- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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TulipGrace - photo 1

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So, how to word my profile without offending anyone… About 15 years ago I had a profile on here and met a number of really interesting and cool people. I also met my absolutely amazing husband! We met in 2008, married in 2009 and traveled an interesting road together.

We found God in our time together and it made us look at a lot of things in our life. We decided what we did as consenting married adults within our marriage for the most part, in the way of a little hanky panky was fine. We were not interested in having others involved in our relationship, or in anything outside of our relationship. We discovered porn had actually and significantly ruined reality in many ways and that we didn’t care to think about each other looking at other people. When we decided to quit porn we realized what an addiction it really was. We did both eventually quit it though, even now I cover the side bars of this site.

I am super strong in my faith and walk with the Lord, active in my church, etc. My relationship with the Lord will always be above all others. In 2020 I was widowed after my husband spent years in a battle with his health. After three years single I am missing companionship. After many years of nursing him I am missing intimacy and the fun hanky panky relationship we had.

Before finding the Lord I was involved pretty deeply in the local KC BDSM scene and thus, when I say hanky panky, I am not talking typical housewife stuff.

I have no interest in hook-ups or premarital sex. Am interested in forming a solid and lasting relationship. Naturally don’t expect that instantly but it is my long term goal. I have to say, I was amused to recognize profile pictures I saw on here 15 years ago… Those would be the sort I am probably going to be avoiding lol. I am seeking more commitment that someone who resides on a dating site.

So, about me besides my faith and that I am a widow… I lean towards introvert, but handle myself in a crowd just fine, no anxiety issues or anything. I can be playing Billiards in a pool hall one night, at a black-tie charity event the next, and then hanging out at home in my pajamas playing a video game the next. Speaking of video games… I play World of Warcraft in my free time, in fact I play it in my not free time lol, when I should probably be doing other things. I have been playing it since before the last time I got married and have made long time friends there that are now real world friends. We travel to see each other periodically.

So, what brings me to a site like this? (Now I am blushing.) I know there are groups out there that feel it is biblical, I don’t feel that way at all. I can be honest and admit, I find it arousing, and nothing that I get that kind of response from should be twisted into something that is part of religion. I can call it what it is, arousing kink I enjoy. What do I enjoy? I’d say my likes, desires, wants, etc. fall into three categories really: First I will explain why I should have listed as a switch. No, I do not ever want to dominate my spouse. I absolutely need someone who can handle me all the time. However, I have a strong personality and I am used to running the show. I run a group in my video game, I lead groups in my church, when stuck in a room of people I will often end up leading things… That is just my personality. However, that part of my personality stresses me out! I need relief from that side of me. I was raised that way, to always make sure everyone is happy, everything is in order, everything is taken care of, etc. Once all is said and done I am emotionally and physically drained from it all sometimes. It leaves me grumpy, sassy, snotty, etc. Sometimes I just want to be made to let go, made to submit, made to endure the unpleasantness, in order to recalibrate and recenter myself. Usually in the moment this isn’t erotic for me, but later to be able to look back on you doing that for me, and the aftercare, is very much so.

By the way, if you have actually taken the time to read my profile, I want to thank you and take the time to read your email. Let me know you read this far by addressing the email to just Grace instead of TulipGrace... Thanks! Nowback to my profile...

Second: I may have had something upsetting happen in life, nothing that would be deserving up punishment, nothing that would be a time one would usually think is for play of this kind… I may ask for pain, again, not an erotic time in the moment typically. Depending on the upsetting thing that happened, the memories of it may never be erotic either.

Third: Genuine fun and play, giggly sassy fun, complete with safe words, willingness to maybe try new things, erotic exotic, bedroom play. Not so heavy it requires aftercare so that it can progress into something more…

Why don’t I give details of what kinks these things involve? Well, then what would we chat about lol? Well, I do hope we talk more than about just kinks of course, because like I said most the time I live a very average vanilla life and as much as porn and site like this make it seem possible to live otherwise, for me it isn’t.

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9/15/2023 2:40:36 PM

Time to clarify a few things, I guess. I wrote something to help clarify an age bracket I am interested in and why… but I guess on a sit like this I need to narrow it down a little further.


IF you were born with two X chromosomes, i.e. what the human race once called female… I have zero interest in dating you. If you live your life proud of those two X chromosomes we can be good friends!


