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| I'm very new to this in the physical sense. I've been curious for a while and wish to learn and explore what I can. Vanilla life isn't for me. I do know this. My one wish is not only to find a partner, but someone I can share my kink and my life with.
I've met some great guys in the vanilla world, but when I ask then to spank me. They look at me weird and I never hear from them again. Wanting to be accepted, loved and disciplined is huge for me. Not haveing sex before marriage is a problem for most guys. Yes I have a kid, I've only been with one guy. To me sex is more than physical its an emotional tie as well.
Building a bond with someone, a trust with my life and my heart it very Important. Giving someone my body is easy, but my trust and heart go hand in hand.
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From ....
Tearing Down or Building Up?
Journal Entry | 27 Comments · 105 Love It | about 22 hours ago
"The lifting up of a woman does not require the tearing down of a man. In fact, a strong woman appreciates a strong man. Conversely, a strong man is not intimidated by a strong woman." ~ T.D. Jakes
I found this quote ... it speaks to me in volumes about feminism, my strength in submission, the power of my surrender and servitude.
The man who inspires my surrender, doesn't require me to shrink down so he can feel better or bigger about himself. He lifts me up, so I can shine brighter and be the person he sees in me already. It makes us both better when we shine brighter together. |
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Another wonderful article I got in .
Doms vs Female Abusers: How To Spot Posers & Predators...
Journal Entry | 73 Comments · 186 Love It | about 1 month ago
There seems to be some widespread misconceptions or confusion about the true nature of the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive. I am writing this article so novice subs have a way of discerning the potentially dangerous, abusive posers from the legitimate Doms so they can hopefully avoid any scary experiences or injury, especially when first experimenting in BDSM.
Based on several disturbing emails I have received from various women on , there seems to be many, many men online who call themselves "Doms" but really they are only misogonysts who want to physically/emotionally abuse women and then sexually use them in name of "Domination". This is NOT the nature of most Dom/sub relationship AT ALL.
There is a huge difference between domineering (controlling/bullying) and dominant (self-confident)personalities. In fact, controlling, manipulating, bullying personalities are the opposite of self-confident personalities. A dominant personality should make you feel at ease with their calm leadership, knowledge and their interest in your needs whereas a bullying/manipulating personality will likely make you feel slightly uncomfortable with their pressure about meeting their needs and demands. Dominants are NOT angry women haters but domineering, controlling bullies are! So, listen and trust to the little voice inside your head.
Immense trust is the foundation of a D/s relationship. A Dom/sub relationship requires much more trust than any vanilla sexual relationship because a woman is putting her physical/mental safety in the hands of a man. Hence the emotional intimacy of a D/s relationship is also much more deep and intense as well. A Dom cherishes and loves his sub for "Her Gift" of submission. Through great faith and trust in a Dom, a submissive gives over full control over her body and mind to a Dom... A Dom does not seize or coerce that submission. It is a decision of free will that a sub chooses who she will hand over control for a period of time (play session or evening). After that time period is over, you both revert to roles of equals.
The role of a Dom is like a sexual coach who can take you to a place you can not reach by yourself by pushing you beyond your limits safely. A Dom takes the time to build that trust & rapport with a sub by understanding her sexual interests, past experiences, fears/concerns, kinks/fetishes and limits. There are actual fetish checklists available online that some Doms use to make a written record for themselves of a sub's likes/dislikes, interests, limits and future interests as a starting point for training, like a personal trainer would make notes of your physical fitness benchmarks and goals. Before any play session starts, a good Dom with establish a unique "safe word" to ensure a sub's safety during a session. Then he takes great care to ensure her physical and emotional safety during a session while still pushing her limits and attempting to blow her mind. And afterwards, he shows her a great deal of appreciation and affection for her immense trust and for her gift of submission through sensual "aftercare" to soothe her body and mind (For example: cleaning her body with a warm towel, a soothing bubble bath, washing her hair or a warm oil massage).
HINT #1:
If a Dom demands you to call him Sir or Master at a first meeting, he may be a poser (or very rigid or self-important)! The first meeting should be a meeting of equals who are trying to determine if there is a common foundation of interest, fit and chemistry to pursue a potential D/s relationship - No sex or BDSM play is involved. ONLY after a sub has chosen to give herself to a Dom must she refer to him as Sir or Master. First meetings should ALWAYS in a public location and most commonly, no D/s play or sex is involved and no personal information is exchanged. It is purely an initial screening meeting to assess mutual compatibility. If he says at your first meeting, "I am your Master now, you are My slave. You must fuck me now", get up and leave! He is a fake and an idiot.
