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I just remembered one of the funniest and most embarassing moments of my life.
Being chased by a small shark off the coast of Wales many years ago.
Am I mad is or can a shark attack seem funny even to the guy being attacked?
Not in the water - no no no - That would have been boring!
Some guy landed it without knowing what to do next.
Once in the boat, it took one look at us and realised we were edible.
They jump like fleas using their tails.
Three of us were chased clockwise round the wheelhouse while someone more experienced sneaked up behind it and hit it over the head with a hammer.
They move faster on land than in the water. I've never heard of it or seen on documentaries but I've seen it with my own eyes.
They are a brilliant hunter on dry land as well as in the water!
I know what you're thinking: No it wasn't trying to jump out of the boat. It was definitely definitely snapping at people trying to bite us.
Imagine what would have happened if it had not been for the experienced guy.
What would people think had happened to us if we were found dead and the shark just left bits in the boat before jumping back in the water. How would scientists have explained what happened to us? They might have been saying it was proof of some weird sea monster "bites like a shark but has legs and can climb into your boat with you".
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A famous monk called "Pavlov" used to call his dogs at feeding time by ringing a bell.
He is famous because he noticed the dogs would salivate at the sound of the bell even if there was no food.
The bell had become associated with food in the dogs' minds.
People develop mentally just like dogs recognising patterns and associations not merely with food but with other things too such as sex.
A dominatrix would call it imprinting. I would call it pattern recognition.
Here's the important bit...
Pavlov could have picked any bell he wanted. The dogs would have been trained to salivate at the sound of a different bell.
Maybe before you go getting yourself imprinted you should choose a bell you like instead of just letting people ring the one used on everyone else. |
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This is the beginning of an article published in the independent 19th August 2003...
The dealer wishes to remain anonymous. Not that he's ashamed of his seeds: on the contrary, he's doubts you'll find better in England. Once you've tried their crop, he believes, you'll be hooked. But if he told you how to buy them, he could be prosecuted - and a small businessman like him can ill-afford a £5,000 fine.
He plies his illicit trade in Devon, in a small nursery. He cannot publicise it, for obvious reasons; but word of mouth ensures that a furtive army of enthusiastic users buys his moonshine seeds in their thousands. Many in turn will risk prosecution by growing them and selling their seed themselves. Others, more cautiously, will restrict themselves to "personal use".
The crop in question goes by the exotic name of 'White Princess'. But it is not, as you might suspect, a variety of cannabis. Rather, it is a tomato - a "meltingly, sumptuously tasty" variety, according to the pusher, but a mere tomato none the less. And if that strikes you as surprising, you'll be even more surprised to discover that 'White Princess' are just the tip of the iceberg.
This is a story of the bizarre, seldom-seen subculture of unlicensed vegetable-growing. Its wares include rogue tomatoes, "bad" apples and "hot" potatoes; tomatoes are as good an illustration as any of how the market works.
To read more visit
http://www.sovereignty.org.uk/features/footnmouth/genediv1.html
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That BP disaster on the 20th April...
"The interviews, disclosed yesterday by Robert Bea, an engineering professor and former company employee, also revealed that a group of BP executives were on board the rig celebrating the project's safety record, when it blew. They all survived.
"
...unfortunately |
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I have been a bit quiet over the holidays.
One thing I've been off doing is investigating the origins of Easter.
People in other parts of the world imagine us westerners ignorant of our religious culture.
They think us superficial and materialistic yet I have been sat here researching and contemplating the origins and meaning of this my favourite religious holiday.
2000 years ago he died on the cross so that we could eat chocolate eggs.
For that reason the Easter Bunny is my favourite saint even though I couldn't find anything about him anywhere in my Bible.
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That last journal entry was just a joke.
I didn't expect there to really be a fetish called Philadelphia.
...I wouldn't like that even if I did have a bell (which I don't) |
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I thought I knew all the weird BDSM terminology!
Does anyone know what Philadelphia is?
I want to know what I've agreed to. |
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I'm supportive on the whole with the goverment's scheme to rehouse a million dope dealers in these new mega prisons.
It's an expensive solution to the housing crisis but what the hell.
But let's be honest about why we're doing it...
Lousy time keeping
Nothing ever weighing what they said it weighed.
Appearing to have slightly more money than everyone else
...although in reality I don't think so...
I reckon they get about a fifth of the pay of those people who kick their doors in.
And those guys get their wages out of a fund which is taken off us by force (robbed).
So the guys who we give money to freely in exchange for dope which we want are the bad guys.
The good guys are the ones who come and take us away if we don't pay enough tax.
Yeah right - of course.
Copyright WhatSafeword 2010 |
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Drug dealers are the most unreliable fuckers on Earth.
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There's a concealed TV arial in my loft because a previous owner has been secretly operating a television without a license. People in my country (even electronics experts) think televisions would never have worked without the government putting the BBC in charge and allowing them to tax us.
The whole thing would have been dangerous chaos if not organised by some twat with a plum in his mouth.
What a bunch of fucking morons I share this island with.
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Things you need to do before you die...
Have kids
I'm cutting it a bit fine though.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm not open to STR and erotic adventure. I'm just saying I'd jump at the chance of LTR and having a family.
My going on about it is irrating my dates when they don't have wombs any more or are too old or whatever the reason.
As far as the BDSM side of things goes. I can squeaze that in too but really right now I'm a bit bored with it.
There's more serious shit in this world.
I have an instinct to survive and the only way I can do that beyond a certain point is by having kids.
I have an instinct to pass on everything I've learned.
I need a reason to build and create. Someone to hand it to when I go.
I had a chance once. Both my parents were alive to act as babysitters. I had good secure work and not much mortgage and two nice houses.
My wife thought it wasn't a good time. Later she got pregnant while sharing a one bedroomed furnished flat with a boyfriend.
I do feel a bit upset about it but realise she wasn't bad for being born stupid.
My stupidity for allowing the best years of my life to slip by un utilised also not anything I should reproach myself for.
We were both young and stupid.
If I get the chance again, I'll try not to fuck it up by allowing my wife to lead me by my dick.
I'll say what I want.
I won't promise fidelity and permanent unconditional love to anyone who is making a half arsed attempt at throwing in their lot with me.
Statistically, even if I meet someone it is likely to be over in a decade. That is still no reason to plan around it just being a short run thing.
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My laptop may be virused.
So if you don't here from me for a while you know the problem. |
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Yes I'm still dumped (perhaps even more than before)
So now I'm free to date the rest of you.
Give me a couple of days break before inundating me with requests for a meet.
I need a little time to myself.
Actually no - I want a whole week of not being pestered by beautiful slave girls. |
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I just got dumped.
I'm still not looking for a while just in case she changes her mind.
I'm striking a balance between clingy and rash.
Not chasing her and not chasing anyone else. |
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My sex slave has confirmed she is mine 24/7.
This means I am always too busy to write to anyone. Sorry, I used to moan about how I wasn't getting any and now I'd like to moan about how little time it leaves me to do stuff.
What is the situation if I am ultimately dissatisfied with this slave.
Will CM take her back and replace her with another one.
I can already see problems with this one.
She looks OK and is as wet as hell whenever I investigate what's going on down below.
But there are many things I am not happy with. For example, we have been experimenting recently with something called "mundane chores".
Another dom introdued me to the term and gave me a rundown of what some of those chores might be. Making coffee, going to the shops, etc.
Slave is coming up with chores thick and fast but surely she should be the one doing them and not me.
Instead of giving of herself willingly, slave wriggles in resistance beneath me and has to be wrestled down onto the bed and out of her clothes. I shouldn't really complain. I did tell her I like the feel of her wriggling about while I'm holding her against me.
Only when she is too tired to resist any longer can I hope to begin tieing her down. Up until then all I can do is wrap my arms and legs around her and fondle her, constantly re establishing my grip on her with a new arm or leg appearing out of nowhere and gliding along into it's chosen position.
It's inevitable that when two naked bodies are wriggling together one going to get its dick inadvertantly slide into the other body's vagina. In those instances it is only natural that slave gets fucked.
It's sometimes hard to tell but it seems like she is cumming full belt a couple of times before I've even got her worn out enough to not stop that first wrist getting bound.
It also seems like I tend to stop just as she's cumming - Sorry about that just needed to keep it real.
A little more struggling with renewed vigour until the second is fastened.
Some reassurance my hands holding her face.
Then I play with my captive. I am sat astride her thighs as she tosses and turns while I play with her breasts and nipples.
Then I try fastening her in leather belts around her hips, waist and thignhs with one thick one running tight under her crotch looped around the front and back of the thick belt which circles her waist.
She clearly likes the feeling and so we both know she needs a harness buying on eBay.
(if they do them)
Then a new wrestling match to get her first anckle fastened while I sit astride her legs.
Then I lean over and loop the other end of the tie around a bar of my metal framed kingsize bed and pull on the end of the tie. This same technique that was used to drag her wrists outstretched for the final tieing of the post end of the tie.
A quick play with my sex toy now she has only one leg remaining free to flail about and be forced down by me.
Then the the final ankle while I sit on that leg.
Now I can really begin.
My devious smirk merely serves to remind slave what she already knew anyway - that she is going to be my plaything.
Then a load of stuff too rude to mention happened. Also, it would take too long to type about.
