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Hetero Female Submissive, 57,  Tulsa, Oklahoma
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VampofChaos - submissive

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Friends:
romzom19

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Joined:

 VampofChaos

 Submissive Female

 Tulsa 

 Oklahoma

 Willing to Relocate

 5' 0"

 160 lbs

 57

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 02/16/05

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Blindfolds (Expert)

 Bondage (Expert)

 Corsets (Expert)

 Sensory Deprivation (Expert)

 Lifestyle BDSM (Expert)

 Loves:

 Amusement Parks (Expert)

 Fine Dining

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 Gambling

 Movies

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 Travel (Expert)

 Dancing

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 Cages

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 Wicca  (Beginner)

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 Art Galleries

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 SCA (Beginner)

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 Clubbing

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 Dislikes:

 Rollerblading (Beginner)

 Corner Time

 Chess

 Online Chatrooms

 Knitting

 Female Supremacy

 Funk

 Heavy Metal Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Industrial Music

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 Hates:

 Fishing

 Climbing

 Hiking (Beginner)

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 Running

 Skate Boarding

 Surf Boarding

 Ultimate Frisbee

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 Diet and Exercise

 Polyamory

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 Gymnastics

 Crossdressing

 Diapers

 Humiliation (Expert)

 Objectification (Beginner)

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Strap-Ons

Name: Dream with me All that we see is just a dream within a dream Location: Your the closest to heaven I'll ever be and i don't want to go home right now Marital status: Heart mending... Lost soul Hobbies: dreams, dreaming, erotic dreams. What is life without a dream. Make love to me in the moonlight. Our love will soar in the sky. Tonight we are together and the universe is ours Everything seems like the movies      and you bleed just to know your alive Lightning crashes....an old mother dies What wicked games you play...To make me feel this way What wicked things you do to make me feel this way You came to me in the night..darkness was all i see Who are you ?What do you want ? Are you here for me ? My mind is in a daze My thoughts of only you

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Journal Entries:
8/26/2011 8:55:11 AM

I think my life is harder now than it ever was. There are the haves and the have nots. I am one of the have nots, I was collared almost six months ago by one of the haves. I lived in a beautiful home, had a car to drive,my granddaughter whom i have guardianship over has serious medical problems and she has been through more than any little girls should have. It was kind of a package deal. Then out of the blue i was told pack our stuff we were dropped back into the hellish life we came from. Told my granddaughter was not wanted and now have no way to get her to her doctors appointments. Now not only is my life left up in the air but she has to suffer as well. Everything was put out front from the beginning and i was assured there was no problem, now i got a little girl that does not understand why her pa pa does not want her anymore,i am left with no answers only silence. My life has been turned upside down


8/23/2011 8:15:35 AM

We are the Sensitives

It is our gift and curse to carry, that double edged sword. Love and Anqiush Ecstacy and Dispair. All the muses that tug at our soul. We are the Empaths and the Victims. We are the ones that feel emotions most deeply. We dance in highest moments. Cry at deepest hurts. We feel our own mirth and turmoil. Rage and Sadness and others. Open-Bare- Exposed


8/22/2011 6:57:13 PM

i gave you my heart and you hid it, I gave you my Love and you took it

I gave you my soul, you abandoned it, I gave you mu body, you ravaged it

I gave you everything that was special to me, and you turned it all into Misery

But i can't thank you enough for your teachings. That to take Love you must take a beating

I knew it was true but you proved it to me that Love is a word without meaning

So give me back my heart if it's still beating and my body if it's quite bleeding

And my Soul if you can find it

The Love i gave is yours, i lost it and to you i wish no hostilities, for it was my own stupididty to believe in a thing called Love


8/21/2011 5:18:07 PM

i guess i can't say anything on here, it all comes back to bite me on the ass. My life is in turmoil, my soul is in limbo and i feel like i am under a gag order not to express my views and opinions