IF you were born with one X and one Y chromosome, i.e. what the human race once called male…

AND you live your life proudly as a fully blooded man,

AND you are local,

AND you are not married,

OR living with someone,

OR have a LTR significant other,

AND you are gainfully employed (or independently wealthy and thus not needing employment)

AND you have a residence (your mothers basement and brothers-in-laws garage do not count)

AND you have transportation (Public electric scooters do not count)

AND you like to chant Let’s Go BRANDON!…

THEN, you have made it through the initial screening process and we can start chatting…


IF you have rainbows for anything other than the promise of God on your profile… you should probably not contact me.

IF you like to wag your hand when you talk for reasons other than being Italian, you should probably not contact me.

IF you have to practice speaking in high pitches, you should probably not contact me.

IF you have to decide between apples and socks in your bra, you should probably not contact me (Unless the cause is cancer related)

IF you need a tuck it bathing suit, you should probably not contact me.

IF you have two XX chromosomes and look like a cancer patient for no reason, you should probably not contact me.

IF you have a Y Chromosome and wear makeup and are not an actor or news anchor, you should probably not contact me.

IF you are a bottom, realize you can contact me, but it will be friends only. (Same for most switches)

IF you are far away, it is pretty pointless to contact me.

I can keep going but I am getting bored and if this doesn’t get the point across I don’t’ know what will.


Oh and if you want to friend me… I am flattered… but maybe try speaking to me? I am not a check mark to tally up on your friends list, actually make a friend of me. Like a box pops up and asks you, do you know this person, are they a friend, and you click yes, and you haven’t read my profile, or spoken to me… and I am supposed to agree, and say, oh yeah, that imbecile is my buddy! Yeah, nope. I only bite if you like it…

8/12/2023 8:41:57 PM

So, I got this in an email today as a reason for someone refusing to read a profile... "


Ive noticed people dont always write true facts and their profiles

So I replied with pictures of my dying husband to prove I am a widow.  Anyone else want to question it?

8/10/2023 2:09:43 PM

So, I got a message today because someone was offended by my responce to their message to me...  They felt my profile was too long to bother reading and wanted me to cut to the chase... was I still married. 

The opening of my profile explaines that I am a WIDOW!  So, yes, the message ticked me off a bit and they got the full brunt of my anger.  Instead of going back and looking to see why I had called them an idiot, to see what they had missed that made them look so stupid and foolish, they wrote me again, trying to insult me this time, making themselves look dumber still!  Like guys, seriously, it is a special kind of stupid that writes someone who opens their profile saying they are a widow, and asks if they are still married.  Try, just try to send messages that don't totally insult someone if you are attempting to start a relationship that requires massive amounts of trust!  Just spend a minute and read the stupid profile people!

7/30/2023 12:31:14 PM

Wow, people really get triggered when you point out their inability to read... almost makes you think they can read your responce, which leads you to wonder why they bothered to write you without bothering to read your profile?  SMH  Fair waring, get ready to get lit up if i have the time and I am in the mood and you message me something stupid...

7/26/2023 2:58:26 PM

Because of the constant restrictions I am running into here I have been foced to make an attitional profile on an additional site... So, if you were thinking of wanting to make me your PET... think of the site that rhyms to find me under the same handle!  I spend a lot more time there nowdays. 

7/19/2023 2:14:57 PM


Wow… this is such a loaded word for me.  I have such a love hate relationship with these suckers… I am reluctant to even write on the topic. 

For starters, being someone who gets migraines, a good solid set of tears, that leads to solid congestion can lead to a migraine, so over all I typically avoid tears if I can help it and I don’t need them.


My brain seems to produce these things at all the wrong times sometimes. 
If am super angry… Tears. 
Super happy in a nostalgic way… Tears.
Super empathetic for someone… Tears.

What the heck is with all these tears???

When they come during these high emotion times, I have zero control over them and their timing sucks!  If I don’t’ shut down the emotion can’t shut down the tears that come with it!  Going silent and withdrawing is often the only way to stop them.  This doesn’t help when I am furious and want to be screaming at someone. This doesn’t help when I am trying to watch a wedding.  This really doesn’t help when trying to counsel a friend who is having a hard time.  I need to engage and be there with them!

