|
|
|
|
The Past
--------------------------------------
So many promises, so many lies.
So much heartbreak, painful goodbyes.
FUCK how I hate it, fuck it to hell.
But hey, at least it left me with a story to tell...
The Now.
-------------------------------------------
We met, we talked it out.
She came with me, even with fear and doubt.
The weeks that then followed have been great.
No full blown fight, just a debate.
She's happy, sometimes I see the twinkle in her eye.
Sometimes I get scared, and I want to die.
But every time she's HERE WITH ME to say it's okay.
Sweet kisses, hugs, affection getting me through the day.
And tonight after 6, we'll be together, warm and cozy.
I want you. I love you. I'll keep you, my Josie. |
|
|
|
|
Another sunset, another afternoon.
Time goes so fast, but I won't get to see you soon.
I'll probably never see you again, as a matter of fact.
Unless your feelings tell you to act.
You're probably over me, moved on, sigh.
I take comfort in knowing that the painful truth is better than being in love with a lie. |
|
|
|
|
Things may hurt right now, things the way there.
But baby, love, I promise, I'll give you everything, whoever you are.
*I will find my perfect submissive. I will never stop until I find my one true love. And if she's anything like I imagine, she won't stop either. Patience......* |
|
|
|
|
A letter from the author.
I don't know how many more poems I'm going to write about all of this, but I wanted to say I am feeling better. It may not seem like it by reading the poetry, but I've accepted that her love for me was not true. I also want to say that the last thing I said to her was to contact me in the future. So, if she has anything to say to me, she knows just how to do it. It's taking a fucking effort to not dial her number and express how much I miss her.
I honestly believe she is happy with moving on. Unfortunately, something like this is why people are so guarded. Heart break turns the heart to stone, but this heart break had caused a quest on my part within me. Not only am I holding on and moving on, but I have discovered so many things about myself, my past, and my family. I am taking myself to the next level through all of this.
There's a poem down there about how I need to stop thinking about what she's doing, who she's with, but it's hard. Honestly though, does it really matter? I almost called her last night. I almost told her about our other major problem that we had. I almost told her how much I miss her, how I want to work that problem out. But would it have done any good?
No. She doesn't want to work it out. All it would have done was hurt me more. It's hard to imagine that somebody who sacrificed so much for you, and you for them, now doesn't want to work it out to a point where it can go up and get better. People tell me that there's a certain point where enough is enough, and I strongly believe that in true love, that point doesn't exist. You keep fighting, no matter what.
As I've said before, the door for her to talk to me is still open, and will remain open, so if a day does come where she decides she made a mistake, I'll be here to listen, talk it out, and depending on what's said, act. Until then, I'm going to continue evolving, both myself, and my future.
I'll close this off with thanks for all of the support. I will find my one someday, and we will indeed be, the best in the world.
|
|
|
|
|
So what in the fuck did you want me to do?
Everything I did, just another mistake to you.
The same thing I kept hearing, you always do it, it the same thing.
I'm sorry, I'll stop yelling, I'll stop feeling, stop thinking, hell, I'll just stop to sing.
Let me just hum my tune, ignoring your fake "I want to be here."
Oh really, because in all actuality, you disappeared.
|
|
|
|
|
And still yet I wonder, did she go and do the same?
Am I better off not knowing? My soul would it drain?
Say she is in somebody's arms right now, that's not my concern.
If she wanted to be in mine, no doubt she would return.
So what then, life without her, the future you say?
Yeah, appears so, huh, let's take it day by day.
So enough with the thinking of her kissing someone that isn't me.
Enough with the torment, let my soul be free.
Enough with the thought of somebody caressing her back.
Enough with the images of her on somebody's bondage rack.
Enough of the thinking of words spoken so dear.
Her actions, her leaving, that made it all clear.
So now she's laughing, smiling, not thinking of her and I.
Oh but about her, I cry, oh I cry.
Enough with the denial, it's very obvious to see.
I am doing everything in my power, but she doesn't want me. |
|
|
|
|
I put on my shoes, I put on my shirt, I take a long deep sigh.
Still dizzy from the flashing images of her soul crushing goodbye.
I put the car key in my mouth, the cold metal giving me a new pain to deal with, pure bliss.
I take it out, inserting it into the lock... "let's see if I can still do this."
Upon arriving and walking toward her, I stopped on the spot.
"What are you doing? You found the one you sought."
