On February 22nd, I had my first appointment with my new doctor. After examining me he ordered an echocardiogram and I was diagnosed that day with the early stages of COPD. On March 4th I had the echocardiogram, this was on a Friday. Monday, March 7th, at 9:30 am, I received a phone call from my doctor’s nurse, telling me my life depended on me seeing a cardiologist that day. So after Kim calling into work, we went to see the cardiologist. I was diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm. The cardiologist referred me to a thoracic surgeon. Turns out this surgeon was one of the top in the United States.  It was explained to me by the cardiologist that aortic aneurysm could burst at any time and be instantly fatal. I was also told that I may have to have a heart valve replaced. On March 8th I went to Emory University hospital to meet with the surgeon. I was admitted to the hospital that evening. During all this I discovered that when I had my mild heart attack last year, Tanner Hospital did an echocardiogram and discovered the aortic aneurysm but never once informed me of it. On March 10, 2011, I had open-heart surgery. They put my heart on bypass, stopped my heart beating, and did a graph on the aorta next to my heart. I did not have to have a valve replacement as the surgeon was able to repair my valve. I did not awaken from the surgery until midday on the 11th. I spent 4 days in ICU, during this time my blood pressure dropped extremely low after which I have been suffering numbness in my right arm. I was told this resulted spending several hours not being able to move the arm. Thus pinching the nerve that most people call the funny bone. My arm is still numb today. It is possible this is the result of a mile stroke, because at the time the nurse said he thought I might be having a stroke. On the 14th I was moved to a regular room on the floor. On the 15th, I was told that before I could go home that all my teeth had to be pulled, (will explain later). After many back and forth discussions and trips between my surgeon and the dental surgeon, the dental surgeon refuses to do it till I am cleared by my cardiologist and personal doctor. This will take 6 weeks to 8 weeks. So I was released from the hospital on Thursday, March 17th. I am still in a lot of pain. Breathing hurts. Not to mention coughing, sneezing, hiccuping and things like that. Now that I am home I am trying to not take pain pills unless I absolutely have to or Kim gets tired of seeing me suffer and makes me. My prognosis for the future is as follows:  It will take about 2 weeks for the incision to scar over, 6 to 8 weeks for the sternum to mend where it was split in half and another 6 months to a year for it to heal completely. If I so much as get a toothache, it could kill me, because apparently any infection in your teeth goes straight to your heart. So to live, I have to figure out how to get my teeth pulled at 800 dollars a tooth times 27 teeth, you do the math. We will have to keep an eye on my heart yearly to make sure I do not develop another one and to make sure my valve does not deteriorate any further. My cholesterol is still fine. I am still not even close to being a diabetic. My kidneys are fine. I have quit smoking, thanks to being in the hospital my stomach has shrunk so much I can only eat about half of what I used to eat, so I am expecting a greater weight loss to occur. Besides my blood pressure medicine, I take antibiotics twice a day and have a prescription mouthwash I have to use twice a day. Kim has had to use all of her vacations, and all of her sick days because it will be at least another week before I can be left alone. When my mother had open-heart surgery in the 1980’s and she was in the hospital for about 6 weeks and then spent another 6 weeks recovering at home, so I guess medicine has advanced some. I am not even going to have a big scar from this, just a long thin scar. That might actually fade over the next 20 years. This surgery not only saved my life, but put me in touch with doctors that may add another 20 years on my life. A year ago I did not expect to see 50, now I am thinking of what life will be like in my 80’s. My wife has been the greatest person in the world. The only time she left my side, was the night of the surgery, when she was not allowed to be by my side. She spent her birthday in the hospital with me rather than home relaxing on her vacation as she had planned. She has dressed me, helped me to walk, and never been more than an arms reach from my side through out all of this. My wonderful daughter and her amazing cool boyfriend drove up here the day of my surgery. They did not arrive until after I was in surgery, but was there on the 11th to give me love and support. As I struggled with dealing with the fact that my chest was killing me in pain. I want to thank Dango for taking the time, cost, and effort to drive my daughter into the heart of Atlanta so she could be with her daddy. This man will always hold a special place in my heart for that. I want to thank a couple of local friends who drove 30 minutes every day one way to take care of our animals. I will not embarrass them by naming their names but they know who they are. I received many well wishes through text messages from many friends. I would also like to thank all that kept Kim in their prayers as well as I, and that called her and talked or messaged her. If I learned anything from this entire situation, it is that life is too short to waste on petty people and petty problems. If it is not worth bleeding over, it is not worth fighting over. For the next 6 weeks, I will pretty much be sitting at home healing. I am not going to be out and about going to see people. Any of my friends in the area are welcome to come and see me. My door is always open to company. So now you know everything that has occurred and what the future kind of looks like.