The other side of the coin… and this was to my big brother’s demise growing up… I can sometimes turn on those tears with the flip of a switch.  Not the legit sobbing my heart out stuff usually, but enough to put a pause in the conversation if I am not happy with it.  I must watch my manipulative side with this.   (I have a broken door in my house because I wanted my husband and son to quit fighting one day and turned them on so well, then ran off and locked myself in the bedroom… the two of them quit fighting with each other and came to find me and broke down the bedroom door to check on me… I never expected they would break the door!)

The issue is sometime this same thing happens against my will…  I may not be happy with the conversation, but I really DO want to talk it out, and not have those stupid tears affect the outcome… and the stupid things come anyhow because I am emotional!  So frustrating!  Then in my frustration I cry more!  Then get mad that I am crying, and then I cry because I am mad that I am crying, then it seems like I am crying because of the conversation… then all is lost, I can’t have the conversation untainted, and I am just straight up pissed off at myself.

None of these tears are tears that bring me emotional relief though.  In fact, they often do the opposite.  They don’t affect my submission, (unless you count my bratting and manipulating with tears, in which case it might actually be bringing me out of my submission.)  There is one type of tear that brings me emotional relief and brings me further into my submission.  Tears from pain.  They are rare though.  Super rare.  I have health issues and I have (well controlled, without the use of narcotics) chronic pain, and medical professionals have put me through hell and back with some of the things they have done to me.  I get cluster headaches occasionally, some of the worst pain on the planet. (Imagine a brain freeze that lasts for 3 hours).  I simply don’t cry from pure pain.  Now, my eyes will water from it, like when your thumb is hit with a hammer, but it is just that, eyes watering, no redness, no sniffling, no sobs or bawling. 

Sometimes though, I need to cry.  I need emotional release, and I need it to not be attached to anything like an argument, a friends ups and downs, an emotional event, etc.  I need my own personal release.  

Where have I found this?  Complete and total submission, and I have found that in only one place… pain beyond my control.  There are lots of ways to give submission, but they are mostly all ways I still feel I control.  I can do dishes, cook meals, give physical pleasure, do penance like tasks, etc.  They are all things that I do because I am either happy to do or am willing to put up with the annoyance or interruption to my day to do.  That is really how my brain processes such things.  The emotional repentance within the brain is lacking and there certainly isn’t any call to tears over any of it.

Physical punishment is different.  I don’t enjoy pain, I am not a pain slut, but there is an absolute difference to pain punishments.  There is constant thought and anticipation.  I don’t’ want to say anxiety because of the negative connotations with the word anxiety, but I don’t want anticipation to be taken as joyful excitement.  The period leading up to physical punishment.  That time between when you have done wrong, and when the punishment is administered… there is a gnawing in the back of your mind.  Driving the car, talking to your vanilla friend on the phone making lunch plans, brushing your teeth, watching TV, getting the mail.  Randomly, at any time.  It pops into your head!  You are reminded you have done wrong.  You are reminded that there will be a price to pay, and not one that will be easily dismissed.  You are reminded that with every ounce of your being, you are going to have to submit yourself to absolute unpleasantness to pay the price for your actions (or lack of actions depending on the situation).  This alone increase the emotional tie to the pain to come.

When it is time for the punishment, it isn’t enough to be told to just go off on your own and do something and be done with it.  You must stand before your accuser, look them in the eye, face up to what you have done, admit your guilt, humiliation of the mind as much as the body as you bare your soul before them and present yourself to them, willing to take whatever they are going to give.  Knowing you will soon lose control over your body’s responses to the pain, jerking this way and that way, trying

7/19/2023 2:13:07 PM


 I am sure I had sensory processing disorder as a kid. I totally remember crying all the time from some of the stuff my mom used to want me to wear, and I remember her just sitting there looking at me totally baffled trying to assure me it was the softest she could find. Or having to stop 15 times on a school field trip to sit on the floor in the middle of a museum and take off my shoes and pull up my socks because they kept shifting in my shoe and the seam was by my toe...