"No, no you haven't, she hurt you, her love wasn't real".
"Yes it was, she left out of fear!"
With this war in my head, I gathered my might.
I knew what had happened on an earlier night.
Upon meeting the stranger, a smile, a frown.
She was close minded and dumb, so I left her to drown.
*Yeah. That was probably the worst date I've ever been on in my entire life. But I think this poem is really cool, it shows the conflict, the hurt of my ex. It shows the internal war and the blur of where the line is between moving on and still hoping for a miracle. It also shows that I'm not desperate to be with somebody, and I still have my standards and hold on to them 100%.*
|
|
|
|
|
So many dreams not lived out.
So many cries of pain and doubt.
So many positions I want you in.
So many different ways with you I want to sin.
So desperately I want to call out your name.
In your cry of pain with pleasure, I want you to do the same.
My finger, just lightly teasing your most sensitive spot.
Would things be different if that collar I had bought?
To smell you on the pillows in my bed.
That used to fix everything, even words unsaid.
Now that you and your love for me are gone,
I can barley stand to look at the rising sun, dawn.
Everything we had in bed was evolving just as we wanted it to go.
We kept on going, though at first we took it slow.
I won't ever be mad at you for going with your feeling.
But I will always remember you said love, and you abused it's meaning. |
|
|
|
|
I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
Here is my happiness, there goes my doubt. |
|
|
|
|
This meaning, this moment, this second, the now.
Who would have thunk it, but wow, fucking wow.
How did it happen, fuck, why do I care?
It was pure fucking magic, this moment so rare. |
|
|
|
|
"Don't say goodbye, say goodnight".
That's what she told me, then got on her flight.
Leaving me alone to digest the meaning.
I didn't change enough for her?... how demeaning.
Rolling in agony on a dirty rug, I have her my trust.
Still no satisfaction for her lust.
I gave her the moon, the stars, the sea.
Getting love in return, no, it was not to be.
She loved the idea of what I'll eventually become.
Not sticking through the trial though, that's not so dumb.
So cuddle up with somebody else and forget about us.
I love you with everything I am, but let go, I must.
|
|
|
|
|
I ate, my belly is digesting, but my mind is still bound.
My heart stops every time I hear Yahoo IM make a sound.
Is it her? Is she back? Does she want to talk?
Hahaha, no stupid, she doesn't want me back.
She wants to move on, and she can't make herself better with me.
Yeah, no, this I don't see.
Because of me she had quit doing drugs.
Because of her I was okay with carrying 100 pound rugs.
When I met her, her grades were all A's.
Now? She's in the honor roll at her school. Boy, she'd seen better days.
She gets offended when I tell her the good.
Girl, you never really understood.
Love, like life, is a battle, a struggle, and a trial.
But you go through it together, not live in denial!
None of that now though, she said she loves me not on this day.
Such pain, such agony, can't accept it, but eventually, I'll be okay.
Knowing she'll be in the arms of another makes me want to eternally sleep.
But the right thing to do is fight for a girl who my love... will want to keep. |
|
|
|
|
She said let's work it out, then 45 minutes later, said nope.
After talking to her mother, letting her sway her out of hope.
That to her is true love, then, letting people her talk her out of it.
What a miserable excuse, what a pile of shit.
Oh, no, this isn't anger, this is pain.
But strong, positive, and full of love I will remain.
I'll keep on fighting for a girl I have yet to meet.
I'll keep on fighting, never face defeat.
The fire inside is burning, it's lifting me up to the sky.
I'm suffering internally, but I refuse to die.
|
|
|
|
|
If she saw my poems, she'd probably say.
"He's trying to change my mind! No way!"
I'm not writing this for her to see.
I am writing this so my soul can maybe be!
No more words, no more calls, no more cuddles, no more kissing.
Just sorrow, agony, pain, thinking of her and missing.
It's hard to accept that your whole being can fall for somebody who doesn't feel the same way.
That's life, though, I'm sorry to say.
And if strength is born of heartbreak, then this whole world I'd fix.
No, sadly, I'm just in the mix.
So I won't sway her, convince her that what he had was real.
That's something she doesn't, never did, and will never feel.
I have a vow though, that just as sure as a mother will give birth.
From this second on, I will be the change I want to see on this earth.
|
|
|
|
|
I need to stop writing and choke down this food.
But I will not allow these feelings to brood.
