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UkesDi
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Would dearly love to learn about rope tying, Shibari I think it's called.
Even though I'm on here, I'm not really looking I just like helping where I can. I only give My opinions and thoughts so agree or disagree, I don't know it all nor will I ever, but I'll try. I just adore this lifestyle, the feelings I get from My girl and knowing what she is getting out of it just enhances My pleasure, so the more I please her ........ the better I feel ...... it's a "symbiotic" relationship in My opinion.
I feel sorry for the "new submissives" on here, so many arseholes to use and abuse the feelings they have of wanting to serve in one way or another, I just wish they could temper their enthusiasm to serve with a little more caution, such is the "power" of a submissives need to please.
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Well ..... Having been in a D/s relationship for about a year, I have enjoyed it immensely.
Going to groups, munches and the whole D/s
dynamic.
I've also been learning, but to My sadness, not enough to prevent My girl from leaving Me. That was the hardest lesson learned in the most painful way, and all down to My own stupidity and failure to react to what My girl was trying to show, and tell Me. Although better communication from her may have avoided such a decision. And yes, I gave her plenty of chances to tell Me, but that's life.
W/we have learned a lot together and I have exposed a whole new world to her, and one that I know she has been truely happy in accepting and experimenting with, she still has a lot to learn but then, so do I !!
So now, I find Myself on My own still wanting to learn, and experience more. Not particularly looking for a "relationship" at the moment, but you never know what may happen !! As one door closes, another may open. I will be looking for a real life D/s eventually, but Just looking for "friends" in the meantime.
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Tried again with My girl for a while, but the inevitability of U/us parting was written "on the wall" and this time I don't think anyone was "to blame", anyway, relationship over, emotions "sorted" ..ish time to look forward as to what else life has to show Me.
........................
I am newish to this lifestyle and enjoying the learning experience greatly, Hence the name, the Dominance within Me is "Evolving" and I'm from the UK ergo, UKEvolutionary !!
Even though I say "I'm New", I am nobody's fool, I have been researching this subject for a LONG time, I understand the Emotional Dynamics of a D/s relationship quite well I believe.
I AM becoming that which I seek of Myself, still a long way to go, But I am really enjoying My journey. At this time, all I really seek is friends and information.
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My "ex" is back on the scene but things will HAVE to change a LOT before I even consider accepting her submission, and not being stupid or "blameless" I must change too. I know I must be stricter with her, if I'm to keep her. Perhaps I let My love for her reduce My Dominant self ? made Me "soft" ? I will say though ...... she has medical problems with her back BUT ....... was I too easy on her ? with hindsight I'd say Yes.
On another subject tho ........ is there anyone local to Hemel Hempstead that can show Me rope work please ? |
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Surprisingly, I am feeling heaps better. After the initial loss of My girl, I'm quite "up"
I put this down to the fact that I KNOW that there's going to be NO reconcilliation, she's done this more than once (( as you may see from My entries !! )) and she has NO chance of doing it again !!! I maybe a Dom, But I'm also Human, and she WILL NOT hurt Me again. |
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Well ....... things have gone "tits up" for Me for the LAST Time !! and even though I am sad and lonely, I have learned important things from this failed relationship.
Various things which I failed to pick up on, and didn't "enforce" a Diary, may have led Me to lose My angel. I admit that I did wrong by "perhaps" slipping into a "vanilla" relationship due to various factors, emotional, physical and especially Medical, may have led Me to lose My girl, but as I saw it, she needed understanding, Help and leniency but with hindsight, I think she needed "pushing" and firmness which I negated to "pick up" on. Such is the dilemma of Major spinal surgery !!
Had I demanded a weekly (( Or daily )) Diary, I "may" have averted My girl from wanting release !! But nevertheless, she is now lost to Me.
Learning is "tough" when it means the loss of one that was close to you.
C'est la vie |
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Been off CM for a while as a glimmer of hope started to shine and I didn't want CM to cock-up My chances. Well, I was hoping but things went "tits-up" so now I'm back on. Even though I'm disappointed, I'm dealing with it lol
Typical CM though, come on and find heaps of messages from akkra, ghana all sorts of exotic places, we all know what they want !! lol
Why isn't anyone in Watford ?? Hehehe Oh well, we'll plod on.