HINT #2:
If a Dom does NOT discuss your past experiences, limits, concerns or safe words, he is likely a poser. One of the most important aspects of being a Dom is ensuring a sub's emotional and physical safety during a session. If he is not discussing your limits, he is not concerned with your safety!
HINT #3:
If a Dom demands you do sexual acts which is either dangerous to your health (i.e. unprotected sex with strangers) or against your will (i.e. rape/assault), he is likely a poser or sexual criminal... All BDSM play is safe, sane and consensual with pre-defined limits. Always listen to the voice in your head, it is trying to keep you safe and alive.
Hint #4:
If a Dom says there are an extensive set of rules that you must ALWAYS obey (i.e. at work, at home alone, etc.), he is potentially a poser or just a Dom looking for a 24/7 slave. For MOST people, BDSM is an escape from their every day lives and from vanilla sex. For a newbie, it is NOT usually a 24/7 lifestyle choice... The role of submissive is most-often a temporary state a woman chooses to take on for a play session or an evening or set time period. After that period is over, you revert to roles of equals. However, there are many women who develop deep emotional connections and great emotional satisfaction from serving their Doms over a long period of time together who ask their Doms to be "owned" who then become permanent submissives or "slaves". You need to first define what your limits are and decide if his rules meet your lifestyle needs.
Hint #5:
An experienced Dom will also have references of the subs he has trained in the past. Ask for the contact information of a few of his former subs. References are an important way of determining if there is a good fit for you with this Dom based on the kind of sessions he has conducted with his former subs and how he made his subs feel about their experience. Validation of a Dom by other subs is critical ensuring your own safety. Of course, this can be complicated if a Dom only plays within relationships so asking to talk to ex's is problematic.
Hint #6:
Leading up to the first meeting or during your first meeting, if there are little logical inconsistencies in his story about his situation, his past, his experiences as a Dom or his behaviour that makes you slightly uneasy but you cannot put your finger on something specific issue. A Dom should make you feel calm and at easy; not nervous and uptight. For example: Asking you to send nude photos before you initially meet but you already have facial photos or photos that show your body/build posted on profile page. There is no actual need for a local Dom to have a nude photo of you before you are his sub. If there are alarm bells going off in your head, DO NOT IGNORE THEM... The voice in your head represents thousands of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe and alive. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS listen to it! Politely excuse yourself to the washroom, then quietly head to the door and don't look back!
Safety Precautions for Initial Meetings
Whenever meeting a new Dom from online (i.e. a complete stranger) for the first session in a private location, you must take some simple precautions to ensure your personal safety;
Always tell someone where/who you are meeting and provide their contact information (Name and profile name, address, mobile number, email address)
Arrange a safety call at a pre-arranged time during a session and use a codeword in case there is a problem requiring assistance but you cannot say anything with him present.
DISCLAIMER:
English as a language can be an imprecise tool sometimes. My article is not intending to say there is ONLY ONE RIGHT WAY to live this BDSM lifestyle. Obviously there are many variations in how all D/s relationships function and it would be impossible to cover the full range of variations in this article. As a result, I have provide a generalized understanding of how a D/s relationship would function.The main purpose of my article is to merely try to provide the inexperienced submissive a few warnings signs to be cautious of in their early encounters to keep them safe.
Hopefully, you now have a few ways to discern the difference between a Dom and the potential women abusers... I hope this helps. Be safe out there. |
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This is from a wonderful real Dom on .
There are three key factors a Dom must inspire within submissive to be successful:
1) Inspiring Trust & Safety...
The primary role of a Dominant is to ensure a submissive's physical and emotional safety during a session. A submissive must feel safe enough to give over full control over her body and mind. A person who makes her fearful, nervous, threatened or pressured cannot achieve the primary requirement of a Dominant to inspire her sense of safety & trust.
If any man claiming to be a "Dom" makes any submissive feel nervous, fearful, pressured or on edge, I would advise that submissive to calmly excuse herself to use the washroom and then make a direct line to the nearest exit and never look back. The voice you are hearing inside your head is millions of years of evolutionary instincts trying to keep you safe. ALWAYS listen to that voice.