She'll never see these words, or she won't care.
She told me she isn't in love with me, with her cold hard stare.
She said she didn't want to hurt me, while doing just that.
She broke my spirit, left me a decaying rat.
A rodent to crawl, to bleed, just to exist.
"I'm still in love though", she couldn't resist.
She told me she loves me as a friend, not as a mate.
How many times? Probably eight.
To be honest I did keep asking, and eventually she said that she's still in love with me and it's hurt.
No love, she threw me in the dirt.
She didn't want to hurt me, of this I'm well aware.
And though she didn't want to hurt me, she never loved me, and she doesn't care. |
|
|
|
|
She hugged me goodbye, and she moved to turn.
Goodbye my love, I know you'll never return.
Through the pain, I'm grateful that I'm still in love.
It's impossibly hard to accept that you don't care anymore.
It's impossibly hard to accept that you have closed the door.
I knocked, and I pounded, I cried and got better.
You probably laughed at my pathetic letter.
My tag that I gave you? "Sentimental value because you were my first".
Now, going to find somebody "different" to satisfy your thirst.
You weren't in love, you were just dreaming.
Don't ever say that fucking word to anybody, girl, until you know the meaning.
|
|
|
|
|
You told me in your own words that you have never felt a pull towards anybody as you have me.
And here I am, without your words, people telling me we weren't meant to be.
Your fear stopped you in the past, and it's doing it now.
And my pure soul because of it has to take a bow.
I bow down in agony, defeat, and tears.
To something I can help with, your fears.
I killed your love, you say? That's a joke.
You never did manage to make me that half cooked egg yolk.
I'm not the devil, nor God, I'm just a regular male.
The fights got old, the fights did get stale.
But love is a force that's way above me, it's something I can't destroy, or touch.
Accusing me of killing it, now that's a little much.
You told me you loved me, you wanted me there.
And then you went off to "live life", and this is too much to bear. |
|
|
|
|
We had an amazing time, but that's all it is to you.
You would be here, talking, if the above statement wasn't true.
A lot of people will tell you my belief is wrong.
A lot of people say that to let go is to be strong.
Problem is, I don't want to let it slip and fade away.
Kitten, I have so many more things to say!
I want to tell you how I saw a funny clip.
I want to tell you that I miss your screwy kitchen sink drip.
I want to tell you our other major problem so we can improve!
Want to hold you, get into our cuddly, playful groove.
I want to say that you are the only, the one, the most beautiful star.
You tried to change me, when all along, I just wanted you for everything you are.
*And I mean everything.* |
|
|
|
|
You'll find somebody to hold you in their arms.
You'll find somebody, them and their sweet charms.
I'll probably find somebody, too.
I hope they don't remind me of you.
Remember that night? You came from school straight here.
Remember that play time we had? It wiped away the fear.
It's hard to accept that you are okay with letting us go.
I wanted to talk, to take things slow.
With time you'll erase me from your mind.
You will no longer care about this divide.
Think of us, think of all of that stuff.
You know why I'm hurting? Because it sucks to know that I gave it my all, and you didn't care enough.
*And once again, if she did care enough, she'd be here working it out with me. That is what I believe.* |
|
|
|
|
Purified of anger, hate and rage.
Fuck if I'm perfect, I'm no sage.
But I speak with my actions, they come from the soul.
Long years of issues, they took a toll.
Getting past them is no simple task.
But for who was it ever, may I ask?
This fire for true love inside, let it burn.
Quoting "the greatest thing in the world is to love... and be loved in return".
*The last statement of this poem is what I truly believe. No more journals for right now, enjoy what I've posted up folks, there's more than one entry in this line of love poems. Check the text below them in (*'s*), it'll give you an inside look at me. I will be replying to messages.* |
|
|
|
|
"Hey, I love you, Sir".
I lied to myself just to believe her.
You know, I figured out our other major issue.
But no, she doesn't want to discuss it *tear*.. hold on, I need a tissue.
Nope, doesn't want to discuss it, fix it, or improve.
"How can you say I don't love you"? Your own actions ....your words, they disprove.
*Yeah. Really. I have figured out another major issue with us. She doesn't want to talk about it though. Nope. Some love.*
|
|
|
|
|
I'm not bitter, I'm not mad.
I'm just very very sad.
Ready to search again however, oh yes.
Better go put on that pretty dress.
Unmatched strength, passion, desire.