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Thought they "may" have been a spark of hope between My ex and I, but that's just been drowned out, so now back to the doledrums and feeling sorry for Myself.
Thanks for the support I've had, just goes to prove that there ARE real people out there, you know who you are ...... *hugs* |
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Having a bit of a "down day" today, missing My ex and needing an ass to spank !!
I also miss not being able to go to "parties" and show her of with pride, still, My own fault. A painful lesson learned. |
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Geez how I despise "ignorance" ..... You send a mail, and they can't be bothered to at least say "thanks but no thanks".
I fully expect that on a site like this, but not in "real life"!! Perhaps I'm just being too "picky", or am I turning into Victor Meldrew ?? "I Don't belieeeeve it" |
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Now I KNOW I'm back on CM !! yup, the foreign messages of promise have returned, Oh how I've missed them !! Still, at least someones talking to Me, and I get a "little" buzz when I see "New Message" appear on My sidebar, Ahhhh a little buzz .... easily satisfied Me !!lol |
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Well, after a lot of soul searching, I realise that while losing My girl hurt, a lesson has been learned. That lesson is communication and NOT just "one-sided" communication. I could not "fix" what I didn't know was wrong !! Should My girl have opened up to Me in either voice or E-Mail before letting the bubble burst, then perhaps we would still be together.
But enough speculation, as I saw in anothers profile, while one door closes, another opens so ladies ....... any knockers ?? *weg* |
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Well, after almost a year attending My first munch with My girl, I find out a new meaning to the phrase "You don't know what you got until you lose it"
Yup, I messed it up again !! even though I care, and cared about My girl a lot, one needs to show it, and although I was seeing to all of her needs, I was mistaken. I was only seeing to SOME of them, and sadly, NOT the ones that mattered to her. And sadly, at the end, I behaved appaulingly. Net result, I lost the best thing that's happened to Me for many a year. So now, I'm just after chatting, don't feel like going into another relationship just yet, but who knows what's around the corner ?
Why does some learning mean you have to lose something dear to you ? It's a hard lesson to learn. |
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Well ...... went to My first "Munch" on tuesday www.watfordmunch.co.uk
And was SOOOOO pleasantly surprised !! eeeevie was a sensational host that made Me and My girl very welcome. Also I'd like to thank "Lady Lash", "Sandie", and ALL associated with the "Watford Munch" Especially the lady with the nice butt !!! lol
Special thanks go to "Wicked Teach" and His sub "cushlah". T/they seemed to take U/us "under their wing" and make the evening one of the BEST W/we have experienced so far, lol.
An environment that welcomes "NEW" D/s, M/s and "established" relationships alike.
Within an HOUR ..... Me and My girl felt like "One of the family" and I would have NO hesitation in recommending this munch to ANYONE within the vicinity of Watford. WELL worth the travel. |
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well, while people might say "why is He telling everyone about His lady, that should be private", I say, "No-one knows WHO I'm talking about, and basically, ( as a "newbie" ) I'm looking for positive OR negative feedback".
Even though I'm getting My own feedback, it can be "tainted" by bias, and while it's only in "the bedroom" at the moment, I just look for peoples opinion because I want to be the BEST I can be.
When I got with My girl, she vowed that she would NEVER call Me "Master", well ........ that soon changed !! and without "pressure" from Me at all !! Then, out of the blue, she did !! OH MAN !! the emotional impact that that made upon Me was AWESOME !! and, of course, was commented with praise and adoration for My girl.
I just "need" to know from others, that My path is on the "straight and narrow" !! I believe it is, but My "newness" needs conformation, it's a wierd feeling for Me, even though I believe it's right, I still require "back up" !!! I suppose it's because I want to be the "BEST" for My girl that I'm seeking approval. |
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Well !! What a night !! I'll "Try" and explain but to be honest ..... I'm still on a "high" !!
