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Thanksgiving sucked for me. I changed plans to spend it with someone and they spent it elsewhere so I spent it alone. What really sucks is I couldn't tell my friends cause they don't want me to waste time on him anyway and I would have felt stupid to have to know they where thinking I told you so. It was a major eye opener for me. I am going to work on becoming ICE COLD! That's where I need to stay. |
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Sometimes it takes a man that's truely a piece of no class shit to break your spirit to snap you into the reality that men these days don't want a GOOD or DECENT woman they want a whore. So it's time to kill everything moral and sweet bout this gal and give the men what they want. In return I become a woman with a brain that will NEVER be disappointed again by thinking a man has any honorable intention with me. I will just be a slut and learn to enjoy it. It will beat getting my heart broke and will sure as hell be something I can do on MY terms.
Thank you mother fucker for making me wise to your kind! You may have broke my spirit but I will be stronger for it cuz you made me want to SAVE myself from men like you. Men that rather see a woman hurt. |
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Interesting...had an ex try to call me last nite. And when I didn't answer he sent a text wanting me to come over. LOL didn't answer text either. Are men that full of themselves that they think they are all that? I called him out on it this morning and asked if he was drunk...he was. Too funny. |
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Funny how my opinion of Dom men has come to not having alot of
respect for them. Most are selfish and want to only having their needs met.
Im starting to think most are Dom wannabe's. I think they have more ego than
the capability of being real men and are trying to compensate.
To the very rare REAL exceptional Dom...this does not apply to you.
This also applies to Domme women...
My point...GROW HEARTS PEOPLE...if you want to be worthy of RESPECT. |
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FYI...Look at my age...If I am old enough to be your parent or I'm young enough to be your child...Please dont message me for an opportunity. There ARE lines I will not cross and those are 2 of them.
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I am truely NOT trying to be mean...but I simply keep getting messages from submissive bi men and my profile CLEARLY states...I DO NOT want a bi man! Sorry guys but I am NOT gonna change my mind on that issue! Have an issue on sharing a man with a woman...I sure as hell won't share one with MY man!
I do wish you the best of luck in your search tho! Can be your friend but that is it.
:) |
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A new song that this Lady finds relevant...
She can wear the pants as long as i can take them off her by Walker Hayes... You tube it and you will know what I want.
:) |
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Birthday Party Update:
My sister did me proud! I went down friday night and we did our usual thing and went out dancing. Saturday we got up and she took me out for a birthday dinner at Logan's. Wow the steak was AWSOME!
When we got to the bar that night she led me to a table that was all decked out with a cloth, balloons and a cake. She didn't drink that night so it was on! I had 5 birthday shots bought for me and many beers. I danced more than I usually dance and usually I dance alot! So the birthday BY FAR was the best I have ever had. Never realized how many friends I actually had til that night.
I guess 43 may be the start of the best years of my life. I look forward to the friends I make by the time I turn 44. Screw the past...I look forward to MY future! |
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Been quite awhile since I updated...So here goes!
Heading to my sisters for the weekend to celebrate my 43rd birthday! I'm quite sure she has a plan saturday nite knowing her the way I do. All my buddies should be there except my best friend. He will be working and doesnt aknowledge birthdays anyway. And knowing him the way I do I wont even get told happy birthday. But thats ok...I'm use to it...lol. 43 is old but I have to admit I will always be a toys r us kid at heart!
Everything else in life is the same pretty much except I changed jobs. I like this one lots better!
Will let you know how the bash goes when I return on sunday. Everyone be safe and have fun this weekend! :) |
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Been awhile since I updated.
Tomorrows Fri and its time to go back to sis's for the weekend. I cant stress how good it feels to get away from the day to day things that get you down. Things are not unbearable at home anymore...i'm just simply able to smile more when I am away from home. :) And that is starting to be a good feeling.
Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable weekend.
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Monday already! My the weekends fly by anymore. Had a very enjoyable weekend with my sister. Went dancing, layed at the pool, went shopping...Gotta just love doing those girly things. Kinda excited already about going back again friday. LOL
I've come to a decision. For so long I've been living unrealistically. So I decided I'm going to start living in reality...with a little added bonus. I'm going to live in REALITY & EVENTUALITY. Reality being what life really is and Eventuality being what it always ends up turning into. I think as long as I keep eventuality in the mix I wont find myself in this situation again and will be stronger for it.
