I am sorry, but if the best insult you can come up with is that I am fat, then please don't even try. This is not an insult, it is simply the truth. I did not some how wake up this morning and think "Oh it is great to be skinny." I don't need you to tell me that I am fat, it may be news to you, but I already know that. And I have spent the last two years doing something about it. I still have a long way to go, but guess what, I can fix my weight problem, but sadly most can not fix their personality problems. Telling me I am sexy and how much you want to hook up with me, then four messages later telling me I am fat, does not change the fact that I still rejected you. I am an adult, not a middle school girl, this does not work on me.

I am often told how strange my relationship with my husband is, both in the lifestyle and out. We have been together since the beginning of 2009, and we do really make the odd couple. He is a hard core Geek, I am a Goth chick. We both are major introverts. He is a DaddyDom, Master, Dom, Top (whatever title you want to give him) I am his babygirl, submissive/slave, switch, but most importantly we are partners.

The people who have known us for a while find it highly amusing that we have never had a screaming fight, nor have we ever stayed angry with each other for more than a few moments. We both tend to look inward when a disagreement does happen. We both look at what we have done to add to the problem and what those actions or lack thereof effect the other, then we step back and think about things from the other side of the table. We talk, consistently, all the time, about everything.  We work though our issues with communication, understanding, and a strong sense of not wanting to hurt the other. We take responsibility for our actions and words.

In all honesty I have never been in such a stable and loving relationship as I am now. Hell, I have never seen a relationship like mine before. I was raised by parents who thought the way to have a disagreement was to yell so loud the neighbors a mile away knew what was going on. He has a similar background, where instead of all the constant yelling, there was guilt involved, anytime something went wrong, one person would guilt the other into feeling so horrible that they would do anything to fix it, even if they were in the right. With us there is no right or wrong. NEVER! There is just a problem that must be fixed, and that is just what we do.

We know just what buttons, if pushed, will set the other off, and you know what, we stay away from them. We think before we speak, we think before we react. We never forget that in the end, we love each other and want this work. So we talk, and talk, and then talk some more. 

I love it when people prove me right.

Idiot sends this message: Hello, would you be interested In a foot boy?

So I read this, I think what the hell, I say directly on my profile that feet is a hard limit. I also know of at least four other girls in my area who have gotten the same message. So my response:Have you sent this out to every female on here. Is there anywhere in my profile that says I am into something like this? It is very rude of you to send this out without reading profiles first, it shows your a jerk.

And then I wake up to this: It sounds like your fat as shit. I can hear the cholesterol from here, and yes your right I have sent this to a lot of girls but trust me your hobbit feet and tree trunk feet were sent this message by accident.

I so love it when I call it like I see it, then get a message that proves it to be true. The best part is that while I have not stated his username, he has sent this out to so many women in my area that most will instantly know who it is. The back side of copy pasting everyone.

“Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference.” ― Jim Butcher, Vignette

I am not confused because I am a Switch and Bi sexual. I know what I like, what I want, and that is why I am a Bi sexual switch. Just because I do not fit into the black and white that you think everyone should, does not make it my problem. I like living in the grey areas of life in all things. I have found what makes me happy, now go find what makes you happy and stop worrying about me.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.


Mahatma Gandhi

It really is sad when someone has to create three  profiles to bother someone. I really wish people would learn to grow the fuck up. Nice way to prove you have no life and that your a worthless little boy pretending to be a man.

Today my coffee pot died. Now I have a headache and must go buy a new one.

I just love it when TWU Doms can't take being called on their shit. I also will point on one more time, you do not get nice or respect from me until you have earned it. Read my profile it tells you that I do not play well with others. It takes a real man to be able to deal with my personality, a strong man.

Also when someone rejects you telling them that you are not interested is silly. You have already been rejected, at this point anything else you say really is irrelevant.

I blocked this guy, so he sends his pretend submissive to send me a hateful message when I have once again already rejected them. Telling someone that your going to give them your address so you can deal with it face to face or sending your phone number is hugely wrong. This is one of those times when I really wished I had no responsibilities and was a serial killer, some people just no not deserve life.

And if the little boy who this was written for reads this, I did post your message to my group.

I get asked a lot which role I prefer as a Switch. Honestly, I do not lean more towards one role or the other. It all just depends on who I am playing with and the energy involved.

