|
|
|
|
|
|
I am a leather lifestyle Daddy
I have been in the lifestyle for about 20 years now. In the beginning I was blessed to be formally mentored and taught about the lifestyle way back in the day. If you were to add up the years of experience of those that taught me it would be about 130 years of lifestyle experience.
to me the lifestyle is something you live and not something you visit or just do occasionally. for those that visit and dabble I appreciate your approach but to me it is a 247 thing.To me the lifestyle is about the energy and the connection with that special someone, that person that you are with that makes your heart grow stronger and more driven to be better than you are now.
I make almost all my own toys and equipment, except whips. i have run 4 public dungeons and every house I move into I make a dungeon.
While I am no spring chicken, most my age have a hard time keeping up with me with all that I do and how active I am.
I am a former Wilderness EMT (was one for over 15 years) and a Vertical Rope rescue specialist, I have experience in playing safe, but still to the edgy side of things.
My kinks and fetishes
Leather I LOVE Leather
flat stomachs and shaved sex!
Whips ( both sport cracking and scene cracking)
Rope
Protocol
Cigars
Service (great service to me is amazing
needles
fire Play
and all the usual
Things I do outside the Dungeon
During the summer I ride my Harley everywhere
I go to the Range every week and love to share my love for shooting
Ride Horses (though I am between horses right now
Camping
Mountain biking (looking to get a fat tire bike this winter)
Canoeing
Rock Climging
Rappeling
Hiking
Dog training ( REAL dogs NOT human pet)
|
|
|
|
|
Congratulations, you are in a Leather/BDSM lifestyle relationship! You have discussed and negotiated and contracted with a submissive. Have you thought about punishment and rewards? Things that seem to be going smoothly can go wrong quickly if you don't keep these things in mind on the Do's and Don'ts. I like to assign tasks so that I can give rewards occasionally. I also like to administer punishments quickly to absolve my submissive of her infractions and move on in life.
The Jars:
The Jars are actually two jars: one is filled with punishments and the other rewards. When negotiating a contract with a submissive or someone that I am training, I like to have them write down 10 punishments and 10 rewards. After they have written them down, I sit down and go over the rewards and the punishments with them. Here is where a submissive will try to be somewhat sneaky, if they have a spanking fetish and have spanking down as a punishment then that needs to go to the "rewards jar" and not the "punishment jar." If a submissive is also into punishment there may be some serious thought to how to punish them. I like to ritualize both the punishment and the rewards. I make the submissive pick out the appropriate card. For punishments, this is the ancient act of picking your own switch - for the rewards this is like the trip to the ice-cream store for being a good girl! Remember that both punishments and rewards are earned.
Punishment:
Punishment is an act of discipline and in that act you should make clear that you are not enraged or angry, never strike in anger. If you have to wait so-be-it but NEVER, let me state that again, NEVER, strike in anger!!!!
Let's begin with the fact that there is a time and a place for punishment. The bedroom (sex to be exact) should never be a place for punishment. You shouldn't ever have a sexual favor be a punishment! Neither should you end a punishment with sex! Another thing that you should never do is use a punishment toy (paddle, cane, quirt, etc...) in a normal scene. The reason for never bringing the "punishment toy" in to the scene is the headspace that is associated with the implement. Let this toy be a good sign of punishment and nothing else. Remember that punishment isn't a scene and shouldn't be treated as such. I usually won't give warm-up nor will I let the punishment go too long, never more that 20 swats with the "punishment paddle" is my rule.
I believe that punishment should be as immediate as possible, waiting two weeks for a punishment isn't cool, the submissive may have forgotten all about it, and will more than likely resent you. Before I give a punishment I explain exactly why they are receiving the punishment. I make it plainly clear as to why and how it disappointed me. After explaining this I administer the "punishment" - then I absolve them of there infraction and let them know that I still care for them and that while they disappointed me I forgive them. Remember that the act of punishment is forgiveness of the infraction that caused the punishment. In other words get over it, after it is all said and done you may not bring it up in an argument or in front of others. Punishment is an act of discipline and in that act you should make clear that your head is not enraged or angry, never strike in anger, if you have to wait so-be-it but NEVER, let me state that again, NEVER, strike in anger!!!!
