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In Honor of Bra Free Day October 13th.
Guys LOVE Bra Free Ta-Ta’s
What kinds of guys love Bra Free Ta-Ta’s?
Big Guys, little guys, guys with giant cocks
fat guys,, skinny Guys, even guys with chicken dicks
love Bra-Free Ta-Ta’s
The Ta-Ta’s guys love to Suck! |
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Cumdrops on noses and necks being bitten,
Bright silver handcuffs and asses for hitting',
Naughty young schoolgirls tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things ~
Girls in tight clothing with barely there panties,
Daddies with daughters and nephews with Aunties,
Hookups for people who just want a fling,
These are a few of my favorite things!
When the cock's hard,
when the cunts clench,
when I'm feeling aroused,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I jump in a bed~! |
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New Pick up line for today.
Honey. you're prettier than a beer truck pulling up the driveway! |
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Was just checking out a profile. Seems this beautiful woman lives in Salt Lake CA. Anybody want to bet her real address is 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Bum Fuck, Republic of Ghana? |
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Was just checking out a profile. Seems this beautiful woman lives in Salt Lake CA. Anybody want to bet her real address is 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Bum Fuck, Republic of Ghana? |
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Reading your journal entries is truly disgusting. You're a right sexist little asshole, aren't you? And you probably wonder why you're still single.
Well fans, I just got the above in my inbox and I was going to reply and ask why she felt that way but alas I was blocked. Best thing was visiting her profile. Not a terribly attractive thing. No tits to speak of and I confess to enjoying a full bosom. She wasn't a "Two Bagger" either but I've done and am doing better then her. At 22 she thinks she knows every fucking thing under the sun. She doesn't and she'll find out soon enough.
Now what I find amusing is she has her Dom in one of her pictures and Holy Mother of God what a Stump Jumpin' Hillbilly he is. Well what do you expect from South Carolina, home of the inbreed. This dude is definately single wide trailer trash. She'll graduate college and he'll knock her up and they'll be yungin's running in and out of that single wide and her her gut will be just as big as his. Ain't love grand?
BTW, If you read this my current G/F is a year older, at least 4 cups sizes bigger, Smarter, tighter butt and an actual personality and adores her "Papa Bear". So fuck you very much and thanks for writing. Now run on back to that trailer sweetie. Somewhere a village is missing its idiot. |
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WOW! Been awhile.
OK so here goes AGAIN.
Ladies if all you show is your Titties in your profile, DO NOT be surprised if that's all we focus on.
Think about it! The phrase "Cock Head" is accurate. If you show us your titties then the blood rushs to our Cock and the software allows the Head of the Cock to take over.
Look at it this way, Think of a man's brain as "mission control" and the Cock as Apollo 13. You show us your titties and we say:
Apollo 13 - Apollo 13 to Mission Control request permission to engage an erection and transfer command and control to the Cock Module"
Mission Control - Have you initiated the Cock docking procedure?
Apollo 13 - Affirmative
Mission Control - Roger that, transferring command and control to the Cock head, proceed.
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So you’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Congressmen.
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals and a roof over your head,
central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.
And, as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.
And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.
Is this a great country or what? |
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Just for the record there some extremely nice ladies on here once you get past the porn bots and West African Scammers. Haven't found Miss Right yet but I'm more optomistic than ever. |
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I clicked on a profile titled "Hazel Eyes" and as the screen name would indicate I thought I'd see a pic of a women with very beautiful eyes. WRONG, While she may indeed have great hazel eyes, I ended up staring at her lingerie covered ass.
I guess that's what they mean by Sexual Her Assment!!
This women will likely be the first to bitch about all the lewd crude comments she gets. Has no clue why however, |
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The government today announced that its changing the flag to a CONDOM,because it more accurately reflects to the governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while your actually being screwed, It just doesn't get more accurate than that. |
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Just remember girls that in order to get the second "Big O" you must first adhere to the first "Big O"
Obediance = Orgasms!!
Any questions? Good |
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The following response seems to get the Scammers to immediately go away. I can now tell in 2 e-mails or less if the person is a scammers and that's not counting the ones that get screened out prior to contact. So here goes
Listen there Akmed you towel headed prick, Stick to fucking goats. I knew you were a West African Goat fucking asshole second e-mail. Try your bullshit elsewhere you stupid fucking Islamic goat fucker. |
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Saw this on a profile:
You have to want to get to know me and allow me to know you as a person. And more than what position, toys, how much I want to be spanked or if I swallow.
Ok you say, so what? Well I open the profile and it's "Titty City". Now I will confess that she has one of the nicer racks on Collar Me. However I wonder if it ever occurred to her that posting the kinds of pics she was posted that all she will get mostly are those from men who adore a nice rack. Ladies we can't read when we're looking at tits. Especially ones as nice as hers. Just a thought. |
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Question of the week - If God didn't want man (or woman) to eat pussy, why is it shaped like a Taco?
Remember the primary difference between pussy & parsley is almost no one eats parsley!
Answer to one of lifes buring questions. What came first the Chicken or the egg? This one is easy which ever one is smoking a cigaretter came first. No really, you could look it up. |
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OK ladies apparently some of you weren't paying attention. I just viewed a perfectly fine profile. Nicely done seductive but not naked pics, a descriptive profile of wants and desires.
So I go back to the photos to view all of them and wouldn't you know it there are three pictures of this ugly fucking pound and a half dog whose name should be but probably isn't "Shark Bait".
Sweetie we're guys, we don't give a flat flying fuck about your precious little fucking Yorkie. Lose the God Damn Dog pics. Put them right next to the vacation pics and leave them off here. |
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the worst day in a womans life is when she looks down to see that her "Sweater Puppies" have become lap dogs. |
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This is one of my favorite profile lines. It was the only thing in the space.
no frauds no fakes no wannabes...