Then we had a drink and a joint.
Then I got a hold of her again and we fucked a bit more and then I held her and stroked her(whether she liked it or not) paying special attention to the area around her clitoris.
Anyway, I suppose I'll not swap her for another one.
It's probably too late already on account of me having used her a few times.
That's why I haven't been typing letters.
Copyright 2010 WhatSafeword |
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I've got symphilids.
I just found out from a local sub I have known a while SoftlySighs.
Thankyou thankyou thankyou SoftlySighs.
You have changed my life with one mail.
By the way Anne Marie: Don't panic. This is not anything like syphallis. It's just stuff we've been discussing in our gardening circle.
I need to tell GingerMinge. |
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I have just had it confirmed I am in some form of relationship and my other half regards my having sex with other women as my cheating on her.
I forgot to ask if blow jobs count as sex or if "Bill Clinton Classifications" apply but I'm expecting that to be ruled out too.
But it's looking like I'm out of action now. Not that I was in action before (I was sort of like a coiled spring - ever ready to burst forth with energy but not really doing anything). I am definitely out of action now though.
Copyright WhatSafeword 2010
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I've got a bunch of stuff to do and it's free listing day on eBay so I won't have time to answer anyone.
So sorry I am unlikely to answer any mail today (even though my slave has sort of stood me up). |
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I'm having another one of those "am I on the right site" moments.
I am going to avoid dating in the immediate future. I met someone nice on here.
I thought she was beautiful.
I loved the look and the feel of her.
I loved having her here in my house with me.
It felt like I was living a life.
But I'm not exactly what she seeks. I think that's maybe the case for every woman on here.
I'm not sure.
If anyone is bored and wants to do a little vanilla I might be interested I suppose.
I want to give it a couple more weeks just to see if anything does come of recent adventures. After that I'll do everone's heads in by looking for vanilla fetish on here. |
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These new windfarms.
Words like...
"Offshore wind is expensive to build and we will need a long-term, stable support mechanism to make these investments commercially viable for the foreseeable future," said Sarwjit Sambhi, Managing Director of Power Generation at Centrica.
...that means they are going to make the job look as expensive as possible and hit our gullible politicians for a shitload of money we can't afford them to spend.
Nothing in the media refers to any subsidy but there is a fucking big subsidy concealed in there somehow and they are negotiating for it to be beyond 2014.
How can free power be so fucking expensive...
3 million pounds per megawatt.
I could do the job cheaper with a load of old diesel transit van engines. I'm tempted to do the maths just to prove it.
Also, now we know that CO2 is good for the environment, my solution would be helping the planet more than windmills.
It costs less than £1,500 capital costs to get B and Q to come out and fit a one kilowatt generator on your house. How come windpower is half the price on a tiny scale from B and Q than it is on a massive scale from Centrica. Why don't the government get a load of little windmills from B and Q and have them fitted on some hill they own. Thereby halving the cost per kilowatt.
It must be quite a ripoff for it to be half the price from B and Q. |
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Slave is upstairs asleep.
We are doing a different fantasy each day and night.
Tonight we are doing the "I am tired after a long shift and just want to sleep" fantasy.
She plays the role of the tired person.
Meanwhile I (playing the role of the none tired person) initially try tempting her with prods in the back from a suspicious stiff object then give up and come down here to smoke a joint and try to forget how frustrated I am.
It's very like a vanilla marriage type thing sometimes.
Copyright WhatSafeword 2010
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I'm racing around getting washing done and stuff like that.
I can't believe a woman will just hand herself to a guy to have his devious way with.
I think it's good though.
My search might be over.
I know what I want. She knows what I want.
If she thinks she is what I want then that means it might work.
It just seems too good. |
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Very busy right now
It is hard to fit having a good time into a tight schedule of 5% work and 95% drinking coffee going on this site and smoking dope.
Going on this site has had to suffer.
Copyright 2010 WhatSafeword |
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I'm all spruced up (even more than last time - this time I remembered my toenails) and looking for batteries for my camera. I will be taking a picture for GingerMinge.
I have bought a new duvet.
My house is still a tip but slightly better than it was.
My date's car won't start but today I moved forward. It will be less work trying to tidy the place up next time.
Each date I have on this site get's me just a little bit closer to an actual realtime meeting.
For now, a celebratory joint, then I'll resume the search for batteries.
Copyright WhatSafeword 2010 |
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I just heard the Czech Republic legalised all drugs three days ago.
Thirteen States in the USA suspended canabis related prosecutions a month or so ago.
It looks like everything's about to change and our governments are going to stop pissing our taxes away on deciding who takes what drugs.
I bet heroin becomes an unusual qwirky drug like it used to be before they made it illegal.
All the constant propoganda on the radio stopped over here a month ago.
They are still telling us not to drink too much; To wash our turkeys carefully for christmas; not to drive too fast. I'm not saying they've stopped wasting vast amounts of our money on overpriced advertising of their opinions on everything.
I'm just saying they are backing off what drugs we take.
Also, there's a sudden absence of energy saving advice. It looks like they've realised they've been talking bollocks about global warming. We must have saved billions in just one month on propaganda bullshit. |
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Letter out (I am fitting in with their version of English)...
Dear Sir/Madam,
I understand you have a slave for sell.
It sounds like such a great deal that I fear I am probably too late.
Where do I pay my $800 to?
How fast will she be delivered after I pay?
Can I say what underwear she will have?
Regards
MisterSmall
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Excerpt from a not so sexy letter out to SoftlySighs...
I'm criticising everyone as usual
Climategate being a big scam.
Bollocks.
It's a big mistake. It is not a big scam.
The anti global warming people sound just as ignorant as the pro global warming people.
In one of those links of yours I saw some guy saying how plants don't need as much water to grow with more CO2 in the atmosphere.
What is photosynthesis. It's using sunlight to drive a reaction where you are taking building blocks out of the air (carbon atoms) and combining them with building blocks out of water.
For every 6 carbon dioxide molecules the plant then needs to use 6 H2O molecules to produce one C6H12O6 and six spare O2 molecules.
So double the CO2 and you double the water consumption.
No problem since most plant life (maybe 80%) is in the sea.
People don't seem to have spotted the fact that this means that water loss from the sea will be precisely proportionate to the additional CO2 available in the atmosphere so we actually reduce sea levels ever so slightly by increasing the CO2 rather than making levels rise.
I believe we are now entering a new era of bullshit almost as ignorant as the last one.
Simple stuff that kids should be taught at primary school such as what the fuck is photosynthesis is not understood by the scientists getting interviewed on TV.
Maybe this new bullshit is even worse if they think there is a big conspiracy.
The president of the USA can't even get a blow job off an intern without everyone finding out about it and people are stupid enough to think those same people could have a big secrret conspiracy.
Fucking ridiculous.
I've worked in big business and as a technical support on major public enquiries.
Ordering pizzas is sometimes too complicated a conspiracy to make work.
Even some plan that simple gets fucked up and I wind up with ham and pineapple topping.
I wish people would wake up. We did go to the moon. Lee Harvey Oswald did shoot JFK.
There are no conspiracies except a few big accidental ones.
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You can help make crime more difficult to do by teaching the criminals bad English.
Here's one example that just went out.
Dear Linda,
I your photo love.
You to me look so real.
Please tell me yourself about.
Blahdiblah
MisterSmall
Let's hope they don't read journals. |
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My resolution for 2010 is to get my tax affairs sorted.
In theory I owe nothing but that's a hard thing to prove when your government is as hungry and cheeky as ours is in the UK.
My accountant will be ringing me in January.
Even he couldn't face the mail I've been getting from that bastard tax man on behalf of that bastard Gordon Brown.
I'm hoping that climate gate and legalising pot will reduce our tax burden in 2010.
Experience tells me nothing will make them less hungry and I need to fuck off and find a less shit country than Labour Britain.
Also they've racked up a big debt so even if they did stop pissing on our money away, we are still in hock for the rest of our lives because of the last ten.
I want to go out and punch a Labour voter on the nose. You morons.
I might have gone out but there are only a few pubs still in business so we can't all fit in them.
Also I don't like having to stand outside and smoke or pay all that crazy tax every time I buy a drink.
Happy New Year! |
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In response to someone saying I should take a break from this site and cool down...
Yep, you were right. It wasn't the site it was everything in my life. I bowed out from everyone but one woman and you platonics. I should have taken a break earlier.
My profile is now in mothball mode now while I focus on getting some work done and not wasting my life.
It will still be on here but hidden. I'll probably still not be able to resist answering people's journal entries but I am going to try to resist the temptation. |
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I took a day off this site and tried to do some work.
The main thing that brought me back was something I found from 2007.
I was thinking of selling my house, buying a cheap ship with the equity. I was going to work from my boat via email and supplement that (also curing inevitable loneliness issues from being at sea) by making it into a few apartments.
This all seemed sane when I was stoned.
I have been to little self proclaimed country recently and am constantly meeting cranks like myself who reinforce such ideas by not laughing.
I just had to share my sales pitch with you because the opening is funny...
The ?????? Shipping Line is selling a really long (maybe forever) cruises.
Let's look at the initial pitch...
Dangerous, Boring, Expensive
Maybe in the past...
but I laugh at such stereotypes for modern cruising!
