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Really into corsets, victorian household, canes, victorian madhouse and quack medicine fetishes.
Love dress up and roleplay. Not submissive but a hedonistic masochist. Enjoy sensation play.
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Hrm, I deleted this account in July. Now it magically reappeared and I'm receiving emails. |
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Why so many blank profiles? Your profile is your chance to stand out in a sea of men. Why do so many of these blank profile owners send messages along the lines of "Hi!" Or "Your hot"?
When I get a simple message of "Hi", first thing I do is check the profile. I can understand not writing a lot to a stranger until you confirm that are both real and interested. This seems like a fair and logical approach. But use that brain a bit, why would she respond to hi if you have nothing in your profile to chat about and you've said nothing specific to her? Not even your interest list is filled in and those are checkboxes. How does she know you are actually interested in anything she wrote or if you just like her tits?
Yes, it is much easier to talk in person, but this is an online dating site, so please be prepared to talk about yourself. You can only get to the in person part if your first message and/or profile can catch somebody's attention. I can't tell how good of a conversationalist you will be by your bathroom selfie or a stolen porn picture.
The art of domination is mostly mental. If you won't use the brain power to craft a decent profile, just how do you intend to seduce me with words? A blank profile to me says wanna be "true master" who hasn't left the realm of fantasy. Which means go directly to delete and blocked list. I only have so much time to devote to the search, one of the things I'm looking for is a Dom/Master/Owner who is literate and doesn't waste my time.
Best of luck in your search! |
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I took a break to focus on my career for a bit. I just reached a milestone and now have time to commit to finding that perfect match for me. I'm still looking for that one man who knows the difference between real life, fantasy, play and discipline.
I need to seriously reconnect with my submissive side and to connect with a partner with whom I'd have a long term future. I could go find a play partner any time. That is not what I seek.
Yes, I've had this profile for awhile. It doesn't mean that I have been looking the entire time the profile has been up. I've had a couple of vanilla relationships since then. I've met a couple of guys from here and had no connection with them. I've spoken to a lot of men over the years and most of them, I've found have lied, either to me or to themselves about what they truly want. But I remain hopeful that my future is out here somewhere. Just a little more prospecting until I find him. |
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I joined this site ages ago for the message boards. You had to have profile to access the boards. Most of the time when I log in, I look for messages from old friends and head over to the boards to read for a bit. After Christmas, I started looking for a new partner. I’m using a couple of services, including vanilla dating services.
Upon reading my emails here, I’ve noticed an alarming trend. Men telling me my hard limits should be removed or altered. Absolutely not! That is why they are hard limits. They are a predeclared list of actions which are objectionable and horrific to me. How you feel about them is of no concern.
A hard limit is an action (or series of actions) which I find unacceptable in any circumstance. These are not soft limits which are open to testing and pushing. These are not things you can use for “punishment” because you know I don’t like them. To suggest such a thing is to demonstrate you utter lack of understanding and respect. Why would I put my life in your hands if you wish to violate my hard limits? How could ever trust that you wouldn’t if you even suggest such a thing?
List list is composed of things that I will scream “RED” if you attempt. If I’m bound and you don’t stop, I will file assault charges when I’m unbound. If I’m not bound and you don’t stop, I will walk out and NEVER talk to you again. Well, unless we’re married. In that case, I’d have my divorce attorney speak with you. Violating a hard limit is abuse. Plain and simple.
If you see something you love doing on my hard limit list, then consider it permanently off the table. I will never be alright with doing any of those activities. Not even in a fantasy sense. If several of the things you love to do are on my hard limits don’t even bother to contact me. I will never be able to fully trust that you won’t attempt to sway my opinion on my hard limits when I’m emotionally vulnerable. While you will never be able to enjoy activities you love with me. Just consider us incompatible and move on.
As always, be safe and smart and best of luck finding what you desire in a partner. |
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If you hadn't guessed from the pictures, I love wearing corsets. Because I have to work in a secure environment where I pass through security screening daily, I do not wear them often. I'm down to 4 corsets, all of which are the front lace corsets. Back lacing corsets are a pain to do solo.
I do tight lacing (8-10 inches depending on time). I cannot just throw a corset on and tighten it up that quick. It amazes me at the number of men who insist that I throw on a corset and lace it up for a picture for them. Really? /ignore Obviously, you are out of touch with reality and this is just some fantasy thing for you. And well, I'm not here to decorate your world or fulfill your fetishes without us being in a real relationship outside of the internet.
I've found that I can tighten a corset 10 inches if I take a couple of hours. The first 6 or 7 inches are actually fairly easy to do. After that, I tighten, tie it off, let my body adjust to the restriction, the start the process over again in 15 min or so. Each time gaining a fraction of an inch. Usually, after the last bit of tightening, I'm really unable to move much. Because I rarely have time to get into a tight laced corset, I am not use to wearing one. I'm sure if I wore a corset daily, movement wouldn't be as difficult.