Reward:
Ahhh the glorious pride of owning a slave, or having a submissive...they make you proud! But how do you show your contentment? I remember once talking to a person who had a wonderful relationship, she had said that he rarely gave big presents, but it was the little things that told her that he loved her. Just as her boyfriend continued to do little constant things to tell her that he loved her, you should do little things to reward such GREAT behavior. When I talk of rewards I don't mean going out and buying a diamond ring that costs $3,000 as a reward...you would go broke fast (and if you don't go broke send me money I need it)! Rather, the reward should be little things that you can do over and over again. Just as with punishments, make it clear as to exactly why they are receiving the reward. Be thankful and appreciative, let your submissive/slave know why you are happy. One difference is that you can bring the rewards to the bedroom. Maybe your submissive enjoys oral, or a particular flogger. With rewards, you can bring it into a scene or make an entire scene a reward. The most important thing is that the reward is for the submissive not the Dominant. While on the concept of rewards: it isn't "un-Domly" to draw a bath for your submissive as a reward, or to give them a massage as a reward. The key to this is that it is a Reward and it is a way for you to show your thankfulness for the submissive that has made you proud or happy. |
|
|
|
|
Physical and internal
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - or is it? What makes a person attractive to another? What makes a person who is a submissive and beautiful, ugly? What makes a less beautiful (physically) submissive more beautiful? I don't entirely believe that it is in fact the person's actual exterior beauty but rather their internal beauty. I don't feel so much that I am absolutely gorgeous per se, I am far from a person to drool over, but I feel that my attractive state is attributed to my attempt to keep my body as best as possible, and my attitude upbeat and warm. As any person should do. I speak often of the internal activities and processes of the submissive and the Dominant, but speak rarely of the external. I feel that I avoid that out of a desire to not be shallow.
Christina Abernathy once put it best "How can you expect to serve, if you are not in good enough shape to keep up?" That is the truth - how can a person who is extremely over weight expect to kneel, rise and do the daily tasks of their lives as a submissive if they are nursing their health? I love people and as far as friends go, I love them all - large, small, beautiful, and ugly - but I insist that their personality be beautiful. Only when I am considering a person whom I wish to be with intimately do I look upon their appearance.
Being male makes most women greet me with the disposition that I will judge them upon their looks alone and for that reason I strive to NOT. Though in my efforts to not judge a person upon their physical appearance, I feel that I may send out a false truth. Do I judge upon looks alone? No. But I do include it in the assessment of the person.
I knew a woman who was physically beautiful (Drop Dead Gorgeous), but she never smiled - NEVER! That lack of smiling is what made her truly ugly. Her frown and her scowls were the things that made me not find her attractive. Her disdain for those around her and for her, her constant judging and unpleasant attitude made her about the most unpleasant person to be around. I later found out that her belief was that because of her looks she felt that she could abuse, use, and torment men as she saw fit. Something happened (I truly don't know what) but she stopped being a bitch, she stopped frowning and started smiling and enjoying life. That change, that growth and metamorphosis made her one of the most attractive women I have ever met. It wasn't her inner or her outer beauty that made her desirable but the combination of the two. That is what I truly admire.