Maybe there's nothing we can do about the dangerous and boring stuff but it can be made really cheap.
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I had a moment in the last few days where I started thinking everyone I was talking to probably were not real.
When I went through everyone's stories, I couldn't find one single person that added up.
Well maybe a couple but everyone else looked unrealistic. I did some mathematics and that made it even worse than when I was just going by instinct.
But since then I've realised that in the main the people I am talking to are real.
They change facts so I hear what they think I want to hear and they get backed into whopping great lies to support earlier minor so called "white lies".
But even so, they seem really attractive to me.
If I was being scammed it would be by people who don't make a profit out of it.
They spend way too much time on me beating a dead horse. I have little to lose because I am unblackmailable and never send money.
So at least I know the thing they want to possess is me.
That's all that matters.
I am only saying good bye to women because I don't think I'm right for them. Not because I think they are not right for me.
You can want a woman but not think she is going to be yours so not want to spend a lot of time on writing and calling. I would have wanted you as my friend but I have so many platonics I struggle to keep up with the mail anyway.
I am in sweep out mode for the next day or so. It has already begun. I am sweeping me out of your life not you out of mine.
It is not a rejection that should leave you feeling undesirable. |
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Add me to your yahoo or IM so we can discuss stuff which is too embarassing to talk about on this site.
IWillAttackYourPC@Yahoo.com
I've read a lot of negative stuff about viruses in my correspondence.
Here's a few good points everyone's forgetting
It's the only easy to install software for Windows.
It's the only software for Windows that works
It also works on Vista and Windows7 (you try porting your other software)
You might criticise in public but I bet you've got it installed on your PC.
If it's so bad, how come no one ever arrests us?
How come we can do the same shit day in day out in a really obvious way for year after year without any investigation whatsoever.
It's you complainers who are in the wrong.
(c) WhatSafewrod 2009 |
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Why are women so fickle?
One minute you are telling me about how you've been doing pelvic thrust exercises and bragging about how tight you are.
Reassuring me me your husband won't hear us through the party wall.
Next minute you're standing me up.
I shaved every damned bit of bristle (even the stuff around the side of my chin).
I scrubbed every little bit of me (even behind my ears).
I put on my my least tatty looking boxer shorts.
I chose socks that looked identical like some of matching pair made for eachother.
I even plucked my damed ears and bit my nails to the greatest level of consistent length I've ever personally witnessed in a guy.
I spend hours making myself look like some sort of movie star and then she stands me up.
Heartless: that's what she is!
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Certain people always over use the expression "I know" whenever you try to explain any information needed to avoid breaking stuff.
The same people always over use the expression "I don't know" whenever you ask why stuff is mysteriously broken.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.
Herman Melville
Well, nothing apart from the criticisms made on the habits of the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed by the poor.
WhatSafeword
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Excerpt from a letter out...
My date still isn't here!
I can't go round to hers...
What do I say if her husband answers the door?
Is your wife "available"?
Tricky!
John |
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Sorry for my delay in mailing people
Heavy day
Long phone conversation
Flat battery in car.
A neighbour is coming round to get laid on account of how long it's been for me.
This is only a casual one off thing and doesn't mean I'm not looking. It just means - well I don't know.
Just off to shower and change the bedding. |
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Windows goes away and does stuff all the time. 99 out of every hundred things it does are an error (a bug).
Even typing a letter can be difficult in Windows.
Windows explorer can not be trusted to copy anything without crashing.
Too long a filename somewhere will cause it to stop copying and not tell you.
Leave windows explorer open for a while and when you come back it has often inexplicably closed itself.
I've written my own filebrowser but it needs more features to replace Windows Explorer properly.
There are so many bugs in Microsoft crap.
It's the people behind it who are the problem
I took their programmer's aptitude test once.
I didn't do so well.
Other people who needed me to do their programming for them at university did better than me.
I did another programmer's aptitude test devised by another company and got the highest mark anyone had ever got in the ten years they'd been testing with it.
You tell me.
How can the same guy fair so differently in aptitude tests which supposedly test the same skill?
They are sifting out everyone with a brain and selecting from a diminshed and less skillful labour pool.
They are fucked.
Software is only as good as the people who wrote it.
They are second rate.
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I've just been reading a link I found in recent journals:
http://askdollie.com/acid_test.htm
You can check it out for yourself but I think it's bollocks.
I've only read the first page or so but so far the guy who wrote it does sound like a bit of a nob head.
This real dom he's talking about doesn't exist.
Even if such a thing did exist, having your head up your own arse like that writer, probably wouldn't be a qualification.
There are true submissives.
What submissives want is slightly different so even if you are superman inthe eyes of one sub, there's probably plenty who find you don't float their boat.
This guys maths is so bad I'm appalled people read it and don't see the pointlessness of basing maths on such incomplete and bogus statistics.
To anyone with a statistical background, it's like a warning sign that the rest of this stuff was written by a moron.
"When in doubt throw it out"
I throw people out sometimes with no good reason because I'm getting too much mail.
If I can, I just stick to being sure.
It doesn't take too long to be sure you need to throw that person out.
I wasn't going to go into detail but you need to remember that doms are just as picky as you and we certainly aren't going to jump through any hoops for you or whatever the hell that garbage is leading to.
It might be I'm just not one of those true doms but here's my theory of how it should work...
if you like me that's great
if I like you back then it's a match.
You submit because you want to.
It's nothing I'm doing.
I don't even have a whip or anything.
Getting rejected by a woman when I am not what she is searching for is not failing some test. Why would it be a good thing to be with some woman I can't satisfy.
Recognising we don't match is a good thing and we should just then move on and treat it as a positive rather than a negative result.
We both managed to avoid something that would have left us both dis satisfied.
This other guy's version is very naive and annoying. |
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I got a really nice link from my friend GingerMinge
A scary profile name (because you expect it to be something beautiful but bad tempered)
But even so, this is worth sharing.
It's a video where a mother squirrel is trying
to get her baby over a wall in UCLA.
Unlike normal teenagers (who might be real pricks) these students start putting stuff against the wall to help it climb.
Very heart warming.
Then there's an advert for Oil of Olay tagged on the end (which I hear actually prematurely ages your skin)
Then I left mine on and saw some amazing stuff.
I had just had my first decent pot in ages and it helped me see what I was looking at.
A little Chines kid strumming on a toy guitar.
At first he looked very cute.
Then after a while I realised what was odd about it.
He was actually getting a tune of sorts out of it. He was making whatever sounds he intended getting. Whoever that kid is he is really talented and can already play a real guitar if someone gives him one (even though he only looks about five years old).
The next thing that blew my mind was a dog on a skateboard which used it to control a video game. The dog was looking at the screen realising it could effect how the character in the video game moved by leaning in different directions on the electronic skateboard it was standing on.
The dog had really learnt how to play the game and wasn't dependent on instincts for behaviour. I know that game and it's hard.
It did better than I can in that game.
That means dogs can fly planes better than we can or at least as good. Don't forget: I was very stoned when I typed that.
Anyway, here's the link...
http://video.yahoo.com/network/100000089?v=5017561&l=100022574
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This was one of my soul searching letters where I think out loud.
I turned it into a journal entry...
I've just seen the profile of a sub.
I was writing to her when she just came on here a few weeks back.
I got the feeling mailing would go on forever.
I could just see nothing changed from letter to letter. She just thought I was on here to write letters. In truth I do do that but she wasn't some long standing friend. I already have plenty.
I was writing to date.
She didn't seem in a big rush to do anything like talk on the phone, meet, send a picture or whatever.
By photos, I don't mean revealing. I mean I had no fucking clue who or what I was talking to.
There was no progress whatsoever.
So I told her go away and don't write back until new years eve saying maybe then (after going nowhere for a few weeks) she'd be a bit keener.
I was polite enough but the message was clear.
I see now that she has been collared by someone.
Maybe I don't have enough patience or I didn't use whatever the magic words are.
Or maybe I taught her a lesson she wasn't such an inanimate object with the next guy.
I don't know. I'll never know.
I just felt at the time like women were wasting my time.
It was one day when I was in the mood to dump everyone I was talking to and start again. I dumped her that day.
I don't feel any different now.
I think I would still say the same thing in the same circumstances.
The guy who collared her must have gotten a different reaction out of her or he must have had more patience.
Do doms kiss ass?
I may be being too dommy.
Ah fuck it. If I'd have bent over backwards in the first instance she'd have had me do it for the rest of the relationship.
I haven't missed out on anything I could put up with longterm.
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The turkey is in the oven!
The first time I have ever cooked a turkey single handed in my life!
I wasn't planning on doing it but I have had to leap into action (like a highly tensed coiled spring) racing around giving people olde worlde cures for stomach ache and filling the breach.
This turkey smells like it was the original source of whatever has knocked everyone out.
So cooking that is avoiding more people getting infected.
An earlier experiment with pork mince yesterday has already served to prove that bacteria are perfectly edible if cooked properly.
WhatSafeword is the Galloping Gourmet!
I now need to schedule potatoes, parsnips, carrots and little sausages with bacon wrapped around them.
They all need cooking different amounts of time and I have no software ready to help me plan and monitor the process.
I'm going to have to do the whole thing on paper.
