Old Dom Jim

Let me tell you about the story of Old Dom Jim. It is not a story that is told today, and years ago when I was youth myself it wasn't either. It is a story that takes it place generations before you and I got to live our lives. And even at that time it was not a story. It didn't become one after Old Don Jim's demise. It has never been a story that has been told and yet somehow it was told to me. I cannot tell you under what circumstances it was told to me, but I can tell you without a doubt that the events that transpired in the northeastern part of Alabama during the years 1905-1908 are real and very much connected to what we today called the BDSM community.

Now you must understand that in those days sexuality was not was it is now. Now it has evolved into a rainbow colored unicorn of needs and wants paragliding happily through the Internet with a Prozac smile on its face. But back then things were much different. At the time in Alabama you could be man and wife or you could be deviant. If you were well connected, welltraveled or a man of means you might have the oportunity to experience something else and Old Dom Jim had the luck of being all three. But even for a man of Old Dom Jim's position things were simpler. In the community where you and I belong, at the time there was only two kinds of people. You could be a masochist or you could be sadist. Old Dom Jim was a sadist. A vicious, vile sadist without any inhibitions that modern man takes for granted, liberated from morality and for a period of a few years able to operate uninhibited.

What happened in a desolate and remote area of Alabama over a hundred years ago and what ties it to our community is the question of consent. When speaking of sexuality today, consent is at the very core. If two consenting adults engage in anything sexual we view it as acceptable. It is an expression from the start of the sexual revolution, taken from homosexual discourse. Indeed why should two people of the same sex not be able to do anything they want if they consent? So the BDSM community have taken to ape that expression. Like capuchin monkeys we ape it in hopes of societys approval. But in our case it is not just about consent, it is also about a dark spot that looms inside of us. Something we steer away from and then are drawn back to in an endless cycle. Something that we fear because we know that if we truly give in we will be consumed. The story of Old Dom Jim is not just about him. It is also the story about the people that travelled to him. In a steady trickle people from the northern states gave in to that dark spot and sought out Old Dom Jim and meet something they could never have imagined.

I doubt I will ever tell the story of Old Dom Jim to anyone else, but frequently I pick up the story like an old piece of memorabilia and look at it to remind me what can become of man if he gives in.

The Ravenous Masturbating Horde

Today I am there again. In that magnificent underground canal system that makes up collarme; where the aquaducts goes on for miles and sewage pipes pump used tissue paper at the speed of sound. I have a small crevice in a large cave that I call my home. From the crevice I am able too see both the central masturbation plant and the immigration control where crooked cops issue fake profiles to the newly arrived. Every newly arrived is issued a fake profile as a security precaution, to protect them against the ravenous masturbating horde. It has long since been decided that this place is too dangerous for a newly arrived without one. So they are issued a fake mandatory profile to protect them from the everpresent roaming horde. The sad irony of it is that most individuals that makes up the horde still use the very same fake profile they were issued when they arrived. If the newly arrived are not quick on their feet, they too will be devoured by the horde and become it.

The horde is a magnificent sight to behold. At first you hear it, far away in the distance running screaming through the tubes. Then the sound slowly but surely get's closer, sometimes it takes but a few minutes, sometimes hours or days but the horde will always reach you. The horde always comes for you in this place, it always finds you and every time it tricks and deceits you and will leave you a bit more numb. At first you won't even notice it, but everytime it eats a little bit of your soul and leave you just that tiny bit more emotionally stunted. So I hide on my crevice, stranded like a shipwrecked survivor trying to make contact with the others.

Yesterday I saw a 32 year old submissive woman floating by in giant sardin can, only covered with blankets, deperatly trying to hide from the horde. Our eyes briefly met and I could do nothing more than wish her the best of luck in a hushed voice as she floated by. Others are not so lucky. Later that day I saw a young submissive man in his early twenties. He tried his luck without a fake profile, but eventually and predictably he was taken. His paddling away from his doom almost seemed comic. The horde duct taped a fake profile with a picture of a female supermodel to his face and across it they wrote with a large red marker ”Seeking no-limits slave sluts for online servitude”. Now he too is an integral part of the horde. Slowly his skin will become gelatinous and he will become fully absorbed in the horde.