I grew up in the NJ/NY area around Italians, and Jews, and Irish, and lots of "Old World Europeans" who at a minimum bear hugged and kissed one cheek, if not both, if not multiple times each time they greeted you.  I am in the Midwest now where they are a little more reserved.  I can't remember the last time I got a cheek kiss and most of the hugs are just side hugs... I still tend to crash in and hug anyone I know won't flip out from it though lol.  I miss those bear hugs!  Getting one now days is enough to bring tears to my eyes my body needs it so much! The chemical release in my brain is outside of my control!

I need this.  Need.  Need like I need food, water, and shelter.  Studies during the pandemic have shown  am not alone in this, but my sensory processing issues probably make it a little extreme for me.  For years scientists have studies out hands and fingers, joints, skin, etc and their sense of touch, but recently they are becoming interested in a subset of touch sensitive nerves in the core regions of our body, such as the back, which have one been discovered.  

*“This second type of sensory nerves send signals to areas of our brains that deal with emotional processing. They are most responsive to skin temperature and gentle, stroking touch. Observational studies find that when people are asked to caress their infant, or their romantic partner, they spontaneously use the slow stroking speeds that these nerve fibres prefer. This touch is subjectively perceived as pleasant; it calms and soothes us physiologically, reducing heart rate and buffering against the effects of stress.

When stimulated, these nerves send signals via the spinal cord to the brain where they release a cascade of neurochemicals. One of the most notable chemicals among these is oxytocin, a hormone released by low-intensity skin stimulation such as hugs. Oxytocin is known to play important roles in social bonding, and can reduce stress and increase our tolerance to pain.

The release of oxytocin during social interactions is context-dependent: only when a hug is wanted will the comforting and rewarding effects be felt. When touch is desired, the benefits are shared by both partners in the exchange.”

This explains my desperate need and the reason I melt like a purring kitten when I get it and shut down like an angry Doberman when I don’t.  Take me from a culture that touched all the time, and in sensory processing issues, and then throw widowhood in a post-pandemic world… Touch me.  Don’t ever keep it from me.  I can’t be held responsible if you do.  Just saying… 


excerpts from *From the Article “The science of hugging, and why we’re missing it so much during the pandemic by Susannah Walker


7/11/2023 8:44:51 AM

Two journals ago either pissed someone off, or they decided to go get their house in order because they either shut off their profile or blocked me lol.  Well, not like it was every going to go anywhere anyhow.

7/10/2023 12:35:37 PM

That akward moment when your 100% vanilla friend post fo FB that they left the family camp they just spent a week at and they "stopped at In-N-Out and threw a munch".  Do you just let it go...? lol  How do you explain to them what they have just said?

7/7/2023 12:31:38 PM

I’m real, single, and ready to meet. You should be too.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Lots of people contact me about my profile and say job well done, I/we are like minded, BUT blah blah blah (I am taken, I am too old/young, I am too far, etc.). They respect the realities of the universe that have made us like minded, but not a match. I can respect that. I am certainly grateful for friends on this journey. This Journal entry is not addressing or discouraging friends. This is about those who express legitimate interest…

So, I think my profile makes it clear… I am looking to date, I am looking to meet someone. I didn’t think I had to clarify after an in-depth profile such as the wone I wrote that I am not interested in you if you are married, living with someone, have a stead significant other, etc. Now, if you are “seeing” other people that is fine. Those other people should not be living in your house, sharing your bank account, doing your grocery shopping (unless it is for a date or something), paying for the renewal of the tags on your car, etc… “Seeing” someone means you are taking them to dinner, and possible having a good time after once in a while. “Seeing” someone means that person KNOWS you are “seeing” other people! If I call or text when you are with them, there is no need to hide your phone. I mean, I don’t expect you to respond or answer, you are spending time with someone else, that is fine, we aren’t an item, but I have enough self esteem I will not be the other woman, and I will not be hidden. If you will cheat on your wife, girlfriend, etc… You will eventually cheat on me too, and thus I am not interested in you. I am interested in loyalty, honesty, and devotion. How can one submit to someone who is offering anything less? Obviously, I don’t expect it day one. I will probably see other people for a time too. A bond must be built and that takes time. That being said… a bond isn’t built in messages on the web miles apart from someone I have never met in person. We might send messages a lot after meeting because you travel or something, but meeting in person is crucial to me.