I am most submissive to my husband/Dom. He accepts that I am not you average submissive and that I am aggressive, assertive, and will speak my mind in all things. It also makes him very proud to know that I will give up my control to him, and pretty much only him for all things. When playing with other Tops, I tend to me more of a bottom then submissive. It takes a strong and very self confidant Dom to deal with me. Which makes my husband love me even more.

I tend to be more dominant with people that I feel need protecting and taken care of. I guess that makes me more of a protector then a true Domme, although I am very much sadistic, and have get great pleasure is tearing someone apart and making them face things, then putting them back together bit by bit to form something stronger and better.

I do not get more pleasure out of one role or the other. Both are equally important to me, and bring something extremely fulfilling yet completely different. 

I am not the type of person that deals well with these higher then thou Doms who feel that I am just confused and needs to be broken. If you can only get someone to submit to you by breaking them, then you are very much doing it wrong.  I tend to stay away from people like this, because for me that is abusive not play. Also I do not see anything wrong if that is what everyone involved wants, but that is a very thin line you walk.

I am sure most people can tell by my pictures that I am a bigger girl, hell if you can't tell, then it says so in my profile. I have been in the lifestyle for a very long time, and it still gets to me sometimes that there seems to be a lot of people that forget that not everyone who likes certain things is a size ubber small.

I went to a convention this weekend that did a bondage lesson, oh the horror really. First the guy was telling us how to do things from a book. I am sorry but if you feel that you are good enough to do a demo or teach a class for anything, I feel that you should know what your doing well enough to not need a step by step instruction book, anyone can read a book, these classes are meant to be practical application type things, but that is a whole different journal entry.

My husband/Master and I have been doing bondage in one form or another since we meet, so we already knew to do modify a few of the things being done to fit my frame, this guy did not even think that their might be a need for this. I was not the only bigger girl there, and because of this guys lack of experience the other girls in the class who were bigger were put on the stop when they could physically not get their bodies in the positions he was asking for. I spent more time helping and showing these girls and there rope tops how to do the mods.

I know that bigger people are not everyone's cup of tea, but to completely exclude them out of a public class that you already are having problems teaching is uncalled for. We bigger humans out there already have to put up with so much shit from so many people, that I felt this was uncalled for. If your going to teach a class on anything, you should at least be able to answer most of the questions that come your way.

There was also a man there in a wheel chair, and the teacher did not even attempt to make him feel welcomed or that this was something he could do. Once again, this lifestyle is not just filled with porn stars, there are everyday people here that want to be included and should not have to feel that they are not welcomed or unsafe in an environment that should be able to relate.

So, some random guy sends me a message telling me it is a shame that I do not live in KY because his Mistress would love me, and of course had he taken to time to read my profile my reply should have been expected. Why should I care? This response made him call me a cunt.  I really wished he could have came up with something better. His first message was boring then his insult was just as boring.

It never fails, the first of each year I do a lot of back thinking and pondering of what the year before brought and took away from my life. I have changed so much in the past few years, that sometimes I do not even recognize myself. The foundation of who I am always seems to remain the same, but with a few added parts.

I am now a wife. This is something that I never saw coming, and with us going on our second year of marriage, you really would think that this concept would be normal for me, but it still makes me shutter sometimes. I am not wife material, but my husband/Master does not see it that way. He think I am the most perfect wife in the world. This is the reason he managed to do what no one else ever could, get a ring on my finger and not just around my kneck.

I have a 12 year old daughter who is going on 21. This new stage of motherhood has taken some adjustment on everyone's part, but we are getting there. My daughter is turning into a wonderful young women, she just has those moments where the world is suppose to revolve around her, and if it does not she can grow into a little monster. I never forget how hard this stage in life can be, so we are always supportive and things has gone pretty good with no huge issues.

So all in all, last year was a good one. My family and I have grown more solid and stable, which is all I ever wanted in the first place. I am looking forward to seeing what this next year brings.

Another year come and gone. I am looking forward to seeing what 2013 brings, but then I am always up for a good adventure.  I like seeing what is around the next turn. The excitement of learning something, seeing something I have never seen before.

Last year was a great and horrible year for me. I am going to try to make up for some things from last year, and improve on other things. I am letting go of certain unwanted feelings this year, and letting more happiness into my life.

I am so very bored today.

I like to poke the trolls.

There are a few things that I am having a hard time understanding, abut the world as a whole.

1. Why say you have read someone's profile, when on your very first message you prove that you have not?

2. Why contact someone who clearly states that they are not always nice, and will not fake it, and then be utterly surprised when they are not nice to your stupidity?