8/5/2011 7:21:48 PM

The beginning of the end or what,what do i know i am a slave an expendable commody, but it has it's ripple affects, this has caused torment to my very precious granddaughter who loves her pa pa very much, she is asking me questions i cannot answer. All the power and decisions  are in my Masters hand, i am merely his pawn. I am depressed over the slightest mention he is moving away.just when i got my granddaghter enrolled in classes her, and set up for home schooling everything is falling apart


8/5/2011 10:15:18 AM

Had to come to Tulsa today, i cried the whole way. My Master had talked about moving for several months, i just didn't know it was going to happen so fast. I feel like i am dying inside, i am stuck in Tulsa due to legal reasons and my son only made them worse. Now i have to pay the price. I am totally heart broke, i feel like i am losing the best person i ever had in my life. I will miss Him terribly and my life will never be the same without Him. My emotions are pretty raw right now. Life pretty much sucks now that i know i will lose my Master


7/7/2011 12:53:26 PM

It's been a rough month, my little Angel is sick. B.it's afine line much like a tight rope balancing between being a full time grandmother as well as a full time slave.being mouthy or disrespectful has  it's consquences, i learned the hard way.not being in a relationship for way to many years you wonder where you draw the line between punishment or discipline and abuse. It adds fear to the relationship and you have to learn to differenciate the the two , it is complext it is a mixture of emotions that have to be sorted through. and hope you reach the right one. Right now i am mid way in sorting it out. I love my Master with all my heart, i just havent dealt with the element of fear that lingers in the background.Guess i have a long ways to go and alot more to learn


6/9/2011 5:00:33 PM

It's been a long hard week an emotional week full of ups and downs, but i survived and thank God tomorrow is Friday, my Master is coming home. i have missed Him so much and tomorrow i get to show Him just how much His little bitch missed Him, i wish tonight would hurry up and end. We may give without loving but we cannot love without giving. What the heart gives away is never lost, it is kept in the hearts of others. i am a slave and proud of it, but more than that i am His slave


6/8/2011 10:08:06 PM

My life lessons or some of them

Life is not waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain

Power is given, not taken, Trust is gained not asked

Love rules without a sword, and bends without a cord. Love makes obedience easy, but can be uncomfortable, and often times so much more

and last but not least

Don't ever let anger get in the way of Forgiveness


6/8/2011 10:31:49 AM

I apologized to my Master today, i was wrong to let the stress get to me, Life is hell trying to deal with all my granddaughters medical issues , and it is even harder being away from my Master. I miss him terribly, having a Master is one thing being in love with your Master adds a whole new prospective to it. Yes i am a whiny brat, and sometimes i mess up but my Master understands me and he is very forgiving. Who could ask for more. Sleep deprivation does not help matters much. my Master is coming home this week, my world will be happy once again


6/2/2011 8:15:19 PM

If life is a bowl of cherries what am i doing in the pits. My grandson is at my house setting up video security to the house. it entertains him and he is happy, so be it. the little princess just went to bed. took my meds should kick in any time. My Master is on the road and i miss him so much. But he is always in my thoughts, in my heart and i know that i am owned.Nothing in the world could ever make me happier than having what i have now, The greatest Master, i belong to him, and  i know he would never do any thing to put me in harms way. I miss sleeping wrapped in his arms each night, so i am a little on the stressed and bitchy side right now, that will pass when i am with my Master again, till then i will just be a weepy ,whining brat. as long as i do not get punished for it


5/29/2011 2:44:35 PM

Life is confusing, i wear my permanent collar,i will wear  it for life. My Perfect Master has graciously brought me into his home along with my very active granddaughter. Two wordls collide and i make my share of mistakes.of when to refer to him as papa for her and Master for me. This is an adjustment period, will have to see how it goes. Master is very understanding. . God Blessed the Broken Road i traveled and led me straight to him. It will take a little time to get a routine down.I pray to God  it all falls into place.I love my Master with all my heart,he is my soul, I'm finally home, where i have always belonged, just didn't know it till our paths crossed.