For further details on this topic, refer to Doms vs. Female Abusers: How To Spot Posers & Predators...
2) Inspiring Confidence...
Confidence is the calm, in control energy we exude that draws people to us and makes other people want to follow us. A Dom must exude confidence for a submissive to want to hand over control to him.
Inspiring Confidence...
Put her at ease
Be friendly & relaxed
Speak slowly & calmly
Maintain eye contact & smile
Ask a submissive about her limits, concerns, experiences and desires.
Speak intelligently about the your domination style, interests, and kinks
3) Seducing Her Mind...
A submissive chooses her Dominant who she wants to give control over her body and mind... So you must be able to seduce her mind and inspire her body. Seduce the mind first, then the body follows eagerly...
Confidence is the essence of sexy. You cannot lack confidence and also be sexy to the opposite sex. I have written many articles about the various aspect of the art of seduction. They all come into play in seducing the mind. Being able to read body language and being able respond to those subconscious cues is a key requirement.
Eye contact
Body language
Being bold and suggestive
Flirting is the key...
My favourite flirty ice-breaker:
"In my experience, even good girls like to be spanked..."
If you can deliver that simple line while maintaining eye contact, you will immediately see the conversation change direction - it will become more sexual and flirty. Her reaction to that line will tell you so much about who she really is as a woman.
Next Steps...
To understand how to develop relationship with a submissive, refer to the following articles:
Building Her Up!: Nurturing A Confident, Vivacious Submissive
Pre-Foreplay: Arouse the Mind First, The Body Follows Eagerly
The Primal Power of Eye Contact
Noun Sex: "Hot Button" Words That Ignite Your Libido
Licking Your Brain: The Art of Talking Dirty
Masculine Hand on a Feminine Throat: A Universal Turn-on?
Submissive Motivation: Why Do You Submit?
Switching Into "sub mode": What Are Your Submissive Triggers?
I hope this helps Novice Doms to understand the essence of Sensual Domination and it clears ups any misconceptions.
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As I talk to many guys and girls on here I'm learning new things. Things I'm curious to try and things that I may never try.
I've gotten some amazing advice, and a lot of bullshit. Yes I said it " bullshit!"
I've had men from other states begin bossing me around like I was their sub after only a couple of messages. Guess what I blocked and deleted them. I've had others start with pics of their equipment. Now I will admit I do like looking, but I will not choose because of that. Most guys that start like that insult my intelligence by thinking I'm hard up, and desperate. I'm neither.
I am looking for my life partner! There is one guy I could see myself with, but I don't know him well enough to know if he feels the same.
I am not interested in Hispanic, asian, or African American men. Sorry I don't mean insult it's just my preference. I will talk to you but I will not choose to be with you. If this upsets you sorry. Also I am not into chics. Read my profile please.
All men are picky I have a right to be too.
Thank you. |
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How is it possible that someone sees in you what you don't see in yourself?
How can a simple touch make you crave more?
How can a kiss stir a hunger in you that makes you want more that you dare hoped?
How can just looking in his eyes make you want to forget the world to stay with him.
How can someone you've only just met make you so weak and so strong at the same time?
I've only just met him and I yearn to know more. The way he tastes, smells, and feels.
I have to find out .... |
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It goes to say I made a few upset with my last entry. Well I can't be the only one saying it. Everyone wants something. Some use others want to be used.
I want love and will wait a long time for it. Just be honest. I have a pic so should you. If you don't want to post it fine send in a message. Distance is a road block just something to over come. I know I'm worth the effort and I'm hoping he is too. So I won't settle. If I'm talking to you it's because something about you attracts me. Does not mean I want to hope a plane and ride your cock. |
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I'm so tired of the pleas to Skype, yahoo, or other. I don't do that I know the scams. Believe me boys and girls blonde does not mean stupid. I'm looking for my one true Dom. If I wanted money I would have chose a wonderful gentleman Dom who first contacted me on here. I'm old fashioned in I want to be courted but I have to goes this route because I scare the shit out of guys when I ask them to spank me. I want to be someone's princess, baby girl, cherished pet. Then made their whore, and slut in the bedroom. I'm a good Christian girl with a wicked mind and a body that hasn't been used or touch in a very long time. Yes I'm picky, yes I'm selective, and so are you. |
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My search for a Dom is on going. |
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