3. Why has the world come to hate grammar and proper spelling? I can understand that no one is perfect and there can and will be typing errors and the slip of a word here and there, but when your whole message is one big grammar fail, how can you expect anyone to take you seriously?

4. Why fight a battle of wits when you are obviously unarmed to do so?

5. Respect and honor seems to be lost, I can not understand why that is.

It has been brought to my attention that I just might want to much and demand to much from other people. I come off as picky, bitchy, and a general cunt. WOW. Did not mean to offend anyone with my boundries, likes, dislikes, or the fact that I have standards and stick to those things.

No I do not think anyone is special enough to be able to just forgo my limits or what I am looking for. I find it funny that my unwillingness to give in makes me a bad person, but their unwillingness to respect this does not make then a bad person. I am a switch, deal with it, yes I am submissive with certain people, no this does not automatically mean you. Yes I am dominant with some people, no this does not automatically mean you.

These things also does not make me a bad person. I do believe that it does make YOU a bad person if you are not alright with this. After all this is my profile and I do have a right to state what I am looking for or not looking for, and you have the right to pass me by because we want different things out.

I am bored. That is all.

LOL I think I scare people away. I like it. I also think I confuss people, which makes me love my husband even more for taking the time to learn all sides of me and loving each and every one of them.

I find myself sick again.  This time of year here in TN/GA always has gotten me sick, and it just makes me miss Florida even more. I have been back here for almost three years, and I still think of Tampa as more of my home then this place.

My moods have been all haywire and with this cold is not making it any better. I need sunshine and some play time.

I find it funny that while looking though profiles, I see more often then not, a "Dom" or "Master" (their words not mine) telling me everything that I have to do in order to contact them, as if they already own me or somehow just by sheer self given title should be treated. The funniest part for me is that each one of these profiles shows a picture of a man who can't even take the time to bursh his own hair or put on a clean shirt. Yea I so don't wanna pass that up........................

I don't really mean to, but I keep forgetting collar me is here

I know that I have been gone for awhile, but life can and does take hold and you have to take care of those things first. Well all is taken care of and I am back.

I find it completely amusing that so many people out there do not realize that just because we are poly does not mean that I am ok with you going behind your husband, wife, insert title here, and cheating. We do not cheat on each other. We are committed to each other and respect that we both will play safe and within the limits that we both have agreed upon. 

No I don't get mad when he looks, talks, flirts, play, or fucks another girl. The idea and sight of it turns me on. I don't think that he loves me any less because he may at some point love another. And while I can't actually speak for him, he tells me the same thing. It is a two way street in our relationship. We both are free to date, talk, fuck, or play with other people. In the end we both know that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, and we do hope to one day expand on our family. To us love has not limits or bounds.

I am bored. We need a play thing or play things, anyone up for the challenge? Of course being female will get you more ground. I do love watching.

So, tomorrow we have been together for two years. These past two years have seem to go with the wind. They have been two of  the most happiest years in my life.

It still surprises me that we don't fight like most couples do, we don't let life come between us. Each day is new and the thought of spending that new day with him makes every bad thing seem worthwhile.

I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to start my day without him, to fall asleep not knowing he was there to keep me safe, to comfort me if I need it, or to just let me be silly and crazy or dark and moody.  He never once has tried to change the every changing person I am. He holds my hand and help me when I need guidance though the darkness that has a way of sneaking in to my life. He is understanding when I go into that place that scares most people away.

Two years that have went by so fast can only mean that the next well be even better.

Another propper ass kicking came from my trainer. I swear some of these pains are not good ones, but on a good note, my legs don't hurt half as bad this time as they did the last, but my arms feel like jello even the day after the workout.

Happy Samhain everyone. I hope the spirts will bring you blessings and good tidings.

My goddess I have places that are huring in which I did not know I had. I saw my personal trainer for the first time, and she worked my ass to the edge of what I thought I could do. Then I went back and did over an hour of cardio. My ass if going to get smaller even if it dosnt want to. Now I just have to get the rest of me to stop hurting so much in the process.

I have been doing a lot of thinking as of late. For the past year I have not been very happy with myself. Nothing outside of myself has caused this unhappiness, it is all on me. I don't like the direction my path seems to be leading me into. I went almost a year without thinking anything positive in regards to me. Now just to clarify something, I am not saying I have not loved my life, just not been happy with the "me" that was living it.