Post Script added later...
I thought I was quarter of an hour late turning it off but was three quarters of an hour early.
Turned the oven back on twenty minutes after that. Now I'm not too sure about when I should turn it off because it will have cooled and taken a while to get that hot again.
I've decided to skip all the other stuff.
I'll take it round my dad's house with some oven chips instead.
Whatever. |
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Thankyou CM!
SantaClauz
Just got deleted!
They do listen to us.
(Unless of course, they just hid themselves again)
Te real SantaClaus is at either SantaClaus (although I haven't spoken to that one yet so don't know if it is real).
or he is at SantaClausUK (manned by an official elf authorised by Santa)
He's a bit busy being a busy body at the moment so might take a while getting back to you.
If you don't get presents this year it is on account of you not being asleep when he called.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Slightly reworded...
I can't help noticing lot's of female profiles give up on this site and close their profiles. Having had enough.
My theory is... guys get in the mode of writing emails which look great to a scammer and then thus trained send the same emails to real women and upset them.
We should all try to cool it a bit on our initial emails and figure out what that person wants and if they want it from us.
Beautiful, loving and horny women are leaving this site all the time!
They are having as much trouble with real people as we are having with pretend ones.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Enough is enough
Let's do something about this scammer problem!
If we just dealt with one scammer it would send a message to the others.
If our governments never get off their lazy useless arses and investigate one single case then this is going to get even more out of control then it is already.
The crimes are just going to get ever more serious.
A complete absense of law is a really dangerous thing.
A few of the guys on this site should literally go other there and kick the fuck out of a couple of them.
I would never suggest breaking the law.
Clearly you can do what the fuck you want in an internet cafe and it isn't illegal.
So let's do it in an internet cafe.
I'm just saying
We are supposed to be dominants and we let some loser in a tin hut fuck about with us.
Not very convincing.
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How outragious.
The Santa Wars rage on
Not content with doing a piss poor job of impersonating beautiful women the Nigerians are now trying to impersonate Santa.
SantaClauz
Is a profile using photos ripped off from SantaClausUK
SantaClauz is a scammer
Also the profile text has been ripped off.
Also the journal entries have been ripped off and pasted into their profile text.
Also they just happen to pop up on a Sunday.
Remember how Saturday and Sunday are scammer day in North West AFrica.
They were a woman earlier in the day and now they've had a sex change.
Also they think the North Pole is in Greenland.
They can't speak English.
You tell me - What does it all mean?
REport that profile.
Normally I never do but that is a dangerous profile because it is convincing.
I wrote that profile and that makes it one that people would write to.
They write private stuff and a bunch of who knows what get to read it.
Not a safe Idea
At the risk of sounding immodest, that profile is too good to be left on here.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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I'm looking for an online slave!
If you can show me you can be trusted with my credit card details I will allow you to live off my credit card (but not over spending).
If you spend more than $3000 per month I will suspend the credit card.
As my cash slave you will no longer need to go out to work!
This means I expect you to be available to exchange messages online any time I want.
Ideally I'm looking for a slave girl in Nigeria, or perhaps Ghana.
Appearance is unimportant to me.
I don't need to know what you look like.
I do however need to know that your heart is fully into this.
Please write to me if you feel you can give yourself over totally to the scheme I have outlined above.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Well, for me, all the boredom ended when my Polish lodger came home from work yesterday.
They finish early on a Saturday.
He works a six and three quarter day week.
He rides God knows how many miles on a bicycle every day.
Maybe his work is 7 or 8 miles away.
I can't take him by car because his wages are so low that it doesn't justify the petrol.
Petrol is very highly taxed here.
England is an awful place!
Totally the result of the immense governmental burden on the people (the very few people who do actual real jobs - people like my Polish lodger).
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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I said something profound in a letter out recently.
Reading that letter again, I see it is something I should have said to the world, not just one person.
I fancy myself another Aristotle on the quiet...
I have a saying. I find it quite helpful.
Perhaps you could learn from it... "Nothing difficult is worth doing"
It's why I've decided to stay single and just fuck about on this site!
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Regarding a comment I got about my Pfizer allegation...
Well, it's something needs saying a lot. I'm sure it isn't company policy.
Governments are evil not companies.
A Chinese journalist "Shi Tao" recieved guidance notes every Chinese journalist gets.
He thought it clever to anonymously send those guidelines to the Washington Post (I think it was the WP) using a yahoo account. Yahoo obliged the Chinese government and helped track him down.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/07/business/worldbusiness/07iht-yahoo.html
He got ten years in prison.
I heard somewhere else he was bent over a big piece of wood and machine gunned in the back.
Maybe he got mixed up with some other journalist.
I'm sure it wasn't company policy.
Companies are painted bad because we have a communist streak in our western democracies which picks on companies when obviously someone else is really to blame.
The odd individual in a company gives them good reason by climbing into bed with governments and other criminal types.
Prodding Pfizer in something more high profile than this site might end a lot of computer scams. Yes they do seem to always pop up in internet crime. No I don't know that the company is conciously aware of why.
To give an example. I worked for Bristol Myers Squibb.
People would get offered mirrors on sticks to check for bombs under cars because we experimented on animals.
It used to drive us crazy. THose moron animal rights protesters didn't understand that FDA submissions demand the tests. The only people with power to stop it are the governments who won't let us sell the drugs unless we've done the tests.
There is no possible benefit in harrassing pharmaceutical companies other than taking attention away from those responsible.
One part of my job was to do searches to find experiments already perfromed by others which would avoid tests needing to be done by us.
So I actually did manage to help stop tests on animals unlike the morons who might bomb my car.
It takes a grievous misunderstanding of how capitalism works to think pharmaceutical companies want to spend money torturing animals when they could be paying that money to shareholders.
It's a legal requirement not a hobby.
Animal rights activists are stupid fucking morons who can't even figure out who to complain to.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Women who pluck their eyebrows off and then draw lines roughly where eyebrows would have been.
I have just resisted the temptation to write to one to tell her and try to help.
I thought why cause offence and start off more pointless chat.
Normal eyebrows look cute.
What you do to yourselves looks like you got drunk last night and your friends have played a trick on you.
Please stop messing with your eyebrows!
It's uncomfortable looking at such bizzarre looking faces.
I'm just saying.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it)
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Lodger Roleplay Update
Easily the most exciting session in lodger roleplay is "rent negotiation play"
In my opinion this works best when the party acting as the landlord sets the rent and not the party acting as the lodger.
My lodger slave has an incompatible fantasy where he understands that role as being his.
This is topping from the bottom.
Verbal abuse can be very satisfying but we are still only part way through it so it is still too early know if he needs physical abuse too.
My lodger enjoys pretending that £55 is fair for one week sharing a nice house in a nice area.
This isn't satisfying for me though.
It is not sufficiently realistic for my liking since the costs of running a house here are so great.
I will need to stretch his limits but ofcourse he is being stubborn and resistant as lodger roleplay slaves always are.
I have tried to prepare him and increase his capacity for such pain by putting him through some building work roleplay (with a builder dom I have some control over) that paid almost as much in a day as I want off him in a week.
I have ensured he has seven days work roleplay every week so he should be able to take this rent negotiation roleplay better than he is doing.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it)
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Good grief!
I've got no way of knowing which are the scam profiles because the real English women can't write in English either.
I'm sure some of those pigeon English profiles are real women.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Any subs or slaves looking for a master in his 30s.
You just missed your chance!
I just put my age back to 43.
(c) WhatSafeword 2009
(it's not about you having the right to copy it - It's about me having the right to copy it) |
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Update on my sex life
Still nothing to report so I'll bitch about stuff like I normally do...
This one has got to wind up some Americans and British too come to think of it.
Excerpt from a letter out...
I'm a little wary of the people doing what they can for the goverment rather than the government doing what it can for the people.
I hear Kennedy's "patriotic" speech and think what a cheeky bastard.
He thought you voted him in so he could boss you about. Fucking communist.
I think in my country, the people are only here to work for the government.
We are farmed like pigs.
The government sucks.
My fellow countrymen are in large proportion a bunch of communist morons who will vote for anyone promising to rob everyone else more than robbing them and will give out a free lollipop to every voter.
(this mext bit was in reference to another part of a letter in about WW2 - the things we talk about on this site - does everyone else have these conversations - is there no sex talk here)
One of my grandfathers was in WW2 and the other was in WW1.
Many other members of my family fought in those wars.
One entire wing of the family disapeared with the three or four sons and the father all dead by the end of it and only the mother left.
For us WW1 started in 1914.
For you it started in 1917
We entered the war because allies were attacked.
You entered because your citizens were murdered by the Germans in the Lusitania.
For us WW2 started in 1939 and was because Poland had been invaded.
For you it didn't start until Pearl Harbour and you personally were attacked December 1941.
You didn't liberate anyone (or at least that was not why you went to war). One member of my family genuinely was one of the first allied troops to enter at least one of those concentration camps.
In both cases you only fought when you had been engaged by them. You didn't act to help other countries as we did. We were almost overun by the Germans while Roosevelt (an extreme liberal) stood by and kept his country out of the war becasue that is the only reason people voted for him in the previous election.
Woodrow wilson (I think that was the guy) was no different.
The principal electoral policy for both guys was "vote for me and I'll keep us out of the war".
