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Alright so this time, it isn't a rant, but instead a story from my many travels.
I was going to try and post these in the order that they happened and even though hindsight is 20/20 , looking back its still a bit fuzzy, so I'll just write and post them as I remember them.
So with out further ado, I present, Chronicles of a Traveler One.
So sometime in early august of 2007, I was traveling to Pheonix Arizona.
I got on my first bus to El Paso early in the morning with one other soul.
Fast foward to El Paso where I get to wait two hours to board the bus to Pheonix,I drink a nice slow,VERY slow casual coke, and then comes the boarding call, and as usua I'm somewhere in the middle/back of the line, I don't like leaving my bag as a place holder or trying to play linebacker for a better, besides, if you saw the size of the Mexican women who ride the bus, you'd know that I couldn't win that anyway.
So here I am in line got my bag, and I'm firmly sandwiched between some dude 01 infront of me, and the whale behind me, and I'm alas, without a harpoon.Now if this wasn't bad enough, the air conditioning is out, and its El Paso(Texas), it's hot. Let me reiterate that, its hotter than a fart in hell.
Now if that wasn't bad enough, up come the security guards, and of course, they have metal detectors.Now normally this isn't so bad right? Well lately they've really stepped it up to the point that the last time I went through the ole Grey Hound wands they detected a staple on my folded up ticket in my pocket with my wallet. And recently, I ll but detroyed my shoulder and had to have a plate put it. So they wand me, well every thing on me has metal, my boots are steel toe, so I get pulled aside. "Remove your boots, belt, pocket contents including wallet, also remove your watch and ring" so I do so, but of course they wave over my wonderful little titanium body enhancement and get a look of "you terrorist bastard" so I'm then prosecuted about whats under my shirt and not being able to get a word in edge wise to explain that I have a plate and can show them, I just rank at my shirt so it exposes my shoulder and the big ass scar over the plate. So the security guy apologizes and lets me get redressed and go back in line, now I'm surely at the back.
The second security guy and his wand comes up, pulls me aside, and I tell him "he already got me". "Hey george, you clear this guy' George"Yeah, I did". Well fat lot of good it did me, he tells me he's gonna go over it with me anyway, and again, boots belt, watch ring, pocket contents off, and again, the plate and such in my shoulder causes suspicion, so finally after showing off my scar again, something I don't like to do, honest! They let me board, by this time, I'm the last one on the bus has been waiting for me.
So I get on, lucky me, one seat left, so I go to tell the lady sitting at the edge to move please so I can sit, but then i see her, and freeze, shes dressed in multple layers of black, black pants and atleast 5 black shirts on tucked into her pants, with what looks like enough food for two weeks between he belt and tits under the shirts. Not to mention a belt with so many puches and dohickeys even Batman would feel inadequate.
But to top it off, and I mean no pun by this, is her hat, you remember that crocheted hat that Bob Marley wore with all his cornrows stuffed up inside? Do you remember how ever with all his massive hair it wasn't full? Well this womans hat was just like that, except black, and absolutely STUFFED, I swear she had a monkey up in there.
So she looks at me and goes "uuurrrhh!" I figure shes just pissed off, who wouldn't be pakced on a bus with 55 people like sardines in a can, except stinkier. So we get going, and mabe 30minutes into the ride, she starts signing, and I realise "uuuurrhh" wasn't "I'm pissed" it was "I'm deaf".
Thats all well and fine, but as she goes on, her signs get more vulgar... And more violent.
So I realise, she's not only deaf, but she has Tourettes Syndrome.
So first she just starts off smacking her head a bit, and making what seem like random flings of the hand and arm, but then she starts grunting at people and making that a-okay sign, you know the one where you make a circle with your index and thumb and leave the other three fingers up? Yeah that one, but then she starts screaming while she takes her other hand, balls it, extends the middle finger and thrusts it through said a-okay circle like a rabid howler monkey with the worst case of blue balls since Adam before Eve. And to make it even better, she randomly sucks the middle finger and gets it all slobbery as if it needed lubing up...
