|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Updated 3/06/2016 And...a bunch of my profile disappeared. Let's try again.
I've taken a long break from seeking, but maybe it's time to try again. First and foremost, I am not a pro domme. I am not interested in your money, tributes, your ability to buy me. Accepting money or gifts from your submissive undermines a serious power exchange relationship, Imho.
You should also know I am fat, and occasionally walk with a cane. If that seems icky to you, please, move on quickly and don't waste your time reading further. I also am very LGBTQ friendly, so if you're not okay with that, go on by.
Who I am - 58 year old dominant, 13 years experience in the public scene. I have a profile on FetLife under this name. I am in a closed poly relationship with my longtime boy, who has now chosen to only have dominant relationships with others. He is still my boy, and functions as alpha boy in my household. You will not be expected to be involved with him, unless you care to be. I am reliable, honest, caring, and can supply references in the so-called community, from Hampton Roads to Richmond.
In my "vanilla" life, I have had the same job since 1988. I hope to retire in three - four years. My interests include reading, spirituality and religion, although I self define as agnostic, socializing with friends, occasional binges on Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Video :), road trips to OBX, as well as the mountains, and general intellectual pursuits, including casual study of various subjects and some classes occasionally.
Kinky stuff - Open to any gender or gender expression. First, let me say I am not your usual Femdom type. I'm not a diva, goddess, someone for you to worship. Frankly, if you want to worship any of my parts, we're going to have an issue. I'm not arrogant or into degradation or anything beyond the mildest humiliation. I also don't have the least bit of interest in rope. If being a rope bunny is your dream, I'm not for you. I pay my own bills, and make my own way. If you want to insult me, offer me money.
So, what do I want? A service oriented submissive or slave that enjoys a variety of sensation, impact, electrical, and other types of play. By service oriented, I mean you enjoy bringing me a cup of tea, anticipating my needs and trying to make my life easier. It does not mean I wish to enslave you to a life of scrubbing my toilet. Everyone here is expected to pitch in to clean the house, even me, so you might get your chance at the toilet, but it won't always be your responsibility. If you want more info on service, I can refer you to several groups and persons on Fet, and I'm willing to talk with you about it one on one, whether you're interested in me as a dominant or not. I may or may not be interested in anything sexual with you, it probably won't be, to start with.
You must be free most weekends. This is slightly negotiable, but weekends are when I have free time. During the week, I work. A lot. It may be possible to trade some weekends for weeknights, but you have to have a least a weekend a month free, once we agree to move forward. It is also ideal if you can get away for the weekend or a week several times a year.
If you are interested in replying to me, please write me a note, telling me a little about yourself. I will not call or IM you until I want to, however long that takes. If I feel really good about you, I might ask to meet for coffee after just a brief time. If you are not comfortable meeting, please say so. We can take as long as you like, or at least until I can't take it anymore. :)
There is no way I can tell you all you need to know here. If you feel good about my profile, take a chance. I know at my age, the world will not beat a path to my door. But I'm just looking for one special person, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I hope I can offer loyal friendship, a place in my family, emotional support and care, affection and help with attaining long term goals to the right person. And a whole lot of fun and new friends and knowledge. I'm so looking forward to hearing from you.
|
|
|
|
|
So, I'm back after a break from Collarspace. I would be sure it was a waste of time, if not for the number of people I know that have found successful kink relationships here.
If you wrote me before, and want to try again, I'm open to it. Just be sure you want something in real life, and not just in your imagination.
Wishing everyone peace, love, happiness and a joyful kinky experience! |
|
|
|
|
Okay, here you go... An Example of How to Write an Introductory Message to a Dominant Woman (It's a little like a basic resume.)
Please remember as you as starting the communication, at this point you are just two strangers with similar interests. There is no need for assuming any sub behaviors. Just be respectful, as you would to any human being. If she is not respectful back, move on. Until you have a negotiated and agreed on consensual relationship, you don't have to do anything she says. You cannot know her secret handshake, or her protocols (which are subjective from person to person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise) or anything else. A good way to find a fake is someone that immediately wants you to be on your knees and addresses you disrespectfully, before you've even met or had a conversation. You can't be out of protocol if you have no idea what their protocols are. I've studied and presented on this subject a fair amount, so I'm pretty sure about what I'm saying. (Yes, I can provide proof of that.)