Common, jump into the fire.
In the night we'll let our feelings out.
I WILL FIND MY LOVE. NO. FUCKING. DOUBT.
*And the sad thing is, she'll read all of these things and think I hate her or I'm blaming her. Or she'll go off and do something to retaliate. But really, I'm not posting this to piss anybody off, or for ANY OTHER REASON THAN TO SHARE MY POETRY. I'm hurting like a mother fucker. But that's good. Why? I have emotions. I have compassion. I know loss. I know care. I know grief. I know how to love. And even though my heart was torn, I take pride in knowing that I still have one to give to somebody who is going to be the most special person in the galaxy to me.* |
|
|
|
|
I fell too deep when she realized she loved me in a friend way.
Now, to her, not so much left to say.
It really hurts deep.
Losing somebody you wanted to keep.
They get mad and say "how dare you say I didn't love you?"
If you loved me that way, you'd be here working it out, now wouldn't you?
My love for her was genuine and true.
Her love for me? "Oh, sweety poo!"
Yeah, we tried for each other, but she wouldn't me to change.
Is the idea of loving one for them so fucking strange?
Now she's angry, "there's only so much I could take"!
Really? Though how many problems did you MAKE?
Blame me, hate me, resent me for everything I am.
Curse me out, wish me death, I don't give a damn.
I did my best, and it's not that it wasn't enough.
Your claims of love were just a cruel bluff.
*And I don't blame her for it, no. It's easy for people, especially around my age, to fall in love with the idea of a person, or who that person will become. But true and genuine love is falling in love WITH the person, and staying through everything and anything. In true love, your soul cries out for them.* |
|
|
|
|
Don't throw it around, it's not just a word.
Don't throw it around, to me that's absurd.
Don't throw it around when it has no meaning.
Don't throw it around to keep people dreaming.
Don't throw it around at the idea of somebody there.
Don't throw it around, it's too much for soulful people to bear.
Don't throw it around and then leave.
Don't throw it around, you just deceive.
I pray to whatever I believe in that's above, that somebody won't throw around the word I'm speaking of... love.
*What a beautiful poem. I mean damn. It may be more beautiful to me because it MEANS something to me. But seriously, folks. Don't say you love somebody if you don't. Different kinds of love? Sure. But don't tell somebody you're IN LOVE with them and want them as they are and then leave. That's not genuine love. Genuine love keeps people fighting for each other, it keeps them together, it lets them work their problems out. It doesn't fade or go away. True, honest, genuine love doesn't go away, and neither does the person who said they are/were in love with you. If somebody told you they were in love and it changed to a friend love, they weren't in love with you, but the idea of you, and they realized it too late.*
|
|
|
|
|
As she walked around the parking lot, she stopped and her mouth dropped because she saw a.....
Finish the story. :) |
|
|
|
|
Something damaged, something gained.
Pushy, demanding, nerves are strained.
Something small, something large.
It takes two to tango, we're both in charge.
Something delicate, something gentle.
One to own, never a rental.
Lies and corruption, "I promise we're fine!"
No, we aren't, you are not mine.
High stakes in, low pay out.
Crying out, filled with doubt.
No more sorrow, no more fights.
Time for a fresh start. Maybe tonight.
*How the silence drives me insane...* |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The most beautiful gift you'll ever receive.
You chose to abuse it and deceive.
You said you're a bad person and I didn't agree.
In my desperation I couldn't see.
You lied, you betrayed, you told me you acted more sure than you were.
Our entire relationship was a lie then? All of those actions and giving me your word?
That's not just fucked up, that's absurd.
|
|
|
|
|
Greatness rises, it can't be contained.
No, not greatness, the love that remained.
Not with her, no, she's too blinded to see.
But all the love I have to give, all the love in me.
The bell tolled and I stood the count to 10.
Rise, it's time to search again.
*Credit to the following quote goes to the band Disturbed. It is how I feel about a woman I have yet to find.*
"We'll be the best in the world." |
|
|
|
|
It's natural to feel like I do right now.
I've lost my one again, pow.
Single, alone, nobody to sleep next to.
I really thought she was the one. IT WAS YOU!
Depression and bad thoughts set in, can't push them away.
Crying, pleading, trying to find a soultion, couldn't get you to stay.
Hoping she'll call me. Comon girl, use that phone!
My biggest fear right now is sleeping alone.
