Some casual hatemail to start my day, sent by someone whose profile I had viewed once, but who I did not send any messages to:
"Top from the bottom much, dear? You're no submissive. Or a lesbian. You're bi at most, and running from your love-hate relationship with men. You're going to have to do some serious re-appraisal, nobody will want you for long-- which is why your relationships have clearly crashed.
Find a good man, you'll never be happy lying to yourself like this."
My response, unable to be sent because this twue dominant blocked me after venting their froth:
"Thanks for the assessment!
I actually identify as pansexual. This site has no mechanism for that, and because I am exclusively romantically attracted to feminine energy, I chose to use lesbian. It's definitely not a love-hate relationship. It's a trust-attraction if you must have your absolutes. The rare emotional attraction I feel towards a male-identified person is eclipsed by the lack of trust, based on a lifetime of abuse and trauma at the hands of people who casually spit vitriol upon me with no provocation, not unlike yourself.
I have done my homework, and yours too! Here are some helpful resources, should you desire to grow beyond pigeonholing people you don't know into hopelessly limited categories.
On types of attraction:
https://lgbtq.unc.edu/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation
On different categories of sexual orientation:
http://poshhelpers.tumblr.com/post/41062616375/sexual-orientations-masterlist
I respect myself, and I have healthy wants and limits to go along with my healthy appetites. Do look me up again if you get bored beating already shapeless rugs."
To clarify, I have no disrespect for "shapeless rugs" i.e. slaves and submissives who enjoy being treated as doormats. YKINMK and that's okay!! I keenly desire a dynamic in which I am shaped through discipline and service. However, this desire is not the central driving force in my life, and I will not apologize for that. I will not apologize for insisting on being loved and appreciated as a person before I am joyfully unmade and shaped as your submissive. My deep-seated desire to please will never outweigh my desire to build a loving, stable household with someone(s). I do not see a contradiction here; I do not think it too much to ask that if I give you everything I am inside, you appreciate the gift. My submission is not yours for the taking, if that is the sum of the value you see in me.
To further clarify, here is the content of my profile at this time:
"Venturing into the scene again. We'll see how this goes. This profile will continue to evolve, and will never really be a full grasp of who I am... I hesitate to bother.
I'm not sure this site is really for me. I want interaction, friendship leading into a relationship, perhaps occasional play partners that can become something more regular. I'm not interested in online only. To share my life with someone who enjoys taking control as much as I enjoy giving control; that is what I crave. I am a strong, independent, confident woman, intent on finishing my bachelors and hopefully working in my chosen field for a few years before starting on my graduate degree. I plan on buying property in the next few years, and fostering children someday, and I want to share all of these things with someone. If your goals are incredibly different, we probably shouldn't even bother. I'm open to being friends, even maybe casual play if that is a thing that can be done over distance somehow, but I am trying to be clear when I say that if we live terribly far apart, or if you are against the basic life plan I just mentioned, we are not compatible as partners and I won't waste my time or yours getting hurt over it.
I am a submissive, not a slave. That distinction, to me, lies in when/ where my relationships are egalitarian and when/ where they are not. I am NOT a 24/7 TPE person. Subspace is great, but I am not interested in staying in scene 100% of the time. The exact details of when/ where have varied with different partners I have had, and obviously must be clearly negotiated. I am mostly a bedroom player, with overtones of D/s in everyday affairs. If we were to have family dinner with your parents, for instance, they would think we had a "normal" relationship. If we were with close friends, there might be some mild references or what-have-you. And if we were at a kink event, I'd be on my knees. ;) Even at home, alone with my partner(s), I am not going to be constantly doing chores or walking around on a leash. If you are looking for a "twue" slave who will obediently do whatever you say anytime, look elsewhere.
I am a HUGE believer in open honest communication. I take being blunt to the point of rudeness at times, and I expect the same. I would rather have you scratch me with the truth than stab me through the heart with a lie.
I also read. Quite a bit. Currently vacillating between Ehrenreich's 'Nickel and Dimed,' and the sixth Wheel of Time book, because I haven't gotten around to reading 'A Memory of Light' yet and want to finish the series again to refresh before I do. If you think you own more books than me, please do message me. If you have a book recommendation, likewise! I can always use more nerdy friends.
I've literally been on this site for 24 hours and I feel compelled to make these disclaimers... I will not give identifying information on here, and I am not sexually interested in men. As friends or possibly non-sexual play, MAYBE. The chances of me "going straight" for you are about 1/1000. It has happened, and guess what? It has always been a man that I have been friends with for years first. Years. Wrap your hand around that and stroke it."
