Not Searching. This profile is being used as an outlet only. I am taken
9/30/2013 10:20:28 PM
I thought maybe we were getting back to where I needed to be. I waited patiently for Him to get home so we could have some time but everything else seems more important. We start to talk and suddenly He has to go. He doesn't want to guide me any more. He doesn't want me to serve Him. He doesn't want to use me but He says He wants me as His lil. I just don't understand
9/27/2013 8:20:33 AM
Sighs. Maybe it is just me. Maybe i am looking for something that doesn't exist or i am just hyper sensitive. He seems genuinely confused by my need. Is it because i am ill? i wish i knew a way to fix it. Didn't sleep last night :(
9/26/2013 9:59:21 PM
Lately things have become difficult between me and Daddy so this will be my oulet for the things I no longer feel I can say to Him. Things have changed in our lives and we now have no play time at all together. I wass so fearful when I knew that this change was coming but Daddy said it would change nothing and I tried to believe but everything has changed. Now our chats have been getting shorter and shorter and I feel useless. A submissive has to serve or has no purpose. Daddy has other subs and uses others casually so can still exercise His power and I feel He does not truly understand my pain. When I try to talk to Him about how limited our contact has become, He accuses me of being selfish, needy and ungrateful. I hate disappointing Him o much that I have decided I can no longer tell him my fears. But I am afraid. I am afraid that our connection will continue to dwindle until our daily contact is merely an exchange of news between acquaintances and slowly dying to nothing. He means everything to me. He is my world. I am so alone without Him and I can't tell Him without making Him angry
Tonight I waited up to speak with Him even though I am exhausted because it has been a horrible week, with Him being distant and angry with me all week. I was anticipating our chat because we had finally worked through everything and I was looking forward to some comforting and Daddy hugs and kisses. He talked about some domestic issues and a trip He is taking this weekend, asked about my health, wished me a good night's sleep and was gone. I was stunned. I feel betrayed and I couldn't even ask for more time because I would have been accused of being too needy again. He probably would have refused anyway and that would have made me feel even worse - rejected as well as betrayed and alone.