The internet is far too anonymous and there are far too many players out there. Heck, I had a guy wait until our third in person date once to finally admit he was married! It was because he couldn’t maintain the in person dating, he finally had to come clean though. He would have spoken with me for a year online had I let it continue that route… So, I am not a huge electron communication person. I also hate phones. I will even schedule my doctor’s appointments via the web if I can. Phones are used to call if I am lost getting where we planned to meet, or if I am running late and need to text to let you know. I don’t send kinky or risqué picture via the web or phone. I don’t use snapchat… where all communication disappears before your wife can see it. We send a few emails, seem to be hitting it off, then why should we share everything in more emails? What will we talk about when we get together? Continuing to chat online is going to leave me awkward and silent with nothing left to talk about in person. Left get some coffee, have dinner, see a movie. Let’s get out of the house! Yes, I know I say I raid (game) 5 nights a week… Only two of those nights are nights I feel I really can’t skip right now, and raid doesn’t start until 8:30 at night, and those are nights in the middle of the week… so if you really want to be drinking coffee that late at night, in the middle of the week, I will see what I can to lol.

If one more guy tells me, well, I have a significant other, but the relationship is dead, has been for some time, but it is complicated… and in the same breath, tells me he wants to be my Dom, and manage my world… Get your house in order before you enter mine which is already in order. I am worn out on chatting with guys who seem amazing, lead me on, but are just using me as their side joy because they are unhappy in a relationship, they have no intention of leaving. Again, if you would hurt her by chatting with me… what are you going to do to me one day?

Are there any good ones left at my age? Should I just give up the search?

Guys… fish or cut bait. Show me you aren’t married lol. Show me you aren’t running around on your girlfriends. Show me it is worth the time and effort to continue investing myself in some of these conversations that start to feel sketchy… Pick a coffee house and tell me when we are going!

7/3/2023 1:31:39 AM

It is different...
I know a number of widows, who are remarried to widowers... I kind of thought it a little odd until I became a widow myself. I wondered, are grief groups like the only place to meet someone once you are a widow? Are grief groups like speed dating after a while, you start going through the people there until you settle down with one because, well, at that age that is what is left? But like I said, then I became a widow... I "joined the club" no one would ever wish for anyone to ever have to join... and I get it now. It is a club. We get each other in ways others don't. It wasn't a divorce, it was a death. We will always love them. We will always speak fondly of them. Our eyes will always water at their memory. Their birthday, our anniversary, the anniversary of their death... will always be hard days. There might be children in our lives that will always will need to be comforted, and allowed space to honor their memories and love for the person. However, there is still a need for companionship again at some point. Room for love again. Desire for tactile touch of another human being on our starved bodies... It is hard to explain to someone outside the club that just because we speak fondly, cry occasionally, tell funny stories about... doesn't mean we somehow care less about our current relationship. We aren't comparing them, we aren't seeing which one is better. We are in the present with them now, and we are happy to be there... We just came with baggage, and it isn't bad baggage, we just need to be allowed to have it...

6/28/2023 10:25:53 AM

I might be a sub, but right now I really could make a case for beating my contractor... He is seriously just a kid (over 21), and seriously just needs it!  He is an idiot!

6/24/2023 12:41:54 PM

Survey Says?


  • What is your favorite thing to spank with and why?
  • What is the most common thing you spank with and why?
  • What is the most unique thing you have spanked with and where did it come from and how did you end up using it to spank with?
  • What is the most common infraction you spank for?
  • How frequently do you find your sub requires the correction?  (Spankings or otherwise.)


Send your answers and I will do another journal entry with the answers.

6/23/2023 12:37:57 PM

Right now I have a bruise on my thigh.  I am not even sure how it happened… I think I was in a rush doing something and walked into a low table or counter or something.  I vaguely remember cussing in my head as I caught my leg on something one day, but I can’t for the life of me remember what or where.  I was looking at the bruise last night amused.  I don’t mark easily, and I don’t mark often.  It actually takes a lot to leave a mark on me, which is part of what amused me about this bruise on my leg last night.  How do I not remember how it happened?  It also made me think back to when I did look at porn, and some of the pictures I have seen on this site on peoples profiles that are simply unavoidable… The horrendous marks on people… That will never be me.  My mind left my bruise and headed more into this life, and my desperate desire for something I really don’t want at all… The absolute quandary of the actual ache in my back side for correction, and my complete and total hate for pain.  Like, I don’t secretly like pain.  I don’t like it a little.  I don’t like it in a house, I don’t like It with a mouse.  I, ladies and gentlemen, do not like pain.  Yet I fantasize about it…