I thought to myself, "Well that rules out 99% of the people on here."
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God in heaven to people look at their pics before they post them?
I just saw a pic of a woman who looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit eery branch on the way down. Worst of it was on the rest of her pics she looked pretty nice.
Jesus people, I know that we all can't be Julia Roberts or Brad Pitt. Hell I have a face made for radio LOL
Put your best face forward Ladies and maybe just maybe you'll get laid by someone you actually want to fuck you
This goes for guys too. But I guess if your face looks worse than your dick go with the dick pic. |
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If I told you I had a cock like a tree trunk
and a tongue like a snake
Would you hit reply and call me a fake?
Happy New Year ya fucking perverts LOL |
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OK, my significant other is no more. Not to tough
Seems some asshole with nothing better than read profile after profile decided to read mine and give me shit. Fuck her! TWICE.
I forgot to change it. If God can forgive me why can't she, Go for her guys I wouldn'y fuck her with your dick |
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One of my personal favs!
Not here for phone, sex, online romance, No married men!
OK NEWS FLASH! Most of the ladies who post a variation of that line have:
been burned by a married man.
Are so fucking horny they know they can't control themselves and will be panting and moaning on skype, web cam, cell phone or all three at one time or another.
Next you'll be their onkine Master because they can't deal with you in real life cuz GUESS WHAT? They're Married too! Ms Pot meet Ms Kettle.
Some things boys and girls just never change. Dating and lying go hand in hand kinda like cock and pussy |
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Ok Kids it's time for a gentle reminder. To guys and gals both. Here's the thought for today.
Your Profile is YOUR Marketing Brochure, so make sure it reaches your target audience.
Ladies - If you show your tits or crotch don't act surprised if that's all the guy mentioned.
Gentlemen - I use that term loosely. If you post a "Dick Pic" then don't be surprised if you're treated like well.... a dick
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HOLY HORSESHIT BATMAN, The West African Scam Broads have over run the Collar Me ramparts like some Mongol Hoard.
Times must be tougher than we thought. The scammers are everywhere today. What made them think the people like us who live in the Peoples Republic of Barackistan have any money left over? Wonder if they're trying to raise money for the (self) annointed one?
We voted for "Hope & Change" after the "messiah" get's done with us at best we'll all hope to have spare change.
PS: I'm thinking of running for President. Already have my Slogan picked out.
Vote for ME - Could it be worse? |
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Question: Do you actually READ what you write????
I just saw this:
"I am Collared to my Master"
Now I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but exactly who the fuck else would she be collared to? The fucking Milkman? (Yes they still exist), The pool boy? Good Christ thank you Mistress of the obvious. |
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I was thinking all of the porn shops should get together and donate their old inventory to frustrated single women and call it the "Toys for Twats" drive, "Cumming to a city near you" |
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I love reading the profiles and comments about people being fakes. So in order to perform a public service here are some key phrases to look for when deciding if the person is honest.
What They Say: if it involves travel it's not for me
What They Mean:I'm married and I can't get the car because he is on second shift at the dog food factory
What They Say: No sleepovers, just scene and leave
What They Mean: I already have someone in my bed at nights, It's called a husband
What They Say: I am in a vanilla relationship I am NOT looking to play but love to chat
What They Mean: My Vanilla B/F has more money than God and I need some kink to get me turned on so I can tolerate fucking him
So you get the idea and Politicians would clearly make the best CMmembers LOL |
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Profile Screen Name Contradiction of the month goes tooooo "Shysub64"
Screen name says it all right? WRONG as on her profile is a pic of her hands holding her gaping pussy wide open. I thought it was the Holland Tunnel at first. WAIT, it gets better as she pontificates how she desire getting fucked in public.
What a fucking nit wit. "I'm shy so would you mind fucking me in public" SURE sweetie no problem. With that pic it looks like I'll have to buy a gallon jar of Extense just to fill it half way.
God I do love people from the shallow end of the gene pool and to think she may have pro created. Bet her family tree is a stump or best case has no fork. |
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All of God's creatures have their place in the world!! Right next to the mashed potatoes.
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegatables |
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Jerry Garcia said it best, "What a long strange trip it's been". Who could have ever predicted what transpired?
It was a normal hot August night here during my first year in Mystic Island. Divorce was final January 7th, 2000 and off to the Pine Barrens I went to start anew. Little did I know that the decision to move to the Pines would alter my life forever. In May I got a travel job with Minolta and off I went. I met a sweet girl from Colorado, Buena Vista to be specific. We met on line and 8 days later me met in person. I don't buy into "Love at First Sight" but it happened and on my second visit Sarah asked me to marry. I eagerly said "Yes"
Fast forward to August 4th. Sarah was beyond punctual. I had poured a Belgian beer and waited for to chat on line as we did every night at 10PM. No Sarah. I thought she was busy and forgot. Next night she showed up late. Not like her at all. Well she shows up but things seem different. She begins to tell me she's sorry for missing last night and that perhaps we should not see each other as she "Isn't worth it". I pressed the issue a bit and those fateful words, "Bobby I was Raped" scrolled across the chat window.
My heart sank and the tears flowed freely. As we chatted I found and called the hotline to gain advice as we chatted. "Please help me be a right guy, I know there are things I shouldn't say, but I don't knowwhat words to use, please give me the words". those words are etched in my head and as we chatted we decided to stay together and work through things.
Alas we never made it as the pain for both of us was just to great to overcome. On March 24th in her room at the world class Peabody Hotel in Memphis we shared dessert and made peace with our decision to say good bye. We just couldn't overcome the memories and the sense of loss we both felt.
So here's to you Sarah, just know I keep you close at heart and I'm doing OK and I hope you are too. Perhaps in the next life sweetie. I'm trying very hard to honor your promise I made to find someone better than you. No luck yet, but Kristene seems like she's up to the task.