Hi (Ma'am or Miss or just "Hi")
I read your profile and I noticed we both share an interest in ( service, shopping, Master/slave, protocols and rituals, oatmeal cookies, whatever interest(s) you saw on her page that you share).
(State your experience) I have four years experience as a slave. My former owner and I parted amicably, and I can provide her contact details if you'd like a reference. Or I am new to kink, and interested in learning more. Can you explain more about what being your sub would be like? I really think I might like electrical play, but I'm not sure.
(State what you have to offer.) I am experienced in house service, and am familiar with both British and Chinese style tea service. I am also a pretty good cook, and have a fair knowledge of wines. (Most dominant females appreciate what you might think of as "butler skills".)I can also do basic car maintenance and manicures. (Whatever service you feel you can provide, from cooking to carpentry, napkin folding to house painting.)
If you have questions for her, now is the time to ask them.
Please let me know if you would be interested in communicating further.
Sincerely,
A. sub |
|
|
|
|
Things that totally turn me off, and why.
1. Seeing your private parts on the internet, because I want someone that has enough self respect and sense of privacy to not put it out there. It's usually a pretty good indicator to me that we will not be compatible. I've never seen a nude photograph that gave me an uncontrollable urge to meet someone. Just the opposite, in fact. (If you are seriously an exhibitionist, I'll forgive you, but it still doesn't work for me.)
2. Liars and cheaters. No one should have to deal with liars. And cheaters? I have lived long enough to know a lot of cheating goes on. But I am not okay with it, because it almost always harms the other person in some way. If you are married, and plan to stay married, but want to cheat, what exactly are you offering the other person? Not much, except a chance to be used physically for your own pleasure, while they starve to death emotionally, and are complicit in hurting your spouse.
3. Messages that only say "Hi", or "How are you?". Well, I'm fine. Did you want something? Perhaps to express an interest, get to know me, ask questions, tell me a little about yourself? Hmmm?
4. People that try to buy me. No, it's not happening. I am fully self supporting, and I don't need your money, your "tributes" or anything else material. If we become good friends, and/or develop a long term power exchange relationship, then the usual small birthday or holiday gift, given from the heart, is lovely. But, otherwise, no.
5. No sense of humor. As serious as I take my relationships in kink, I believe laughing is necessary to have a good life. If you can't descend into silliness once in a while, you'll be miserable with me, and I with you. |
|
|
|
|
Safety Guidelines for those new to kink in real life.
So, I get the impression a lot of you on this site don't have much real life experience. And real life experience, while exciting to think about, is a scary concept for newbies. There are some general guidelines that work for many people when new. Some of the guidelines clearly have a female sub/male dom parameter in mind, but safety is universal.
1. Go slow. Don't let the first person that says "Great, come on over." (Not considered a good idea.) be your first play date. Take the time to make sure you are safe with this person. Do not trust anyone and everyone. Do not play with anyone that will not give you their first and last name, their address, and phone number before you play. They're hiding something, and maybe lying about their marital or relationship status, or even who they are.
2. Vet your play partners. That doesn't mean take them to the vet. It means check them out with your friends, ask them for references, ask their friends on their profiles about them. On Collarspace, see if anyone has said anything about them on the message boards. I have a particular issue with people not vetting play partners. In twelve years in public kink, I have had two (2) people actually ask me about someone. That's a ridiculously low number, folks. It particularly disappoints me in that I know some of my own friends don't follow these rules.
3. Meet first in a public place. You should exchange more than a few emails, messages, etc., maybe have a phone conversation or two, before agreeing to meet up. Starbucks, or other coffee houses, are a great place. You don't have to spend a lot of money, and they usually don't mind if you linger.
4. Have safe calls and checks in place. Tell someone who you're going to meet. Where you're meeting them. When you are coming home. Agree on a time to notify the authorities if you don't turn up. It is completely acceptable to arrange to have friends stop by the restaurant to check on you, or in place in the meet up location, to keep an eye on you. Do not meet in the parking lot, you can be snatched. Unfortunately, you have to plan for the worst.
