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If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Unknown Author
Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any establish style or system - Bruce Lee
No new tales to tell, 43 years on my way to hell! - Wish- Nine Inch Nails - except the age part ;)
They say you can't teach old dogs new tricks. I plan to break that stereotype. I am into my third decade in the scene and I still learning things about myself, my kinks, and my world. Change is inevitable; you either grow and evolve or die. I don't plan on dying any time soon.
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I am a sarcastic, inquisitive, opinionated, person, if you can't handle that, the door to get the fuck out is on your left. I love long intellectual discussions and having my opinions challenged. A person with something intelligent to say is always preferably to a pretty face. Having both however is my kryptonite.
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At this point in my life I am looking for intimacy and connection on various levels. Just getting my rocks off or pick up play has become boring and unenjoyable. I am looking for people who want to walk a mutual path and share in life together. People who want to share themselves and want me to share myself with them. It all starts with trust and then the sky is the limit.
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I am poly, bisexual, dom-type who is starting to re-explore his bottom side. I am not your typical dom-type and am proud of that.
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Owned.
It's is not about the rules, rituals, or status. It is not about the collar, leash, or chains. It is not about the pomp and circumstances, the words, or the circus of d/s. It is not about any of that.
It is about the feeling.
It is about intentions and actions. It is about the desire and need. It is about the time, both small moments and long years. It is about the respect for each other, walking the mutual path together. and creating what works for everyone involved. It is about the looks, the smiles, the laughs, and the snark. Knowing what each one of those things means and says without words.
Rituals, clothing, gear, rules, and words reinforce the feeling but are not the feeling. But without the mutual path, desire, need, without the feeling, there can never be owned. |
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The feeling about Consensual-Non Consent
Being bored at work while waiting for a client, I decided to put to words how I want CNC play to feel and how I want to feel when I am doing CNC play.
Enjoy.
I want to rape you. Not just to fuck you, but to hurt you. Make you feel like a dirty piece of meat. I want you to feel like a whore who deserves it. I want you to suffer and cry, beg me to stop. You are going to scream out for mercy, but no one can help you. No one will care because you should to be treated like this. Deep down inside you know you need to be abused, humiliated, degraded, and used. You know you are nothing but a cunt who can't help herself, craves to be at the feet of an old man like me. I am going to tie you up, beat you down, piss all over you, and treat you like a worthless twat. There is no choice, no negotiating, no limits, you are mine to do what I want with.
You are going to be my filthy fucktoy and nothing can stop me from doing this to you. You are going to cum, hard, and often. You will not want to but I will turn your body against you. You are going to cum again and again, you won't stop cuming till I let you. I have even taken that choice away from you. You will never know when it comes and you never will know when it ends.
And the worst part of all this, the very worst part, you will thank me in the end. You will lick my boots and clean my cock with your mouth. You will go home, sore, hurt, confused and the next day, you will call. You won't call to chastise me for taking you. No, you will call to ask me when you can see me again.
Also posted on |
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Masochism: Not everyone wants to enjoy it.
I have had discussions with friends/people I play with and read articles on a growing trend of people who wish to participate in pain play of various forms, but do not wish to be labeled as masochist. They do not wish this label for a variety of reasons. They do not enjoy/like pain at all. For them they just wish to suffer through it. Some wish to suffer as a test of endurance and will power, some as a form of service to people they like, and some as a cathartic release. There are other reasons I am sure but these seem to be a common thread. Some people who wish to suffer will get turned on by it, either during or after the scene, but most won't. Of course some are a combination of all of the previous wants and desires I listed earlier, others are none of the above.
While to me this all seems very much in line with my views of masochism, to them it is not, which is perfectly fine. To me this is in line with the wiliness to participate in acts of physical or mental cruelty inflicted upon them kind of way, not the more traditional view of what a "painslut"is kind of way. Either my views are "old school" or that the current kink vocabulary has changed and I need to update. What ever the reason I have found I need to change the way I go about speaking about pain play. It is apparent that by not doing so it can cause massive miscommunication between people while negotiating. The last thing I want, an hope everyone wants, is to not have an exact understanding of what is the expectation on how the scene will go. That is a bad thing and can lead to disaster. Playing with someone who wishes to suffer for, rather than enjoy it, is a completely different mindset. It has different nuances that can make a scene go perfectly or fail miserably.
Those of us who are into sadist/masochist play need to recognize this. We tend to think of masochist as only those who enjoy pain play. This is perfectly understandable, it is actually human nature to do so. Why would someone who gets the fuck beat out of them not do it unless they enjoy it? We speak how we play and naturally go to a place of happy thoughts, we want to enjoy ourselves, after all if that is why they call it play.
As someone who enjoys making people suffer I need, and maybe we all do, to expand how we speak of pain in play. Change up how I speak to others on it and get more detailed. I recently changed how I negotiate with people I wish to play with. I have focused more on the feeling of a scene rather than the actions in a scene. I have found that I am getting better play because of it. I have always enjoyed playing more with people who want to suffer for me over people who just want to enjoy it. Now, if they want to suffer for me, enjoy the suffering, and get off on it, I maybe in heaven. After all, who am I to stop someone from wanting to suffer..... ;) |
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My first Christmas without a girl in my life in a very long time. Luckily I have great family and friends. |
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The invasion of the 50 Shades of Grey people just makes me sick. Talk about not knowing the difference between abuse and real d/s relationships. This coming from a man who enjoys abusing women! |
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So you think you are kinky, want to be in the "lifestyle", and be all leather, rope, and hot dirty sexy?