The inner pride of place, not questioning nor judging aspect of a submissive makes me very pleased. When I see a Master and a slave together - the slave feeling her position, and the Master having pride of the slave - that is about the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Such a beautiful relationship is what I also seek. Does it take a body of a super model to make me happy? No, but also a large woman doesn't make me overly sexually interested. Does a beautiful personality alone make me want to collar? No, but a grumpy/bitchy/judging personality doesn't make me overly thrilled. Beauty is the person who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
I believe that a person who gets enraged at every little thing that goes wrong and doesn't appreciate the life that they have been given is an insult. No matter how bad the day is there are some things that are still good about it. Even if it is just that the sun is out. Slow down, stop being angry enjoy life, all things will come to you in time. Believing that you can make things better by being angry is a crock and you are lying to yourself. That Anger, that constant depression, created by wallowing in your misery only takes away from the things that you can do. Sitting and staring at a broken car doesn't fix it. Nor does whining to everyone. But, if you are a person who takes the time to think about where you are and speak/ask those that are around you to help you, you may be surprised by what happens. The fact that you can be open minded and positive when things go wrong and find the beauty in every day will make you feel lighter. Taking the time to process the negative stuff and make yourself stronger is something that I recommend to everyone. What the hell does all this have to do with physical beauty? A lot! Physical beauty and pleasant manners and a positive attitude makes you pleasant to be around! That is what matters when it comes to being attractive: the Physical reels them in and gets their attention , but the Emotional / Personality is what keeps people around you. |
|
|
|
|
Note |about 1 year ago
Whips have become my trade mark as of late, I enjoy using them and often seem to asked " can you really use a long whip in a good manor and not kill a person in scene, The answer is, "Yes" and the truth to the matter is that it requires a ton of practice. Whips are an item that requires a ton of practice, and investment of time just like Nawa Shibari. I think that is what draws my interest to those things as well as protocol. I love things that require time, effort, energy, practice, and studying.
I love the lifestyle and believe that it calls for as much effort by the dominate as the sub. The fact that you went to a fetish shop or marketplace and bought your whips, floggers and rope. Don't tell me that you think that just purchasing them makes you an expert with them? Purchasing the toy is merely that, just purchasing the toy. To master the toy you must put in your homework learn it's abilities is limitations and what you can do with it.
Rope
Rope is awesome, it is simple and yet can be the most difficult thing to master. Mastering more knots that a Boy Scout isn't what makes a good rope master, it is understanding the body, physics, body mechanics/dynamics and the submissive that makes a good rope master. The ability to know where you can put your ropes with out HARMING the bottom, the ability to know how to make them lay so that they will give the effect that you want.
Whips
Whips are a status symbol in most peoples eyes. To me they prove that you can purchase and expensive toy. You want status or to impress me, throw the whip with grace, style and accuracy. Being able to use a whip elegantly and produce a scene that the bottom loves that is what impresses me, and those that watch the scene. Buying a whip and going to a play party, then turning some bottoms ass into hamburger or making miss hits doesn't impress your peers, it actually makes them worry about your skills and probably even wonder if you are safe person. The whip requires HOURS of practice and hours of time to learn how to throw it so that it lands where you want it to. As a whip breaks in it's dynamics change so as you are learning the new whip you just bought it is changing as it gets more supple.
Psychology, and Emotions
There are people with there doctorate on this subject, to think that just because you capitalized your nick on line or decided to be a dominant doesn't mean you understand these things. The scary thing is that as a Dominant you are touching these things every interaction you have with a slave. When you scold them, punish them and reward them or scene with them you are touching up on there emotions. Did you think to keep the punishment device out of the scene, are you making sure that physical punishment is kept clear and well understood? Mixing sex and punishment is a no-no in my book but maybe in your book or your slaves book that is "OK". When a slave is open to you REALLY open to you they are also emotionally open to you and you are responsible for there well being. Don't go rushing off, take your time learn from those that understand, humble yourself enough to ask submissives what they like and don't like and how things make them feel.
Reading a book on these subject (and many others) doesn't make you an expert either, and don't' think that the hour lecture you went to at the local BDSM event counts either. While the instructors and the book writers are experts at the subject (assuming that they are experts) the hour that they spend teaching you doesn't cut it. It is your responsibility as a Top/Master/Dominant to take what you learned from that class or book and practice it put your thought into it, adapt it make that knowledge yours. As a friend of mine says, "Don't think that you know it, know that you know it!" Meaning don't' believe you know what you are doing, KNOW exactly what you are doing and the ramifications of what you are doing, and what are you going to do if things start to go wrong?
