Dominance isn’t about being a chest thumper, nor a strutting peacock. It’s not about language (fall to your knees sl*t…etc) nor even about kinky sex, it’s about being in control of your own life first and foremost.

We all have things in our lives outside of our control, most of us have to work and pay the bills even if we’d rather be laying on some beach sipping umbrella drinks and toying with a sub so saying anyone is in “absolute control” is a misnomer.

What we are able to control is how we conduct our lives, our reactions to any given situation, person, incident or event in our lives. If I don’t like a situation (work for instance) I can make a choice, put up with it or change it. I can chose to be a nice guy, to let myself be affected and be brought to tears at a Disney movie, to be emotionally affected by a child’s love, to be deeply touched by a woman’s submission and I can also chose when, where and why to be angry. I can choose to be sadistic and I can even choose to be dangerous.

Dom is who I am, how I conduct my life and it is all, totally, about choices. It doesn’t say I will never cry, be depressed or get down but it does say I know when and how to pick myself up, change things and move forward. It doesn’t say I take foolish, unthinking risks; it says I take well thought out and carefully calculated risks and do everything within my power to affect the outcome favorably.

It says I give everyone, yes subs and slaves included, a bigger break than I give myself for I hold myself to a higher standard than I can ever truly achieve though I will never stop striving toward those ever higher yet elusive goals. Controlling a sub, owning a slave is nothing more than an extension of who we are, as natural as breathing.

Submission, why would anyone wish a doormat????? Or a mindless automoton???? The goal of every sub or slave is to serve and therefore please. Does it not follow that they must first serve with their mind? That they help You/Me/Us to be more than we are? (The whole being greater than the sum of its parts) Does it not then follow that a sub/slave would challenge your mind, your assumptions, your viewpoints in that endeavor? And that in so doing s/he would either confirm what you know or help you move to greater knowledge? A sub/slave who truly wishes to serve does so first with, and within, her mind, then she grants her body and lastly her heart and soul.

Asking her to be a doormat means the first part of her submission never happens, it denies her mind and even someone seeking abject objectification and dehumanization must first decide you are the one to take her/him/them there. The first time a sub/slave submits to you it is because they have no other choice, not because you/I barked a command to. If they drop to their knees it’s because their legs will no longer allow them not to, it’s an intellectual and emotional reaction to one who they have suddenly found to be, apparently, what they are seeking, not because we told them we’re what they seek but because they figured that out (duh).

Like I said, it all starts and ends with the mind, who needs a doormat, they’re $8.95 at Wal-Mart if you do. Intelligence and strength are absolute musts to be a good sub/slave.

Respect, can one respect a sub/slave who (to jump to the extreme) doesn’t want it? Of course you can. One remembers that first and foremost we are all human beings and we make insightful informed decisions as to our lives and how we wish to live them.

Even they who wish abject objectification must make a decision that someone is the one they need/desire to serve in such a manner. Respecting that human being and their decision does not mean we need negate the slave’s needs. Objectify the slave and respect the human being, it’s pretty easy actually.
A sub makes the decision to submit over and over and in many ways it is a more realistic model for living.

Master/slave requires micromanagement and carry through when the kids are screaming on the other side of the door is not so easily done. Given that two people define their relationship however, not some urbane set of someone else’s definitions, it can be done. Given a broad set of guidelines and an understanding that sh*t happens, a slave can carry on through life with the constant of her Master’s best interests always at heart even when the boss demands overtime and you’re supposed to be home waiting naked and kneeling at the door when s/he arrives. TPE is nice as long as you remember, life happens which means TPE usually remains just a dream.

Meeting …….This ain’t brain surgery folks. If you want someone to find you amusing, be amusing….and find something amusing in them. If you don’t know how, LEARN! If you want someone to find you interesting, be interesting & involved and find them interesting. Act like an ass and you’ll be rewarded in kind. I see/hear/read about all this “drop to your knees bit*h” & “submit now bit*h” malarkey and I’m driven to wonder who the masochist is?

As I said, if you are who they seek, they’ll get there themselves initially. There’s lots of fish in the ocean folks, respect their feelings and move on if you aren’t what they seek.

Baggage, lets be honest, anyone over the age of 5 has baggage, the question is are you left with unresolved issues as a result? Relationships can’t “Make” anyone happy, they are an enhancement, to the Nth degree hopefully, wherein both people’s innate happiness is enhanced. If you have “issues” you’re asking someone else to carry and pay for those issues when you enter a relationship with them still unresolved. Generally it’ll doom a relationship to failure before it’s begun, get over it and move on.

On this and various other sites and in munches and groups around the world are thousands and thousands of subs, never mind the doms. That there are any at all is , to me, a testament to the apparent lunacy with which we approach each other. Start with an acknowledgement of similar interests, then back up and say “Hello”. It amazes me sometimes where that simple Hello can lead.

Good Luck, I wish You all your hearts deepest desires.