uniquelyunusual on Collarspace

uniqueinve

UniqueGtlm


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	I will return to fill this out after finishing the rest, in the meantime either say something to start a stimulating conversation, move along, or feel free to stare off into nothingness and imagine some form of elevator music playing softly to fill up the time and space in your head. LOL I have pics on request, but only on request and for those I actually communicate with. Mail blocks- anyone who's not what I'm looking for so you're auto-spam if you are: Female, a couple, older than 45, younger than 28, submissive or out of the country. I won't even see your messages. I don't skype, cam or otherwise chat, please don't ask. I'm just looking around and deciding what I want. I started with the things I don't like or that are hard limits, there aren't a whole lot of them in life and other than a couple random ones, most of what I'd have a problem with is already on the list. As you can see I don't switch. I'm not really into poly, though I might consider it if the right two guys asked me lol. What you don't want is always easier. I have relatively few limits, I don't do blood, emergency rooms, first aid, scat, humilliation (beyond a certian point, some minor stuff is ok), needles, kids, animals, dead stuff... the hard limits. I bend a little on pain play and I'm smart enough to know that all rules have exceptions. I usually prefer monogamy and being fluid bonded to my partner. I've made exceptions and once in a while it workded ok for a bit, but mostly it just isn't me. I am intensely loyal, smart, sick sense of humor, tomboy's sense of movies and entertainment mostly (explosions, action, horror, half naked girls etc... and no, watching half naked girls do olympic level gymnastics isn't the same thing as wanting to date one, I like the way they look, not the way they act) Relationships are individual, built and designed by the people in them, so it's hard to say what it should look like before there's even a base y'know? I believe people fit well together or they don't. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see if two people fit within reason to try. I don't believe in overcomplicating that part. I'm simply seeking someone with the right attitude for a 24/7 TPE relationship. We'd have to mesh well enough to be worth working together for more.

10/15/2012 8:13:59 PM

this is the account I ignore, where no one ever talks to me except some asshole doms with nothing intelligent to say, so I'm using the diary for cheap (free) therapy.

Tonight my relationship with my mother ended. I am kicked out in two days and I will never speak to that horrendous monster bitch again, as a bonus she ruined my relationship with my stepfather who's a decent person I kind of liked and this means I have no way to contact my brother or see my nephew again (even a PI would have a hard time getting his number since it changes so often.)

This year I gave up my home, my dog, my business and my heart to save someone. I lost everything I had because that's what a human life costs when you buy it from a man with a gun and cops in his pocket. I had nothing and no one. I couldn't talk to my friends about what happened, or anyone at all, because one word of the truth of why I left gets out ever and it will cost a good man his life, and possibly his kids lives as well. I went to the government, and they didn't even pretend to try to look into it.

I walked away from my life with only the cat in my arms and my clothing. I lost everything I ever loved but the cat, and I can't even tell anyone the truth. You wouldn't believe what they've said about it. The man who did it took everything, even my credibility.

So I was forced to come here, back to my mother's abusive home where at least they're family and they have to take me. It was the only way to keep feeding the cat. I can't even get a job ref or a personal reference, I only have my passport for ID. All my clothing was springtime dress up dresses for work, so I don't even have the sort of wardrobe to go get a burger flipping job.

I spent three months here, and every day is nothing but massive psychological abuse and shit. All I hear is how worthless I am and not in a fun kinky way or a caring way.

I am dying inside, I hate everything and everyone. I can't get to a city or even a small town, I don't have a car or a license. I don't have a phone and this internet access is barely happening and can be taken any second they realize the laptop is still over here with me.

I have nowhere to go, no support of any kind. I can't call my friends. Even if I still had my phone with the numbers in it.

I'm not a fucking whore, so I'm not going to go fuck some guy and let him take care of it, that's a consensual choice you make when you aren't desperate, or it's just prostitution.

So homeless soon, hopeless completely and nothing left to lose but my cat, and I'd kill to keep him well so that's not going to happen.

I give up. I'm done trying to be a good person. I'm done trying at all. I just don't have it in me to do this anymore, it hurts too much.