So besides this display, she screams or sticks her tongue out and pants while singing various things, throwing double fingers and throwing her fists all over, some which pass dangerously close to my face.
this goes on for 2 more hours (its a ten hour bus ride) so by then I start assinging meanings to her signs. The one where she slaps her head is monkey, the a-okay finger fuck is of course fucking, the one where she slaps her arm with the numerous needle scars is heroin. These are the main definations needed for this story.
So another hour goes by, the time it took me to think up these meanings and she's doing her routine. A-okay middle finger "fucking Slaps head "Monkey" slaps needle scarred arm "has got my heroin". Now I won't lie, I'm laughing my ass off at her inside, but I'm keeping my poker face up as I don't want ger to go apeshit on me, but everyone else is laughing at her hysterically.
So she gets pissed off and goes into the bathroom, ahh peace...Until ten minites later, when we hear what sonds like a sheep being throatfucked by a broom handle in the bathroom, its her flipping out completely. After 30minutes of this she storms out, and starts flailing and stomping and making her sheep being screams at random intervals mixed with her usual vulgar signs in what I like to describe as a mix of primal grutns and interprative dance.
This goes on for twent minutes uninterrupted as people look on in horrow, amusement. and sheer bafflement, but then, I notice the Semi truck tha pulls up besides the bus and the cab is just insight of our deaf tourettes psycho. He does a double take,I mean a classic movie double take, hes just shocked, all he can do is stare. This is slightly amusing, atleast in comparrison to whats happenings in the bus, but all of a sudden she looks out the window and sees hi staring at her, mouth gaping. and she storms to the window, pummeling over the people in the seats infront of me, and starts pounding on it, making her signs, lubing her fucker finger so and on. Well that only lasted maybe 8seconds before the Semi driver radioed Scotty and told him to get him more power for the warp engine, because he passed us like we weren't moving and we were going at 70MPH.
So this goes on, and on, and on, for not 1. not 2,3 but 4 more hours, until she finally falls in her seat unconcious, exhausted from her show of impressive dextrous swearing abillities that I must admit, I most certainly envy. We arrive in Pheonix, the bus pulls in, and empties...FAST, and there I am stuck next to this woman, so I give her a strong nudge to make sure shes a live,she is, she snaps back to conciousness picking up right where she left off in her tyrade about something.
Finally she realises the bus is empty, and we've stopped, so she gets up with a huff, and walks off the bus still singing her vulgarities. As soon as she was out of sight, I bolted off the bus and into the bus station where I for the first time ever, ran into my sisters arms, begging to be taken away from this bus stop,full of...Interesting people, some of which I will write about in future Chronicles.
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As usual I have something to say, but this time its not some general world issue of extreme importance to humanity and our survival like the waist line of Britney Spears or Michael Moore's uncanny resemblance to The gutted Ewok of a middleaged Japanese women.
M first little rant is more of a fuck you tardmonkies than a rant.
I'm SICK of getting messages from profiles of DOMINANt STRAIGHT MALES , my profile says straight dom male, your profile says straight dom male...Remember those shape puzzles in the waiting room you used to play with whle waiting for your mother to have her cum resepticle sprayed for insects? Do you remember the fustration as you tried to force the triangle into the circle but it just wouldn't work? Yeah? Then why do you think slamming two round pegs together is gonna work any better?
Now I know theres a lot of cockthinkers on this site who are very concerned about finding a lukewarm hole to stick it in, but do you even fucking read? I'd question yuor abillity to read, but you seem to write just fine you bunch of functionaly inlitterate shittards.
Now onto part two, and the more important part.
I'm quite annoyed with being told I'm not a good domme or have switch tendencies beause I don't bend any women I see over call her bitchwhore and smack her ass.