5/16/2011 3:07:18 PM

My life is a whirlwind sometimes moving way to fast for me to keep up. My time with my Master is very precious to me. The week ends come to slow and end to fast. Sunday afternoons are the hardest for me knowing i have to leave my Master and come home to total chaos, custody battles, fights with the school system to protect my little princess who is a very sick little girl, trying to keep some peace in the family.

It seems like i waited a lifetime to find the perfect Master, and i do have the Perfect Master, i belong to him, and the time we have to be apart hurts bad, down to the very core of my soul. He is so much more to me than just My Master, He is the one who captured my heart, to find a Master is one thing but to find a deep, binding love to is more than anyone could ever wish or hope for, and i have that.

Being home is getting to be harder and harder for me, i just want to take my little princess and leave this horrid place, i try really hard not to let my baby girl see me cry, she is to little to understand all the things that are going on. Life here sucks big time.

This week end cannot come fast enough for me, i have to be home early Sunday afternoon little princess has a recital at 3:00pm. Thank God the therapist comes tomorrow i definitely need that. It's been a really long day and it is only 5pm. Time for a chill pill


5/11/2011 3:29:23 PM

Never try to write something when your meds have kicked in. i can at least admit i am an idiot when i do it, but i have the option of deleting it. I am wondering how many people on this site cannot read or understand what something means. I am a collared sub/slave i have stated that many times .I have stated i have a Master that i love very much. Apparently some people on this site does not know what that means. Let me clarify for you, i have a Master, i belong to Him, i am His property, i serve no one but my Master.

So please stop with the emails asking if i want to play, or if i seek a Master. my place is with my Master, he has my total love and admiration, i am His property and i intend on keeping it that way. I have friends on this site that is why i keep it to keep in touch, but to everyone else i am not any ones play toy except for the Master i serve. I have found what i seek and i am blissfully happy. Any more emails asking if i want to play will be deleted. I am devoted to my Master, all others, get a life and just move on


5/5/2011 11:51:00 AM

My world totally rocks, even with the bad times and the problems at home, i know i can get through them,, because i always have something to look forward to. My time with my Master. I got to see him for dinner last night as he went through town, and i got to take the little princess, she dressed up like a little princess just for him, she picked out her own clothes and she looked beautiful. Any time i can have with my Master regardless of how short, it means everything to me. I love you , Master and miss you even more


5/1/2011 7:50:29 PM

it is bedtime, the meds are kicking in so this may or may not make sense i  delete it in the morning.if i write something i should not have. Hopefully will not incriminate me by saying something i will have to be punished for next time Master and i are together. My head is just floating in the clouds when i am with Him. My little princess and the rat pack were happy for me to come home to them again. Home is where the Hell is. When i am with Master my life is life a fairy tale world, the kind every little girl dreams of no matter how old she is. It is the greatest feeling in the world, then our time ends and it is back to the house of hell, like the bad parts of the Cinderella move, where the wicked step mother has her scrubbing and cleaning up everybody's mess.. i had a great week end ..I Love MY Master. I think i am kind of like a work in progress for him as well as for me. He is very kind in the patience and the time he takes to teach me what is expected of me, but i would do any thing for Master. i am Master's little bitch and i like it just that way. Of to bed with me tomorrow will be along hard day.................Peace out


4/29/2011 7:09:30 AM

TGIF..................Another weeks comes to an end...my Master will be here to get me this afternoon. All is right in my world, I am happy, i am at peace. I think i have enough stuff packed it looks like i am moving out, but as always looks can be deceiving......Bit by bit i leave more of my things at Masters house, that is where i belong, I will always be here to care for my granddaughter but in time my place will always be at my Masters side, which is how it should be...Busy day for me the therapist should be showing any minute, Have a few errands to run, pick up grandson from school at 1:15pm then the little princess at 2:30pm. Get the last of my things ready to go, as well as get myself presentable for Him. Think i need a pain pill and xanax. I love my Master, but each time he comes to get me i get nervous and anxious , i am always happy to see him, but each week is almost like the first time, i never know what to expect, i never know what limits are going to be tested or pushed, it is exciting but scary at the same time. the only thing i always know for sure is i am safe and i am loved by my Master, and that is the most important thing. i love the story The Garden by Lady Jade, i read it over and over again, i have it printed out, i wish Castle Realm would reopen their site. i got alot of good information from their when i first started my journey into this lifestyle. Added some new pics to profile...Someone is knocking on the door. Every one have a Great Week end........Peace out