I do dream of a situation where I could wear a tight laced corset as close to 23/7 as possible. And having a partner who could lace me into the corset. There are so many beautiful back lacing corsets that I want one day. But I never buy them because I'm honest with myself, I'd never wear them if I had to lace myself into them. But I do have a really long wish list of corsets that one day, I'd love to own. |
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Let's discuss relocation for love, bondage and fun. Many Doms want a sub to relocate to them but they don't consider the reality of the situation. There is a financial cost but also a very real human cost too. There are two ways to relocate to be together. The first option is finding employment before relocating, the second option is the Dom pays relocation and guarantees a return trip.
A couple of years ago, I relocated from Seattle to the DC metro area for non romantic reasons. The cost of my relocation at the time was 10k. I didn't have a car to transport as I lived downtown Seattle and took the light rail to work and biked or walked most every place else. I had a zipcar membership for those times I absolutely needed a car. So I imagine now that I live in the suburbs and own a car, the relocation expenses would be greater. So lets ballpark it at 11k to go back to the west coast.
My preference is I keep my current living situation until I have found and secured a job of at least my current status in my field in your city. The advantages to this approach include: more time to get to know each other, having a way to support myself without fully depending on the Dom for everything, I'd have a way to meet people and develop ties to the area and finally, I'd be able to afford my own place if the need arose. The downside includes time and finding a job. First, any move will take at least two weeks to a month to co-ordinate. Things have to be packed. Notices must given. The second element of time includes finding a job in your area. It's a fact, companies don't like remote candidates when they can a local candidate who can start in 2 weeks or less. They can face to face interview without the added expense of flight tickets.
The second option is for the Dom to pay everything in the relocation. This works well if the sub doesn't have a specialized skill set for employment or if the Dom wants basically a stay at home partner. It is also an option if the Dom is willing to support the sub while she job hunts. This is also a good option for a Dom who doesn't want to wait six to eight months for a sub to find a job in their city.
Something that Doms need to consider when asking a sub to relocate is the damage that will be done to the sub's career path. Their desire to move will mean a job change and in some careers that isn't a good thing. This will limit the sub's lifetime earning potential. The impact could be huge if she has to take a lower level title or a big salary cut. This could cost a sub several hundred thousands of dollars over her lifetime. Think about your own career if you have a white collar job. What would it do to your earning potential? How much work would be involved in the move? What would you have to sacrifice in your personal life?
For me, I hold a senior level position in my field. It is a field that I can't just pick up a job anywhere. I make good money. I have bills that have to paid. But I also have friends and family in the area. I am walking away from my entire support system. I walk away from my mini cooper owner's club, car shows, mini rallies, the history council, three quilting guilds. All of the real life that surrounds me.
Yet, I am willing to discuss it with the right partner because what I enjoy isn't an every day easy to find kink. I understand that some men have partial custody, some own a business, some are in a very good place career wise and aren't willing to sacrifice their career.
If I'm sacrificing my career and my life to build something with you, I don't mind the move. But when it comes to the real actual relationship we both need to communicate, sacrifice and empathize with each other. When a sub says, "yes, I'm open to relocation if you're open to paying for it if you want me to move before I have a job in your area," think before you call her a gold digger. Reality is reality. At the end of the day, you want this fantasy met and you want it now, quicker than she can do on her own. You can something you want, something quick or something cheap. If you're lucky, you can get two out of the three wishes when it comes to relocation. You'll never get all three. And if you want something right now and don't want to help pay for it or wait for it, then find a local sub.
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Why do men lie about being married? Especially men who claim to want a LTR that leads to marriage. This is about trust and there is no way it will work out for you if you lie.
Back in December, I "met" a guy from here. We traded a few emails, then phone calls and text messages. He wanted to employ me as his Executive Assistant (huge huge step down from my actual job) but the package he offered was better than the job offer I had in front of me. We got along, and he wanted us to get married if things worked out. He offered 10% more than the job offer I was considering (actually in my field and I get paid a lot to do what I do), company car, 10k signing bonus, relocation, benefits, and if it didn't work out after 90 days, I'd get a lump sum payment from the company. This was after I knew I was interested in him as a Dom. So, of course, I took the offer to work for his company. It was for a real job, I would be working 5 days a week in his office. It was totally his offer, as he knew I was ready to accept a job in another part of the country that was in my field. I didn't ask for the job, or set the terms of the job offer. I merely accepted a very generous compensation package. Part of the incentives were because I was turning down a job in my field, taking a huge title cut (which my career might not rebound from if this didn't work out) and I was moving in 48 hours. So no time to relocate and I didn't get to spend the holidays with my family.
