish, shy around people but will chime in her two cents if you happen to start up a conversation that she finds interesting. If the topic is something she is passionate about then she will argue her point until she’s blue in the face. Of the personalities, she is the hardest to trigger because not much interests her to the point that she wants to come out and talk to others. She is a virgin, but her studies are more important to her. She usually surfaces when she has to take a test, attend a class or use the more cerebral portions of her brain. She will introduce herself with a name starting with the letter C.

• ? – The host personality that was submerged during the actual fracturing event. None of the personalities have contact or will admit to having contact with this part of my psyche. I honestly don’t know, but this part of me is so completely subverted that only intensive therapy will cause it to emerge if it ever does.

Something I saw on someone's profile that I totally agree with - Dominant's Creed

As the Dominant to my submissive, I know that she gives herself to me in mind, body, soul and spirit and does so of her own volition. In me, she has placed confidence, reliance, faith, hope, and dependence.

I will endeavor to ensure my submissive’s needs and desires are learned, and her limits are respected at all times. I understand that the gift of submission is priceless and will cherish it always.

Through my actions, I will demonstrate that I am in complete control of myself thus allowing me impress upon my submissive the need to relinquish any control she may subconsciously retain in order to facilitate our erotic power exchange.

I accept responsibility for all aspects of my submissive's life, ensuring that each decision I make in her regard is the best for her body, spirit and soul. Never will I place my submissive in jeopardy, nor will I compromise the trust she has placed in me.

In order to bring my submissive to new heights and understanding, I will work to achieve a vast knowledge of all aspects of the lifestyle, thus allowing me to be the teacher that she so richly deserves.

I will honor, defend and guard my submissive at all times showing that my love for her will provide a safe harbor in times of adversity.

My Dominant self is rooted both in reality and in fantasy, yet I can easily differentiate the two never allowing the fantasy world to overtake that of the real world.

In times of distress and hardship, I will shed the role of Dominant and provide for my submissive, a supportive partner and confidante.

While often unrelenting and strict, bringing my submissive to tears, I will always kiss away the tears that are shed showing my submissive that while stern, my heart belongs to her.

I vow never to lift a hand to my submissive in anger. When punishment is needed it shall always delivered with a tender and discerning hand and for a valid reason.

I pledge to my submissive patience and understanding, tolerance and steadfastness allowing us to grow and nurture the bond we have established so that it may withstand the test of time.

Above all else, I will wear the title of Dominant with great honor.

SUBMISSIVE/SLAVE AND DOMINANT SAFETY - Red Flags

Since we are talking about meeting people from online I felt it right to talk about red flags, because many that are new to online community might not completely know what they are. They might feel that they are new so they shouldn't argue. Though, you are wrong if someone raises up your red flag, warning sense, spidy sense, and wtf ever else then you need to quit talking to them IMMEDIATELY!!!!

A red flag is an internal warning that something is not right here. This is the words many in BDSM use to describe a feeling that something is wrong, or a thought that something isn't right here. Red flags vary for person to person, though there are some which seem to be believed by the majority of people in my experience. For many, the term applies to warning signals of an abusive person.

A red flag should be something that you feel is not right for you. If you hate the idea of golden showers and a person insists on them, then you should experience a "red flag" or feeling of something isn't right here. Some of the general read flags are as follows.

A person refuses to give personal information about themselves yet insists on meeting you anyway. This should raise a red flag because it could signify someone that is not honest, and could potentially be dangerous.

A person stating that they will do absolutely anything you want even without ever having seen your face. This could be a person that has a self esteem or other psychological/emotional problem that prevents them from protecting themselves and could lead to false accusations of abuse or rape.

A person refusing to give their marital status before a meeting could be someone that is cheating on their spouse or otherwise dishonest.

A person that insists a safe word is not necessary under any circumstances should raise a red flag. A safe word, specially in new relationships, is an important thing to have.

A person that refuses to allow you a safe call should raise a red flag. This person is ignoring your safety and could very well be dangerous.

A person who insists that a scene must take place on an initial meeting could be someone that is only interested in sex, and possibly dangerous.

Using your common sense is your best defense against finding yourself in trouble. If you feel or have "red flags" going off about a person, do not meet them until those red flags have been addressed to your satisfaction. They may be nothing more than personal fears, or they could very well signify a real dangerous person. Red Flags come from your instincts, trust them.

INFORMATION ABOUT ME:

     I have been diagnosed with PTSD and acute anxiety disorder for which I do take medication.  My condition is managable and stable.

     I love my body.  I am comfortable with my size as a woman; attempts to change me even couched in pleasant language like "getting healthy" or doing it to make yourself feel better will not endear you to me.

     I love everything about who I am as a person.  I am searching for a Dominant who is going to treasure everything about me, who I will not have to hide from emotionally, mentally, or physically.  I am not about to make changes to the person that I am just because you say that's what I need to do to earn your

Dominance.

     I am not going to drive, fly or take a bus to meet you after talking to you for a week.  For local Dominants, I would be more than happy to meet in a public place on neutral ground.  For Dominants that live out of state, the further you live away from me, the longer we will have to talk before I will take that leap to trust you.

    If you want me, this is who I am.  Please take that into consideration before you message me.

Ok, I understand there are people here that either can't or won't read a profile and just look at the pictures, but for the love of whatever you consider holy, do you have to share your stupidity with me every single time?  If you're going to perv my profile, I can't do anything about that, unfortunately.  Please, please do not share what is going on in your twisted, little brain with me.  If you get a response, it will be bad.  If you want to contact me, please do so with the respect I deserve as a person on this earth.  If you are incapable of spelling correctly, typing coherently, or stringing together more than two words, I do not wish to hear from you.  I WANT INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION AND FRIENDS!