4/25/2011 3:35:39 PM

Easter week end was great, life is kind of hard for me sometimes, sometimes torn between two worlds. I love my Master and every moment we have together is very special to me, I belong to him and always will. I live for the week ends. Then there is my world filled with the love of my little princess who needs me home with her during the week, she is always happy to see me come home to her, she welcomes me with hugs and kisses and tells me how much she missed me, and how i am always with her in her heart, that her heart is a loving heart and half of it is filled with love for me and the other half is full of love for her daddy. She is my princess and will always be just that. it is amazing that at 7 yrs old she truly knows the concept of love and many other things We had about an hour discussion on Angels last night, she is my light, she is my world, just as my Master is my light at the end of the darkness from the past i left behind, He has touched my soul as well as my heart, i belong to Him. I walk on the thin line that separates the two worlds i live in, raising my granddaughter and serving my Master. I feel very blessed to be able to do both. My life is good.

I have to say thank you to one of my special friends here on this site for your kind words and for being my friend, Thomas Michael . you are always in my thought and prayers.


4/20/2011 4:31:17 PM

Home life has been a real stress for me this week, but all in all i cannot complain, i will be leaving this Friday so i will have a week end of "Sweet Surrender". I could not be happier than when i am with my Master. Time for my shows.........Peace out


4/18/2011 12:46:41 PM

 

There is a line in a song that say Rock my world little country girl.....well this little country girl got her world rocked this week end. and i am quite sure it will happen again and again My Master is my sanctuary away from this place, with Him is where i am at peace regardless of weather i am being punished or if i am kneeling at his feet. well my grandson just called needs me to pick him up..........so Peace out


4/14/2011 4:33:24 PM

The tornado sirens have bellowed for more than a half hour, now the rain is smashing down with a vengeance , but i don't mind i love the rain, i am a water sign so it fits. my life is good, my son took his daughter for a play date so i am enjoying the peace and quiet

i have the family drama under control, i contacted my attorney today and he said he will deal with it, going to kick back and watch some shows i recorded before my granddaughter gets back and takes over the living room television .Peace Out

My time out and any thoughts of peace and  quiet quickly went out the door, because of the storm the kids came back early. Now they are both sleeping peacefully and my meds have not kicked in. I'm going to read my fairy wisdom card for the day , light candles in the bedroom and put my favorite Stevie Nicks cd in the dvd player. Favorite song on the disc Beauty and the Beast. that song is the best to help you touch a part of your inner being a life of beauty and pain, the interconnection between the two well i am off to bed. I got a phone call tonight, Master will be home tomorrow and i get to see him saturday. He rocks my world for me, i just hope that in time i can learn to be a better sub to him, i would never want to displease him. Starting over again after many years is really a big drawback perhaps in time i can prove myself to him, that i really am worth having to stick around

another day has come to it's end


4/12/2011 8:26:06 AM

I decided to back off from the family drama, take a break, let all them fight it out amongst themselves. The only good thing about oklahoma is they have the make my day law, so i will just sit back and wait. i don't go looking for trouble never have and never will but when it comes my way i am not one to turn around and walk away. I take care of my own which are my sons and my grandchildren, God forbid any one crosses my path. Easter is coming and the little princess who lights up my life will have a good day. I have a 16 yr old grandson and i still make Easter baskets for him. He thinks i'm a whack job but he knows when he needs something i am the first one he calls, he knows i am always there for him.