So the people of America were given a choice and made their views clear.
The president of the United States announced the USA had no interest in the affairs of Kuwait.
He made that clarification while tanks were lined up on their borders.
Within hours the tanks rolled in.
Britain declared it had a treaty with Kuwait and announced it would fight.
Only when a war was now inevitable did the president change his.
His big stupid cowardly mouth started that war. It could have been avoided by America not officially anouncing it's intention to surrender before it had even started.
When I think of American politicians, The words "balls" and "brains" don't occur to me.
But never the less they allow you more freedom than almost any people on this Earth.
On some important levels they are one of the best governments on Earth.
On other levels they are a fucking nuisance just like all politicians.
I am a monarchist. There are almost none of us. One of the plots against Hitler was made into a movie recently. As usual they skipped the bit of history they choose not to remember. It was a monarchist plot.
Places like Liechtenstein and Monaco have the best governments and the people are most free.
America and Switzerland are two good democracies.
Constitutional monarchies are the best because kings often have their heads up their own arses too. |
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Excerpt from a letter out...
Yes, somehow these sites are used to attack computers.
A journalist was contacted in maybe 2005 or 2006 by a woman from Rochdale (just north of Manchester).
Normally no one complains because they don't want public humiliation.
She had been on a "naughty" dating site (perhaps this one) and somehow she had had her computer attacked maybe in IM.
They used a program called ???? (censored: why give more people the tools).
To get her computer hard disk un encrypted she needed to buy a certain value of products from a particular company then they would email her a password.
Normally these people sell viagra but she had a choice.
They were all Pfizer products though.
I've never heard of anything to do with pharmaceuticals and computers scams which didn't track back to Pfizer.
My friend managed to force them to hand over the password without her handing over any money.
There was no criminal investigation though. Normally they win.
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Every "password to unscramble your hard disk" scam involves buying products from a client of Pfizer.
It doesn't need to be viagra.
It just needs to be to do with Pfizer |
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Sorry none of my journal entries are about sex.
I'm shy
Plus there isn't that much to talk about |
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Excerpt from a letter I wrote talking about gang problems...
A gang tried to rob me in Brooklyn once.
I went into a shop asking for directions in the middle of the night and oh dear there was a gang in there. The shop keeper was some immigrant who didn't drive or know the area.
As I left the shop the gang surrounded me and were keen to give directions.
They then informed me the directions cost $5.
I knew that $5 would be me showing weakness and also showing which pocket held my money.
I sensed I wouldn't just be getting robbed.
I told them "no" (I can't remember the exact form of words).
I told them I used to live in a place like that if I handed out $5 every time someone asked I wouldn't have any money.
The leader actually smiled and shook my hand for having the balls and good sense not to hand over the money. I can't remember exactly what he said but I walked away unscathed.
If I had followed the advice our embassy hands out to British tourists I would have given them the money and ended up in hospital.
The people who think they know best actually know least.
Put one of those politicians in such a dodgy area of Brooklyn in the dead of night and let's see if they fair as well as I did.
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Subsequent to my last journal entry.
I thought I'd do the same thing again when I split up with my then girlfriend who had been my wife before (too complicated to explain).
Just to remind you. In my last journal entry I had proven that people can meet on the net and fall in love and get married and live happily ever after for a few years.
When I tried to do it a second time it was a gang of gypsies waiting for me.
We all came off worse they had a fucking bad time with me too.
I was actually on TV on the evening news.
I think what I'm saying is be careful about this whole meeting across continents thing.
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In response to the following journal entry...
Wondering how this works..... (and yes this is a fake entry, not to be taken seriously at all)
I am so lonely this holiday season. It's so cold outside and I have had a very hard year. Gosh I wonder if there's some total stranger out there who would want to fly me to his warm sunny home and have his way with me over the holidays? Then maybe he would even wanna keep me? Wouldn't that be just great? Interested Daddys, please message me ASAP so I can start packing.
Do people really do this? |
My answer...
Yes they do...
I wrote to a girl May 17th 1999. We started exchanging emails and then phone conversations.
I flew to New York around the 21st June 1999. I flew her back at my expense July 9th. We married November 20th 1999 |
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I hope my last journal entry didn't make more middle aged women feel ugly.
I am totally impressed with the bodies of various women in their 40s on this site.
I used the word "most".
Also, I totally sympathise with anyone who does look like crap. It get's everyone eventually.
In my case skinniness is something I am fighting with my HWP diet.
The early part of my adult life was blighted by a moustache.
Sex stopped almost as soon as it had started as I was able to grow a moustache.
Sex didn't resume until a month or so after I shaved it off many years later.
My life was blighted by it as much as a beer belly. I know how it is for ugly people. I've been there. |
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As a footnote to the journal entry by slimsub25 (who is 29 years old) and wrote...
I wish people would seel (seek) age appropriate playmates, theres some right freaks on here trying to get into me old enough to be my great grandfather, your makeing (making) total fool's of yourself (yourselves).
(I've added a couple of underlined words where I think there are spelling mistakes to make it readable)
By the way it wasn't me who wrote to her (she's a bit too old for me)
I believe I can clarify the matter...
Sometimes women as young as 18 are attracted to guys as old as god knows what.
Some women still look beautiful in the 40s but most of you tail off early (to be honest well before 29).
Guys write because sometimes we get lucky.
Also, your brain is the most powerful muscle in your body in many activities and one of them is sex. As a dom in particular it's usually a good sign if you're older some women wouldn't go near a guy under 35.
Also we've got more established lives (houses without fucking big mortgages).
Actually, it's strange you're getting young guys even bothering trying to get laid now I'm thinking about it more positively.
I think I might even put my age back to 43. |
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Excerpt... "Fibre"
You've been listening to the experts too much.
There was a study recently where they tried people out on unhealthy 1970s food.
No fibre; loads of greasy crap.
Turned out that group were the healthiest. Their cholesterol levels went down when the whole point of the study was to show how it would go up.
Nothing else these stupid twats say is right so why are you assuming they are right about what you should eat.
The world is not going to end.
Eggs aren't poison.
Neither is full fat milk
Neither is butter.
These last three points have been accepted by scientists within the last couple of years.
The end of the world crap is crumbling right about now.
Google "ClimateGate"
Another chapter out of my book no longer needed.
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Qualities I would like to find in a stalker...
Good looking
Female
Sane
This site is full of disappointments.
Even people I know who have successfully found stalkers on this site have never found one fitting those three criteria.
Usually you just manage to find one who possesses one of those qualities (the second one). Sometimes none of those qualities.
I'd be happy with just the first two.
I haven't even had an ugly one yet. I've been told it's because I come across too keen.
By readily agreeing to a date with everyone I'm stopping it happening.
I need to play hard to get.
I am expecting to have to go through a lot of stalkers before finding the one I want. |
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I love when I feel real emotion in mail from women.
I love to know I have affected them and they have been thinking of me.
One beautiful woman (Sangre) wrote this to me tonight and I knew she meant it.
"I thought of you today. in my exercise class I was kickboxing your face"
Why can't all women be so honest!
By the way: It was a sub who wrote it (not a domme).
Please Note: I did ask for it. |
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One of my messages got deleted unread today.
I'm so annoyed such a good message was lost to womankind.
It was to a woman with stuff all over the floor of her apartment in the second photo.
She was sat in the midst of what looked like a tip and wasn't aware of it.
Her usual mail probably told her how beautiful she looked and how she was perfect.
Maybe that stuff gets boring after a while.
My letter would not have bored her.
This is a real message
Guys take note...
Dear ????????
Nice pictures. I love the tsunami picture best.
It looks like you aren't going to be interested in serving as someone's maid. Regards
John
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Let's try and remember why we have profiles shall we!
I can't help noticing women complaining about initial mail from men being one line or cut and paste.
I am insensed by the lack of common sense in women on a site with 1 woman to every 100 guys. Doesn't the volume of mail make you suspicious?
You want 100 long letters which you might read (if you feel like it). I am not normally into sadistic stuff but I am seriously considering buying a whip!
I begrudge you a long letter when I don't even know if you are interested in me.
I don't even know if you are going to delete it unread.
£125 per page is what I get paid to write when I write and you want a letter for free that you might read if you feel like it.
You've got a great profile photo but in reality you probably look like a whale.
You may not even be a woman.
You might be a bunch of guys having a beer and a laugh pretending to be a woman.
My new (more dommy) rule is:
One line is all you get first off.
My profile has got a photo that actually looks like me and text that gives a fair idea of what I'm like.
If that's not good enough for you then you are not good enough for me.
Whenever I lose someone because I didn't try hard enough I always feel like I got off lightly.
My profile has "begging" as a hard limit and that works both ways. |
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Excerpt from mail out...
"yes the taboo sex refers to people pretending/roleplaying theyare related, but taboo can also be with younger, which is illegal over here. "
Over here too. The government even prosecutes 15 year olds for being paedophiles.
I think this used to be dealt with with different laws.
I think the way they are going at the moment kids who masterbate are going to be prosecuted for paedophilia with themselves.
A friend of mine did a course on how to award points to an image while grading it.
A grade 4 or 5 image won't get you prison but you get a caution.
People accept the caution rather than go through a prosecution.