*Thaaaat's how I feel at the moment. Sleeping alone without her there. All of our inside jokes. Everything gone. And I didn't even fuck up. Unfair. Bullshit. Fuck.* |
|
|
|
|
They'll go for your ass, I'll go for where ass meets thigh.
They'll go for your clit, I'll poke fun at your face for that zit.
They'll go for your neck, I'll pull you out of a car wreck.
They'll go for your breasts, I'll tell you why you're the best.
They'll go for sex all day, I'll go for kinky play.
They'll fuck you, leave you alone to die.
I'll do a lot of things, but I'll never say goodbye.
*Awww, it's a sweet one! This is for the woman I have yet to meet.*
|
|
|
|
|
I see you for who you are, you can't hide.
No, not my future bride.
You're scum, crawling on your belly for some worth.
Not just me, your entire family regrets your mom giving birth.
Worthless, go cower in your corner.
Lost in this world, no mourner.
I don't judge you, I look and I smile.
No lies can save you, no amount of denial.
Redeem yourself, these actions, cease.
Otherwise, close your eyes whore, rest in peace.
*I have no idea where this one came from. It's not about anybody in particular. Angry poem mode, I guess. =/*
|
|
|
|
|
I'm whole! I didn't stop.
The pain is gone, I didn't drop!
I'm over it. I'm over her, I'm over her, I'm over you!
Now, it's just me, my pride, too.
I have no regrets, no sorrow.
I don't HOPE for a future, I HAVE a better tomorrow.
I made my way, I got through the pain.
Now there is only one thing left to gain.
Love that isn't based on money, lies, and empty lies.
I broke free from such worthless ties.
I'm over it, I'm happy, I can stare at the beautiful setting sun.
I'm over it, I'm happy, now it's time to find the one!
*I did not think about any ex's or past mistakes while on a "date" tonight. I'm healed. I'm whole. Let's do this.*
|
|
|
|
|
The idea of owning a submissive, it appeals to me.
But alas, nobody worth a shit around that I see.
Trash, fakes, liars, the ignorant kind.
Nobody with their shit in order, nobody with a sound mind.
I'll ignore the idea until I find what I need.
This site is just a plantation, it's just a seed.
And maybe I'll find here what I've been seeking and sought.
I'd rather hate someone for everything that they are, than love them for what they are not.
*True story. I'm not going to collar somebody to have somebody. If it's not what I want, next, please.*
|
|
|
|
|
Your fear prevents you from things that you deserve.
All you do is watch and observe.
"But it keeps me from sin!"
It also makes you easily give in.
Fear not the power one has to destroy.
Fear those who look at you as a toy.
Game over, human, fear took over your soul.
You won't recover, you won't be whole.
*Just a poem.*
|
|
|
|
|
I am the new and proud owner of.....
*drumroll*
Halo Reach for Xbox 360.
That's almost like a submissive, right? I can turn it on.... make it spin... yeah, nevermind.
:D
|
|
|
|
|
8 AM until 5 PM= work.
Yay me, right?
|
|
|
|
|
Why has it come down to this?
Yet another person for me to miss.
Beautiful words and honestly trying.
Why was the relationship dying?
What kind of world do we live in now for fucks sake?
Worthwhile people starting to break.
Yeah, it's life, it's tough.
But since when is honest, genuine love not enough?
*Nope, not going through anything. Just thought I'd type a poem at 3:36 AM. All is well in my world, besides finding a good submissive. But that will change soon enough. I hope.*
|
|
|
|
|
It takes a toll on me.
Too hurt and tired to see.
Fucking sick of it.
Just people's endless shit.
Wake up, you fucking ignorant pieces of waste.
I'll fucking bite you, cherish the taste.
The taste of your disgusting, sinful blood.
"O M GEE, HE'S SUCH A STUD!"
Fuck you. Not good enough.
Go put on your make up, listen to your Hillary Duff.
No, bitch, I won't change my tone.
Sad thing is, that's not the reason why I'm all alone.
*Anger much? :D*
|
|
|
|
|
Lustful body, but a functioning brain?
So many risks, am I that insane?
Possible threat to my future, probable, in fact.
Tantalizing curves, so hard not to act.
What do I do? Somebody tell me, for fucks sake.
Everything in me says no, but this is a risk I may take.
*This one is... personal, so PM me if you want details on it.*
|
|
|
|
|
Lone wolf again, alone he stalks.
Working all day, watching the clocks.