My private life is going great, I have a wonderful Master in my life who understands my situation, we are both still in the getting to know stage but i could not ask for or hope for a kinder, more understanding Master, so my life is good. I'm happy, my kids are happy i couldn't ask for anything more. My life is good


4/8/2011 7:00:25 AM

Today is a day i so need therapy, and thank God the therapist is willing to come this morning. I got to move from this frigging place, it's bad enough with my sons psycho x running around town now i got to worry about my family, namely my bastard stepfather and mother trying to take my granddaughter away just because they heard through  the grapevine what kind of lifestyle i am into. The woman made my whole life miserable with neglect and abuse put me in every institution she could so she could whore around, then she married into money and think the sins of her past are forgiven, but mine are not. They never acknowledged my sons or grandchildren as part of their family till over the last year my mother wanted to make amends because she was in stage 2 b-cell lymphoma, i can't believe i let myself be sucked in, just found out last night her cancer is gone when she called to tell me she heard what kind of lifestyle i am into and is threatening to send DHS to take my granddaughter away from me. I kinda lost it then told her she better back off and since she wouldn't name her sources told her i could find out easily, took me one phone call. Then i Called my oldest son who has always been one of my hero's he said he would take care of their threats and make a statement on his face book page. It is a good incentive to do whatever has to be done to come up with the money to get the fuck out of this God forsaken state. My sons and my grandchildren are my life, the rest of my family can just fuck off and kiss my ass. I am so pissed. Over the years i have mellowed out i chose to leave a life full of violence and other things so that i could watch my grandson grow up in a safe place, and now my main  thing in my life is raising my granddaughter and keeping her in a safe place, when that is threatened  recollections of who you once were and what you are capable of doing come to the surface pretty damn quick. In my younger years i was the biker bitch from hell, and i learned the hard way to fight through experience and i could stand my ground and even put a man down, i was a marksman when it came to using a knife, i preferred a knife to a gun any day because i was that good at using one, at one time i was facing a 5year prison term for assault with a deadly weapon, i stabbed someone who was threatening my youngest sons life he was only 8 yrs at that time, when it was all said and done the charges were dropped and the file was destroyed. That is not who i am now but i am pretty sure if pushed hard enough i can go back to that place again, that is a very scary thought, therapy, therapy, therapy


4/7/2011 1:25:25 PM

Life is good, got my license back so i am legal, it only took me 4 hours of bullshit from DPS. Just got home from picking the little princess up from school, therapist should be knocking on the door any minute. New favorite songs cause i love rockin to country music. Colder weather by Zack Brown Band (which is a very sad song, it was it's about his brother who was addicted to crystal meth (winter) and his relationship with his girlfriend..kind of like the song says..he always promised he would quit and get clean but he died before that happened, this is a tribute to his brother), If i die young by Band Perry, and I run to you by Lady Antebellum. My thoughts on good relationships weather it be family fiends or a significant other, be best friends, be honest and you can never overuse the words I Love You, they just might be the last words anyone hears from you.


3/30/2011 4:46:15 PM

Thank you Iowa for really making my life suck at the moment, your frigging DMV has made it impossible for me to get my license renewed where i live at least for the next week or so they can take the two hundred dollars i over nighted them and shove it as far as i'm concerned. I did everything they told me to do three and a half years ago paid them a few thousand and they said that would be the end of it. I was able to get  license in Tulsa  no questions asked now Des Moines thinks i should pay them to reinstate a license in a state i don't even live in. So now how am  i suppose to get my granddaughter to school,  to the doctors,and wonder if my insurance is going to drop me before i am able to get a license here again. Why don't states go after the people who need to be locked up or make them pay higher fines for serious crimes instead of picking on someone like me just trying to do things right and keep my granddaughter where she can go  to school and do safe things

Guess you could say i am pissed. well this is my sounding board and i feel so much better now. Other than that i'm happy, my life is good...