So what does one make of the ravenous masturbating horde? At first you despise it, but for me it has happened that it has grown on me, maybe not to the point where I like it or sympatize with it but I appreciate it's existence in a weird kind of way. The are other sites that are so tightly moderated that the horde is non-existant. Just neat coloums of subs and dommes. But sexuality is not neat and quantifiable. It can be wild, untamed and savage, just like the horde.

On the subject of time-wasters

Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting with someone not daft from collarme, which is the term used to describe the top 2% of people on here, so that was a rare treat. I would like to point out that I'm not an elitist type of person, and that I also like to chat with those labeled ”not entirely daft” which make out the top 2%-10% of people here. To the rest of you, you're garbage and I don't say that because I'm a horrendous person, I say that because you are horrendous persons that make my eyes bleed when reading my inbox.

To the subject at hand.

I was asked a question about submissive males, more specifically why some are such a pain in the ass. Apparently, hiding amongst all the good submissive males on collarme, there has been a steady influx of chinese knock-offs that comes with some very time-wasting defiencies. Specifically there's a large group of men labeling themselves as submissive/switch, and they all claim to be alpha and top dog in their so called real lives. I'm sure it doesn't amount to more than being a manager at the local 7-eleven, but that is besides the point. The point is that they are not submissive at all, which is apparently a mislabeling female dominants regard as a nuisance. They may be fetishist/humiliation junkies or whatever but not really the slightest bit submissive. Instead they are characterized by a total disrespect for truth, they are selfcentered and focused entirely on their own needs. And their needs always ends with them getting off.

Female dommes have tried for many years to fight off this pest. In the annals of collarme you can find the story of the very first dominant who tried to fight them. Legend has it she one day walked past a sign saying ”trespassers will be shot”. She thought that was a mighty fine idea, and at the very top of her profile she wrote in all capital letters ”NO TIMEWASTERS”. Shockingly the timewasters did not go away, it was like they had no respect for the message nor her use of capitals. Since then the handfull of timewasters have developed to a full-fledged mongoloid zombie horde that at this very moment is consuming man-years (or fem-years) of valuable domme time. So who are to blame for this conundrum? I think that should be entirely obvious..

I think it would be unfair to blame the zombies. I mean, you wouldn't blame the zombies for any wrongdoing if it was a movie right? The problem is that we are talking about a relationship that at the beginning is entirely based around a man having an erection and that man may or may not be a lying bastard on top of it. This is what initiates the relationship, but when the erection subsides it ends. This is why people go on dates in vanilla life. People find out they have things in common, people develop bonds and people fall in love. If there are no bonds developing in a D/S relationship it would be folly to expect it to last.

So brace yourself, winter is coming. Get on your knee high boots and start shoveling those timewasters aways, 'cause your driveway will be filled with them in the morning if you don't.

Collarme Archtypes

So been checking out people on collarme for over a week now, and it seems there are some archtypes to all the different sub/switch/domme combinations. So I thought it was time for a run-down, where I rate the catogories along a set of parameters from my viewpoint.

Males: I havn't really been surfing males, since I'm straight as a desert highway. But everyone should assume they are masturbating when browsing collarme, masturbating when messaging you, masturbating when trying to lure more pics out of you, masturbating when they say they are not etc. No exceptions. Chance of finding someone interesting to talk with: <1%. Chance of finding some "real": 5%. Noteworhty subcatogories: +50 year old straight male dommes who are raging mysogonists. They all got their own dungeon, which is really the basement of their mothers house they decided to refurbish when she passed away. They earn points on comedy for approaching all women with pick-up lines including words such as cum-rag and 3-holed fucktoy. God bless them.

Lesbian female (any combination): If you're a girl liking girls you're out of luck. The chance of finding a lesbian who is in fact not a male is ludicrously slim. Assume that all verification photos are photoshopped. The only way to make sure is meeting up and putting your hand down said persons pants. And then you will only be bitterly dissappointed to find a cylindrical bodypart protruding and happy to see you. Chance of finding someone interesting to talk with: 2%. Chance of finding some "real": <0.001%. Noteworhty subcatogories: Actual lesbians.