A Japanese Perspective as applied to Western Dominance and Submission.

All my life since my teens I have been intrigued by Japanese culture. From the food to the ethics. Every aspect of Japanese culture has always fascinated me. Also in my teens I got interested in Bondage and the D/s lifestyle. Recently I have been overlapping the two occasionally in my mind and have decided to put my thoughts on the subject into text.

I will start with the female submissive. While Japanese bondage is a widely known and admired aspect of the lifestyle the submissive mentality of Japanese women has been mostly ignored. Traditionally speaking the women of ancient Japan resembled the modern lifestyle slave far more than the women of the ancient western world. My brother in law is married to a native Japanese woman and when he brought her to the states for the first time my wife was amazed at the fact that she refused to argue with her husband or tell him no about anything. In ancient Japan women were expected to always obey their husband and men were expected to not only lead their wife but to have mistresses and so on. But to get a deeper look, and see a Japanese tradition that more fits with the modern BDSM ideal of a slave one must examine the Geisha.
Many of us in the west automatically equate Geisha with prostitute. We could not be further from the truth. While in the past sex was often a part of a Geisha's life in the modern world it is seldom if ever a part of it. The key here is not the sexual aspect but everything else that make the Geisha special. A Geisha must learn various forms of entertainment. This includes dance, music, poetry and knowledge of literature. A Geisha must master the art of conversation and be able to carry on an intelligent conversation on a vast array of subjects. They must also master such diverse aspects of life such as the Tea ceremony, proper service of food and beverage and strive everyday to represent the ideal of beauty in ancient Japan. A modern slave that seeks to be of value to a Master in every aspect of his life and not just sexually could benefit from the lesson of the Geisha. The great care the Geisha took to keep themselves appealing. The vast knowledge they acquired would make any Master proud of his slave as he sees her intelligently conversing in various social situation. The skills of service would be invaluable in any slave. And the entertainment aspect of music, dance and poetry would come in handy anytime the Master has guest. One might even go so far as to say a great modern BDSM slave would be a western version of the Japanese Geisha.

As for the male submissive one need only look at the dedication and service of the Samurai to his Daimyo. Obedience without question. That was the Samurai way to a Daimyo or Shogun he had sworn to. A Samurai would rather die than dishonor or fail his Master. This is a fantastic quality in any sub. But beside their loyalty and dedication to their Masters, Samurai had many more qualities that would be cherished in any sub. First they were Warriors and protected their Masters with their lives. They trained constantly to improve their skills in the arts of war. But besides the combat aspects of the Samurai, they had many skills and talents to make them valuable to the modern BDSM Dom. They mastered many social skills from conversation (like the Geisha) to Poetry and calligraphy in the arts. In ancient Japan a Samurai was not only the elite warrior but the Social elite as well. Versed in everything from strategy to politics, from the arts to the art of war, a Samurai was intelligent, patient, loyal, honorable, wise, and even cunning both on and off the battle field. A Samurai had to learn the desires and needs of his Daimyo and anticipate them so that they could always act in ways beneficial to their Daimyo. Many today try and equate the Male Submissive to the Knights of ancient Europe but often Knights were simply uneducated and crass nobles that inherited the title. Even when earned the Knight pales next to the Samurai in non combat skills and social competence. Again one might say that a Male sub dedicated to his lady might greatly benefit from the lesson of the Samurai and his life and dedication to his Daimyo as well as the skills he learns to be of value to his Daimyo.

I will leave you with the following thought. The virtues of the ancient Samurai code of Bushido would be great values to emulate both in the modern sub and the modern Master.

Seven virtues of Bushidō

The Bushidō code is typified by seven virtues:

• Rectitude (義, gi?)
• Courage (勇, yu?)
• Benevolence (仁, jin?)
• Respect (礼, rei?)
• Honesty (誠 or 真, makoto or shin?)
• Honor (誉, meiyo?)
• Loyalty (忠, chugi?)

Relationships

Seeing as I just celebrated my 20^th anniversary with my wife and I can count the number of times we had serious relationship problems on one hand with fingers left over. I decided to post a blog on relationship and my views on how to make them work and some of the keys to my happy marriage.

The foundation of any successful relationship is LOVE. Not the kind of love I see in many relationships today but the kind of love that encompasses the following.

No matter what changes occur in your partners body you ALWAYS find them Hot, sexy, attractive and desirable. If they get fat or skinny or bald or gray. If the boobs sag or the muscles vanish you still find them the most beautiful person on the planet then that's true love.

You NEVER wish or wonder what would have happened if you chose someone else as a mate.

You find EVERY part of their body beautiful Top of the head to the bottom of the feet.

