It's becoming a little joke for me to periodically update my journal here, so here I go! I'm afraid there's not much to say except that I'm living in North Carolina now, and I hope to God I don't die of boredom before finding some places to see, and people to do. Hah! That's a sex joke! Haha! I'm funny! See, because this is a kinky website... Heh... heh... >.>

Yeah... probably you should just stop reading this nonsense and message me. XD

I've been around here for a long time. Time for a change, I think. I am updating my profile, and everything about it. It's going to reflect the current me. Maybe it'll be worth it! Here's hoping.

I want to warn anyone who is about to read this that it is not me at my best. It is me at my worst, when I feel kicked and down. I wrote it for myself, but I will share it with you if you wish to put yourself through reading it. It is nothing more than an account of how a bad person has made me feel.

Here goes another CM blog... I think we all must make these when we feel upset and angry at the community. I don't mean that I am angry at the community as a whole, but I come upon so many parts that make me want to hate the whole... I'll just as likely be taking yet another break from this place, if I can't manage to meet some more nice people. It really has evolved around here and I am really pleased that many of the fake scam profiles seem to have been weeded out, which makes the experience much better, but... I still find myself meeting people that I wish I never had.

I'll keep it short, since I'm not naming names, and this is only being written to settle my feelings on the subject. I met a woman here whom I thought might share interests with me. Her profile didn't say much about what she was looking for; mostly just about herself. I normally pass these profiles up, but I really liked some of her listed interests and what she said about them. Seemed worth a risk. That was bad judgment on my part.

We began talking and I very quickly got the impression that, though we did share interests, she seemed to be one upping me on each thing that I would bring up about myself. I would mention that I did something, and she'd come back at me by telling me that she did it twice. Things really got uncomfortable when I told her I'd quit school and was not sure if I'd ever go back, and the woman had the gall to straight out say that I'd be unable to... Honestly, it's probably true, but you don't just say something like, "You'll never be able to get back in" to someone. It's rude... I do remember making the comment that she is very frank, but I did not respond impolitely, mind you. I just said she was frank. No qualifiers beyond that. I tried to move on to asking her if she would like to share some poetry with me, and she actually hit me with the book by saying that "You would have to sign a release." Now seriously... by way of conversation I always have some junk that I can show someone, or at the very least I say that I do not have any. I don't tell them that I'd like them to file legal documents beforehand... It's a real conversation killer...

There were some more bad subjects and I kept feeling like she was really selfish... she never asked me about myself and only talked about her accomplishments, and further she actually brought up her IQ very quickly... really... who does this? "By the way, my IQ is X." If I ever tell you my IQ in our first conversation, then please shoot me.

In the end I politely let her go when she said that she was going to tan, or shower, or something... I admit to not paying much attention at that point. I planned not to talk to her again, and I expected that she would not contact me. Turns our, however, that today she decided to say hello and tell me that she was doing something online, which I think it's unnecessary to include as a specific, since I really don't want to incriminate said person, and am writing this just to get my feelings out. I was polite with her, and I small talked with her about what she had brought up, but when I asked if she shouldn't be focusing on her work and not talking to me she told me that she didn't realize her IQ was so low that she couldn't multitask. That really upset me. Once again here we are with the IQ subject... At a certain point you feel like screaming something to the effect of, "YES! I KNOW! YOU THINK YOU'RE REALLY SMART! YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME!" At that point I just made up my mind that the conversation had to end, so I told her that I simply didn't feel our first conversation went very well, and I hadn't expected that she'd contact me. To be true, I was leaving a door open for her to take that well and tell me that she indeed felt otherwise, but of course it did not go that way... She immediately launched into telling me that I was flawed and that she though the first time I had just been nervous when I asked her to break the law. This confounded me... I asked her what she was talking about, and she told me: her work. This again confused me, and I asked if she meant her poetry. She said that I had made "SEVERAL" requests for her "copy-written" work, and then freaked out when she refused to give it to her.

Ok... so I guess you guys can figure out where things went from there. I was clearly dealing with a paranoid personality, and one which also had at least one disorder, if not being completely psychotic. It's scary when someone tells you things happened which did not... You get this feeling like the other person exists in a world that everyone else just doesn't... It makes you scared as to what they might actually do in the real world. I'm not the sort to be afraid of people on the internet, but I do get chills from this kind of person, and I actually find that I get a fight reaction from it. I feel like I need to confront them... I probably should just walk away from such things, but being foolish (I openly admit it about myself that, when confronted by vicious people, I will engage in fighting them rather than dropping the subject I, however, usually end it before it taxes me too much.) I went and asked her to show me her log of this having happened. She made one of those "I won't go out of my way to show you" excuses, and so I simply told her the truth, which was that I was making conversation and had only asked IF she would LIKE to share something, because I figured that she would either say no or have something that she was capable of sharing. She did not like that at all. She went on calling me names and telling me about how I wanted her to break the law and now I was angry with her for not breaking it. How can someone really believe so easily that another person is trying to steal from them or is trying to attack them in this way? If what I said to her was really a belligerent thing to say, then God help me for I must be a vegetable interacting with men. As is, I'm more inclined to believe that she is the radish here.

At last I got to my wits end, and realized that trying to explain the situation to her and showing her logs of the situation would do no good. Every time that I showed her that what she was saying was false as per the log, she would respond with some semantic quip such as "I never said poetry there!" when I had showed her a log where she used the word "work" instead... Such things wear a person's patience down quickly. So, in the end, I fell back to simply saying that she would have to show me a log of what she claimed I did, or she would have to leave me alone. Not surprisingly the one log she did show me was not a log of anything more than my request that: if she should like to, then she may share a poem with me. At long last she said she was not willing to keep looking for logs, and I told her that I'd stand by my position, then and I would only like her to leave me alone. She of course called me flawed one again, and one other name, and I responded by saying I thought she was paranoid and self centered, and then "bye bye". Not surprisingly she waited only a minute before calling me extra names to follow, but since she simply declared something and asked no questions I remained silent and came directly here to vent my anger.

I realize that no one will read this, and I apologize to anyone that actually does... this was written to myself, so to speak. A record of how I felt and how I am disappointed at the moment. It makes me feel better to write things.

Again; I apologize, and I wish you well.

Well, I finally updated my profile, and I am going to be checking in again from time to time. I figure that when life gets boring it's always a good time to hang around CM, right? If you're reading this, then send me a message. Don't be one of those people that just browses!

Anyway, that's all. Talk to you when I talk to you.