One of the first steps I have taken to change this, as everyone knows due my many post, I joined a gym. I gained 50 pounds in a year. That is a hell of a lot to gain back after working so hard to loose so much. I was so disappointed in myself the first time I stepped on my scale and fully realized just how much I weighed. So I have been working very hard to take responsibility for that, and to change that number into something I can be proud of. I make the post to make sure that I am aware and as a way to hold myself accountable for what I am doing or for what I am not doing.

I am a type of pagan. For the last year I have not held to my rites and rituals. I have not once truly given honor to the beings that I hold in reverence. I am working on changing that, even if it is just something small and that may seem meaningless unless you understand where it comes from. Like lighting a candle to honor the full moon, or watering the plants to honor the earth. I know that once I get my spiritual self back on track a lot of the rest will follow.

I am changing the way I think about everything. Instead of always seeing the bad, I will find something good in regards to every situation I find myself in, even if it is horrible. Lessons and growth can come from the most unlikely places, and I need to remember that.

I have a long way to go, but I have made good steps towards getting myself back to the me I loved and respected.

I have been writing on a story is it very much forming into a pretty good book. It is sort of like Silent Hill themed in the different world inside of the real world. The story consist of three main characters and what they go though trapped in a type of hell within hell.

So my question for you is, what do you find scary? This can come from a book, a movie, a video game, or even a role playing type game. Just in general what gets your hairs standing up and your skin rolling.

So February 10, 2010 was my one year anniversary. It really is funny looking back over this year.

Then we drove back home and had yet another meal with my step father before driving back home. Sunday was my family's get together, which due to my step father getting lose we were very late for. That was fun and Tim and my cousin Logan spent a great deal of time sitting and talking about super heroes and the like.

Monday was my daughters 9th birthday. It seems strange that she is already that old. So we drove up and took her to eat pizza at her favorite place and her and Tim played games in the arcade. (Yea I am not much for the games.) We also took her to game stop so that she could pick out a new game for her DS.

Next Monday we are picking up my little brother so he can come spend a few days with us and we are taking him to see New Moon. I am looking forward to that. I haven't got to see him in a while, and I miss him.

Tonight proved to be a wonderfully painful night at the Lore. All those who did not come missed Destiny and me dressed up as school girls. Destiny went traditional school girl and I went more dirty cheerleader.

Tonight, like every time I feel ok, I got my ass beat, my thighs beat, my back beat, cloths pins all over my chest, my breast beat.

I Know It Has Been A While

Better Bottoming

---

How can I learn to be a good bottom?

---

It can also be hard to learn to bottom, if what you're used to is topping. Giving up control, surrendering, can be a difficult thing, when you're used to holding the reins in your hands. If you find yourself manipulating your top, trying to coerce them into giving you what you want, then you're what is called a "pushy bottom"--a bottom who is not really submitting, but just trying to turn the situation around to the way they want it to go.

Some tops get off on bottoms who are defiant or subtly disobedient, and use it as an excuse to punish; but for other tops, especially inexperienced ones, it can be anything but fun. Making your top feel like they don't know what they're doing is no fun for either of you; I know, I've been there, as the pushy bottom. The solution? The next time you play, tell yourself that you are the top's property, that their will is yours, and that your deepest desire is to please them. Before, if they did something you didn't like, you might have suggested they try it another way; now, they are doing exactly what they want to be doing, and you are grateful they're doing it. Let go of your urges to be in control; surrender to them, and let them have their way with you. I guarantee you will have a lot more fun than when you were trying to top from the bottom--I know I did!

If you are still not quite getting what you want, as a bottom, this solution may not last very long; you will probably want to talk to your top about what your needs and desires are, and about how you can both have fun getting to them. But the time to negotiate about what your bottom fantasies are, and how you might want to manifest them, is not necessarily while you're in the middle of a scene which you've pre-negotiated. Don't get into the "Oh, yes, Mistress, anything you want--um, uh, Mistress, you're not quite doing it right!" trap. (Can you tell I speak from experience here?)

Relax, and respond. Quite often a top will enjoy topping you because of your reactions--the way you wriggle, and squirm, and cry out. If you clench every muscle and strive to endure without giving _any_ sign that you're feeling anything, your top may get frustrated with the lack of feedback. Let yourself feel. And don't hold your breath! Or rather, don't forget to breathe. (If, of course, you _negotiated_ a "stoic endurance" scene, that's different. But don't feel you _have_ to act that way. I like it when my bottoms struggle--they have a safeword if they need it.)