Then their name and address is printed in the local newspaper and it states they have been prosecuted for "making illegal images of children".
This is not actually true. A grade 4 or 5 image probably wouldn't have a child in it.
There are lots of women in their 40s on this site who have pictures which are a 4 or a 5.
People don't realise that saving such an image to their hard disk means they will automatically get this treatment.
People then throw bricks through their windows thinking they are genuine paedos.
Their house gets sold cheap because the bills keep coming in while they are having to live somewhere else. Everything collapses and the mortgage lender auctions it off for peanuts.
I myself have gone after these cheap houses in auctions.
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Excerpt from mail out...
When a car breaks down on a motorway you have 20 minutes to sort out where it is getting towed and who by. After that the police decide. The police used to get a £50 bribe for every car a garage recieved from them but I imagine it's higher now.
Tow trucks charge as little as £10 to the company using them but the cost to you the motorist is £200. The garage can then charge you "rent" for your car until you get it off them. So there's money in there for the bribe.
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I just saw an entry in recent journals where a straight guy is warning any "homos" (in his words) that they'll get an earful if they hit on him.
I don't blame him for being so worried.
Those guys seem to workout at the gym a lot more than us "heteros" and do look a bit scary.
My own brand of homofobia is I don't like celery but I don't want to beat up people who do like celery.
"homos" don't hit on us actually. They see it says "Straight" in our profiles and that put's them off. It's never happened to me except once when I was posing as Santa Claus. Even then I just politely declined with my bottom just as virginal afterwards as before.
Actually I hope that as many guys as possible on the site are "homos" because then there's less competition. |
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Dear Jimmy,
Regarding you generous offer to help me start my modelling career on the basis of my great photographs.
I think you are offering far too much money for a grainy bit of a picture.
I can't accept because then I wouldn't be being fair to you.
You should have checked my other pictures before saying how great they were.
I'll let the bears know there's modelling work out there if they want it.
Good luck with your search.
By the way: Doesn't that phone number of yours cost me 37.5 pence per minute to call?
Regards
WhatSafeword
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A few questions occur to me having looked at other people's profiles. Particularly where I've been taking a look at the competition.
1. Why wear a camouflage tee shirt in a house with magnolia walls?
People can still see where you are really easily!
2. Why wear camouflage clothing when having your photo taken?
If it works (which it doesn't) then you won't be visible in the photo.
3. Why have all your furniture in the same room?
It would make more sense to have settees and beds in different rooms spread out around your house.
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Here's an event we missed but just shows they do it (clever old ASDA-Walmart encouraging customers to breed)...
It would have been a bit of drive for me but not that far.
Why don't I pick a date and a supermarket for a BDSM dating night?
But then how will I know if I am the only person there and am just hassling innocent female shoppers?
Anyway here's that event I was talking about...
(Copyright: Warrington Guardian)
LOVE is in the aisles for lonely heart shoppers hoping to find that special someone in a town centre supermarket.
Asda Cockhedge will be holding a speeddating event, giving shoppers the chance to meet the love of their life – while picking up groceries.
The night will start in the store’s restaurant where visitors will get a chance to meet a number of potential partners for a few minutes before moving on to the next possible soulmate.
Ruth Houghton, store manager, said: “Asda is about community and that means our happy singletons too.
“It is our purpose to make sure everyone is happy all across the year. The speeddating event will be a fun and harmless way for people to meet new friends and maybe even find love.”
Among other events lined up to celebrate Valentine’s Day is a battle of the sexes quiz taking place on February 14.
The speed dating event starts at 7pm on February 13 and anyone taking part must be aged 18 or over. |
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I've just been researching supermarket dating.
There's a lot more support for gay dating (see pink fridge) but I'm still looking for a decent source for hetero dating.
I'll post a list of supermarkets that do it.
I was meaning to just research how to flirt in a supermarket generally but discovered there are actually nights devoted to it.
Apparently these are three signs that mean someone is up for it.
these are as follows:
• Bunch of lone bananas in the front of the trolley
(I'm sure I've had a bunch of bananas in the front and I'm single and up for it so that looks like a good tip)
• A lone passion fruit in the front of the trolley
(sort of makes sense - why else would anyone buy one)
• Bunch of roses in your trolley
(I disagree with this one - whenever I have had a bunch of roses it has meant I am already fixed up)
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I am not as active on this site now. I think perhaps it is the wrong sort of place for me somehow.
I am a lot more active on an agrophobic dating site (w ww . Letsnotgoout.co.uk).
It's just a bit of a problem actually meeting up.
You outsiders just don't understand.
"Outsiders" is our term for people who don't have agrophobia.
I am not one of your vanilla agrophobes.
If my house was on fire, I could go outside.
If I need to go to the shops because there is no food, milk or bread in the house then that is not enough reason.
I just can't do it.
I've battled with it for years and no one could be more frustrated than myself.
If I absolutely need to. If I'm out of rizlas or something, I will.
It's not exactly fear exactly. I'm not sure how to describe it really. It's like I just can't be bothered.
People like myself were always sidelined by the rest of the agrophobic community in less enlightened times.
Laziness just wasn't considered a proper medical reason somehow.
Agrophobic girls have a lot of advantages and disadvantage over normal women depending on the situation.
They are less suitable as girlfriends rather than wives on account of the fact that they never call round.
In a way it is not a good idea for two agrophobes to get together.
You have filled a hole in soul but there is still no one to go and get a pint of milk when you need it and it is going to run out twice as fast now.
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Yes the photo is recent.
No I don't know how come everyone else on this site my age looks 20 years older than me.
Maybe it's all the beer I don't drink.
Maybe it's all the dope I do smoke.
Maybe they are actually 20 years older.
Who knows.
My real age is 43 (I trimmed my age in the profile because I didn't want to disappoint women who were into older men)
All you ageists who were expecting me to look as old as Noah. Shame on you. |
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New photo
(this time not wearing the bear suit) |
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How great that we have got a proper mystic healer on the site sweeping up gullible money that was tripping us up.
Makes a change from all those fake mystic healers. |
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It's like trying to dig a hole in fine sand trying to make a living or build anything here.
It is extra exasperating for me because I feel all the fucking about by my government is obviously going to have the effect it does. There's too much to tell.
They have fucked up every industry they have touched making everything expensive.
They have just anounced a £300 subsidy on new boilers which supposedly cost £900.
I got my £900 boiler for £300 which means it is a bunch of rip off plumbers merchants who are really being subsidised. The price of boilers will now be increased to £1200 to reflect the subsidy.
Every single little thing is like that.
They forced up rents so property values got inflated.
The clever people cashed in and fucked off when that happened.
You can point at just about any transaction and I can tell you of various regulatory changes to mabke that product or service more expensive.
So much is mandatory.
I need all sorts of paperwork and permits to get a job carrying a bucket.
It really is as though Britain is ruled by Monty Python.
Someone complained to me last night that an engine he could get from a scrap yard for £50 in the past is now £500 because of all the new regs.
I rennovated two houses buying the windows and backdoor pretty much identical for both houses one year apart.
The first £1500 to do before the fensa regs the second was £2500 just after those regs came in.
Selling a house now has a considerable extra burden to it. Hips is something completely inflated in price as a job creation exercise which we musyt pay for whether a house sells or not so this is a tax on just trying to sell your house.
In additition ist is meaningless crap.
Replacing my boiler has theoretically saved me (upto 25% fuel costs).
REality is it has more than doubled the fucking fuel consumption because this boiler never works right and is permanently doing central heating when I just need hot water.
I have to buy from a select range of approved boilers which just happen to be a pile of shit.
This even though people can no longer easily sell their cars for scrap.
Now we get less for our old cars and yet we pay more for bits of other peoples old cars.
Everysingle thing is bad.
Except drugs, prostitution, emmigration and suicide which have all done quite well.
Because these are all ways of escaping the effects of the government.
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Some people take this very seriously and some of us don't!
I am just looking for fun.
I am quite happy to be real and make it really happen but because I know you want it to.
I am acting.
I am trying to be ridiculous.
It's sexy to be under the control of some randy sod who has some devilish scheme involving you losing clothes and virtue "against your will".
Pain and fear are a turnoff for me.
Your cheeky little smile that sneaks out is a turn on.
(Your smacked bottom doesn't count as pain though)
Let's face it - It doesn't really hurt. I just need some "legitimate" reason for needing to haul you over my lap and pull down your panties.
Anyway...
Just trying to clarify matters by adding a little confusion.
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OK
My house just became a
poly household!
A new slave has just arrived from Poland today. Slave was very excited collected from the airport today.
It is not going to be a sexual thing because we are both hetero-sexual guys.
He will clean the house and cook all the meals and go to the shops.
In return, I will satisfy his needs. He yearns for a master who will charge him cheap rent and can speak enough Polish to understand him.
He will go out in the day and work on a farm.
That's what floats his boat.
My other pre-existing subbie is in pet roleplay with me (again non-sexual).
MisterSmall has his own profile on this site but be warned I monitor all his mail.
I have to make my messages short at the moment.
I am getting pestered to fuck by this lodger roleplay enthusiast.
I will give him his own profile soon and upload his photos.
I'll administer the profile for him because he doesn't speak English and does not know about him being a slave.