So, I pondered this, trying to reconcile this stupidity in my brain… Why? Why do I want it so bad it feels like a need as real as air some days?  I think the pain is simply a by-product of the rest of what I want(need).  Without it, the rest of it doesn’t work.  What do I mean by this?  Well, as anyone who has chatted with me or anyone who knows me, knows, I have a rather strong and dominate personality by nature.  My submission is totally a choice I make because it is relaxing to me.  My submission is a gift to someone special, and only to that person.  When I used to be active in public forums and known as a sub there many dominate men often believed that meant I should act submissive all the time to all dominate people there… bwahahaha!  I had come with a date I was being submissive to, not the whole crowd!   I annoyed a few people.  That’s okay, they annoyed me too. 

When I give this gift of submission to someone, it is because they are giving me a gift too.  They honor me by taking care of me, keeping me safe, looking out for my best interest.  My submission to them tells them I trust them to keep this true.  If they intend to bring me my much-hated pain, then I know their intention is to better me as a person, and for this I am grateful. 

So there it is, it is about the mind, not the pain.  It goes beyond this simple statement though.  The entire process, start to finish, is about what goes on in the mind.  From the game of how far can I push things, to the change in tone, body language, and eye contact from my man as he goes from my man to my Dom when I am skating the edge with my behaviors.  The unspoken communication that tells me we have that connection.  That shoots thrill through me.  Then, the mental push within me, to I stop, or push it further?  If I push, the soft to stern spoken warnings, and finally, when the last straw is broken, the declaration of punishment to come… Then the absolute torture and agony of waiting for the punishment, preparing to be punished, all up in my head.  The mental ects of it all.  That is what I crave so badly…

The moment any legit pain begins, it all ends for me.  I swear, whatever I did, I am sorry, and it won’t happen again any time soon, because I seriously can’t handle the pain!  This girl is not a pain slut by any stretch of the imagination!  If you have legit fallen in love with me and you aren’t a deep sadist, my reaction to sever pain may hurt you more than it does me.  But not likely.

And even after deep contemplation of all of this… I sit here aching for it all… still.  smh

6/23/2023 10:57:41 AM

I guess the thing to do is Post the resupts to this, so here it is.  Can't say I believe it is really accurate becuse there were many statments that had more than one statemement within them, and I agrees 100% with only half the statement... The quandry of my brain lol.  I mean, if anyone who is following my journals, read the entry right before this one, you know I am 100% NOT 66% Masochist lol

== Results from == 

100% Submissive 

97% Brat 

66% Masochist 

64% Rope bunny 

57% Vanilla 

52% Degradee 

47% Experimentalist 

45% Primal (Prey) 

33% Exhibitionist 

31% Slave 

12% Pet 

0% Daddy/Mommy 

0% Rigger 

0% Voyeur 

0% Switch 

0% Sadist 

0% Ageplayer 

0% Owner 

0% Non-monogamist 

0% Master/Mistress 

0% Boy/Girl 

0% Dominant 

0% Degrader 

0% Brat tamer 


0% Primal (Hunter) 


6/21/2023 1:53:31 PM

I find all these profiles wanting subs for training interesting.  Do Dom’s get on here thinking all women are new to the lifestyle when they join a site like this?  They go from a totally vanilla world and think, hey, I am going to do something crazy today, despite never having had a fantasy or desire, or want, I am a blank slate and door mat, I am going to join this site and seek someone to train me to fulfill all of their desires since I have absolutely none of my own… Because let me tell you, that is totally what I was thinking the first time I joined this site, totally…  Facepalm.  Do you really think you can train someone to just service your desires?  Are people really that narcissistic?  All humans have desires and I don’t care if a relationship is D/s M/s or whatever, there are still two people in it and they are both wanting something from it… There is no training, there is learning about each other, and growing together, or ending bitterly… 