THOSE are minimum requirements for true love.

True love also enables the rest of the stuff I am going to talk about but the above is the bare essentials. If you do not have that it is not true love. If it is not true love it WILL NOT last. You MIGHT stay together but infidelity and unhappiness will be your lot in life.

Remember even if YOU have true love that will not mandate your mate having true love and BOTH have to have it for it to work.

No some other elements of a happy life long marriage.

Stand by your Man (or woman) no matter what. My wife has stood by me making some REALLY stupid decisions as I have her and in private we might discuss it but for the world to see we are unified in stupidity. It will always touch me deep inside to KNOW that she is by my side RIGHT OR WRONG.

Communication. So many harp on this BUT never realize that they do not truly do it. Many consider arguing or climbing ass to be communication. If it gets to that point you are NOT communicating. You have to be honest and open with how you feel and talk in a cal rational mature manner. AND you have to do it before it becomes a problem.

Compromise. Its Key. See many relationships consist of ONE person doing ALL the compromising. Or they expect the other person to do something but refuse to do something that the other wants them to do. From Chores around the house to sex in the bedroom this is rampant. Do not be such a stick in the mud and do the things you mate wants but insist that YOU get things you want as well. Communication makes this easier.

NEVER go to sleep ANGRY. There has been times that we finally got to sleep at 4 am and had to get up at 5 because we refuse to sleep angry and insist on solving our problems first. Again Compromise and communication is needed for this. On top of this NEVER go to sleep or part company without a kiss and an I LOVE YOU to each other.

LISTEN. Required for communication but there is another area. LISTEN and show interest in your mates day even if you really have no idea what they are talking about you still LISTEN and pay attention. "so how was your day honey" every evening can go a long way to letting that person KNOW you not only LOVE but CARE about them.

Take Interest. Pay attention to the things that interest your mate and at least learn enough about them to carry on a conversation about it. Whatever they are into, Sports, Nascar, Hunting, Cross Stitch, Flower arranging, Origami, or Stamp collecting , take an interest and learn about the basics.

For stay home folk take excellent care of the home. Do not let you mate come home to a dirty home or cold dinner or a very late dinner. When a wage earner comes home they want to RELAX not get stressed over a dirty house of wait 3 hours for dinner or more.

For wage earners realize that taking care of a home IS work and IS important and NEEDS noticing when it's done. A little appreciation goes a long way at home.

If or when you have children remember the following. Show a unified front to them. Stand by each other's decisions at least in front of the kids. Teach them discipline (both from authority and self discipline) and RESPECT or you will regret it later. And remember you MARRIED your mate for LIFE not your kids, one day the kids will be moved out and gone and you and your mate will be alone again. Do not ruin a marriage over the kids and speaking from my childhood do not stay in a loveless marriage because of the kids. Better to be a FUNCTIONAL divorced family where everyone gets along than a DYSFUNCTIONAL married family where everyone is miserable.

Lets talk about SEX baby!!!

Against popular misconception sex is the second most important part of a relationship. Most divorces are caused by one partner getting the grass is greener syndrome or just getting bored with the sex. Sad thing is that this is the easiest thing to avoid happening. Just do not be a frigid fuddy duddy in the department of sex. It is said that men want an Angel in public and a slut in the bedroom and never has anyone said anything more true. Experiment with everything from positions to kinks. Get freaky. And COMPROMISE OFTEN!!! If one of you want to be a swinger or polyamorous or monogamous that's fine but DISCUSS it if you do not see eye to eye. If one of you WANTS to swing or have a poly relationship and the other does not  you may have a problem. A problem that if NOT worked out can lead to infidelity and divorce. Keep in mind wanting another lover does not mean that you are not good enough for your mate just that you mate DESIRES variety or may not be wired the same as you are. There is usually only two solutions to this (though there are some that manage to find others but it's very rare). Either you learn to live the lifestyle your mate desires or you eventually part ways. If you want Monogamy and your mate does not and you insist on it and they conform they will be unhappy and will either eventually leave or cheat if not both. Start by getting to the root of the reason. Most often it is because that is their nature. It is who they are. But sometimes it's because they are NOT getting the things they want to do with you in the bedroom. If that is the case then loosen up and give them what they want and you get monogamy in return. Just remember NEVER let sex go stale, never let it become a chore or a duty and keep it interesting and keep it occurring often.

Money is the root of many an argument. No way to avoid that even if you're a billionaire. You WILL have money issues and you WILL argue over money more than any other subject. Just remember you love each other and to TALK about it and be mature and respectful when you do. Screaming, yelling, getting angry, or worse getting hurtful to your mate never solves anything. Again communication is key here.

