OK, So I have been told to add another journal so that most of the story up to this point is "chronicled" and is accurate...including me misbehaving. 

(this is actually the most recent)

Recently, I was punished for thinking and saying disparaging remarks...not about Daddy, but about myself. Which, I understand, in turn is the same as saying them to him.

Daddy and I were having a nice conversation, fun, naughty, and playful. But, what Daddy didn't know was that I had been feeling some things and my defense mechanisms were about to sprout.

Daddy asked me what he was to me and I said "My Daddy". He then asked me what I was to him. To which I responded "nothing". I could actually hear the "WTF" through the screen of my phone. I immediately apologized and continued to apologize. Daddy was, needless to say, shocked by by answer and wanted to know why I said it. I just kept apologizing and telling him I wouldn't say it again.

I was given my punishment, to write "I will not disparage Daddys Little Girl. She's Daddys" on my body, take a picture and email it to him. I did as I was instructed.

But I still needed to come clean to Daddy. So, I let him know that I was feeling myself getting emotionally involved, attached (whatever you'd like to call it) and I would tell myself that I am nothing more to him than (as he said) 3 holes and a pair of tits. By telling myself he thought of me this way, I could justify throwing my walls up and not allowing myself to feel anything for him.

Problem here is this...one, I am a horrible liar. I have a conscience, it would eat at me,  and I would come clean anyhow. Two, I know he doesn't feel this way...at all. And finally, I don't want to "not feel" anything.

Lesson Learned.

I met My Daddy on here. I was constantly dealing with emails from fakes, posers, and men who wanted to be bullies. Once in a while I would get an email that would be polite, respectful, and/or genuine. Problem was...they either lived too far away or the chemistry just wasn't there.

I do remember feeling that same way with Daddys first email. He was polite, courteous, and his profile was very genuine and honest. I knew there was something about him that was different ...a confidence and sense of self I hadn't seen before. I was intrigued but still cautious. So, we chatted, exchanged thoughts, and spoke of what we were looking for. I couldn't shake him. I looked for his emails, his messages. They made me smile when I got them. Well, then we decided to meet in person. 

When I was driving to meet him, I was scared, reluctant (from previous bad experiences) and I was excited. But my guard was up.

We met for coffee (well, I had coffee). Anyhow, my guards dropped before I even saw his face. Instructing me via text to step from my car, stand there head down as he approached...I should have been scared, on guard. But with all of the previous emails...I felt safe. He walked up in front of me. I saw his shoes and I smiled and blushed before even looking at him. He reached for my chin and lifted my face. My heart raced and I felt like a giddy teenager on her first date.

So, we went in, I grabbed a coffee and then we went back out to my car where we talked...actually I nervously rambled like a fool. Then he kissed me....I melted. It was as if nothing else existed outside of that moment, outside of that kiss. I felt his hand on my throat and I caught my breath and was scared...but that too faded and I wanted more.

During all of this, he had me do something that I had never done...not really even alone with myself....he asked me who I was...at first I was reluctant. I knew what he meant, but I had never admitted it to anyone....I blushed, I tried to shy away. But in the end, I wanted to say it, I wanted someone to hear it....I was Daddys Little Girl. It sounds so simple, yet for someone new and learning....I felt this weight lift off of me the minute the words passed my lips.

We chatted and kissed a little more and then we parted ways. Knowing we would speak again...very soon.

On the ride home I knew. I knew I was His. I tried to think of reasons why that wasnt possible and why he would probably never contact me again. But, I smiled and felt this lump in my stomach all the way home. Hoping he would contact me. Hoping he would want me. Hoping he felt the same way.

He did...hooray for me, right. I am Daddys Angel. Daddys Treasure. I am also Daddys Fat Assed Naughty Little Girl. And he is My Daddy.

Since that meeting, I have learned a few things about myself that I either didn't know or didn't want to admit. Daddy is a sadist and that scared the hell out of me. But what scared me more than being hurt, was that I would enjoy it...because deep inside, I wanted it, I needed it...but I felt like there was something wrong with me for wanting it. Daddy has taught me that there is nothing wrong with me or my desires, my needs, my cravings. (ok, so he also found out I like spankings, so I guess I cant be naughty hoping for that...dammit).

I knew I had the heart of a little girl, but I didn't know to what extent. I didn't feel comfortable at first with some of the ideas behind it all. But there was something in me that knew I needed to be patient and keep searching, keep looking within. I have learned that I really do feel like a giddy teenager when I see messages from Daddy. I really do feel like rolling my eyes sometimes, or teasing Daddy, or being silly....but mostly that experimental, naive, very "ripe" naughty little girl, just waiting for Daddy to take her....

I don't know if Daddy has learned anything from me. I don't know what Daddy sees in me that I don't see. But I know that I will learn and I feel safe and cared for during the process. 

Now, I don't remember every word, every touch, every smile...but I do know that every day feels wonderful because I have a Daddy that cares, teaches me, nurtures me, is patient, firm, loving, funny, silly, confident, strong, sadistic, naughty, creative, and who is a very good human being just in general. I am grateful to have met him. I am grateful for his time, his energy, and his wisdom.

- T4D