Yes, good. Read these books
1. Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns. General catch all bdsm/kink book.
2. Bottom/Topping Book. Basic to advanced concepts, how to's, warning signs of predators, and advice for the new Top or Bottom. Great set or books, read both.
3. Ethical Slut. Basically a book on polyamoury in general, but also just plain advice on being ethical in relationships where people have sex, love one another, and grows over time. |
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On Safewords and The Safety of Safewords
I have been thinking on these subjects as of late and decided to post my thoughts. I have been in the Boston area scene for many years and seen a lot of shit happen. These are my opinions only and if they piss you off to bad. Life is tough wear a fucking helmet.
**On Safewords.**
I used to play with a lovely person. She and I had great caning scenes and she had an unusual safeword. Her safeword was at the time "I'm going to fucking kill you!". This was said to me often as that was our style of play. She would use her safeword, I would stop what I was doing, she would pick up a new cane for me to use on her and then we would use it till she wanted another type of cane or to end the scene. It was actually a lovely little way to play and it did take us some time to get the rhythm of our play down. It took a lot of communication before the scenes we did really worked out smoothly for both of and once it did it was magic.
I tell this story not to show how great I am at communication and negotiation, I am, but that is not the point. The point is that when working with complicated safewords you must always make sure that ALL PARTIES involved in the scene, not just the top, are on the same level of communication. If you are going to use complicated safewords or multiple words for safewords all parties much communicate effectively. If for example you tell your partner(s) that your safewords are "No, Don't, Stop" and your partner(s) repeat back "No don't stop" as a safewords that is not effective communication. If you must, spell it out on paper, but make sure all parties get it. There is nothing wrong with long, complicated drawn out negotiation, especially when it come to keeping you safer.
We as human beings are taught from a young age that "No" and "Stop" are the proper response to things that happen to us in which we view it in a negative light. We are taught to say no thank you to something we do not wish, to say no when someone wants us to do something we know will get us in trouble, and to say stop when someone touches us inappropriately. In our kink world we have substituted this ingrained methodology with other words to mean No/Stop. We use safewords that generally mean No/Stop such as Red, Hold, and Time Out. I usually find that these are the best safewords and I believe the old adage of keep it simple stupid. Simple is generally best.
**On The Safety of Safewords**
There are two dirty little secrets about safewords.
1. **Safewords do not keep you safe.** Like condoms they do not protect you but do keep you safer. Safewords are only as good as the people you play with. If someone will ignore you saying No/Stop they will ignore a safeword. Safewords are not a binding contract, will not magically stop an abuser from abusing you, and won't mean shit if you and your partners are not on the same page. OMG you mean Kelly Fucking Green was your safeword I though you meant Deep Asshat Orange was your safeword. We as a community seem to have made safewords the magic cure against assault. They arn't, they are just a tool we use in our fantasy world so that people can scream no and no to their hearts content and get our freak on. I am not saying safewords are bad, I am just safewords are not the last line of defense in keeping yourself safe. I know some of you reading this are saying duh, well congrats on the clue, others need reminding.
2. **Safewords are useless when you have lost your mind** So there I was playing with this rather handsome young man. We negotiated, it was only going to be a light, fun scene. Some flogging, spanking, and then I was gonna slowly jerk him off while he called me daddy. We had hit all the right points in our negotiation, I knew there was some trauma in his childhood but he had said it was well past him. So we played, it was going great, I am spanking him, flogging him and teasing his cock and he is responding wonderfully. Oh and ah, moans, just good plain ol family fun, then it all stopped. I did not notice immediately, just thought he was doing a bit of recovery breaths till I went around to tease his cock again and check in with him. His face had a look of terror and he was wordlessly mumbling to himself. I had no idea what was wrong but I knew this lovely young man was no longer with me, he was off somewhere in his head and not in a happy place. Got him down, made him as comfortable as I could at the time and waited for him to return to himself. Turned out he had a flashback, could not safeword to tell me what is wrong, could not even speak. It was only because I had checked in with him that the scene did not go from bad to worse.
When we are playing we play on raw emotions at times. Something as simple as rubbing a person down with bunny fur can set them off. If your are playing with someone and they are tearing at your eyes and pulling out your hair to get you off of them, and this kind of behavior was not negotiated, chance are they are experiencing a level of trauma that has left them without the ability to speak. Tops can not just rely on safewords to know when a person is in trouble. You need to check in, see that they are ok and not in distress.
Our kink word is a wonderful playground. There are many, many good people out there.
We can never play safe, but we can play safer. With patients, effective communication, and just a bit of healthy paranoia you can make your wildest fantasies come true.
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Can't wait for Leather Retreat this year. 6 days of sun, water, and hot kinky sex with the woman(tm), the woman's girlfriend, and anyone else we can throw into the mix. |
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| Age: 28 |
| Nacogdoches,
Texas |
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