Hope everyone has a great week! |
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Well it is officially friday once again and I will be headed to my sisters house again for the weekend. Guess I just need a diversion. Beats sitting around 4 lonely walls making yourself go insane over a man that you know will never want or desire you. "Friendzone" can really suck sometimes! I dont know who I put through more hell him or myself. Hell it's not his fault...He was honest. I just fell inlove anyway. God knows my mopey ass cant be easy for him to be around so I figure I can give him a break too.
I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. Be safe ALL! |
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Spent the weekend with my sister again. Have to say it was a nice break from tears. It was very much needed. Its nice to play dress up and receive compliments. Even if they are from strangers...makes a woman feel like a woman. Haven't felt that way in a long time. I wanna feel that way again! Nothing cuts a woman to the core more than not feeling she has any life in her. Mine has been sucked out of me. Granted its my own fault...it just hurts and destroys a woman. I'm finding a new piece of my broken heart daily. Sure cant wait to have them all...will be nice to find the me that got so lost. |
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Well today is friday and I will be going back to my sisters. I may spend the whole weekend with her. I need a break for a few days to clear my head and sort through everything that has transpired. She's gonna try to keep me busy and make my world a little brighter for a change. Sure will be nice to have a lil of the load on me lifted. Guess this morning I'm feeling a mixture of numbness and that crushed feeling. Guess I just need a change of scenery. Go from a home that causes much sadness and pain to one that almost always gives me laughter. It's kinda crazy how this home use to give me the most happiness i'd known to becoming one that brings me mostly hurt. I know...move...will be working on it. Done know that is inevitable now. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'm going to try to.
:) |
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07/26
Well its monday and I made it through the weekend. Just barely. Went and stayed at my sisters house and we went and spent 2 girls nite outs! Had a blast, but Im gettin too old for this!
The heartbreak is still nagging at me cause it is just hard. I'm finding we dont talk much anymore these days. Guess thats what has to happen when you try to unlove someone. You just have to learn to have a different kind of relationship with them. I think I miss the old one! Really sucks!
But I have met some friends that help keep me busy and focused so THANK YOU! |
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07/23/10
Well it's friday and I'm not really sure how Im feeling. I do know that I intend to go to my sisters and stay the night. We are going to have a MUCH needed girls night out. For some reason I dont think this computer can put its arms around me for one of those slow sweet dances...Been a long time since I felt that kind of sweetness...maybe tonight.
When I get back tomorrow, it's time to do some more canning...It definately takes idle time off your hands! Beyond that who the hell knows anymore. lol
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Each day is difficult yet at the same time becomes less difficult then the day before. Trying to rediscover yourself is scarey and liberating at the same time. All the emails help! It keeps me more occuppied on something more positive then being stuck on stupid. My head knows I will find a wonderful man out there in this big ole world. I have met many great men already. Guess my heart just hates to let go of someone I consider to be my BEST friend. It's hard to lose at love but when you have a double wammie and lose your best friend in the split too, it just makes it harder. But I know I will find a new BEST friend and one that will desire me as much as I do him. It's just gonna take a minute to get my head and heart on the same dayam page. So the Lady raises her glass of vodka in toast to all of you have been so great! :) |
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Day 5
Would like to first say thank you to all of the very kind people that have wished my broken heart a speedy recovery! You have all been wonderful. I have recieved so many emails that I just simply can not respond to all of them.
As I sit here, letting the vodka self medicate me once again...I find that a great relief has been communicating with alot of the people that have emailed me. I have recieved many compliments and even tho I am not a believer at this point, they are well appreciated and very nice to hear!
Saturday I decided it was time to take a step in the right direction, so I went and got a new summer hair doo! Guess when you are at your lowest it is a necessity to get you out of a rut. Outside I look like a new me...inside I am still trying to figure out who that is...It sucks to feel broken! But a new doo is only one piece of the broken heart I have snatched up! So I have my work cut out! LOL
Thanks for reading!
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Day 1
One of the hardest days of my life...I'm literally sick to my stomach. I feel empty inside. I'm broken. I've lost me. I hate feeling weak...THIS IS NOT ME! |
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