Heres the deal, I'm no gonna act dommish with some random sub because, brace yourself, she ISN'T MY SUB, so no, I won't do any obnoxious slutowl calling out of respect for another human being, and we can all agree that this life style is about, brace yourself again TRUST(thougt you knew what I was gonna say didn't ya?) And guess whats a vital part of trust? (you see it coming right?) thats right boys and girls its FUCKING R E S P E C T find out what it means to me. So yes, maybe I don't act like a dom, maybe I act, dare I say it, vanilla towards new people.
Now I know I'm gonna get a whole heap of comments about what the workings of a proper d/s relation ship is, and they will all be different because this lifestyle doesn't come with a manual, hell we don't even have one of them bible thingies that vaguely hints at what we should do through pothead metaphors. All we have is the basic idea, the rest is individual opinion, so sure, I welcome your opinion, but don't sell your ignorance as fact, leave that to media, its what they're paid for.
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Alright today is a rant, but first I'm going to mention later I will be adding some new posts one is "The Adventures of the Kilt" and the other is "Tales of a Traveler" Both are funny little things that have happened to me while wearing my kilt or traveling.
Now for todays rant, I choose 9/11, not 9/11 its self but the jomes and conspiracy theories pretaining to 9/11.This is because 9/11 recently went by and of course all yuo heard were jokes and conspiracy theories, and also because this Zetgeist crap is being linked as if its some holy grail of new and valid information that will enlighten the general public.
First off let me explain my philosophy.
For me, and my humble(okay maybe not) opinion, if it isn't bad enough to laugh at, it isn't bad enough to take seriously. And before anyone flames me with something so classic as "well if you lost someone in 9/11 I bet you wouldn't laugh" or "lets see you laugh when its a tragedy that affects you" To this I have one thing to say, I do laugh. I've had more tragedy in my 19years of life than most people will ever experience in their lifetime, now this isn't a plea for sympathy, so before you try to flame me saying it is, or try to offer me some, piss off.
Now onto the jokes.
I don't disagree with 9/11 jokes because they are 9/11 jokes, I disagree with them because the vast majority are witless, unoriginal and just plain stupid jokes told by the bandwagon trying so hard to be different bunch of people who are so busy trying to be edgey and different that they don't stop to look at everyone around them and realise they are inturn just being the norm, the uneducated unintelligent and unoriginal norm. So the next time you eek out a laugh or a smirk when someone gets their head cut off or someone gets raped in whatever "edgey" indie flick you're watching, or laugh or make some plain prepackaged comment the next time you hear on the news that some soldier in Iraq got blown up like a doll on mythbusters and now looks like a Tim Burton special if they're lucky, stop and listen to those around you, I'm betting they do the same.
Now onto the conspiracy theories, and I will try and step up the vulgarity my readers are so used to, or at the very least, meet my "fucktard quota"
Now first off, I'm not going to take sides of who did it, them, they, the man, the gnomes, whoever. I'm going to address one subject I'm SICK of hearing about. The whole the towers could not have collapsed from the planes a lone that someone planted demolition style explosives. First lets just address this bit that jetfuel cannot melt construction steel. You're right, construction steel doesn't melt till 2400F (translate to celsius yourselves you damn adanacians) and jet fuel with a perfect enviroment peaks at 1800F so I'm gonne go ahead and say on 9/11 maybe it reached 900, think 50% is a good ballpark. Now first off, steel loses its temper(its strength) as soon as any thing above 400F is applied to it, further more it starts to get pretty soft at 800-900 degrees compared to its cold state, and it becomes RED HOT at 1077F, which by then its turning pliable(look it up). So now top the weakened steel, if not red hot steel and couple it with x amount of structualy compramised floors with a larger x amount of floors and a tremendous amount of weight ontop of them, something is going to give, and when those upper floors snap down so many stories, the force generated creates a domino affect, allah 9/11, it doesn't take an engineer genius to realise this, if you have any knowing about basic phsyics you ca figure this out, not shut up about the planted explosives.