At night the fake smile goes to hell.
At night, the hunchback rings the bell.
The animal comes out, the truth is told.
Who knew that justice could be so cold?
He's traveled a lot, he's wounded, taking a fall.
The hardest part about loss, is knowing the other never cared at all.
*Don't you wish people could be blunt like you sometimes? Like that funny look you get from people sometimes. Don't you wish they could say what they are really thinking and feeling? I used to. And then I realized that aside from a rare breed of people, most don't know what they feel or think. Fucking idiots.*
|
|
|
|
|
Okay, I went Zen, I didn't like it.
Rampage time. :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Begging and pleading, got down on my knees.
"I'm telling the truth, please baby, please."
Cold stare in return with a hint of a tear.
You dumping me was never my worst fear.
Walking and groaning in pain and in fright.
Walking alone into the dark night.
Got to my car and opened my door.
"No more, no more."
Broken and battered I drove myself home.
Now these hollow halls I roam alone.
Once you were here, and now you are not.
Selfish girl, I hope you rot.
Driven and focused one more I go on.
I'll keep searching from dusk until dawn.
*I miss her, yes. But anybody would miss the other (unless they cheated) after a 5 month relationship. She was good, she was great, and now she's going to be good and great to somebody else. Hopefully, they can put up with the bad as I did. And if she doesn't decide to end it because of about 10 lines of curse words at her, it'll work out.*
*And that concludes the marathon of poems for the moment. I might have more later. And again I say, if she were to call, I'd talk to her. These poems are what I'm feeling written in a poetic and dark way, as the rest of my poems are. Take them as realistic fiction, not as fact, please.*
|
|
|
|
|
Dependant, reliant on stuff you don't need.
Ending it all because of a few wrong deeds.
Needing it to feel better about things of the past.
Without it not knowing if life will last.
Craving and needing with tears in her eyes.
Look at that person, one more I despise.
*I shouldn't have done what I've done. But it was a selfish decision on her part, and I now know this, though last night I did not and begged and pleaded like a complete and total idiot. Oooh, good idea for a poem. Here we go.*
|
|
|
|
|
Disturbed- Serpentine. Listen to it. Youtube it. Buy the album. It's AMAZING.
Poem time.
Truth, lies, giving up, trying.
Shit means nothing anymore, it's dying.
Love me, she said?
Bitch might as well have left me for dead.
Love isn't about fuck ups, it's about a connection.
Moving on now, again, here comes my resurrection.
She was wounded, hurt, many issues.
We are over for one simple reason.
I am all out of tissues.
*Shitty poem. If she were to call, I'd probably talk to her, but she hung up after I said what I needed to say, so I am moving on unless she puts a stop to that. Knowing her though, she's probably with her friends doing some illegal drugs. Ooooh, good idea for a poem. Here we go*
|
|
|
|
|
Josie and I broke up, so I'm seeking once again.
It's a bit harder now because of work, but I think I'll manage. Poem galore tonight. Maybe. ;)
|
|
|
|
|
Happy happy, it's just a state of mind.
It doesn't change shit, doesn't move the tide.
Love is what I'm after, and that I know is real.
Sacrifice nothing, and expect all? No deal, no deal.
*Poem* :)
|
|
|
|
|
Nobody likes me, nobody cares.
Nobody gives a fuck, everyone stares.
They all want to stop me, but this they can't do.
So if you are one of them, sir, ma'am, fuck you. :)
*My submissive and I decided that nobody likes us. :D Actually, we're bored so I'm fucking around.*
|
|
|
|
|
I own this pretty girl right here> http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/1098644/details.htm
The end. :)
|
|
|
|
|
Sadistic?
Always, but not in the way that you might think.
;)
|
|
|
|
|
Training and teaching, how interesting, yet dull.
Hurting you, biting you, until it gets in your skull.
Kneel like this, beg like that.
No, I promise, I don't think you are fat.
Stop jump through bullshit hoops, just land.
When we're done here, on your own two feet you'll stand.
|
|
|
|
|
How did this happen, why is this time here?
Doubting yourself, even your own fear.
Waiting and looking to find nothing at all.
Grasping and clutching, only to drop the ball.
I'll just be me, and you just be you.
Why is this happening, what more can I do?
|
|
|
|
|
Smiling everywhere, with no room left to frown.
No more regrets or memories of how you tried to let me drown.