6/21/2023 12:56:54 PM

So, maybe I lack vision?  I am real, totally real, and wanting real, totally real... Why do people from across the country, or even other countries message me and want to like, just chat?  I am not looking to supply fantasies for some married man.  That is not my game here.  Local man, messages local woman, message back and forth a few times, move off site, message a few more times, (We can chat on the phone, but I will be honest, I hate phones, I use it to conduct business, and avoid it even at that, I even just emailed a doctor to avoid a phone call…  I read body language and facial expressions, and without them, I am lost in the conversation.  Voice inflection and pitch etc are lost on me.)  We meet for a quick coffee or something, so that if it is horrible it isn’t drug into a long awkward thing, and it if is wonderful we can sit and order a second coffee and sit for hours, or even get it to go, and find a park or someplace quieter to talk…   Then maybe progress to a meal, lunch, dinner, whatever schedules allow, and then progress from there…

If you are in London, and I am in Kansas… are you planning to fly in for coffee?  Planning to relocate?  If so, cool, we can start chatting.  Otherwise… this is not the woman you are looking for… (waves Jedi hand and you pass on to the next profile…) NO You Star Wars nerd!  You did not just find the one if you are not local!  Go back to the begining and read again! Facepalm... lol

6/16/2023 6:50:05 PM

16 Kinky Memes For People Who Like To Get Freaky - Memebase - Funny Memes

6/16/2023 1:39:43 PM

My best friend knows how to make me laugh lol.  She sent me this! 

6/15/2023 6:43:36 AM

Well, bound to happen sooner or later... a site full of people claiming to be tolorant and accepting, one was bound to not acepet me... "AGuyNamedDave" had lots of colorful things to say about my profile.  I want to thank the dozens and dozens who have messaged me and applauded me for having the guts to post this profile here and for standing up for who I am desipite knowing there will be guys like Dave out there... My Story, His Glory! Want to know all my story?  Get to know me better.

5/22/2023 10:52:35 AM

All I can do is laugh when I get a letter that starts "I read your profile and updates with great interest. Congratulations."  and the letter makes it clear they didn't read a word!!! I am thinking of making my Jorunal just a list of the losers who obviously have zero reading skills lol 

5/17/2023 10:56:39 PM

[Utoh! pullling out a soap box!]

Why do people think that I believe they will read my mail when I know they haven't read my profile?  Why do people want me to spend time writing mail, when I have spent time writing the profile and they still haven't read it?  No, obviously I don't mean you... but yes,  I mean you, and you, and you, and yes, you over there, and you and yup, you too... Just saying... One wants to enter into a relationship that requires extreme amounts of trust,but they want to start with a lie about something as simple as having spent 2.5 minutes having actually read my profile?  Not sure if I should laugh or be angry... I will just pity them.  Yup, I just said I pity your dumb wana be dom ass.

[Tucks away soap box and returns to regularly scheduled program of submission...]

5/15/2023 1:21:31 PM

I worded it so well to a friend today... It really sums it up.

 I am not submissive by nature, I am submissive because I find pleasure in it.

I need to be made to do it... 

I need someone who cuts through my sh!t.

I need the person who doesn't let me run circles around them mentally, outsmarting them with my manipulations...

I need to be pissed off because I lost the mental battle and broken because of the consequences I make for myself.

I need to be made to face the consequences once in awhile. 

4/27/2023 3:45:15 PM

Yes, age is just a number.  My husband was 12 years older than me, so it is a number that had never really bothered me.  That being said... Age is a real thing.  We all have baggage and being a widow is (just some) of mine.  You will have to accept I am not a divorcee, I will always speak lovingly of my past husband as he is not an "ex" and I have experienced a decade of being a caretaker for an older man.  That season of life is done.  This is my season to be cared for.  Call me selfish, call my bias, call me whatever... but this is the baggage I carry, these are my scars.  I am truly grateful for all the mail I have gotten from the 60+ something crowd... but I can be nothng but honest and say, it isn't going anywhere, no matter how great we get along...  Age IS more than just a number... It is deteroration of your kidney's, and heart, and liver.  It is break down of your joints, it is restless legs, and trouble with the lungs... I  am glad you eat great and hit the gym every day... that right there makes us total opposites for the vanilla side of life... 

4/27/2023 10:42:47 AM

Dang I have just felt so sassy lately! What is up with me?  I am not normally like this, and with no one to curb it, it is getting annoying to even me.

