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- I put down the toilet seat without being asked.
- Im a World Class spooner.
- Ive been burned by love in the past. Not so much in the heartbroken kinda way. Moreso in the candle wax was a bit too hot kinda way.
- I like my coffee like I like my women... Not banging my friends.
- Ill always be here for you... Unless you need money... Or a ride somewhere... Or help moving.
- My biggest fear is a rapper telling me to throw my hands in the air and wave em like I just dont care while Im holding a baby.
- When Im alone, sometimes Ill twerk it on inanimate s to the theme song from The Golden Girls. Dont judge me.
- Sometimes I go to confessional just to see how long it takes the priest to realize Im describing the plot of Training Day.
- I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before company comes over. That way Ill know if your digging through my stuff when youre supposedly just using the bathroom.
SEEKING A WOMAN WHO UNDERSTANDS THE FOLLOWING FACTS ABOUT MEN
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 3 days.
- Dont ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not necessarily in that order.
- Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down from point blank range. We are bound to miss sometimes. Get over it and just help us out by getting out the scrubbing bubbles.
- If something we said can be interpreted in two different ways, and one of those ways is bad, then we meant the other one.
- Let us look at other women. We are going to anyway. Its genetic. I mean seriously, how else are we supposed to know how beautiful you are if we dont compare?
- If it itches, we will scratch it. Doesnt matter where we are, we will scratch, thats what we do. Just make a game out of it and join in.
- If you need to say something, please do so during the commercials. We dont want to hear about Jenny from your job when were trying to figure out who the killer is on CSI.
- Christopher Columbus didnt need directions and neither do we. Hell, Jesus didnt even need directions. Why do you think he wandered around the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.
- Its not that men have commitment issues. We look at it like this. The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and bacon breakfast The chicken was involved... The pig was committed.
- Seriously, most of the time we really dont know whats going on. 9 times out of 10 we are about as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
- DONT RUB THE LAMP, IF YOU DONT WANT THE GENIE TO COME OUT.
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