He paid for a flight ticket out, my hotel, etc. In the car, after he picked me up from the airport, he told me he had an ex vanilla girlfriend living with him until she landed on his feet. I was a bit miffed that he hadn't mentioned it earlier. It's not unusual and I think Doms who make sure their subs land on their feet are heroes. I really didn't mind him looking out for her until she had a job and new place to stay.
He took me to the hotel and tried to scene with me. But I told him upfront, before I flew out, no scenes or sex until we get to know each other. He agreed to my terms. I held my ground, he tried to force me to give him a BJ. Wasn't happening. Things got intense. The next day the job offer is rescinded. He paid for a flight ticket home but I had already turned down a very lucrative position with another company to pursue this relationship. And he ruined my family Christmas because he insisted that I travel there ASAP because he had a business need.
A month later, I find out that he was married 8 months ago. She contacted me, I was shocked. Yes, I had all text messages from the moment we met. Photographed them and sent them to her. Hope she takes him to the cleaners in the divorce.
TL:DR If you are married, don't lie to it about the woman you want to sleep with and don't piss her off. |
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I really hate this new "feature" where I receive an email to my personal account when people mail me. I opted out of emails from this site for a reason. I've filed a support ticket. If it isn't fixed in 7 days, I will leave this site. I absolutely cannot abide this so called feature. I've left other vanilla websites when they wouldn't let turn off the spam emails. So, if I disappear in a week, you know why. |
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One of the most common complaints I receive about my profile is my desire to date a fellow Gen Xer. I don't see the issue with it. Everybody has things they are attracted to and want in a partner. Some men like women with large breasts, others want a very thin woman, still others only want to date a natural blonde or redhead. Those are the physical characteristics they desire. If I don't fit their ideal, I wish them luck and move on. I am not into intergenerational dating. Not my kink. Doesn't mean I don't think others should do it if it is their kink. I just don't wish to be included in it.
Why is dating in my own generation such a big deal? I clearly state I want to date (and hopefully develop a LTR leading to marriage) somebody close to my own age. I loosely judge a good match for me by deciding if we could have been at the same university at the same time. Other than being physically attracted to those my age, there are many reasons I don't want to date somebody older or younger than myself.
While it is true an older partner may have more experience than me, it isn't something I am seeking. Anybody over 30 who hasn't been completely vanilla will have experience. And I have to wonder why somebody who is much older would pursue somebody younger. I routinely receive non platonic emails from men older than my parents seeking me as their submissive. I can't do that. It doesn't work mentally for me.
Older partners can often have a "been there, done that" attitude. Both in and out of the bedroom. I don't want to be marginalized or trivialized because they are bored with where I am in life. While I'm sure being talked down to or belittled outside of scene is an unconscious characteristic, I just don't wish to deal with it. Another Gen Xer understands. They went through the same issues. I don't have to explain things to them. They tend to get my sense of humor. It's just not awkward.
Since I am looking for a relationship that will lead to a life partner, I'd like to be on the same page. Roughly in the same stage in life. I'm not ready to retire. I am an only child, I help my parents out with their issues. I don't want to have the same discussions with my partner.
When two people in a relationship are at different stages of their lives, they can have difficulty finding common ground about how they want their relationship to function. I really just want somebody who is a full partner outside of the D/s dynamic. I just don't see a long term future with somebody who is part of my parent's generation or older. |
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A friend and I were chatting about the age old problem of how do I get the person I am interested in to notice me. So here is my advice to those who are looking for an actual real life relationship:
1. Make sure you meet all of their criteria. If they say no married men and you are married, don't bother contacting them.
2. Make sure you have a decent amount of kinks in common. I'm not saying 100% match but at 60%.
3. Compare kink lists: If you're at an 80% match and there is something on her "lives for list" that makes your "hard limit" list, then you're probably not a good match. And if the situation is reversed, count on her having reservations. If somebody lives for an activity and I would call the cops if they did it to me, I doubt that they could ever be truly happy in a relationship with me. Wouldn't they miss it eventually and long for it? Would they try to "push my limits" and force it on me when I'm in a more emotionally vulnerable position?
4. Be a normal human being. Connect on a real level. You've already put your kinks on your profile, they put their kinks on their profile. You know what you are willing to do if you connect as human beings. Don't put anything in your first email that you wouldn't say to a stranger you just met. There is plenty of time to get kinky later.
5. Be specific about what you want in a partner without going into sexual details. This doesn't have to be in the email but having it in a profile helps. I get dozens of mails stating "I'm looking for a submissive to serve me." My response... ummm, ok... delete.