5. Do not go to their house. Now, this particularly bothers me, because I have had a bunch of little events at my house, and I like to invite people over to look at the river and hang out. But someone that doesn't know me has no way of knowing that, and has no way of knowing if my backyard is full of buried potential slaves. (Of course not, we feed them to the crabs in the river. LOL) And no way of knowing if what I just said is REALLY a joke. So, don't go to their house.
6. When you do play for the first time, take someone with you. Okay, so not sexy, not romantic, not even all that fun. But if they know your negotiated parameters, they can help keep you safe. When you do finally play alone, do not let them tie you up or restrain you, until you are absolutely certain you can trust them with your life. If you absolutely refuse to take someone with you, make sure you have a safe call in place. Leave your play partner's name, address and phone number, sealed in an envelope, with someone you trust. Tell them to open it, and call the police if they don't hear from you by a certain time. If your play partner is ethical, they will encourage this.
7. When you finally meet for a play date, if something feels "off", leave. Trust your gut. If suddenly this person feels creepy, give an excuse and leave. You are never without free will, and you can always leave. There is a great not kinky book by a guy named Gavin de Becker, called "The Gift of Fear". Read it, it might help save your life. |
|
|
|
|
Okay, look, some of us get a little carried away by the possibilities here. You shouldn't have to ask permission to send a message to someone, ask a question or to state your opinion. A power exchange relationship/BDSM relationship/kinky relationship, whatever you want to call it, is still a relationship that begins between two strangers. You don't need to ask permission until you have met and formed a friendship, negotiated, and agreed to form some sort of relationship with kinky parameters.
Now, this is my own opinion, and I can't speak for any other person using the dominant label, that you might encounter here. But, personally, someone that throws a bunch of rules at you, before you even know them, before you even know if you have a serious interest, is not going about this in a good way. Starting any relationship requires trust and friendship, not a bunch of silly or arbitrary rules. So, please, if you write, just talk to me, like you would any stranger. Be polite, tell me a little about yourself, ask questions. Okay? Thanks! :) |
|
|
|
|
I wish everyone a wonderful day, full of love and delicious kinkiness.
It is a long, laborious process to find the right fit in a BDSM partner, and then, more time gets eaten up by the negotiations, learning each other, and, for the slave or submissive, learning all the protocols, rules and rituals. But in the end, if it works, it's magic. |
|
|
|
|
So, really poor online etiquette seems to be a thing here. A couple of hints -
Don't expect an instant answer. There may be 3, 30, or 300 other letters that will be dealt with before yours. Allow at least a week for a response. A good way to be ignored or blocked is to send five messages in thirty minutes.
Your body may be rockin' and your penis impressive, but unless that's all you have to offer (only good if that's all your contact is looking for), or it's requested, keep your private parts private.
Keep messages short. A thousand words are not necessary, in the beginning. However, "Hey, how you doin" ? is not adequate. A little about yourself, your interests, and your experience, puts you miles ahead of the herd. And if you show you actually read your contact's profile, that's extra points.
Everyone is different. Be polite, but don't assume terms of address. He may be MasterSirLordDomlyDom to his slaves, but to everyone else, he just wants to be called Bob.
Be as honest, transparent and fact oriented as possible. Don't pretend you love figging (Placing raw ginger root on or in the genitalia and anus for the burning effect.) if you think it's really gross, just to try to win points. Or else you may suddenly get more than you bargained for. |
|
|
|
|
A couple of things you might want to know that I didn't include in my original profile -
I'm not interested in online or long distance (say, over a hundred miles) relationships.
I have cats. If you hate cats or are allergic, I'm not for you.
Please tell me something about yourself, about your experience, or lack of it, and be polite, but there is no need to act all "your most 'umble servant, Mistress". Actually, I hate the title of Mistress. Until we agree on a power exchange relationship, there is no need for titles at all.
And, if you're married, I might be okay with it, if she is willing to meet me, and I might not be. I require a large time commitment that most married folk can't meet. While I have no intention of having sex with you, I will do some very personal things to you, and it will be with your spouse's permission, or no deal.
And, lastly, I hate chat. I prefer a series of online letters, and then, perhaps, coffee in a public place. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 27 |
| Detroit,
Michigan |
|
|
|
|