So here's to you Sarah and the Subway's, Cottonwood Pass, Meeting Robert Duval at the Buffalo Room, Piono Court, singing oldies off key on the way to Wal-Mart in Salida, 3,650 days ago seems like 3,650 seconds. No one before or since has made me feel like I did with you.
Just know as the years come and go and my hair now white as snow that I have no regrets and if I had it to do over I'd do it and hope for a different outcome. You set my soul on fire and in many ways it still is. Looking forward to seeing you on the other side.
Bobby
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OK folks it's time for another rant because you aren't paying attention. What possible reason could I have to view your God Damned housepet. I'm a Dom you're supposed to be MY PET! Also Guys stop with the grandiose names. Don't use names Lord, Sir or Master as you haven't EARNED it yet. While I'm at it you need to learn some fucking manners. When you introduce yourself you're just another swinging dick looking to get it wet. Tell the broad "On your knees bitch" and what exactly do you think is going through her Lord Peckerwood? Don't you think a better approach might be to be polite, get to know her and then when you meet in person and have a nice date or two and go back to your haouse she might actually be so into you that she willingly kneels before you and says "Master may I suck you cock".
Remember guys women rule the world no matter how many times you call yourself a Dom. Because here's the deal. Women have total access to 80% of the money and control 100% of the pussy. You piss her off and you go from LordBattleHammer to MasterofSelfPleasure in a heartbest. Once she cuts off the pussy ALL men are subs. Think about it? |
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Ladies:
When you say "No Married Men" it has the opposite effect. I used to do in home sales and the house we went to first were the ones with the "No Soliciting" sign on the front lawn/door.
Think of how this applies here. Ask questions, learn who the married pricks are, it's not hard to tell. |
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I've always wanted to open a strip club.
I'd have a Breakfast buffet called "Tits 'N Grits" or maybe "Eggs & Legs" but the eggs & legs one has been done. "Boobs & Biscuits" might work.
Then for happy hour call it "Twats and Shots" or "Hooter & Shooters" |
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OK guys I warned you so fasten your seat belt the ride is about to get choppy.
OK you so called Doms please explain why you seduce a woman on line and then don't show for the meeting?
For crissakes dude if you talked her into meeting you, you're 3/4ths of the way to getting laid or at least a quick Blow Job. Are you fucking retarded?
Let's not even get into the conversation about not being a gentleman. WTF is your problem? you weigh 400 pounds and whack of in your basement hideaway at Chateau Moms?
Jesus H Christ on a popsicle stick are you a fucking asshole. You lure some sweet young thang into you web of deceit and you fuck it up for guys like me who while sarcastic and full of hot air on their journal are genuinely sincere about meeting that special someone, tying her up and having our way with her. maybe even actually marrying her if the connection.
Screw how it hurts the women, you fucktards are messing up my action and it needs to stop now or I'll feed you to one of those little piece of shit Shih Tzu dogs the broads all own. |
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Now then ladies apparently you haven't been paying attention have you? does daddy have to visit and spank your bare buttocks?
Some of you have been VERY bad, I fucking told you NO MORE pictures of the little pound and a half yip yap piece of shit Pomerainian. His name should be more descriptive. Not fucking Tinkerbelle. I'm thinking something more like Sharkbait.
BTW this goes for cats as well. As men we LOVE pussy just not the four legged kind. OK?? put "Fluffy" in the bedroom, hell put the little bastard in a fucking blender for all I care, just so long as it isn't on the God Damed profile. I want to see a pic of YOU and you need not be naked. Hell if I wanted to look at cats I'd go to mutha fuckin Pet Smart for crissakes.
Same for vacation pictures. I don't care if you've been to Bora Bora or Tora Bora because they are both just plain BORING in the context of this site. Besides you can show me ALL the pics after we are done fucking
Twat shots are interesting. Every time I see one I think, "If God didn't want us to eat pussy how come it's shaped like a taco?"
What is so difficult to grasp about a nice tasteful shot with a hint of cleavage and a nice introduction? It that to fucking hard for you to grasp?
<rant off> |
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I want a butt ugly slut
with a bad drinking problem
and a jealous old man in jail
One so ugly she could crack a mirror
so fat she'd knock the needle of a scale
I don't care if she cheats on me
long as she's built like a blue whale.
These are actual song lyrics folks. I'm thinking of rewriting themwith a D/s twist. Like the idea? |
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I've been reading the profiles of some pretty damned attractive subbies lately who are lamenting about some of the things that certain Doms on here do. So stupid in fact that it makes me wonder if DOM is an acronym like
Dumdassed
Obese
Man
That's just one I came up with. Hang in there ladies we are not all dip shits it just seems that way. |
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Ladies. Pay attention! I've I see one more God Damned picture of your last vacation of some cute sunset there's gonna be trouble pilgrim.
Same goes for thos cute pics of your oh so precious pet cat, dog, Iguana. Sorry to say but the only pussy I'm interested in is yours. I'm a guy, I'll be nice to "snuggles" just as soon as we're done fucking. |
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Next lover I'm holding out for a "Buy Female" instead of a "Bi-Female".
You know a rich girl with a naughty/kinky streak and a body made for raw wanton sex and a wallet so Daddy don't havta work.
Think I'll change my screen anme to: LordofMommy'sWallet |
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The parade of Titties continues! As do the complaint sof "Are there any REAL men on this site"
Well I could ask similar questions. Like are there any women on here who know what submission really is? Or are you just looking for a Penis, Paycheck and some kink?
Now then let's talk about credibility shall we? How does a women go from "Released from my Master today, I'm devastated" to "Please don't contact me with out masters permission as I am now Collared by SirBattleWagonLinvingatMoms in EIGHT fucking days!!!!
How exactly does that work. A woman like that might truely have "Burning Loins"! I'd however wonder what is causing the burning sensation. Perhaps an STD?