I'd like to also say that for in Laden being some engineer smarty pants who went to school studying it, he screwed up not telling the pilots to dive the planes toward the botton of the towers, then they fall sideways, hell he even said he didn't think what had happened would have been so affective, so look on the brightside and be glad that he isn't a very intelligent enemy, or atleast whoever gives orders on most of these attacks aren't.
Also I'd like to comment on one more thing, Michael Moore and his asian cunt for a face is a worthless piece of cunt mustard. And his documentries are misimformation at BEST, and I'd give him props if he atleast believed in his misinformation, but he doesn't, hes a sensationalist like most of the propaganda, I mean media, but the media is another rant.
And for those who will be disappointed that I didn't use enough vulgarities.
Cock mongering fucktard asslicking shitsucking cumdumpstered fucknuts.That should hold you till my next rant.
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Alright todays rant is about.
Kids these days, yes, you heard me correctly, kids these days.
My own generation is pretty fuckin bad, my generation isn't even an entire generation, it's a sub generation of "my" generation,we're the generation that got the internet in the 9-12 area while goatse tubgirl and other such internet legends still existed, and before any of this cybernanny shit. So while my own generation is fucked up, more so than yours, and we're damn proud of our Apathy interrupted by small bits of pure unadulterated rage.
So let me continue, first off I hate these gangsta rap kids, I honestly cannot stand them and their retarded idealisms. But while everyone knows the main faults of this generation, and I don't care to repeat, rehash or just plain regurgitate what has now become the next new thing to go on about to appear like a socially aware and concerned citizen since the UImus and his troop of Nappy Headed Hoes stormed media waves everywhere.
what I've got a problem with is the generation right below "my" generation, the offspring of the hip-hop gangsta fucktards. The Ush/Akon teenieboppers who love songs where the main lyric is "I wanna fuck you" , you know what when I was a horny little 14 year old who oh so wanted to fuck like a rabbit, we had to say shit like "I want to make love to you" thanks to assholes like boys to men, we actually had to spew lines of romance and do these cheesey "romantic" bullshit acts to get some upstairs outsidies or maybe if we were lucky and rich and you were feeling a little down about yourself we could swoop in with our four back of bartel's and james and a copy of "About last night" and get the much hyped about sloppy ketchup bottle handjob.
But now? No fuck that, fuck any sort of effort, just walk up to a girl, do some bullshit dance that doesn't even follow the beat of the music IF there is even any music besides whats playing on the ipod mommy and daddy bought you for getting 5 gold stars this week in school and say some prepackaged line like "drop it down to the floor and let me see ya shake it I wanna fuck you" and you get the whole deal, the whole fucking deal. And while we're on about the whole fucking deal, I'm happy for ya, really I am, I admit I'm bitter because I didn't get laid when I was goin through puberty.
And so, this brings me to my main rant for today. Birth Control
Would it kill you fucktards to use some sort of birth control? I mean come on the worlds got a big enough population issue and an even bigger fucknut problem,just look at our government, oh boy and just wait till I get onto our government, would it really kill you to try and not bring in more kids that are gonna be raised so badly that we create yet another generation of useless idiots who can't operate beyond the basic instincts of the human animal and further drain our societies and our planets resources, or they're gonna get shuffled into foster homes and we'll breed a whole new generation of Ed Giens (Fuck Ted Bundy he gets too much fame) just fucking fantastic. And before you go whining "oh but condoms and pills are just soooo expensive" or "But I can't feel nuthin with a condom" well you know what, when you have kids you won't even know what its like to be fucked by your own hand, and sleep, you know that wonderful thing yuo do 14 hours a day when uo aren't humping anything with a hole, yeah kiss that good bye fucktard(thats 3 uses of fucktard for those counting).