6. The first email doesn't need to be long. See an example of an email that I've replied to in the past:
Hi! Love the corset. We have a lot of the same kinks in common. Take a look at my profile and if you're interested, I'd love to chat more and see where this takes us.
7. Make sure your profile is well written. Like it or not, your profile along with the first email is the only thing partners have to judge you by. You can put in lots of details and still remain anonymous. You can take pictures that are anonymous but attractive. I wouldn't put a face pic on this site, not even in the mail section. This site has been hacked in the past. Probably will be hacked again in the future.
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Finding somebody on any dating website is rough. It is rougher on BDSM sites. Because so many think we, as a community, are easy targets. I've been fortunate enough to email with many fine gentlemen. Even though our kinks aren't the same or we are in different places in journey of exploration.
It's a lot like being a prospector in the Old West. You set up camp, head to the river and sift through tons and tons of sand and silt. Eventually, you find a nugget and you get excited. Now you have to examine it and make sure it isn't Fool's Gold.
I've emailed men here who were a perfect match for me sexually but we had nothing in common outside of kinks. I've emailed men who are great friends but we have very few kinks in common. I get why men want to just do scenes. It is easier and quicker to get to the fun. Not as much needs to line up. I'm not wired that way though. I need to trust to play. And the stuff I'm really interested in requires a ton of trust. Because it's some really fucked up stuff.
I've met a lot of really nice subs, both male and female, on this site and other sites. They are actually the reason I come back. It's nice to know others are having similar issues. And it's great to know people who just understand. We share stories, warnings about scam artists and time wasters. We share success stories. It's always inspiring to see somebody found their match.
If you're looking for something real, try treating the person on the other side of the screen as real when you initiate contact. You're more likely to get a response. I wade through a ton of responses each day and can't always respond to everybody. I like to start with the men who write thoughtful letters and are single and in my age range. Sometimes, I get a really good, thought provoking letter and it takes awhile to craft a response. Sometimes, I read a letter and the phone rings so I may not get back to it for awhile.
Also, if we are talking in emails on this site, please don't assume that I am yours. I'm mine until I chose to submit to you. At that point, you can ask that I no longer speak with other Doms or that I leave the site. Don't ask me to take an online collar. If we aren't speaking on the phone or texting regularly, you can't even consider asking me to not talk to others. If you want me, let me know outside of the virtual world. Make it real. Because ownership of me or any other submissive can't be magically fiatted into place.
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I wonder why guys post pics of women or pics of scenes from the net? Don't say it is for privacy, because it isn't. You can take very sexy pics with no nudity or face showing.
Why do Doms post pics of former submissives? Why do you think a woman, any women, wants to see pictures of your ex? How would you feel if I had pictures of my former Doms posted? Are you trying to recreate a scene you had with them? Will whatever we do every live up to the memory of that in head? I'm just curious how this became an acceptable standard. I get the couples who have pictures of a woman, that makes sense.
Here are some examples of how to create seductive pictures:
Dom:
* Hands holding a belt or other implement
* Hands unfastening a belt
* into puppy play, then how about a leash or you opening a kennel cage?
* work with rope? then a pic of your hands tying a knot
* Good with your hands in general, then a vanilla pic of you working on your car, mowing the lawn, or any other manly activity that doesn't involve dead animals. Dead animals kill the sex the drive. Just saying.
The key, make it interactive. Tease the woman's imagination so she can picture herself there with you.
Sub, this depends on what type of service you are offering:
* Whatever you do, no pictures of your junk. We don't care, until we do. We will ask when we are ready to see this.
* Great pictures I've received from subs who figured the boots and the name meant I was a Domme: pictures doing dishes or vacuuming. Set the cam up high and get the shot from behind your head, the auto timer is great for that stuff. Polishing shoes, cooking, folding laundry, washing a car. All of them can be taken in a very sexy manner. They convey servitude. But only do this if this is the service you're into otherwise it is false advertisement.
* kneeling clothed from behind, your head bowed
* opening a car door (this works for Dom's too, nice to know you have manners outside of play time).
* picture of your table romantically set for two and your hand pulling the chair out for her. Or the chair ready for her and you kneeling next to it.
* picture of you pouring a glass of wine or opening a box of chocolates.
*into foot worship? How about a picture of the chair she would relax in while you give her a pedicure with the tools all laid out. What would it look like?
* Like to give massages? The a picture of the area set up for a massage, candles, the oils out on the table, you get the picture.
* A very classic picture, you kneeling head bowed holding flowers for her.
The key is to seduce along the lines of what you are willing to provide. You can be in gear or not, if you're nude make sure it is tasteful.
Hope this inspired a few people to take more creative and attention garnering photographs. If you're targeting women, we want a story to go along with it. Not just full frontal nudity. A woman will ask if she is inspired by you. Seduce her, make her want to know more.
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