Cheers gentle reader now go out and fuck someone. Shoot a load for Jesus |
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Well Well Well itis the spring Titty season again. Especially here on Collar Me, Brown ones, yellow ones, saggy ones, firm ones, Big ones, not so big ones, Tattoed ones and holy mother fucker look at those ones.
Absolutely acres of exposed tit flesh. Boobs 'O Plenty, a veritable Smorgasboob.
Want to bet these same women complain about the men on here beeing jerks just looking to get laid? Well DUH! you put them out there to arrouse us then complain that all of the blood is in the little head? Get real, we aren't that highly evolved. Men really are dogs! Hell I'm just like a dog. If I can't eat it or fuck then piss on it.
Happy fucking or should I say "Happy Titty Fucking" |
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Long ago this Dom learned that women rule the world!! They have access to 80% of the money and control 100% of the pussy. It's simple math. |
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I sat within a valley green
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I sat me with my true love
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My sad heart strove to choose between
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The old love and the new love
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The old for her, the new that made
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Me think on Ireland dearly
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While soft the wind blew down the glade
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And shook the golden barley
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Twas hard the woeful words to frame
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To break the ties that bound us
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But harder still to bear the shame
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Of foreign chains around us
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And so I said, "The mountain glen
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I'll seek at morning early
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While soft winds shake the barley"
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While sad I kissed away her tears
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My fond arms 'round her flinging
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The foeman's shot burst on our ears
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From out the wildwood ringing
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A bullet pierced my true love's side
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In life's young spring so early
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And on my breast in blood she died
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While soft winds shook the barley
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I bore her to some mountain stream
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And many's the summer blossom
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I placed with branches soft and green
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About her gore-stained bosom
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I wept and kissed her clay-cold corpse
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Then rushed o'er vale and valley
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My vengeance on the foe to wreak
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While soft winds shook the barley
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But blood for blood without remorse
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And laid my true love's clay-cold corpse
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Where I full soon may follow
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As 'round her grave I wander drear
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Noon, night and morning early
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With breaking heart when e'er I hear
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The wind that shakes the barley |
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Hey kids haven't been in the mood to write for a while.
Just wanted to say thanks to all of the HOT old broads that are here on Collar Me. I can't figure it out! Does being my age drop the Ladies inhibitions?
Doesn't matter but damn you go girls on here in their 50's that are hotter than the 20 somethings in some cases. YUMMY |
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What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A DickTater |
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Just saw a self descriptor that gives me pause.
"All around Kinky pervert"
Is that like a "Family Doctor" instead of a Cardiologist?
Also if you're kinky does it mean you're a pervert? |
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WOW!!!
Just when I thought I'd seen everything. Now we have a pic on a subbies profile of what appears to be her 5 or 6 year old son. It's the only pic on the profile which is a bit interesting in and of itself.
To be candid, Good Housekeeping isn't giving out any seals of approval for BDSM freaks. Ass Fuckers haven't been very lucky either in this regard.
So why oh why put a kids pic here? Are they that fucking stupid? |
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OHHHH NOOOO! I've been labeled a sexist! I'm absolutely heart broken. NOT!
Remember Gun Control means holding the weapon with BOTH hands.
Don't forget I am a PETA Member. People Eating Tasty Animals.
I must not be sure what sexism is? Is that when you stand by your lover who was brutally beaten, raped & stabbed, unwavering in your loyalty and devotion to her as she heals her bruised and battered body.
Is that what sexism is?? Maybe since she's an independent woman I should have just saved the airfare and the sorrow and left her? I mean being that a woman's place is everyplace, she surely didn't need me or did she?
Is it possible to display sexist humor and not be sexist? Did you read ALL of the journal? Guessing you didn't as most Liberal sycophants don't, so go back to your tofu while I enjoy a nice piece of burnt cow.
I think I'll go now and cling to my guns and religion. Wondering if I should finish Corinthians I, pray and then polish my Sig Sauer or polish my gun first?
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This just in from the "I wonder why I spend most of my time jerking off" Department.
From BigDog1961:
"Good luck with your broke-dick, child support owing, wanna-be, loser-fucks. LOL!
I made more money in a year that your loser-fuck "Doms" made in their lifetimes.
MIght want to lose some weight, pig"
Now if you're a lady doesn't just soak your panties? NOT! God no wonder women become Lesbian
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This is my favorite profile message of the day
"I am loyal...submissive,honest....understanding,caring and loving"
Jesus girl what are you a fucking puppy LOL
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More on the the Single Mom Personals
"I'm a single mom looking for an LTR" -
We mentioned the lower end of the socio economic ladder before so a moment or two on some of the single Moms who live near me at the Jersey Shore. Around here it can and often does mean:
1. Look asshole, I got a huge settlement The House, child support AND Alimony. So fuck me right and I might let you spend the weekend you grey haired bastard.
2 Listen you bald bastard you want some pussy you'd best get the yard work done.
And lastly there are the ones with the settlements who are so drunk most of the time they'll fuck anything that moves. |
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Ladies,
What's up these last few days? Everytime I perv profiles there are Titties, Titties, Titties EVERYWHERE!
It's a veritable Cleavage Convention I tell ya! Nice ones too!! Not those ancient saggy flapjacks but nice firm round mounds of what I see is what I want.
No Roses either! Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw "Save the Ta-Ta's"
So a big thumbs up to all you big breasted beuaties, what a nice display of boobage these last few days. |
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You know some people just aren't very fucking nice. So I introduce myslef to a lady on here using some humor and wit.
