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Next stop.. Chicago to LA.
Least that's the plan for my travels next year. I intend to take a month off this malarky called the life circus and do crazier things like follow on route 66 ;-) Any advice from people who've done it before is welcomed.
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Been a while since I've written. Life has a way of resetting your priorities despite how much you may protest ;-). Still, who knows how long we're all here for - I'll do my damnedest to make my time count.
Looked over my profile in view of changing it but decided it's still as relevant today. I think I'm a habitual hermit though my experiences have changed me from the person I was when I first started this journey - to someone perhaps more cautious of jumping up and meeting . I think I've grown less impulsive and more appreciative of my privacy.
Is BDSM 1) An intrinsic an uncompromising part of who you are, 2) a personality quirk or 3) An enthusiastic hobby
At one point in time I'd have answered 1) but these days I think I see it as more of a 2)
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I'm not one that believes in the one of all things. I believe in the one of most things who understands that there is no one of all things :) and gives me the liberty to live and love.
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Song on my mind...
Rescue Me by Rogue Traders.
Less because of the lyrics and more because of the harmonics. It's such a dreamy sweet, poppy tune and the soundtrack to my thoughts at the moment.
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Its HOT today :(
Too hot to do anything but moan about how hot it is and imbibe tons of liquids in the hope of chasing away a migraine headache
Hasn't worked :(
*moan*
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I think i might have read somewhere about submission being a gift you give yourself.
I think maybe that might be a fresh perspective on the idea. If you are able to submit to someone and experience that sort of joy isn't that as much of a treasure to yourself?
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Didn't sleep all that well yesterday . Had a rather disturbing dream that was pretty graphic in nature... It involved my witnessing some pretty horrible ritualistic death. Needless to say, I woke myself up. Mercifully (or not) the images are fading.. I vaguely recall some sort of name scratched in the wall but even that is fading now...
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I find I'm really missing someone I can talk to about Dominance and submission that doesn't have to relate to the sexual.
I'm interested in where the mind goes.. why it does what it does... how to get there...
I know it's often been said before but BDSM for me... could make things so much more.
Maybe it's that spiraling out of control or complete freedom to let go... maybe it's choicelessness...
Maybe it's a quiet space in my noisy brain...
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BDSM beliefs :
To me ... The lifestyle is intrinsically about saying that my normality
does not need to consist of 2.4 kids, church on sundays and monogamous
sexual relations between equals. It is about honesty not just in
practice with others but also with myself. It is seeing that I have the
choice not to repress my desires by default.
At the core of what the lifestyle means to me, are a set of values -
1) That informed consent in its minutae expression is a thin and
silvery line that one understands, considers and employs; wether
bordering, or crossing.
2) That you are switched on to the everyday manipulations of power in
one form or another and have a responsible approach to such exchanges.
Ofcourse these are entirely my own ethics and how I percieve B/D, M/s, D/s and S/m
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Are you looking for play ...
Actually it's one of those yes/no questions
I like to play. I'm playful... but I don't really have a need. I'm not desperately seeking.
I guess I'm trying to find the right wording that it's not about having more play... It's about having quality over quantity for me.
I'd like to meet people who engage me in ways outside of play. Not just another play partner.
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Today I'm feeling resigned
What sort of world/society is it we have in which we punish honesty?
I guess that's sort of cryptic - over in somewhere else on some other board it's a constant thing.
On the one hand you struggle after years of denying this aspect of your life - the consequences of being a kink is persecution...
Just doesn't seem right to me.
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Violently
Always seem to be explaining why i picked this name.
It's from a Bjork song.
"Violently Happy"
since i met you
this small town hasn't got room
for my big feelings
violently happy
'cause i love you
violently happy
but you're not here
violently happy
come calm me down
before i get into trouble
i tip-toe down to the shore
stand by the ocean
make it roar at me
and i roar back
violently happy
'cause i love you
violently happy
but you're not here
violently happy
overemotional
violently happy
i'll get into trouble
real soon
if you don't get here
baby
violently happy
'cause i love you
violently happy
i'm aiming too high
violently happy
it will get me into trouble
violently happy
i'm driving my car
too fast
with ecstatic music on
violently happy
i'm getting too drunk
violently happy
i'm daring people
to jump off roofs with me
only you
can calm me down
i'm aiming too high
soothe me
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Holding yourself back...
Had an interesting someone say that to me - and it's been resonating in my brain. I tend to over think things sometimes and get annoyingly pondersome. The question/s that have remained with me from that statement are :
So if that is true should I do something about that? Am I too far 'evolved' from my -natural/default- state?