I have a lady friend who, sadly for Me, is "attached" although not "really" happy !! Well things developed between us. I KNOW I shouldn't be with her as she's already in a relationship, however "rocky", but there's a "chemistry" between U/us that niether could, or wanted to, resist. I think that what drew us together was the little "submissive traits" that I picked up on that her man hasn't because he's 'nilla. Well cutting a long story short, I exacted My first R/L subspace on My girl, ( Hopefully to become "My girl" ) and the feeling of "Power" and "Achievement" (probably the wrong words ) was totally AMAZING !! I caused this for her pleasure, which in turn, pleasured Me which, unless I got it ALL wrong, is the point of D/s relationships !! BUT, I'm SO glad I "studied" subspace, because My girl took around 5 minutes to open her eyes and start to be co-herent. I think if I'd had no idea about this subject, things may not have gone so "smoothly". she also had a bit of subdrop, bursting into tears for no "apparent" reason, but knowing this could happen, I helped My girl through it and when she was aware enough I discussed it with her ( her first as well !! ) What she told Me was nothing that I hadn't read up on, but what the "books" don't tell you is that it can strengthen the bond that you B/both share.
Will she be Mine ? only time and patience will tell. |
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Just something I came across that hopefully, might help some subs.
A Dom
will read your profile, your blog and make comments or write you a respectful note hoping to get to know you better. Do NOT ignore Him! Do not play “hard to get.” Those are vanilla games that will show a true Dom that you’re not serious about this lifestyle. Show respect and be friendly. Don’t expect the skies to open and for things to happen magically right away. Some of the best relationships take time. Be a good girl and give yourself the chance to which are rarely true punishment).
A Dom
tells you what you NEED to hear and doesn’t sugar coat it. He’s confident enough to do this because he knows his words have value.
fake dom
tells you what he thinks you WANT to hear. He’s looking for that angle to get in your pants or gain your trust by manipulation.
A Dom
reads books, articles and networks with people in the lifestyle. He’s open and honest about his level of experience.
fake dom
claims to be “a natural” who doesn’t need to do that stuff. He always seems to be an expert on things you want.
A Dom
can be a sadistic bastard during play sessions but understands the concept of “no unintentional pain.” He understands the importance of after-care and what sub-drop means/implies and helps his submissive through hard times.
fake dom
threatens to or leaves you when he’s done with you/you are vulnerable. He feels that humiliation of you or treating you badly is “all part of BDSM.”
Hope this helps. |
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Funny how certain "intro's" can spark interest.
Recently read one from a submissive that I just could identify with. I KNOW that's the idea with intro's but even so, to Me, it's rare to see one that just says "sincere".
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Just altered My profile slightly as I've been away for a while so those that just read journals, I just thought I'd add it here too !!
Well, after being "away" for ages, it's good to be back !! Basically, I got involved within a relationship which didn't really go anywhere sadly, and then......... I met a friend, who while attached, was in need of Dominance within passion. her "needs" wern't being met, so we had a "fling" and it just ticked ALL My boxes.............and hers.
And then guilt and sadness filled her for two-timing her fiance, and lying to her family, so I had to let her go. I didn't want to, and I'm upset about it, but her inner conflict told her that she wasn't going to "risk" 18 months with
him against two months with Me! even though I was the One fulfilling her needs, but that was in passion !! But the emotional side was more overwhelming than I thought possible !! On the "hunt" for MORE !! lol
I'm still very new at the physicality side of a D/s relationship but far MORE aware emotionally of what I am doing and more importantly.... WHY
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Geez !! Has it REALLY been that long ? doesn't time fly when you're having fun ?? so why has it flown !!
Never mind, it's been a boring few years in what can only be considered, a vanilla relationship. I suppose that's why I'm back on My own again !! still.... nice to be back. |
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Geeez, are some of the "Doms" in here Vampirical parasites or what ? My ex sub was "hit" upon by this "lowlife" who previously had tried to own My girl, but wasn't prepared to put the time in, and now wants to "cash in" on My training !! saying all sorts of evil things to her like our "split" was HER fault !! and that's AFTER I had already taken responsibility for it !! being a true sub, for those that realise the lifestyle, you will appreciate that a sub WILL blame themselves, especially with an ass doing their best to convince her.
I have told her that it is "partly" her fault for carrying on talking to him, so I obviously told her to "Block" his ass, but I suppose My girl was hoping for a compassionate "shoulder", and instead, got an inconsiderate sadist to mess up her head. You know who you are, you lowlife, BACK OFF !! |
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Well, What an ASS I have been. I wont go into detail, but in "thinking" I was doing the right thing for My girl........ time and problems escalated, and I ended up doing the worst thing a "Dom" could EVER do to a sub.