Then I get a reply that says "Very vanilla comment usually from a guy with a 3" cock LOL"
Now several thoughts occur to me:
1. I now have a perfectly good reason as to why she is searching on line.
2. With her attitude my cock wouldn't grow beyond 3 inches either.
The really great thing about all of this is she saved me 4 hours of windshield time to meet her if it had gotten that far. Which brings me to another point. If I'm the Dom why am I driving to see her? Perhaps because her dumb Broooklyn ass is to stupid to drive a car? |
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OK Kids,
Now I'm pissed. LADIES, If I see one more God damned Profile with pictures of Mayan ruins, Iguanas I'm coming to your house and personally putting a Rose Tattoo on your left tit! Maybe the right one too if you have like 10 pictures from your latest vacation.
What's wrong with a nice lingerie shot? Maybe a candid with friends? Not saying the pic has to be from Titty City, or Crotch Shots "R" Us. But good Christ lets us get a look at who you are, unless of course you're the only fucking palm tree that can type.
Hey if you fuck a tree do they "Bark"? |
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Old Pilot
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him...
Obviously noticing his A.O.P.A. cap with Winged Logo,
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real, honest-to-goodness pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; Cubs, Aeronca's, Stearmans, Bonanzas, Comanches, Cessnas, Lakes, among other Civilian Types; I flew Mustangs, F-80s, A-6 Attack aircraft, and F-4 Fighter aircraft in Vietnam; I have taught over 2,500 people to fly, and have given hundreds of airplane rides to "wide-eyed" kids of all ages......... so, I guess that must make me a pilot.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping their coffee in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked 'are you a real pilot?'
The old gentleman replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
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And now for something completelt different. Cheesy pick up line of the week.
Hello, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you |
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This Just in from the just because you're pretty doesn't mean you know anything Department
Found this spicy tidbit for a sub regarding what she was looking for.
"I also need someone of above average intelligence, with at least a Master's Degree, because that shows his discontent with just achieving the status quo. Not only that, but I need to be able to constantly learn from him."
Folks you can't make up horseshit like that. What does a MBA really prove? It proves:
1. You have a stronger liver as you have 2 years more time to party.
2. Proves you have access to loans or money to afford it.
3. Proves that for the 1st 24 years of your life you haven't earned or produced a God Damned thing of value for yourself or society.
Now moving onward. Yes it's a nice piece of paper and it will open many doors. However once in the door you have to P-R-O-D-U-C-E! If you can't tell a dip of horseshit from a dip of Chocolate ice cream the degree is worthless. Afterall a horse is stronger and a dog is friendlier. The only thing that separates us from the apes is our ability to reason and opposable thumbs.
You'll do well to note there was no team of engineers with masters degrees in engineering to design the opposable thumb!! Thank God for that otherwise we'd still be swinging from the fucking trees. Could you imagine Noah trying to get the permits today to build the Ark? That's the end result of all this education and no common sense. RULES & REGULATION out the ass. MBA Indeed. Just remember that Fred Smith, founder of FedEx failed his masters thesis with his business plan for FedEx, wonder how that dumb fuck professor feels now? |
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Interesting day. Took a friend for their probation meeting.
So we're in there and EVERYONE is bitching , pissing and moaning about how long it takes to be seen. A thought occured to me that if you weren't so fucking stupid in the first place to get in trouble with the law, how long would the wait be if you weren't there? |
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Good God !
I just saw a profile pic and all that you could see was the this big old DD Titty. No rose thank God.
What are ya thinking girl? |
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This just in from the Master of the obvious department.
If you don't want to be defined by your tits then don't parade them all over the internet.
Make sense to anyone else? |
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To Sarah on Her 32nd Christman
Forever in my heart and never more than a dream away.
No matter where you are, you're never far
Words come slow, As the memories & tears freely flow
In the stillness of the midnight precious scenes unfold
A love story untold
Merry Christmas to my Sweet Sarah of the Mountains.
-------------------------------------------
If you're curious ask, I'll tell
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I borrowed this from another on CM as I intend to comment upon this as I think it's kinda sad.
If you're gonna be rude enough to send a nasty email, at least have the balls to not hide behind the 'blocked' button and take the reply I send.
How can one call oneself a Dom if he can't even face a challenge from a Subbie on line? Bet the guy that blocked this fine lady has a screen name like "SirWishIhadabigone" or perhaps "LordMasterWanker". You know given the conduct of some of these alledged Doms it's a wonder there are any woman on here that aren't West African scammers or web cam girls.
So to all you wish you could be Doms try being a bit respectful and not coming off as a woman hater. While you may think that their pussy is only there for your pleasure, you first have to stop being a pussy in order to get some.
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"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Think about the above Ladies and Gentlemen as you wreck havoc on CM.
Playing with peoples emotions, deceiving potential partners will ensure your loneliness. Trust is the key
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Telling "Scammers" to stay away on your profile is a lot like the people who put up the signs saying "No Solictors".
What that means is I knock on your door first because I know you're the easiest "mark" on the block.
Think about it ladies. Saying "Scammers don't contact me" is a lot like telling the world to turn flat. in that both are unlikely to happen. |
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Where the fuck is Michigan, Alabama?
Got to just love the West African Scam queens!!
The next best one if the "Deaf Submissive" oh and all have pics of younger attracrive women.
Iwas thinking, "How stupid are these scammers" Sadly the answer was "Not very" because if they weren't making any money they would lurking for to steal. |
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OK Class, today's lecture is on Trust and Credibility. So pay attention.
In Business or Romance the foundation to a solid growing relationship is TRUST! Without it you have no credibility.
For example those on here who send pics of themselves where they're 100 pounds lighter. Love is in the air or at least lust. So you agree to meet and there he or she is billowing out of there clothes. So you say "What the Hell I'm already here why hurt anyones feelings" To those of you who do this and I know you know who you are, I have but one question.
Are you fucking stupid? Do you think he/she didn't notice the lard on your ass, gut or thighs? So now where is your credibility?? The same place your head was when you uploaded your pics!! All the up your ASS.