Why hold yourself back?
Well - I suppose its learned behavior. When you aren't reserved it leads to people mistaking your signals, or labelling you with their own baggage and misinterpretations. So you learn not to put yourself out there - choosing instead to 'hold yourself back' perhaps until trust is established...
I never really saw how vulnerable that side of me was till now..
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Being social...
I'm out of practice and sometimes i think I forget how to be or even want to be.
Or maybe it's not that unusual.
People have such interesting responses to personals. Often times they will suggest a meet up. I'm not opposed to a meet up, I just would prefer it to be after we've exchanged a few memos first! (Unless i've already met you before)
if that makes me a flake... Ah well ;-) I've got nothing to prove anyhoo.
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So my latest thing ...
Has been kidnapping roleplay. I think even the idea of suggesting it is a headtrip in itself to the kidnapee...
theres the idea of announcing such desires anonymously on the internet and then...
What if it happens? What if someone decides to fulfil that unexpectedly?
I think a large part of what appeals about kidnapping is that thrill/fear of the unexpected and unknown...
(More thoughts later)
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I watched "Kinky and Proud" on Virgin1 last night, then flipped over to five for a Documentary called " My strange brain" (which was infinitely better in some respects)
Somehow all things kinky is always surrounded by an air of sensationalism and tabloid journalism that sits uncomfortably with me. However I think the (kink) docu. was interesting enough and I think it did portray a sort of normality in contrast to some of the weird fetishes that were on their surreal Top 10 of weird kink countdown.
The one kink I really couldn't appreciate was called licing - which involved passing on genital lice... (rolls eyes) anyway...
I had the weirdest dream and in it I was vampire testing out the latest in feminine napkin technology - only I was so fascinated by this latest 'gel pad' that I stuck it on a pair of plastic see through panties and perforated it with my fangs! The nature of this oddness disturbed me and I woke up after that :)
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Which is easiest? Being Dominant or being submissive?
Over on the CM Message Boards, a really interesting topic cropped up. There's a nice little forum for switches which I suppose I enjoy writing in occasionally.
Anyway to the topic.
For me, being Dominant is easiest as I like being in control. Being incharge, being in control is my default setting and it takes a lot of effort for me to get outside of that headspace.
Now I'm not saying that being Dominant is easier than it is to be submissive but having a quantitative discussion on the subject is to me a moot point. I don't think there is anything that can be qualitative about the effort it takes to be Dominant or submissive...
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Important Note
My main reason for being here is to meet like minded people and to form long term friendships with lifestyle folks. Although play may eventually be part of that arrangement (like minded folk tend to be like mindedly inclined!) I am not primarily here to seek play partners. So please do not write if that is your only reason for getting in touch.
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Well I'm off folks, will be away for a month with little or no internet access during my time away and so if i don't reply to your memos - well.. that's because!
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DrAtAVenture 12:04
in fact if you want to grow
you have to allow life to ask you quesstions to which you dont know the answers
I think that's what wonder is.
Wonder is when you don't know everything.
In the not knowing, there is an awesomeness in the unexplained. There is wonderment and mystery. Not knowing is sometimes enough of a state in which to dwell.
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Although I ticked "Dominant Men" I'm not looking for a Master... Probably because Masters tend to want to own things and I don't have any desire to be owned.
I don't feel like I'm spare, I don't feel lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing something that's floating out there in the ether. I'm not half of one whole or the zillion other cliches people seem hell bent on throwing my way.
I'm not a girl, slut or slave either. Perhaps it is just me and I cannot wrap my head around the idea that there are people with whom you should treat in such contempt as to refer to them as underlings off the bat. What makes you so superior?
So if you should write to me in such a manner and if you find that I have replied to you in a polite but disagreeing manner - please be aware I am merely humouring you out of politeness. I do not respect your authority (indeed you have none) simply because you self title. To think otherwise is grand delusion.
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Sometimes it feels like you are wading through treacle trying to reach someone out there with whom you can spark...
Everyone seems to be shouting "I'm real" "I'm genuine".. and whilst that may well be the case it seems everyone has differing ideas on what that means exactly.
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Oooh what a mystery - So where do these supposed video journals go when you've recorded one and it seems to have dissapeared into the ethers of cyberspace?
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Poo...
So I decided to try and relog in to collar me when I discover that my login failed and that I'd completely been erased from the system somehow. No worries - my profile was due an update anyway; but I do apologise for all the memos I had planned on replying to this evening but never got the chance to --
If you read this then please be so kind as to send me your memo again.
V
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