Twisto		twistedtho		twisteddud

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This profile is designed to provide a bit of information to new subs and slaves. By no means is it the definitive guide to searching for a Dom or Master. It is only meant as a partial guideline so you have an idea of what to expect and what signs you should look for. Many Doms will not agree with what is written here as each have their own style and beliefs. Understand that a D/s relationship is a partnership that exceeds a regular relationship on so many levels. If anyone tells you that it is not based on emotion or intellect, they are lying. The physical aspect of the relationship is simply the manifestation of the thoughts and desires of the sub and Dom. The body is the vessel through which the training is conducted to achieve the required intellectual result. The foundation of any such relationship is trust, which takes time and understanding. With trust comes an emotional bond that is also built over time - a bond that can last a lifetime. Once this bond exists, a sub is free to allow herself to be taken to levels she may never even knew existed. The trust between a Dom and his sub is sacred. It cannot happen overnight. Do not expect it to. You are going to receive literally hundreds of letters from people claiming they know what you need and that they are the Dom for you. Some will even demand that you submit immediately. Let me say right now, you are under NO obligation to submit to anyone you have just met, especially online. Do not let anyone intimidate you into doing something you do not want to do or aren't ready for. Understand that in the BDSM world, power flows from the bottom to the top. No one can dominate you without your permission. Likewise, no one can take advantage of you without your permission. Remember that. Unfortunately, too many learn this lesson too late. So now you have received all these letters. It can be pretty overwhelming ... and definitely flattering. Where do you start? What do you look for? Always keep in the back of your mind that many of these letters are going to come from wannabes. What is a wannabe??? Someone who puts their own needs above those of their sub. They will do this in a variety of ways. They will lie to get what they want. They will misrepresent themselves and their experience level. They will be vague in their answers. They will demand you submit and obey on first contact. Think about it. How great is this whole realm for men in general? A bevy of women who are actually advertising that they want to be tied up and dominated and are willing to let the 'right man' do anything they want to them. Women who actually want to get laid. You don't think you aren't going to get all the flakes and weirdos responding as well? Those that have no clue what they are doing and only want to get laid? Of course you are. Be ready for it. If you read a letter that is rude in any way, or just doesn't 'feel right', do not respond. Not even a thank you for the letter. Do not encourage further conversation. And block them. They will try again and again. Realize that to many on the site, it is a numbers game. Throw enough darts at a balloon and one is bound to pop it. Same with this site. Send enough letters out, someone will respond and eventually, someone will be fooled. Don't let it be you. I was speaking to a lady in her 40s who was just beginning to explore her submissiveness. She had just met a so called Dom online and was concerned she could not do what he asked. Apparently the first day they chatted, he had her on her webcam masturbating for him. He then ordered her to masturbate and orgasm another 12 times before she went to bed. Then he said they would talk the next day and he would have other instructions for her. I asked her why she agreed to this, especially since she had only just met him. She replied that he said he was a Dom and she thought she had to do whatever he told her to. As I said earlier, you are under NO obligation to submit to anyone on this site just because they tell you to. Ok ... so you have weeded through the letters and found a few you want to respond to. Take your time to get to know them. Do not meet anyone right away. Much can be learned in their emails to you and by chatting online. At any sign of something that does not agree with what you want or your beliefs, discontinue corresponding with them. Some of the things you should look out for ... Are they respectful at all times? Or do they use degrading words or phrases when addressing you or talking about others? Are they knowledgeable about the lifestyle? Will they answer your questions willingly? Do they encourage you to ask questions? Do they want to ask you questions to better learn about and understand you, or are their questions seemingly to simply encourage sex talk? Are they willing to admit their shortcomings and lack of experience? If they do not know the answer to a question you ask, are they willing to admit it instead of trying to bluff their way through? If they are willing to admit it, it may be a positive sign they are honest in their desire and are not looking to take advantage of someone. Think twice about someone who says they have always been a Master or a Dom. Usually it is a gradual realization that eventually becomes part of their lifestyle. Most will have had dominant tendencies or thoughts throughout their life. But that is NOT the same as outright saying they have been a Master all their lives. Becoming a Dom takes time and experience. Having a girlfriend that likes to be spanked or tied up no more makes you a Dom than owning a piano makes you a concert pianist. Likewise, do they say you need to be broken, or broken down and rebuilt in whatever image they decide is appropriate for you? I hear this a lot. It seems to be a common theme among the Doms on this site. Why would you want to 'break' someone who is new in the lifestyle? It is not something I agree with. I think a Dom should take the time to learn a sub's strengths and use them as a foundation for her to stand upon so she can learn to overcome her weaknesses. This is how you make a sub become the best sub she can be. Remember, those that rule through fear and intimidation will never know what it is like to have someone surrender willingly and completely. Do they demand you obey them immediately and insist you call them by their self-proclaimed titles such as Master or Lord? If so, don't walk away. Run. Are they more interested in your physical appearance than your potential to be a sub or who you are? Asking if you have pictures or what is your weight? Physical attraction IS important, don't get me me wrong..but in general, it's not a good sign. Do they claim to be a great dom or master and in addition claim they can make you submit or claim they can train you to be a good sub? Again, think twice. Do they use the terminology correctly, or do they seem to flip between Dom and Master without knowing the difference between the two. Same with sub