Same goes if you're married, He or she is going to find you out becuase you're a dumb bastard if you think the other partner will forgive your confession completely, You threw Trust and Credibility right under the mother fucking bus, |
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If Olive oil is made by squashing olives, how is Baby oil made? |
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Something to ponder
Is a Domicile the place where all the Doms live?
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This one is a general observation of what people say and what they really mean.
"I'm a single mom looking for an LTR" - This one can mean a few things, most not good if you're a guy. Allow me to translate.
"I need a paycheck and a Penis do you have a good job"
"I'll fuck you and do kinky shit if you pay my bills"
"I'm so horny I'd fuck a snake if it had ears to hold on to, but these fucking yard apes hold me back" |
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Warning:
Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Now then let me add that if you are a researcher and wish to use this content as part of your research it can be attained as follows. ONE satisfactory Blow Job from you (if female) or one of your under 30 female assistants. Swollowing is a must.
It's like the bikers say:
ASS
GAS
or
GRASS
NOBODY RIDES FREE!!
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Good God Almighty and you wonder why women turn Lesbian!
I've been more active in my search due to changes in my life. So ladies don't be shy because if you're really nice and sincere I'll ignore that rose tattoo in a heartbeat.
Now back on topic. In all of my time on-line at various and sundry sites both Vanilla and not have I ever heard more stories about some of the men on here.
Sorry guys but to me being a Dom, Daddy or Otherwise gives you certain obligations as a Dom. Several pop into mind right now.
1. A good Dom must be honest in all things. Why hide that you're married looking to get laid. That's what some ladies on here actually want. What a concept.
2. Even if you are the Dom you treat the sub with respect. She is willing to surrender to you. Act like you deserve it.
3. If the first two are to difficult to grasp then I suggest you stick to wanking in your basement at Mom's because you don't deserve the ladies on here.
4. Many of these Subs are willing to devote their every waking moment to you and your wants, needs & desires. Try acting like you appreciate that. You'll be surprised at how much better the fucking is.
5. Speaking of Fucking. If you want more pussy, give her more orgasms, not a difficult concept. The more she cums the more you'll cum and excuse me but for all us horny guys can that be a bad thing? So get that tongue between her legs and start slurpin' Boy. Then see if she wants to fuck all weekend? What do you think genius.
6. Praise your sub/slave let her know what a good little cosksucker she is and guess what you'll get your cock sucked more.
This is not difficult guys. You fuckers are turning these sweet ladies into man hating closet Lesbians just waiting for Ruby the Dyke to convert them!
NOTE: Edited to add that 2 date I haven't had any hate mail from any of the ego inflated Doms with names like, LordWishIhadaBigPecker or SIRlivesInMomsBasement |
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Today I was blocked by someone who is/was very special to me. I hope she reads my normally witty journals and see that this one is stone cold serious.
Miss I, I heard you loud and clear, Your were right and I was writing back to thanks you for helping me make a decision. A decision that would allow me to move on and learn to love again, maybe even be the fool.
So hopefully you'll read this and have a change of heart |
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This code BBW for "Big Beautiful Woman" for those ladies who are abit larger than Trya Banks is not always accurate as it lumps in many who aren't. So I propose a new more complex code. More accurate and it allows men to select more quickly.
BBBW - Big Breasted Beautiful Woman
BUAB - Big Ugly Assed Broad
BTPB - Big Trailer Park Bitch
You get the idea. |
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"50 e-mails in 10 minutes and only one who read the profile."
Sweetie when 2 of 4 pictures display a rather delicious pair of perky firm boobies what do you expect? C'mon it's like dangling fresh meat in front of a tiger or perhaps worse.
Men are visual, but you knew that! Thus the display of boobage. Don't lament our inability to read when all of the blood is in our groin instead of our brain.
For that gentle princess you need only look at your pics |
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OHHH NOOOO Not again! Seems I've been chastised for my rose titty tattoo in a rather "direct" Private message. Was even threatened with being reported.
Hot damn I'm quaking in my little kangaroo skin cowboy booties now. Hey we all have preferences and I'm just trying to make light of some things I see.
You know this person actually accused me of having saggy nuts and I looked at her profile pic and thought "Geez with her old saggy titties and my alledgedly saggy nuts we'd be a perfect couple." Hey growing old ain't for sissies,
But alas she seems to be genuinely upset with me. I think I'll be OK after ZERO therapy sessions. You should see her titties, they look more like udders. |
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Well fellow kinksters here we are. Just another day in fucking paradise. Todays topic is stupid people you work with or for.
I travel weekly for business and we have this guy who thinks he's the Pope of the Travel Department.
He was convinced his new policies of dictating carriers and such would save the company a ton of money. Well that fucked with my Frequent Flyer programs and sll of that. So Over the last 6 weeks I've documented how he has cost the company money to the tune of several thousand dollars on me alone. Needless to say I'll not be getting a Christmas card from him.
I think he's on the take but I can't prove it as I got told to "leave Justin alone" and that usually means that someone is protecting his dumb ass. So now I'm in the Corporate dog house.
Don't you love corporations? I have secret fantasies of this guy and his boss in a dungeon with her in leather and him tied up and being flogged. Hey one can dream right? |
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Well now it's been a while and several things come to mind.
1. Why do the subs on CM ust love to show off their big boobs?
2. Do ALL Subs have Big Boobs?
Don't get me wrong I LOVE big titties it's ust lately I've seen alot of profiles with tits, tits and more TITS.
NEWS FLASH!!!
I've seen naked Tits before, yours aren't all that special.
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This just in!
First nominee for e-mail response of the month!
"After reading your profile, your just and asshole"
Now ignoring the obvious lack of spelling and grammar one can predict many things.
1. she blocked me
2. she's not very bright
3. I don't give a shit
Once again stupid strikes when you least expect it
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Latest Rant topic: "Eating healthy"
Please somebody tell me what that is? I know of no one who got out alive except for Jesus and even he got nailed to a cross for his efforts! Wonder if he worried about "Eating Healthy"??????
