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Well it seems i am back to the begining. The relationship i was hoping for is not going tohappen, and with further thought i am not sure it would have worked out. So while i continue my search i will continue to learn and follow where my desires take me, no knowledge is bad. It can only make me better. i am eagerly awaiting the next play party with the thought that maybe i will not go alone. i will not let this one failure get me down. |
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i dont' really know where to begin. i am just hoping that writing here will help me get things in me head sorted out and maybe help me feel better. Last night i gave myself to the man i was hoping would someday be my Master. While we were playing i began to nibble his ear. He stopped me so i asked him if he didn't like what i was doing or if it was that he didn't trust me. He said it was both. i can't even begin to explain how that made me feel. How can we have any kind of relationship at all if he doesn't trust me. And what have i done or not done to make him not trust me? Trust is so important. |
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I got out to the sex show in Toronto on saterday and bought two new toys, both floggers. One is rubber and the other is suade. Then last night i got to see how they both feel. i went to another play party with my Dom friend and his sub and got suspended again. He tried out all four of my floggers and many other toys that i packed for him to torture me with. I was shivering before we were even half way through and the pain was exquisit. The only things that would have made the experience better were if i could have video taped myself (i would love to see my expessions) and if the person playing with me was my Master. At the sex show i did talk to Denis about the idea of him being my Master. He said he was glad i told him and he would give the idea some thougth. i will have to get up the nerve to talk to him further about it. i want him to know that i am serious and what it would mean to me to be able to serve him in this way. |
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Well I went to my second play party a while back and actually got to play. I was suspended and tortured with a whole bag of sensation toys that my friends had got me for my birthday. now I just need to get my own nipple clamps and I am on my way.
There was a time that if you had asked me if I would ever walk around a room full of people practically naked I would have said not in this life time. But as it turns out I did walk around a room full of people wearing nothing but a lace shirt and shear panties and it was great. It was a heady experience that I am dying to try again. Not sure what I will wear the next time but I have gotten two new dresses. |
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I went to my first play party last night. Had a good time, met some people and bought a new toy (flogger). Got to see some different Dom(me)/sub mixes and see the different styles. |
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