It has been such a long time since I have been online or even wrote in my journal.  I have had a lot of personal family issues and I even stopped talking to my master for a few weeks.

I called him today to tell him how sorry I was and was hoping he would forgive me.

He told me that he understood but would have appreciated me telling him that I just needed some time but he welcomed me back and started to talking to me like we before and even made me cum 5 times on the phone for him and making me call myself his slut and he my king.

He told me once and for all he wants me to move here and we discussed things in detail and I realized that after not speaking to him for 2 weeks and he accepting me again that it is time for me to leave home and start my own life with my king.

I am ready to go to him and give him all of me and become his property once and for all and hopefully forever.

His birthday is in September and I hope to be there before then.

I just love jealous dominants who think they are god's gift to subsmisisves on this site and do not respect the fact that I am owned.

You obviously have no respect for the lifestyle and are posers yourself.

Well, I have finally picked a date to go see my master in person.

I am anticipating seeing him on August 7 and I am really looking forward to it.

I cannot wait to be used by him finally and give myself up to him.

Well. one of my family members is very sick so I will be traveling with my family to go see her the time I was supposed to visit my king so I wont get to see him until the first week of July.

I am very sad about that but he was very understanding about it.

I also told him that I really really want a sister slave and asked him if we could start looking for one and he said he would rather focus on getting me here and training me but he would at least start looking.

If any girls out there want to serve a very handsome, caring and strict king message me.

Last night I told him that I dont want to wait until I move in... I want him to take me when I come see him next month.. I told him I want it rough almost like rape and he asked me if I was sure and I said YES.

He promised me it would be as close to real rape as possible and I told him not to stop even when I say NO and he said he would.

I cannot wait until he takes me and shows me what a fucktoy I am to him.

Tonight while I was at work and on my break we were texting... I almost texted him that I love him.

When I got home from work and after settling in with my family I went up to my room and called him like I do every night.

I told him that I almost told him I loved him and he sounded a bit shocked... I cant tell if it was a good shock or a bad schock cuz I am bad about reading people but he sounded happy about it.

I feel so safe and comfortable with him.... I know that he would never truly hurt me yet he will hurt me when he wants me to suffer... he knows what I need and when I need it.

He could replace me at anytime and that scares me but I want to be his.....

I have so many thoughts and emotions running in my head.... I am his forever if he takes me... PLEASE take me... PLEASE TAKE ME and make me your PLAYTHING KING!

A few nights ago I told him that I want my first time to be rough and not gentle... I am so glad I can tell him my thoughts and feelings and he was also glad that he told me that because he said that he would have been soft and gentle with me so that I would not be scared of him for real.... but now that he knows what I want he told me that I should be scared and prepared for anything...

The thoughts of what might happen to me are running deep within me but I can't take the waiting.. I wish that night would come and come fast!

I am falling more in more under HIS control... I have given myself to him mentally and soon I will give my body to him.

He is my KING forever more!

I do not want to speak to any other doms for ownership... friends is ok but respect my feelings.

I am getting a lot of mixed messages about my future meeting and some of them are actually respectful and others are plain idiotic trying to lure me away as if they were any better.

FYI - we talk every single night, I have developed a deep sense of his personality and he allows me to ask questions and allows me to envision what my life will be like.

We fall asleep on the phone together just about every night.  He says he loves hearing me breathing and I love the sense of security I have knowing he is on the other end even though we are both sleeping.

Beyond that, he is a very handsome guy.  Not to offend anyone but if you are fat or lets say unattractive I can never submit to you.  I have  a deep mental and physical attraction to him and he literally has control over my body.

He is the only guy that has ever been able to make me horny just by calling me bitch, slut or fucktoy... I somtimes act bratty on the phone with him just to hear those words come from his mouth.  

I have litterally begged him to send me a voiceclip of him calling me dirty names so I can cum whenever I want but he refuses because he knows he has power over me.

He respects and understands I will not have sex with him on the first meeting and I am planning on having surgery to have my tubes tied and after my surgery I intend to move back in with him permanently provided the meeting goes as I expect.

He has a dog of his own but I have a puppy of my own and he is graciously going to allow me to bring my dog.

He is a really great guy so anyone with unjust negativity will get you nowhere with me.

I know I am just his slave and will never be his girlfriend and I offered to help him find a girlfriend once I am there and he told me that all he wants to do is focus on me right now and whatever happens in the future happens.... most guys on here would be so fucking greedy and demand I find them other girls right away... this is a true dom who is committed.

I will be driving to Florida in June to meet my possible future master but I am still talking to others to see if his expectations and desires match closely with other dominant men.

From what I have seen so far he is on point with others perspectives so it is helping me realize what my expectations of my master as well as his of mine are.

But beyond the expecations I have formed a mental bond with him and he is the only one that has had this affect over my mind and my body and I am nervous but also anxious to meet him.

I am a virgin and this meeting will be for a few days with no sex.  He is a real dom and is appreciating the fact that I dont want to have sex until I accept a collar from my future owner... I hope he is the one I give my complete self to though.

I have been talking to a dom on here for a while and things seem to be going very well.

He has a lot of the qualities that I am looking for AND I have lost the ability to cum on my own.

The only time I can cum is when I am on the phone with him and I have begged and pleaded with him to give me a voice clip of him and he refuses.

Out of the 11 messages I received so far ONLY 1 was detailed in explanation and I am going to talk to this person.

If anyone else thinks they can match up - bring it on.