Do you get a better set of wings in heaven if you "eat healthy"?????
A bigger cloud to ride on?
Just what are the benefits of Eating Healthy?
What happens if I out live my pecker due to eating healthy?
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"I'm a bit put off by how much jerks can be... Talk to you for months, Then all of a sudden disappear"
Honey, like I said before WELCOME TO THE INTERNET. Just for the record the ladies are not any better.
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Recently I skewered the guys who post "Dick Pics"! In the interest of fairness and in being an equal opportunity offender I offer the following to the ladies.
NO CROTCH shots!
Allow me to repeat myself, No Crotch shots. This is almost as big a No-No as rose tattoo's on you big ole titties.
Did you ever hear guys talk? "It's all pink on the inside" This usually refers to interracial dating but it applies in general terms as well.
There is a reason that the slang "Roast Beef Curtains" came about. Trust me I don't want to see your well pounded pussy in living color looking like some Ob-Gyn clinical photo.
If you must post overtly sexual pics try showing up your Boobies or something you're talented at like sucking cock. But please, pretty please leave your pussy pics on the hard drive. We only want to lick it or fuck it, no interest in viewing it.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
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Well time for another rant. Just not sure what to rant about. Perhaps just a question or two.
How can she be a "Sub" when the profile is full of rules us Dom's have to follow under threat of being blocked if we don't?
On Tattoos - Why are they called "Tramp Stamps" when a lady has a tattoo on her lower back? My last lover had one and she wasn't a tramp. A kinky, cum burping slut but not a tramp.
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This just in from the stupid people department:
I just got an e-mail from someone who accused me of using this journal to draw attention to myself. HELLO genius! This is the internet and what would be the purpose of being on a site like this if it were not to attract someone??
As Bill Engvall says "Here's your sign"
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Just glanced at a profile with a screen name, "HUGETITSxNOLIMITS"
Want to bet she complains about what pigs men are and has no idea why?
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Todays Topic is "Dick Pics" and why they are a bad idea.
I've been picking on the ladies alot lately so now it's time to even the score a little. Imagine if you will what a Subbie might think as she creates her search and clicks the mouse and lo & behold there you are in all your rock hard glory. Some points to ponder before you post.
1. It's highly likely she has seen a cock before. Yours really isn't all that different.
2. It's also highly likely that no matter how well endowed you are, the simple fact remains that the 22" double headed rubber one in her nightstand is thicker and longer and doesn't fart in bed. So get over yourself SirLordBattleWagon or whatever pompous name you use.
3. Chances are if you have a dick pic you took it while whacking off to internet porn in bedroom #3 at Chateau Mom's. Imagine how turned on she'll be wondering if the keyboard is sticky from the spilled soda you claim of some other more intimate sticky fluid?
4. Ever consider she might notice the fact that the reason you dick looks like a lodgepole pine is because of the camera angle you used?
5. Ever think that she might think that your magnificent 10" tool won't fit or hurt her petite 4'11" frame and extremely tight love tunnel? I mean why try to drive a tractor trailor down down a one lane alley?
6. Did you ever stop to think that cocks are kinda like a Christmas present? When you unwrap the box you're never quite sure what's inside?
7. What do you think it says about you if you think the most important part of you is your dick?
Now ladies don't you feel better reading this? Doesn't it make you want to give your master head 'til he's dead? |
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Here's another one. I "borrowed" this from a sub
If Y/you write to M/me like this. I/i will block Y/you.
What the fuck is that some new kind of way to prove you're a twit? Or is it like the secret handshake to the Racoon Lodge or something?
Write in English. Judging from some of the posts that's enough of a challenge. |
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Question: Why do 54 year old Doms go for 24 year old subbies?
Answer: There are several reasons actually.
1. At 24 they are just happy that their man actually has a car that he doesn't have to ask his mom if he can borrow it.
2. Same goes for housing. At 54 we don't live in the third bedroom at Chateau Mom's. Well most of us LOL
3. We actually have figured out that the more we make you cum the more you'll want to fuck us. And since we make you cum so good you go out of your way to comply with our every wish so we'll want to fuck you even more. This the Circle of Orgasms is complete.
4. We are actually are interested in what you have to say. Or at minimum can act interested. It turns them on not being a sperm bank (Unless of course they want to be a sperm bank!!!! More on that later)
5. They like the fact that "Going to dinner" doesn't mean McDonalds.
6. By having the financial dominance, Sexual Dominance that a mature and experienced Dom possesses, The young sub can feel safe, secure and comfortable enough to fully express herself emotionally and sexually.
7. At 24-34 most aren't jaded and beaten down by life.
See all you gals close to my age thought is was their firm supple bodies. I'll admit it doesn't hurt, but for me it's more about their attitude towards life and love. Firm tits are good too but eventually they end up just like yours. When the rose on your tit turns into a tulip it's time to cover them sweater puppies up ladies.
Let that be a lesson young ones! NO TITTY TATTOOS, Tramp Stamps are perfectly acceptable as are other areas of your body that are not subject to sagging. Nothing in this world says "I was born in a single wide then a rose on your tit. |
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Let's talk about Viagra shall we?
I think it's advertised all wrong. Here are a few suggestions for slogans!
"Viagra means never having to say I'm Sorry"
"Hello I'm Jenna Jamison for Viagra, Got one of them 4 hour boners? What are doing watching TV get on over here I'll be waiting"
Viagra, the gift that keeps on giving.
Think about it girls, why be upset or turned off if your man needs the blue pill. Suppose it YOUR man who gets the 4 hour boner? It's like the boner lottery and you can tell all of your girlfriends and say "Damn he was hung and when he popped that blue pill he had a boner that wouldn't quit. Hell my vibrator battery dies before his dick did"
BTW, we KNOW you girls talk about fucking just as much as we do.