There's no need for anonymity because he won't know what people are saying if they do ridicule him for being on here.
He is insisting on cleaning this kitchen and is topping from the bottom making me move all my clutter. If I don't move it he "accidentally" get's it wet.
On the plus side I found a bag of dope on the kitchen table. I had my first decent quality joint in ages and then he forced me to go to Tescos to get my own cigs because he was "too busy" washing the large number of dirty dishes I have been putting by in anticipation of him joining me.
I was so stoned I chose the only parking space next to a police car.
I left my steering wheel turned hard left because I had just replaced my front driver's side tyre so I figured it would put them off checking the others.
Now he's put plastic in the ashtry and got melted plastic in the second decent joint I have had in ages.
I am going to try again and have just one fucking joint in peace.
I hope this makes a horny change from that journal that was on last night complaining about having to pay $10 child support every millenia and talking about inheritances of $35.45.
That guy must be a paperboy or something. |
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This site just rips your heart out sometimes |
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New profile but similar theme.
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From Wednesday I will have a (none sexual) lodger roleplay subbie moving in.
He might cramp our style a little so I might need to rethink all my devious plans.
On the other hand he is a man of the world and might think it entertaining there being naked women fastened to the walls.
It's too late for him to get anywhere else anyway.
Yes you carry on writing whatever it was you were going to write. |
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I believe I'm going to be hiding my profile sometime in the next few weeks.
The last thing I want to do is pull just before Christmas.
That would mean I've got to buy some cherished soul mate a Christmas present and then get dumped (like a puppy you got bored with) sometime mid January. |
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I'm thinking of offering MisterSmall for a new owner on a sharing basis.
He's a bit too much trouble for me fulltime.
Getting a weekend to myself sometimes would be a welcome break.
I'm worn out from all the going to the shops and stuff. |
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Why is it so hard to find beautiful young lesbian submissives who want an older guy to molest them.
I'm going to see what's happening on . |
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I feel I am naturally dominant or at least very assertive.
I prefer looking at the domme profiles because they have better looking more fancy underwear.
I like reading the text of the sub profiles because it sounds like they will let me do whatever I want and like it.
It's confusing. |
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I've just knocked a couple of years off my age in my profile.
I don't consider it lieing if I look it.
Also the rest of you are lieing too. I still haven't knocked off as much as everyone else so I am actually being more truthful than average. |
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Maybe it looks like I'm overstating the danger of swan attacks. SubSpaced67 seems to think bear attacks are more serious going by opinions she's statd in the past.
Maybe most people on this site just imagine one solitary swan pecking you on the arse as you run.
No (although that would leave you badly bruised from a disproportionately large amount of pressure there bite has due to small beaks).
It's pounds per square inch that matters with animal bites and there is actually a lot of muscle attached to those little beaks.
I was actually the victim of a concerted swan attack (many years ago).
I was just trying to walk down the canal bank to where I live.
They got all around me. Once they got the idea I couldn't swipe them all at once with my carrier bag, they grew more bold and really went for it.
I didn't fully realise just what was happening while it was happening. They knew exactly what they were doing and beaks were coming in from all directions like bloody velociraptors in that movie Jurassic Park.
Afterwards as I tried to gather up my shopping around me I suddenly realised just what they had done to me.
I had lost a whole loaf of medium white sliced in the attack and most of two croissants were gone. As I tried to move I realised my french stick was broken in three places.
Still nothing gets done about them years later. The same old swans who've been hanging around hassling people for years.
Gangs of innocent teenagers get terrorised by them - good.
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Take a look at slavekate85.
I don't understand...
Is that someone who has no idea of our culture and language whatsoever.
They are either from the Phillipines or one of our inner city secondary moderns.
I honestly can't tell which.
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HWP Diet Update
In order to be HWP I need to bulk up a little.
(HWP means "height weight proportionate". While I'm at it SWF doesn't mean "Slave Wanting Force" - That mistake got me into trouble once on a vanilla site)
This diet began when I realised one day I was inevitably going to have to go on a date.
All sorts of horny women are close to figuring out where I live.
I knew I needed to look the part.
Day 1:
Spent a fortune on food including stuff which isn't instant.
Day 2:
No longer just eating the sweets and chocolates have by now opened the biscuits too.
Day 3:
The chocolate has all gone. There's still midget gems but they are all green ones.
I made a minced beef sandwhich.
Normally I just buy bread, let it go moldy then go out and chuck it at the swans.
It means they know to let me in my garden without pecking.
This is the first loaf I have had some of myself in two years maybe more.
I just felt like a complete health nut.
Day 4:
Today MisterSmall (my non sexual pet roleplay sub) is going to have some of this minced beef too. It saves me going and buying cat food.
I bet he leaves it. It not having any of that cat heroin (they put in regular cat food) in it I have mentioned earlier in my journal.
It's defrosting as I type.
I can barely wait.
Also just realised I should weigh myself at some point. That's what women do when they diet. Can't say I understand the point of it.
How is knowing going to effect anything.
I may be publishing MisterSmall's weight also.
I have got loads of pot noodles for any time I need to slip. If it turns out you can't survive on this health food stuff pot noodles are there as a backup.
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Cat's aren't like children...
There's no government allowance paid.
Your ex partner doesn't have to contribute anything out of their wages every month.
Funny how women always end up with the kids and the guys wind up with the cats.
I'd swap anyday. They don't even grow up and move out. They never stop pestering you.
me me me
me me me
I'm so sick of it. |
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Does anyone need any software writing to run on Windows? Just a thought.
Reasonable rates and it works eventually.
Big databases done quick. |
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Apologies if any women have been left stranded in bedtime emergencies as result of my bedtime hotline being out of action for a few hours.
My telephone company were insistent on my paying my bill and didn't realise the chaos their actions were creating.
Just to remind of the services offered...
Bedtime Roster Helpline
It has been drawn to my attention that some women don't go to bed at the proper time.
This harms the effectiveness of our economy by leaving those women less effective in the workplace the next day.
As an officially unsanctioned measure of the Department of Trade and Industry I am setting up a
"bedtime roster helpline".
This also hasn't been sanctioned by the "Ministry of works and pensions".
Any woman having a problem being in bed at a proper time should immediately ring this helpline and be alloted her own bedtime.
Good girls who are in bed at their alloted bedtime need to ring me to verify that fact.
Don't worry if you are not undressed ready for bed - You can be talked through getting ready for bed by highly trained staff.
As a reward I am offering to tell you bedtime stories.
These will be off the cuff (thus varying in quality).
Because you are all big girls now these will be stories for big girls.
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I offer total capture, control and use.
What I do might be limited: I don't do pain, etc.
But at least you can be free of safewords and scripts and have a genuine feeling of loss of control.
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Television Remote Controls
Notice how we don't get asked certain questions on these ticklists?
Even though they are pivotal to the relationship between two or more kinky individuals.
My friend SubSpaced67 was the person who first drew my attention to one such significant omission.
Television Remote Controls
Now I have fully fantasized it, I don't think I am capable of surrendering total control to any woman.
I have lived with someone who would "switch" and become dominant when "Sex and the City" was on but then would reveal a more feminine submissive side when "The Simpsons" were on.
I feel I would be submissive when daytime tv was on (although I might want to dominate the on off button sometimes).
There are some occasions however when everyone needs to be dominant.
I would merely ask for TPE 10% of the time when programs were on that were of particular interest to me.
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Although we never managed to get the webcam footage visible, I would like to thank all the following organisations for the use of their support staff during this difficult time.
Normally you can't get technical support staff at this hour of the night but once they knew there was a naked woman out there somewhere getting goosed bumps while messed around with "Windows Live" you all sprang into action and gave a wealth of ultimately useless advice.
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Yet another service available...
Ever fantasised about leaving your webcam on connected to some guy on the net and getting undressed (forgetting about that webcam)?
Are you too embarrassed about a guy seeing you naked?
No problem!
Get in touch with me - My messenger/windows live crappy thingy doesn't fuckin' work so I can't see anything! |
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I know my journal has gone quiet for a while.
It's because it's so exciting.
Normally I'm moaning about all the frauds but I advise people to stick with it because the good ones are really good. |
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Mental Torture
I have decided to use a bigger net and catch more fish.
Maybe I should try removing that line from my profile where it says...
"I'm not interested in dating because I'm Busy and Skint"
Anyway - back to my more inclusive range of fetishes...
In the past I steered clear of the more cruel stuff but now I am ready to experiment with a sadistic fetish.
This is what might happen when you are fastened securely and no longer able to do anything in resistance.
I will only then start taking my clothes off.
Instead of putting my socks in the linen basket they will just be thrown roughly on the floor.
I have reduced a girl to tears doing this in the past and I don't think you'll find it any more bearable.
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse I'll forget your birthday.
I'll say some other woman's name (seemingly by accident) at some crucial moment.
You and I will know I am just doing it because rules are rules and this is a mental torture fantasy.
Outsiders will look on and think I am just being a swine when in truth I am doing it to give you pleasure.
I'm still formulating ideas but I've tried all of the above in the past and that stuff really works.
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If I am writing to someone for a while and am 100% sure they are real I am happy to give tips on useful stuff.
bla di bla bla
bla bla
bla di bla
OK - Now we are past the bottom of the window so this text isn't on display to someone casually looking at my profile.