You know what, get a vasectomy, yes you boys, get one, its major surgery for a girl with a lot more risks than a 30minute operation and some downtime, besides the sympothy fuckin afterwards is great. Anyway as I was saying, get snipped, it costs about 600 bucks all together, yes thats a pretty big hit, but you know what insurence covers it which I'm actually qite sure most of your wiggers have thanks to mommy and daddy ,you know, those people that got you that ipod, and the videogame systems and all the other shit to replace actually raising your ass. And if not, 600 is a fuckton cheaperthan having a kid, don't believe? Well lets say your gf gets knocked up, the ambulance ride to the hospital is about 1200bucks, the delivery is about 70+ grand,I'd supply links to prove this but I'm lazy, and when given books you eat the pages anyway. So lets add this up, you haven't even got to see this ugly little monkey, and yes, there are ugly babies, and we're all ugly at birth piss off, and you're 72grand in debt, and have ya thought about what you're gonna feed this poor kid? But as I sit here typing this, I just thought of an easier solution, buttsecks, thats right, the good ole back door.
In the end I suppose this is all just the social pendulum, but unfornately there is no pit in this story.
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I figure I may as well put some stuff up in my blog so people get an
idea of me. Now most who know me know I'm about as laid back as one can
get, but when I get irritated, or even pissed off, everything pisses me
off, and so, today is a rant.
First off I'm sick of hearing
about Britney Spears being too fat at the VMAs , I'm sick of hearing
about celebrities in general, the majority of them are stupid fucks
with pretty faces and sometimes they don't even have that. Anyway back
to the subject at hand. This bullshit standard of beauty with big fat
lips that look like they're filled with corn syrup along with the
ribbone xylophones and skelator lookin faces neatly packaged and
distrubuted for the gullible masses is bullshit.
Britney while
trailorus trashius extremis, she is not fat, especially for having two
little K-Douche minis , while I can't stand her fucking gender confused
pubescent boy of a face, she is atleast just a paper bag away from
beauty, which is more than I can say for most women I see these days,
who are a lightswitch away from beauty.
And while I'm on about
paperbags, I'm sick and tired of going to my grocery store and having
my bags bagged by some 25+ year old dorkus bottomus. Listen this job is
for pimply faced little highschool shitheads who need to get enough
money for a limo and a 6pack of milwaukee's best so they can get laid
on prom night,which I've also got something to say about, but thats
another rant.
I especially hate when these people bag my groceries
and then INSIST on carrying them out for me so they can hold out their
hand for a tip, listen you shit sacking worthless cock mongering
fuckmonkey, I don't give money to the homeless, why am I going to give
it to you?
And you know what, fuck the homeless, and
panhandlers, but more so fuck the people who bitch about them, you know
what? They're like pigeons, stop feeding pigeons what do they do? They
leave. Get the idea here? No? Oh well fuckit, just bag my shit so I can
go eat my rotissary chicken who probably has more smarts in its KFC'n
ass than you have in your head.
Also speaking of chicken,
this entire green movement shit also pisses me off . I'm sick of
companies sticking bullshit lies on labels calling it "green" or
"envriomently friendly" "organic" "no trans fat" :freerange" "all
natural" "subs" "doms" and all labels made to make you buy.You wanna be green? You
wanna conserve oil/get away from fossil fuel? Then heres an diea
that'll help, stop using shit in plastic bottles, demand glass, glass
can be cleaned and reused A LOT, glass doesn't require all the fucking
oil to make, it doesn't pump out a bunch of palutents while being made
AND recycled.
Also, fuck you water bottle buying dipshits, guess
what, its tap water, coca cola,nestle, they've all atmitted its
tapwater, maybe with some light filtering.MMM that light filtering sure
does taste good, do i detect a hint of chorline and perhaps a little
New York iron oxide?
Why not I dunno, get a class container or a
halfgallon jug if you must have plastique and FILL IT yourself instead
of spending 2+ dollars for 20oz of water and another plastic bottle to
fuckup our planet. |
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