Difference is guys are like "Yeah I fucked her and she was good, Banged her 3 times"
Girls OTOH are like, "How was he? Well sweetie the damn thing was so big I actually asked if I could measure it and damn if it wasn't just over nine inches. It felt really nice inside me but when I went to suck him off I noticed that I could see all of the veins and shit which was kinda gross and he had been drinking earlier so his Cum didn't taste that great, but hell I'd fuck him again." |
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New favorite post.
"Hello I'm 53 and recnetly discovered I'm a submissive!" HELLO! where the fuck you been for 52 fucking years? I guess the phrase "Quick Study" was never used to describe you was it?
Columbus discovered America, how does one discover they're submissive or dominant?? Was it like when Edison turned on the light bulb and it worked? Did it come by mail like Publishers Clearing House?
I know I confuse easily so maybe I should come up with a grandiose screen name to reflect that? Perhaps, "Lord/MasterConfusedornot" Or "ConfusedWarrior"
Where was she for 52 fucking years? What was she? A Dominitrix??? I don't know if I'll find true love on CollarMe but I'll have a well tickled Funny Bone. |
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I'm always mildly amused by the self important. Next on my list are those who clearly cannot read at a 4th grade level. My profile clearly states STRAIGHT!
So just to be clear I don't want you to suck my dick, nor do I wish to suck yours. I also don't want to tie your sorry sissy ass up and butt fuck you.
See the way I figure it is that if God made anything better than pussy he kept it for himself. Besides if God didn't want men to eat pussy why is it shaped like a Taco? Answer me that please? Conversely that's why cocks are built like giant lollipops.
Oral sex, God's best kept secret or not! |
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I keep hearing "It's not about the sex" from the subbies out there. EXCUSE ME? Afterall the drive to fuck is only second to the drive to eat.
Maybe that's why when we buy you dinner we expect you to fuck us? Hey it's one explanation, but on the other hand if we take you to a movie it doesn't mean we want to make home sex tapes with you or does it?
So what to make of the D/s dynamic. Submission is not a gift. A bottle of 12 year old single malt scotch is a gift.
Submissive is who you are. Got that girls? They'll be a test later.
Tying you up isn't being a Dom! It means I'm good with ropes, scarves and other restraints. Being a Dom is at the core of your existance and has little to do with how, when or with whom we have various and sundry sex practices often defined as kinky.
A "real" Dom or Sub is who they are NOT what they do. To me being a switch means you have your head up your ass and can't make a decision to save your life and all you're really about is getting your rocks off with kinky sex. |
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Here's another news flash for all you ladies regarding men being less than honest in their pursuit or intentions once they've piqued your interest.
Men have cocks, we think with them far to often. Women on the other hand have a vagina which some think is mink lined or something. Penis's and vagina's go together link fingers and gloves. It's no mystery it's a law of nature. We have testosterone cruising through our veins with 225Hp dual Mercruiser outboards on the boat. We need to fuck regularly it's in our DNA so get over it
Of course we want in and we'll say most anything except "I love you" to do so. Nodody wants pussy bad enough to utter the dreaded "L" word if they don't mean it. Women often confuse a good orgasm with love, not cool most times as you end up being hurt.
So the message here is go out and fuck somebody and maybe you'll fall in love with the person because sooner or later his cock will go soft and you'll have to talk to him. just make sure you have something to say. |
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I often see on profiles that you're looking for someone "Naturally Dominant". Pardon my stupidity but how the fuck can you fake being dominant or be "unnaturally dominant? How does that work because I must have missed the memo. Like I said earlier "Calling yourself a Dom doesn't make you one, anymore then standing in garage makes you a car" |
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Some subbies are NOT subbies they're just desperate middle aged women looking for a penis and a paycheck and not always in that order.
Some apparently can not read either. I give an explanation as to why a pic is not showing on the profile but that's not good enough. These are the same ones who don't post their weight. I personally love the ones who tell you they're a size 8 with 46DD's, like that could happen.
Why lie ladies? If we meet you, we'll see, try honesty, I know it's tough.
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If I enjoy writing naughty limericks does that make me a "Cunning Linguist"?
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Interesting night. Spent the better part of 4 hours chatting with her. We said goodight. I I saw her later on the forum so I quick messaged her only to find i was blocked.
Why mention it? First time blocked since I joined. What goes on in the head of some subbies I'll NEvER know.
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One of the things that just cracks me up is some of the Self Important names Doms give themselves, how they hold themselves in such high regard. I was thinking more along the lines of SirPhartzAlot
I just saw the best overblown Dom name, SirBattlehammer. Sheesh wonder what his subbie is named girlBattleAxe? LOL
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Personally i just love the profiles with "Tired of all the Fakes, Losers, Cheaters, Liars on here"
HELLO it's the internet what did you expect? |
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My Ex-wife was "buy Sexual" everytime I wanted sex I had to buy her something |
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Another fun activity on here is chatting with the West African scam artists. I love to toy with them and act all interested and see how many lies they tell before they lie themselves into a corner. lately though it's like shooting fish in a barrel as they haven't changed their techniques |
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Is it required that every sub have big boobs and a burnung desire to show them to the entire world?
Whatever happened to the mystery of undressing a new lover and viewing her nakedness for the first time?
My only question is should I spank her ass as red as a Jersey tomato before or after I take off her bra LOL |
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Well now I've been called "Sizest" because of my observation in previous journal. I'm soooo hurt, NOT!
Besides it's not the size of your ass that matters it's the size of your heart and imagination.
But some will never grasp that because they have little or no sense of humor |
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Attention ladies, NOTHING says Trailer Park like a rose tattoo on your tit.
Also why are the Lesbian Subs thinner? |
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Calling oneself Master doesn't make you one anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Think About it!! It's the internet folks.
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