I am not pleased with Myself, and I regret it, bitterly, she deserved a HELL of a lot more from Me especially as she did NOTHING wrong !!
At the moment, I feel ashamed so I will leave it there apart from one sincere word
"Sorry"
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"I have still lots to learn, so help from others would be welcomed and encouraged."
That's where I ended My last journal, No where did it say that I am prepared to accept bull**** !.
I hear of so many rude posts from so-called-Dominants to perspective matches, treating the submissive without any respect whatsoever, but I rarely hear about the reverse, although it DOES go on.
I had such an occasion with a "submissive" only just recently. They read My last entry and "assumed" that I had learnt the lifestyle in THREE DAYS !!! please woman, use what brain you MIGHT have !!! and your eyes as well !! that is NOT what I said, nor what I'd implied ! It was just another blatant post to attempt to annoy Me, and it did, but only as a fly buzzing around My head would, and funnily enough, it was the SAME sub who accused My girl of being a switch! without ANY proper evidence, just her puny little vindictive mind ( of which she "reminded" Me of AGAIN ! ) and yet I don't recall any reason why this woman would say that ? and really, I don't care about it, or her. Wonder what "cheap shot" she'll try in her journal now I've blocked her ? |
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Well, what a turn up !! As you may have read earlier, My sub and I "parted ways", so that led Me to be able to explore the lifestyle more, but unbeknown to Me, this was what I wanted, but NOT what I needed !! I wanted to experience being with more than one, to play, to be in a group etc etc, but this was only lust, ego and for sexual gratification !! It wasn't what I NEEDED as a person, and for My own personal Long lasting happiness. What I NEED for that, is a one on one relationship, and it took a "split" with My submissive for Me to realise that. I now have reason, direction and purpose. That being said, I explained this all to My submissive and asked her to re-submit to Me, which she did. I have still lots to learn, so help from others would be welcomed and encouraged. |
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What is up with these chatrooms ? I've been in one or two and they vary so much !! One is run efficiently and no "drama" is tolerated, while another is total chaos and anarchy, even the "so called" Dominants perpetuate Drama, Now I'm not saying this is true of ALL Dominants, but all it takes is a couple of "Bad apples" to spoil the Barrel ! and what's worse, is when a submissive gets upset through "uninvited Private Messages" and addresses this in the Main room, is told to be quiet and stop making a Drama of it !! WTF ?? arn't the Moderators supposed to MODERATE ? Most of the rooms have the rule NO PM'ing without open request on the Main board !! Then later, when the same submissive tries to sort this with a Moderator, because the Mod feels "cornered" and KNOWS they haven't a leg to stand on, they tell the submissive they don't want to talk about it anymore !! so the submissive, still unanswered, tries to seek an answer respectfully and politely, guess what ? the Moderator Kicks and bans the sub !!! Now I'm sorry, but to Me, double standards DON'T wash !! What's one rule for one, should Be one rule for ALL, and what's with submissives having Moderator control ? That's just plain WRONG !! perhaps I'm getting to Old !! |
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Sad day today, My submissive and I are no longer together, having learnt and grown, there are areas of the lifestyle that I feel I wish to explore and learn about, whether I will like these avenues, I have no idea, but I have a yearning to learn and maybe try. So for My progression into this lifestyle, a decision was made, and it was arrived at. My heart is sad and down, but My mind is eager, it's a wierd feeling, Happy, but very down all in one ! |
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Isn't it funny How people "read" into things ? From My last journal entry, I had two replies, both from submissives, One said :-
"You may be new my love but You handled that with the true grace that a Dom should have, congrats."