Straight/bisexual female domme: This is one of the more diverse categories. We are looking at both sexually dominant women and financial dommes. Since everyone knows what an actual dominatrix is [well to be honest I don't but I'm running out of time], let's skip straight to Financial Dommes. They come in many flavours but you can put them in to two main factions. There's the student earning a little extra on the side by having to watch people insert rubber dicks into themselves. I don't know how much they earn, but I'm not sure it's enough and most people here are stingy little bastards trying for a free ride anyway. Some enjoy the missery they dish out, some enjoys the money it brings in. The other kind of Financial Domme is the Filipino woman with a fake picture who is working her way out of poverty. All power to her, I don't think the guys on collarme are the ones who give to charity, so she is really just here to fix that. Think of her as a charity worker instead of a sex worker. Chance of finding someone interesting to talk with: 10%. Chance of finding some "real": 2%. Noteworhty subcatogories: Satanists. At first I thought it was mostly a fashion subset of being goth, but there are some real ones here as well. I think they might have the highest propability of true wickedness. If they were not so damn hard to chat up, I would have more interesting observations. I wonder who true Christian believers think are the worst: Satanists or Atheists. I mean satanists still believe of some sorts while Atheists don't believe in anything and can burst into all kind of crazy monologues about dinosaurs roaming the earth millions of years ago.

Switch (both genders): We are the annoying people at the buffet that want to try a little bit of everything and always jump the line in the process. We are epic timewasters, but not in the sense we promise things and then don't deliver. No, we simply assume our playful personality is a gift and it should be recieved with gratitude. In short, we are the douchebags you always wanted to punch hard in the face. Chance of finding someone interesting to talk with: 20%. Chance of finding some "real": 15%. Noteworhty subcatogories: The most notorious whackjobs belong in the switch stable. You remember the crazy person from your childhood standing on the street corner screaming all day? Switch for sure.

Straight/bisexual female sub: Sometimes when I read their profiles I go "ohh what a sweet, sweet woman" and then suddenly the tone changes dramatically and I go "OOhhh dear". If you are such a woman feel free to write me, but skip the first part about being a wellfunctioning woman in vanilla life. Chance of finding someone interesting to talk with: 4%. Chance of finding some "real": <0.1%. Noteworhty subcatogories: I'm running out of oxygen, it's not a novel it's a blog post on a seedy webpage.

PS: I know I skipped trangender persons, but if you don't like blueberry pie you don't surf the web for blueberry pie recipies and go to blueberry pie conventions, no offense meant.

The term "I won't bite"

In this, my very first journal entry on collarme, I would like to talk to you about the term "I won't bite". It is colloquially used everywhere both on and off the Internet and usually in conjunction with an open invitation of some sorts. What makes this expression so utterly disgusting is that it is usually followed by the most heinous attempt of being funny. Yes, I am talking about adding a dash and then the word "much". You even see some people adding the occasional "lol" to this, to somehow underpin the fact they are really funny and well spoken/written people. But they are not. They are not witty at all. They are not even half-witty, but they are in fact halfwits.

If the same attempt of making a funny remark have been tried in any variation by every previous generation of mankind, would you not think it has lost a bit of its novelty? Did the previous generations not get the joke, and somehow you are the first to convey it in such a manner that it is only now properly understood and people should greet you like the Messiah of comedy?

Uttering the words "I won't bit - much" tells so much about your personality. It tells me that you are incapable of any sort of human interaction that I would find remotely interesting (besides sex naturally). It tells me that nothing interesting will ever come from communicating with you, and you are the lowest sub-human lifeform. I wouldn't even pis on you if golden showers were your fetish AND you were on fire.

If you're absolutely must use the term at least rough it up a little. Like put in in a jack-in-the-box and make it pop up and surprise people. Like "I won't bite - unless my lips are wrapped around your cock/nipples [insert correct word based on gender of recipient]". This is the naughty side of the Internet, you should be taking advantage of that.