3/28/2011 12:42:13 PM

Today started out fairly well, took my granddaughter to get a referral from her doctor so she can get into speech therapy. Then off to my surgeons, i am doing good lost almost another 10 lbs, got a fill in the port from him the needle hurt as he injected the liquid now it is a week of liquid diets for me till i can try any real food again. Went to get my license renewed, found out there is some problem with that, so got to go to DPS tomorrow to see what is up with that. Got some really wonderful emails commenting on how happy i am now. I am happy in many ways now so much more than in years past. The week end was a little bit disappointing was hoping for a call, but so goes life. Just another day in living without knowing where i stand. All anyone can do is follow the path and see where ones journey takes them. It's time to get my little princess ready for her music and dance lessons by the time she gets home it will be bedtime. Just a normal day for me, but i am at peace


3/27/2011 7:48:42 PM

It's been a rough week end at home, but i always do survive.

To  my  Master

how i have missed you
How I have missed you - the sound of your voice, the touch of your hands, the sweetness of your lips all haunt me endlessly.


3/25/2011 5:22:17 AM

An unhappy lesson in relativity theory, time drags when I am waiting for you and races when we are together.


3/24/2011 8:45:40 AM

It is a new year and with it many changes in my life. Some for the better some for the worse. I've always been able to overcome most obstacles in my life. I have begun a new journey in my life and am trying to find a part of me once again that i lost or just blocked out of my mind many years ago. The heart, mind and soul are willing, it's my body that betrays me and fills me with uncertainty. The years have softened my skin, i haven't yet learned to withstand the pain of the lashes, but it does bring back memories of where i once used to be and what i was. It also reminds me of where i want to be again. I guess only time will tell if i can be who i really am. I'm trying to reconnect and sometimes it is not as easy as it may seem.

I've been searching through boxes of old stuff, things i kept when i was just learning about this lifestyle, reading the papers i saved from those few people who mentored and taught me what the true gift of submission was. At one time i was given a story to read it was called "The Rose" I had to understand the correlation of the beauty of the rose with it's thorny stem to the what serving your Master through the rose meant. I've kept that story for all these years. As well as my response. which was.

What i found in the Rose, is through the gift of the Rose from her Master and her acceptance she relinquished total control and power to Him totally and unconditionally...

The Rose is symbolic of the Beauty and the Pain..if she is fully focused on the Rose and preserving it's beauty and caring not to damage it in any way then she can withstand and endure the thorns and the pain they inflict...in parallel to the relationship if she is focused on serving and pleasing her Master she will withstand the pain or not even notice the pain

I was told i got the point and i got it well.

Alot of my teachings, the things i learned, and loved got lost in a fog, my brain shut them out, i never imagined i would be where i am today, and this week so many lost or forgotten things have come flooding back. Life is certainly strange sometimes, now i get to see where it leads me


3/22/2011 9:52:25 PM

Trying to reconnect to the inner me. The way i used to be and want to be. It  is a journey i look forward to, even though the path i choose like starting from scratch, i have been away for far to long. Many things i used to love and enjoy are  painful lessons  i must endure to help me progress to where i want to be. He teaches me very well and is patient with my screw ups. I know as time goes by things will be harder, limits will be pushed, does that scare me yes..but i have to be true to myself and get back the life i gave up on so many years ago. I have a great teacher, i just hope that i can manage to be a sub he can be proud to call his own. I have always chosen the path of the rose, i know what it means and what it signifies...Bedtime for me                                                                                                     


12/8/2010 7:58:23 AM
I am currently a full time grandmother to a beautiful little 7yr old girls.I wish i had all her energy, she definitly keeps me on the go. I love every minute of it. Winter is coming it is so cold, i have to find a warmer place to move to but only when my son and my granddaughter can manage to move and live near me. My struggle with my weight issues are getting better. I went from 220 to 150 still need to lose 25 more and i will be happy.
For most of my life i was skinny as a rail, i look at those old pics and wish i could go back in time, but do to medical problems i gained and that is something i am working on learning to live with it. I enjoy my time with my granddaughter and my 4 little ankle biters i call the rat pack. But it would be nice to find a Master, a life time mate and live the lifestyle i love so much.  Maybe one of these days. It's the season to believe

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