I was at a dungeon that I had to call a scene on due to a serious safety concern. This dominant was striking the bottom in very unsafe places. Places that just weren't OK no matter what book you made reference to. But he did look the part of a dominant, all of his floggers and cat of nine tails and cuffs were of the highest quality and all matching in color. As he unrolled his toys that were wrapped up in a fine toy bag, he laid out all the latest and coolest toys, but when it came time to flog and strike, any impressiveness that he had shown was gone, he proved very quickly that he was not a skilled player. And the killer is that he was supposed to go to the Midwest to teach a class on flogging!!
|
|
|
|
|
below is an article I wrote some time ago. With the recent trends I thought it would be fun to post a writing of mine.
Old Guard!
Recently I was asked what "Old Guard" means. To be referred to as "Old Guard" is considered a great compliment...but, why? Well, let me see if I can answer that.
When I started this article, I looked up the "Old Guard" online to see what they had to say about it. Almost every person who wrote an article about Old Guard said that it no longer exists...that those who were a part of it are very very scarce and hard to come by. Most articles went on to say that anyone who was claiming to be "Old Guard" probably wasn't, because most of those people who were into it during the 50's, 60's, and 70's are not around anymore. But the truth of the matter is that some still are, and there are those that have been taught by them. In the South (i.e. Athens, and Atlanta) there is a revival of the old leather lifestyle. There are Three Grand Masters in Atlanta: Pocket, Doug, Dooley, and one Grand mistress, Duchess. Were they around when this started? YES! So where do I get off saying that I am Old Guard, or that someone else is Old Guard? Simple...they are students of Old Guard teachers.
I am a mere 30 years old, a pup compared to those that have mentored me. And for a majority of those in the lifestyle now, they too are pups, unable to claim to be Old Guard, simply because they are too young. This starts the quandary of "how do we keep the Old Guard alive?" By learning. A person without mentors who claims to be Old Guard, unless they are over 50, is lying. For any person who has been brought to the Old Guard had done it upon there desire to learn, and understand the Leather Lifestyle in its original forms, and sought out the Grand Masters. This isn't about learning to flog, or single tail, but about protocol, respect, procedures, safety, honor, and understanding the heritage that we come from. Just as in martial arts does a student go to seek out the masters of the martial arts to teach them, we as students of Old Guard should seek out the ones that were there, and learn from them.
Old Guard is a group that you can't buy a membership to, there's no one you can put a finger on who hands out memberships. Old Guard is not a club, it is a Way. In many of my rants I talk about the Leather lifestyle as a Religion and here, I believe, is another area where the religion aspects of the lifestyle shows itself. Have you ever met a person who was a true Christian, one who studied and learned the faith, and doesn't just go to church on Sunday, but LIVES the faith. That is what Old Guard is, it is not the person who just shows up at the Dungeons at the right time, or helps at every event but rather lives it, holds it in their mind and heart.
A person who has studied the lifestyle with a sense of humility and desire to preserve the old way of the lifestyle (not the barbaric but the formalities), someone who has gone to others and asked to be taught, to learn... Once taught, they don't rest upon there laurels, but rather expand, practice and carry their education in their heart. The truth of the matter is that there are very few people that are still alive today to relay the Old Guard. Just as there are very few (ok, NONE) of the people who wrote the bible around to ask them what they intended to say. With this knowledge in mind, I believe that Old Guard isn't so much being 80 years old, having come from the Gay Leather Lifestyle that came out of WWII, but rather FINDING those that have and listening to them, LEARNING and carrying on the meaning. To me that is how a person is of "Old Guard" - not that they are 80, but that they have studied, learned, and been mentored by those that are true Old Guard.
I found this site on Old Guard and feel that it is a very good statement on Old Guard. OLD GUARD |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