and the other said :-
"i hate to say this, but Your sub has a sub !!! She is therefore at best switch"
So One praises My growing ability, where another "accuses" My sub !! now I MUST admit, once I challenged the person on this to provide Me with "evidence" none was forthcoming, but to that persons credit, they did say that they "read" it that way, and apologised if they were wrong stating that My "Newness" could leave Me open to such situations. May I just state Here and Now, that I have complete trust and faith in My submissive and that if anyone else accuses My sub of anything, don't bother writing to Me without concrete proof !! I MAY be "new" to the lifestyle, But I have had Mentoring from an "Old Guard" Domme, I have had help and understanding form a Master with 20 years Lifestyle experience, and all this, nine months before I even attempted to get into ANY form of D/s relationship, plus the fact that I am a GOOD judge of character, and a cynic upon first contact, so thank you for your thoughts for My succeptability, but I'm nobody's fool and once again, I have complete trust in My submissive. |
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Had a difficult decision to make today, but made it nevertheless !! Without going into details, My girl wanted to continue a "friendship" with a fellow sub after an "unsavoury incident" which, he sincerely apologised to My lady. OK, no apology to Me, but My girl felt this apology sincere and true, so that was good enough for Me, except, I wanted to chat to this submissive to find out for Myself what he was all about for the "protection" of My charge, after all, she has given Me the gift of her submission, so it is My responsibility to look after, nurture and grow her gift to Me. Now I have no wish to "pick and choose" her friends for her, but when they decide to upset My girl, to the point of tears, THEN it DOES involve Me and I will not have it ! But My girl said that the apology was sincere etc So I told My girl that I wish to get to know this submissive before she continues the "Friendship". While "online" I met him in one of the chatrooms, so we PM'd. Well what I was greeted with was VERY defensive !! "I don't add Doms to My list" he said.
"If you wish to talk to My girl again, I would strongly recommend that you reconsider your decision" was My reply, well after that, he blew a gasket !! telling Me that a Dom doesn't have the right to vet their charges friends etc etc, using My "Newness" as some kind of sheild to beat Me with to back up his claims, well I just thanked him for his time and opinion and said goodbye, it was plain to see that this particular submissive had absolutely NO CLUE whatsoever of the "Lifestyle" they purported to belong to, and subsequently, I had to ban My girl from contact with this "so called" submissive !!
you know who you are, and if you're reading this, go and get your "jollies" off of someone else, My girl deserves MUCH better friends than the likes of you. |
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Good grief !! I was prompted to restart My journal by a very kind "well wisher", You know who You are, thank You. Things are now getting SOOOOO much better with time and communication with My sub, her guidance is getting less and less as My confidence and understanding increases. I am now taking My "responsibilities" more seriously and NOT letting the "vanilla" re-surface, and in turn, My sub is slipping back into the sub she NEEDS to be, and also I find that I am providing better for her needs, which in turn is feeding Me with a greater emotional "Boost". I KNOW I'm heading in the right direction. |
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It's surprising to Me, as a New Dominant, just how the "vanilla" me can ruin the possibility of a D/s relationship.
For those following My journal, you will know I have a submissive, now we have been chatting for at LEAST 7 hours per day for 5 days and whereas I have been "Wooing" the girl, she has been taking more and more "liberties" and because I want her, I've been letting her get away with "minor" misdemeanours, well of course, she is losing respect for My Dominance. If I let this "slide" continue, I will lose her altogether !! Even though she is GAINING respect for Me as a "Person" she is losing respect for My Dominance and she is a submissive, so as you can imagine....... IF I lose her respect for My Dominance, I lose HER ! So My Dominance came to the front and BOY was she PISSED when I Imposed MY Dominance on her, even tho she ranted and raved, I KNOW secretly she LOVED it and I have gained a lot of respect from her for My Dominance, which after all, Is REALLY what she wants And NEEDS !! |
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Things are looking better now, thanks to a very helpul Dominant/Master who has made Me THINK, but think clearly, I wish not to mention His name, as that is between He and I. His method could be construed as "devious" but that implies "lying for His own benefit", and NOTHING could be further from the truth. For His assistance, Thank You, You know who You are.
I am also in contact with a submissive, who has, and is, helping Me enourmously, especially with the little "intricacies" that the books never tell you about. Sure, I'm making mistakes, nothing serious mind you, but I am learning from them, My submissive is happy with Me, and she is growing too |
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Oh dear, I just found out that I made a complete ARSE of Myself last night in one of the chatrooms, I think the term was "showboating" ? Oh Man, to any that I may have annoyed, I am very sorry for My rather "BAD" behaviour, but we all get "bad days" and unfortunately, I timed a bad day and a chatroom together ! My thanks to whomever for not kicking Me out and I will be more cautious in My timing in the future. |
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| Age: 50 |
| Sydney,
Australia |
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