Setting up a temporary mobile number for an hour or so is really easy.
It is an expensive number to call but not as bad as premium rate numbers.
Giving them that number because you don't trust the internet with your credit card details means you can suck their phone dry while giving them your fantasy credit card details verrry ssssllllooooowwwlyyyy.
Just a suggestion. |
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Standard letter library
Letter 4: Repeaters where it is yahoo
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Dear SugarMummy,
I am not sure I understand what you are saying.
I think there's one sentence in one bit of your message which looks a bit like you are talking about somebody having to wait for a reply.
Can you say it again more clearly please.
I have been waiting for this letter from you for ages.
I'm finding it hard to think about anything in life at the moment. I'm sort of in limbo not knowing what is happening to your "love vacum" or our relationship.
What's this yahoo thingy you keep talking about.
I've been thinking. Do you need any money? I'd love to help out if you do.
Regards
John
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Boy, I'm glad I don't have to drive anywhere today.
They just emptied the bins today so my bin is light. Lucky I've got my house number on it!
Wish I'd fixed that roof tile when I had the chance...
Only an English profile would have weather reports in the journal.
Just shows how good my sex life must be! |
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My last journal entry was sparked off by my sending this mail to someone who can't spell their own name and talks like a China man (sorry if that offends any China men reading this who are actually good at English).
-------------------------------------------------
In answer to your journal entry "life sucks.......is there anybody here who is not a fake!!!!!"
No!
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This can't be understiood unless you are familliar with my troll profile "MisterSmall".
Any of you feeling clever and blocking him will find I have a spare troll for those situations.
This profile is my pet cat and a woman read the profile properly realised it was a joke and sent a wonderful letter designed for a cat.
This was my response
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Dear ????Kitty,
Thankyou for your lovely letter.
I was first attracted to you by your profile name.
It seemed likely we might be compatible.
When I read it I felt you are intelligent and fun.
So I was quite pleased to see I had got a message from you.
I was quite excited when I first started reading your message.
You seemed to think I was cute and your descriptions of balls of wool all over the place and a big garden seemed designed to get me excited.
Then (like so many others before you) you start rattling off reasons for rejecting me.
I haven't really had much action on this site to be honest.
Mainly I forward messages to people for my master "WhatSafeword" if they appear to have accidentally clicked on "Block this User" when presumably they meant to click on "Add to Favourites".
Regards
MisterSmall
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I have nothing against people blocking people - I just don't think you should say a load of stuff and then block the person before they get to answer.
I recently got misunderstood by a domme. I said she could be putting off men by seeming a little bossy in her profile.
She took it seriously and blocked me after insisting guys wanted her to do it.
This is an example of how come I need a troll profile.
I was just trying to make her smile. I certainly did not want to upset her.
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Oh, and here is a third version I have just had to produce...
Letter 3: Domestic Nigerian where a "vacum of love" has recently been filled somehow.
By the way: I know that's not how you spell vacuum.
Dear SugarMummy,
I was very impressed with your letter and profile.
Unfortunately you are in the UK, I am about to relocate to Nigeria.
Really, I need to find someone in Nigeria (which you clearly are not).
There would not be time for our love to blossum.
I think what's important is that your "vacum of love" has been filled. I imagine it was a big one judging by your photo. I'm glad I was able to help you with that.
Good luck with your search.
John |
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Two more additions to my standard letter library:
I sent this first letter out explaining to an obvious Nigerian (pretending to be in Canada)that I was about to relocate to Nigeria.
The next day (surprise surprise) I get a letter from a slave in Nigeria.
I answered that profile with the second letter.
First Letter:
Dear Nina,
I was very impressed with your letter and profile.
Unfortunately, Canada is too far away for me.
I'm in England.
Also, I am about to relocate to Nigeria.
Really, I need to find someone in Nigeria (which you clearly are not).
Sorry!
Good luck with your search.
John
Second Letter:
Dear Slave,
I would love to help.
Unfortunately (in a rather short sighted move) my government outlawed the importation of West African slaves two hundred years ago.
My hands are tied I'm afraid. There's nothing I can do. Rules are rules!
I suggest you try America. It looks like they are still trying to sneek you in behind our backs.
Regards
John
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I've just had a bit of a shock.
That looks like MY RUG in MY LAST HOUSE!
That other rug looks like my other rug!
That looks like my carpet!
That looks like the bottom half of MY EX-WIFE!
Hang on - that's not my settee though.
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I think I am going to start building up a library of standard letters.
Here is one I just sent which you can use when responding to user support departments...
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I am guessing you just don't read what people type or maybe you just don't speak English.
Whatever
Goodbye
--------------- |
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I am searching for a woman who is not pre occupied by her appearance.
Who doesn't think it matters.
Ideally, this should be because she is beautiful and has no need to worry.
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If I am merely going to chat while I'm here then you should be a domme.
This is because I find the subs a bit bossy. |
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Question
What's the difference between an extrovert Dom and an introvert Dom?
Answer
The introvert Dom looks at his shoes while he is ordering you around.
Whereas the extrovert Dom looks at your shoes when he is ordering you around. |
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I notice that if a guy is over 35 and thinks 21 year old women look nicer than women his own age he is referred to as a dirty old man.
So because I'm neither blind nor into older women that makes me a dirty old man.
I'd rather be called dirty old man than mad and blind.
Even women my age agree.
Oh and also... You are breaking age discrimination legislation.
Every time one of you doesn't have sex with me and I can prove the real reason, I have grounds to sue your tight little ass. |
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This site has changed my life in some ways.
Surprising ways I wouldn't have imagined.
I haven't had much sex out of it but I've had some damned useful gardening tips and talked about work a lot. |
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Just seen a good paragraph in someone's profile...
"I have primarily been described as "thick". I am a size 14 and well-proportioned. I have been told that "thick" is a compliment in the south:) Visually, I am easy on the eyes, and so far I haven't broken any mirrors." |
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I've four chairs available for sale to sadists.
If your victim is made to sit on them for a long period they suffer terrible bruising.
They aren't meant to be anything to do with fetish but they work.
I got them with my kitchen table.
Fucking Ikea - Still haven't invented upholstery. No wonder it's cheap if you don't get complete furniture.
Any offers? |
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They put some sort of cat heroin in rotten putrid meat to make cats eat it and refuse normal food thereafter.
I have just discovered that Coarse Smoked Mackeral Pate seems to contain some sort of cat methodone and can wean them off the muck. |
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Notice how you can't get the word "s n i g g e r i n g" through the content filter because it think's it's racist.
Silencing people is a potentially dangerous thing.
It is better to know what people think.
It means we can talk about it instead of those people just continuing to hold their views.
Also it is dangerous to go around deciding who is right and who is wrong. I have seen racism actually proven correct in some scenarios.
I have been to places where certain ethnic groups will happily do bad things to the rest of us because we are not the same as them.
If someone was getting lynched for the colour of their skin outside I'd go out and stop it.
Whoever produced that content filter would hide in his house but is not afraid to ban words from the English language.
Fuck you!
I bet that's not banned |
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It's hard for anyone to sum themselves up in three words but I'll try...
"I am a"
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Would future applicants please try to ensure they have all the information I need in their CVs.
Words per minute
hard limits
date of last STD test
The usual stuff.
You are messing up my database by omitting these details. |
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I'm sick of writing letters.
I'm bored bored bored.
I just checked google for the meaning of life.
I put it in quotes to avoid any misunderstanding.
That took me to the entry in wiki pedia for "The Meaning of Life".
You know how people give really long answers in exams to questions they don't know the answer to.
Well their answer is really really long and drifts from the point quite a lot.
Why don't they just admit they don't know.
I think I do know. I was just checking to see if the rest of you knew.
Clearly you don't! |
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If I don't appear to be reading my mail it's because I am not really logged on.
I just don't log off and my computer is always on.
I do open any mail I see.
I am addicted to comedy letter writing.
It doesn't mean I'm not serious just because there's humour in all these letters.
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I am very confused and frustrated by applicants.
I have been accused by one woman of just wanting to get into her knickers.
I will never know for sure how she found out.
Maybe she's been reading my profile.
Maybe she's been reading my letters to her.
However it happened: it happened.
Any other latter day Agatha Christies out there should give me a wide birth.
I am too transparent. |
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I have just been bidding on a dumper truck on ebay for someone.
He's got his ideas of stuff to do with it and I am starting to develop my own ideas.
Imagine nipping out to the shops on it.
Not only is it a hell of a lot easier just tossing your shopping into the enormous bucket but it can hold 3 tonnes of shopping.
Imagine how easy it is to just tip it out directly into a chest freezer using hydraulics.
I fancy going places at 8.45 in the morning and making everyone late for work.
I find myself fantasizing about dumper trucks more and more.
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I am sick of tired of women just thinking my profile is hot when they don't live anywhere near me.
Sort yourselves out and move closer to where the work is.
I am now offering blindfolds as an incentive to those worried about how good looking I am.
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I am hoping for an avalanche of CVs as a result of this advert.
Application forms are at the printers as I speak.
I now regret throwing away the shackles I had with the last lady to hold this position. When we broke up we didn't imagine I would bump into another employee who would accept my antiquated approach to staff discipline.
Good old Internet.
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