Of course, nothing is cut-and-dried; just because you're on the bottom doesn't mean you're a puppet. But there is a big difference between being open and communicative, and trying to force things in your preferred direction. A good bottom is one who is enthusiastic, devoted to their top's pleasure, willing to surrender to their top's will, open about their own desires (in a respectful manner, of course), and happy to be bottoming.

There's a piece of common wisdom that's been around the scene for a long time, which is: the best tops are those who started at the bottom. I believe it's true. If you've been there, felt the bite of the whip, struggled to get free as you were brought slowly and teasingly to orgasm, tranced out as the sensation from the clothespins washed over and through you... then you will be much better able to guide someone else through that intensely magical space as a top, because you will literally have been there. Plus, starting as a bottom means you'll pick up a lot of hands-on (if you will) experience! (And as with any generalized statement about SM, there are plenty of people whose mileage varies; bottoms who've never topped and never want to, or tops who've never gone under and are still damn good. But even such tops often experiment with sensations on themselves before trying them with their bottoms.)

When I wake up with it will both be my birthday and the day I get to spend time with Master. YAY ME

101 Things to make your slave feel owned
A Dom friend of mine sent this my way via email, Any true submissive/slave or devious Master/Mistress can appreiate this. Not sure if I was supposed to put this somewhere else, oh well, Enjoy!

Back To Reality

I will be spending the weekend in a cabin with my potential new Sir. I just wanted to let everyone know that if it takes me a bit to answer your messages, your are not forgotten. I will get back to you when I can.

I get to get all dressed up for him this weekend. He has requested that I dress sexy and goth, which I have the perfect outfit for, and I have been working on it for two days.

We met up last night and spent pretty much the whole night just walking and talking, it was great. He also gave me a list of things that I am to do for now one. So far I have done every one them. It's nice to be under someone guidance again, even it this is just a trial run for now.

 I have been excited over this weekend since he first mentioned it. Now it’s finally here. I hope I can be a good girl.

Another V Rant

Ok, so it is really so very hard to fill out a profile. Just a few words to say who you are, what your into, things that excite your mind, body, or whatever. But just a one word stated I am looking for a Dom/a or sub, what does that really tell anyone.

I find myself wondering if it is possible for ex’s who were friends to stay friends after the break up? Or more precisely is it possible for friends who become Dom/slave to stay friends or is the bond that can be so strong and sometimes overwhelming in this lifestyle a killing force to the pre-friendship?

For me the answer is…………..The friendship can be lasting, although altered. But what happens when said friendship starts to become something that brings pain. When words spoken while they may not be originally meant to, in the end puts the other person down or makes them feel pain due to the meaning of those words. Is the friendship then worth nurturing and protecting.

I am having that problem now. He sent me an email on myspace that brought tears to my eyes.  My ex doesn’t seem too happy to have learned that I went out with someone. Now the dates were not serious as of yet. No collar around my neck, and we both understand that right now it is a learning stage, he must learn me, and I must learn him. That way we can see if there is enough of a connection to build upon..

So my question of importance to the masses in this post is, should friendship and D/s be left completely separate? I just don’t know what to do about this. I thought we both had moved on. He is engaged. He lives in a completely different state now. So what do I do?

Now while I have met up with one person from this site,  I am talking to a few more. One that I already knew, two that I really want to meet up with one day, even if it is just for friendship. With everyone that I converse with here, it is too soon to be anything other than learning and seeing what can become of this.

All in all. I really miss my friend. The friend I had before anything happened and the friend that I had while we were together. The one who I could look at and say, “Hey we need to go back to being just friends for a moment.”

Next time I think I will remember my rule, don’t do anything with friends. It just ruins it. I had thought him and I were different because of the way we are, but I guess in the end we two are just humans, even if sometimes we like to think that because of are alter selves we are above human mistakes. While I don’t look at what we had as a mistake, I do look at the loss of the closeness and friendship as the mistake. I want it back, but maybe I am just wishing for something that can never happen. Only time will see. 

So tonight made the secound date with a guy that I met from Collarme. It went very very well. I am looking forward to getting to see him again, and seeing where this will go. It does still seem a little strange to be giveing my attention to someone other then my ex, but I am glad that I am. Tonight proved to be much better then I expected. I like wonderful suprises.

I cry and no one hears