Matters of Faith. A touchy subject that one. If you have the EXACT same faith then all is good just remember that faith may change as years go by. WHEN it comes to the point that you do not see eye to eye either agree to disagree and DO NOT discuss it or sit down and come to some sort of compromise. This can get really tricky if kids are involved. My advice expose then to all kinds of faiths and let them choose then respect the kids decision. The exposure NEEDS to come early in life to not once they are "old enough to make a decision". Let them see other faiths as they grow and teach them that even if they DO NOT agree with a faith to respect it. For the love of whatever God you worship DO NOT brainwash your kids into drones of some faith regardless of that faith.

Friends. You WILL have friends your mate does not like and the same applies to your mate. SO what! Let them have the friends. Either they will realize the friend is scum or you will realize the friend is a good friend to them. EVEN IF the friend is the opposite sex of the mate. Either you have TOTAL trust in your mates love OR your relationship is already doomed if you cannot trust them (especially if the lack of trust is JUSTIFIED).

What I have give you here today is a foundation. A successful marriage is a lifetimes work and it is HARD work every day. Everything above is pretty much a requirement to make that lifetime work happen. The LOVE has to be deep and strong and lasting. It must be able to endure hardship, mood swings on both parties, fear, good times and bad. Never get married unless you KNOW it will last and never get married for the wrong reasons. Make damn sure it's TRUE DEEP LASTING AND ABIDING LOVE or it will never work. By work I mean not only last but last happy and strong and survive all the problems that may arise. And remember YOU cannot change ANYONE. If you lover is a slut (male or female) or abusive or lazy or whatever getting married will not change that and YOU cannot change that so DO NOT DO IT.

Seek true love for marriage. Your mate must be your lover, best friend and the reason your heart beats. If that is not the case it's not love, Its Lust with Potential.

Wado to all

Love without limits

There are many kinds of love. The love between a Parent and a child. The love of a deity. The love of siblings or other family member. The love of a best friend. The love between life mates.

There are also things confused for love. Such as lust or worse what I call Lust with potential. Lust or LWP can lead some to THINK it is love and perhaps it IS a form of love but there is a difference between Loving someone and being IN love with them.

When you love someone a relationship may last years. When you are IN love it last a lifetime. Too many settle for just loving someone and never strive to be IN love with someone. Or worse they marry or in some other way make a lifelong commitment to someone they love then find that person or persons they are IN love with and this leads to either a heartache as a relationship ends or they stick with the commitment and live the rest of their lives not being truly deeply happy and confuse contentment with happiness. We have all seen that before I am sure.

But when you are IN love it is a love without limits. Jealousy is never an issue even if it rears its ugly head. Trust in the love is unshakable. The other person may get fat or skinny, or bald or old and wrinkled. Sex may fade to little or nothing. Good times and bad times will come and go. No matter what life tosses your way the love never fades but instead grows stronger each day. Every time you think you cannot love them more you find you DO love them more today than yesterday. They make your heart beat. You find yourself willing to do everything they desire and they in return feel the same. That is being IN love and not just loving someone. That is a love without limits.

But love is an interesting thing. For you can be IN love with more than one person. Society says that is not possible. Society says that is wrong. But it is not, it is just what you have been taught by people that were in turn taught that and so on and so on and it stems from antiquated religious teachings that were used to control society.

Recently people have either criticized or questioned my belief in Polyamory (many loves). First Polyamory is NOT about sex or getting laid or having many lovers. That's called swinging and is a different subject all together. Polyamory is about being IN love with more than one person. So applying my previous explanation to be Polyamorous is to truly love more than one person without limits.

My wife and I are seeking to do this but like any true love to seek it you can not actively look for it. You do have to be in situations where it can approach but you cannot just go "find" it. You have to be open to it, willing to receive it and ready when it finds you. That is what we are trying. It might be one person or it might be two or ten. We do not know but we are waiting for it to appear.

An old song by Culture club comes to mind or at least a line from it.

"Love is Love is Everything to me"

When you get right down to it nothing else we as people may achieve in life is as wonderful and as needed as truly being IN love and having that love returned in kind.

If you have not found that someone to be IN love with never give up. If you are in a relationship and are not IN love with them just Love them then ease out of it or at least let the other person know that you love them but are not IN love with them and that if the one you are IN love comes along you will go be with them.

Our ability to be IN love is the main redeeming factor for mankind.

Love without limits means you do not limit the amount of love nor do you limit what you will do for the one you love. They make your heart beat, then are the breath you breathe. They are the reason you live and the reason you do not ever want to die. Most importantly they feel the exact same way about you.

Love is everything. And it starts in the mirror believe it or not.

Just my opinion and I could be right ya know.