4/17/2023 12:41:41 PM

I've lways been amused that this site list Canes and Crops, but not Belts and Paddles...  15 years and still not a single update here, except the name of the site lol

4/16/2023 11:07:39 PM

So, I am getting a lot of the same questions repeatedly… let me address some of them here.

Let me start with a statement that will be an umbrella over many of these questions.  As stated in my profile, we gave up porn.  His struggle was giving up visual porn, mine was written porn.  I can see even now, in these questions, verses our life, how important it was that I gave up the written porn.  Our life, our play, or intimacy, was not defined by the world of BDSM labels.  It was organic.  There were no contracts, no plans, no agreements.  There was rarely any direction given, except in the moment, as needed for the moment.  Now I will try to explain further in answering some questions

Q. Was my husband my “Master” “Dominate” “Sir”etc.

A. My husband was my husband.  Most of the time I called him hun, sweetheart, darling.  If I know I had been sassy and pushed him too far and was getting myself into trouble, I might slip into a Sir to try to bail myself out, to try to show respect.  If he was giving me a direction during a punishment I might respond with a Yes Sir.  I was not necessarily instructed to do this, it happened organically.  I was raised in a home where Ma’am and Sir is a way you show respect.  Even teaching Sunday school I will refer to a kid as Sir when I want to get their attention, it is a common phrase in my vocabulary, and thus a natural one for me to use when it seemed appropriate with my husband.  Did I wander around the house asking “Sir” what he wanted for breakfast in front of our son… No. absolutely not.  Unless I was being totally sarcastic and playing around.  In which case, I was probably talking to our kid lol. 

Q. Was my marriage a “1950’s”, “1960’s”, “Taken in Hand”, “Domestic Discipline” again with the BDSM community labels…

A. Nope.  I would not call my marriage any of these.   Taken in Hand and Domestic Discipline in BDSM terms tend to imply something far more formal than what we had, and sometimes even imply religious cause, which as I have stated was absolutely not the case.  As far as Period “play”, this would probably imply I was also some awesome house keeper, cook, etc.  Some sort of naked kinky June Cleaver comes to mind, in nothing but my apron, dusting the house and making meals while caring for the kids.  Again, nope.  Our son has behavioral heath special needs and it took all I had to not lose my mind trying to deal with his needs, we went through a remodel, moved 3 times, my husband was often in and out of hospitals, even before he got really sick, as such, my house keeping was minimal quite often, meals were what we could manage in an active remodel. My husband often helped with domestic chores such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, when I eventually went back to work after our son was an adult and out of the home.

Q. So, what are some examples of how our relationship remained within the faith, but we still enjoyed each other in this way?

A. An example my husband sometimes gave when trying to explain it to someone was the example of a washing machine.  We need a new washing machine.  I do most of the laundry.  He doesn’t care if the machine is front loading or top loading, that is a preference I would care about.  His concern is cost.  He gives me a budget to work within.  I then do research on washers.  I find a few models I like and come back and discuss the pro’s and con’s with him.  Of course, they should have probably all been within the budget he allowed, but knowing me, I probably slipped one in that was bit over… After all, he can always just say no.  I will probably sell him on it though lol.  He adored me and spoiled me like that.  He always tried to give me anything I wanted if he could.  So, I then make the arrangements to buy the washer and have it delivered and installed.  So, as you see, it was a team effort.  However, the budget we were working with was up to him.  Honestly, could I have responsibly managed to buy a washer within budget without him, sure.  I hate to spend money like that though and probably would have allowed myself half the budget and gotten junk to be honest.  He helped to balance me like that.

Q. So, this next question has come in a number of different forms, but at the end of the day, everyone is curious about the number one thing around this site.  Was I given correction for things, what form did that come in, and how did I feel about it?

A. As I don’t read porn, I am certainly not about to sit here and write it for you.  The details of this is a conversation for after we get to know each other much better.  In short, yes, there absolutely was correction.  He was a very heavy handed man to be honest.  How did I feel about it?  Straight up, I am not a fan of pain in the moment.   I am not a “pain slut” you will never hear me scream out “thank you sir may I have another” lol.  I would do just about anything to avoid pain.  That being said, no physical restraints were ever needed.  I did as was told, took what I had coming when I had it coming.  No, I found zero pleasure in the moment. 

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