and slave. Ask them for their interpretation of the meanings. If they don't know or don't want to answer, that is a good indicator that their knowledge of the lifestyle is extremely limited at best as would be their experience level. Take the time to read up and learn what the terminology means. This is your life we are talking about. You teach your kids to beware of strangers ... and yet you are willing to surrender to someone you don't know because what they say sounds good? You owe it to yourself to know. Anything will sound good to someone who doesn't know the meaning of what is being said. When you are ready to meet, always meet in a public place during the day the first time. Never in a bar, and never leave any drink unattended. See how you get along. Look for signs his personality is different from what you have come to know online or on the phone. If something doesn't feel right, walk away. Better to be safe than sorry. Let's talk about training for a second. How can any Dom say they know how to train you to be a good sub when they do not even know who you are? Every sub is different. Each a unique flower waiting to bloom. Each sub has their own idea of what submission is, and what they want it to be. Each Dom also has their own idea of what submission is and what they want it to be. A real Dom will take the time to know and understand what it is their sub wants, and more importantly, what it is they actually need. Only then can a Dom formulate a training regime specifically tailored to the sub. Think about it ... how can you train someone without knowing what it is they need or what you are training them for? For a Dom to do otherwise is to only serve their own self interests ... and that is not helping a sub become the best they can possibly be. No one can force you to be submissive. Submission is like a rose that quietly sleeps under a winter blanket of snow, waiting for the warmth of the sun and the gentle rain to bring it to life and help it grow. Remember a D/s relationship is a partnership and symbiotic relationship, and it will take time for each of you to learn what is expected of you. A real Dom will know when to push beyond your limits, and when not to push. If you are ever forced to do something you are not ready for, walk away. More subs are ruined because their Dom did not know what he is doing. Insist on a safe word. A real Dom will understand your need for one, especially in the beginning of the relationship. If a Dom does not want to have a safe word, or does not like using them, then walk away. He is not interested in your well being. And finally remember that submission is not just about being told to kneel, or being punished or told to give head. It is about the exploration of YOUR submissiveness. It is a journey a real Dom will lead you on, understanding where it is you have to go, and knowing how to bring you there. Ok, I have to add something here to my profile. I am amazed at the number of women who join and within the first week have 'met someone' and 'belong to them'. Or put on their profiles that they are "Under Consideration". What does that mean? That some guy is going to THINK about using you for his pleasure?? That he is going to show you who is boss by making you wait and wonder if you are worthy of him? Give me a break. It is not you who have to prove yourself to him - he has to prove himself to you. Remember I said earlier that power flows from bottom to top. And understand it is a symbiotic relationship. You will give of yourself to him. He will give of his time, his knowledge and his experience to help you become the best submissive you can be. Those that say they will think about it, or want you to prove yourself first, are NOT interested in a symbiotic relationship. They will simply take what you will give. And somewhere down the line, be it a month or a year, you will be deeply hurt when you realize that you have been played. Being 'under consideration' is the modern I-want-you-now answer to the communities of old and their collaring rituals. You may want to insist on this for your own protection, or you may want to ask any potential Dom about it to determine his knowledge on the subject. Or perhaps you should just know it so that you understand where the symbolism comes from. In the communities of old, the first collar given to a submissive was the "Collar of Consideration". (This is NOT the same thing as being 'under consideration'. Keep reading.) In the vanilla world, this would be the equivalent of a promise ring. The submissive can remove it at anytime and end the relationship without any hard feelings or resentment - as could the Dom. It is a chance to get to know each other without being forced to go beyond what you know to be safe and secure. But ... did you get the significance of what I said? The sub can walk away from this collar. It was NOT for the Dom to ultimately decide. Notice the difference today when a Dom places someone 'under consideration'? Somehow through the years this has gotten horribly twisted, so that right from the start it is in the Dom's favor. The sub seemingly has no rights at all anymore. So know where the symbolism comes from and INSIST upon it. It is your right to be able to walk away. Do not let anyone intimidate you into thinking you cannot. The second collar would be the "Training Collar". In the vanilla world, this would be the equivalent to an engagement ring. It implies a deep emotional bond has formed between the sub and the dom, and training will officially begin to properly teach the sub how to please the dom, but also to help the sub fully explore that which she needs to help her become the best sub she can be. The sub could still request the collar be removed, though it will usually lead to a painful and unpleasant ending of the relationship. The last collar was the "Sub/Slave Collar". This was always considered to be permanent in nature. The sub could not be released, or even ask to be released, at this point. Only the dominant could release the sub/slave. Consider this in the vanilla world to be similar to receiving a wedding ring. In India. It was taken just as seriously. As mentioned earlier, I created this profile simply to give those new an insight into what to expect. It is a wonderful world in which you are about to enter. Each woman wants to experience something different. Some look for a single Dom. Others look for someone to help them fulfill all their fantasies, be it another woman for the first time or group play. I recently chatted with someone who enjoys giving head and was only looking for someone to help set up encounters so that she can safely engage in her fetish. I mention it just so you realize everyone is unique, and everyone on this site is looking for something unique to them. Do not ever feel embarrassed or alone because of how you feel inside, or what you want to experience. It is a part of who you are and is perfectly natural. Whatever it is you are looking for, I wish you the best of luck in your search.