Working, learning, preparing for something great.
No time to be angry, no time left to hate.
Getting through life while softly humming my own tune.
The whispers in the wind promise me one thing, "soon".
*I have no idea where this came from. I wanted to write a poem, and I did. :)*
|
|
|
|
|
I've come so far, it amazes even me.
Some people won't notice, too caught up in their hatred to see.
Years ago, would have been scared if this situation was here.
There will be others, the loss of one is nothing to fear.
There will be more, an unlimited number of scum.
They'll all think they're clever, that I'm dumb.
Of course I'll continue to grow and learn.
But to what I was, I'll never return.
You sinned against me, you left me to die.
The thing you didn't count on, though, is that even a fallen angel can fly.
*This isn't exactly about ME, but it does have some relevance. Before I start getting messages from everybody saying I'm bitter and angry, no, I'm not, this is how I write. I know I've said that before, but people fail to read and understand this.*
|
|
|
|
|
I got a message saying that she is an inteligientic woman, who is introsted in me.
Somebody please translate?
|
|
|
|
|
Ungrateful little bitch doesn't deserve a happy day.
Dumb little cunt, with nothing left to say.
She didn't out do me, I fucking let her.
Here's your lesson, bitch, when you got something good, don't look for something better.
*Nope, I'm not angry or bitter, I just felt like writing an angry one tonight. :-)*
|
|
|
|
|
Closer, closer, but this pleasure you don't deserve.
Watch my eyes girl, just observe.
Stare into the abyss, your pleasure, your pain.
Stare into these eyes until they are engraved in your brain.
Moan, squirm, beg, cry.
Grind that body towards me, release that sigh.
So sad, all of these wastes of time, all of those goodbyes.
But you I'll keep, won't I? Find out by staring into my eyes.
*This is more of a story poem than an ACTUAL poem, so if this is your first time reading my journal, do look around for some actual poetry. I don't plan these things, I type them as I go.*
|
|
|
|
|
So tired of looking, so tired of hearing the mindless lies.
So tired of losing, crying because of those sad goodbyes.
Raise your head, weary soul, look up.
Until I find the right woman, I will never, ever stop.
*On days like this, I'm my own inspiration. =)*
|
|
|
|
|
I'm the main event in this dark little show.
I'm the reason they run, trample all over the slow.
Just being me and doing what I do, and they all seem to stare.
You? Just a light that blew out, and nobody seemed to care.
*A.... rejection/fuck you poem, I guess. Just started typing, that's what came out. I think it's interesting, though.*
|
|
|
|
|
It's easy just to quit.
So, so easy to not give a shit.
It's easy to give up, to let it all just come to a stop.
Let all of the dreams go, let all of the hopes drop.
So simple just to throw it all of the people away until there are none.
But the hardest thing to do is the right one.
|
|
|
|
|
Set a step outside of your comfort zone, tell me what you feel.
Look me in the eyes darling, whimper softly as you kneel.
Touch my hand and hope for praise, that is all that's left for you.
Beg for mercy, or for more, that is up to you.
Step outside of your comfort zone, let yourself be free.
Always on the tip of your iceberg, but never in the sea.
*And by "step outside of your comfort zone", I don't mean hard limits. What does it mean? Think about it.*
|
|
|
|
|
Mirror mirror on the wall.....
|
|
|
|
|
I am very proud of myself tonight for reasons I'm not going to disclose.
As a matter of fact, I'm going on an ego trip right now, which is VERY out of character for me. So, here we go, ego trip poem time!
I'm better, no fuck that, I'm the best.
I paid with my tears, I passed your fucking test.
I came out on top, I'm better than you.
Fuck your worthless existence, fuck your friends, too.
This night is for all of the people that believe that dreams can still come true.
|
|
|
|
|
Do you dream because you believe?
Or do you dream because you want to believe?
|
|
|
|
|
I'm sick and tired of the insecure idiots on this website.
Listen, if you're fat, get on a fucking treadmill until you can message somebody without wanting them to fix your self esteem.
If you have kids, good the fuck for you, but I'm not paying for your past mistakes.
If you are otherwise in any way, shape, or form worthless, go make something of yourself before messaging me, or anybody else.
Some are here to get laid, some are here to get paid, some are here to find real life partners, but NOBODY on here signed up to fix your worthless life.
Thank you.
/Rant
|
|
|
|
|
Free to be anyone's, you look at me.
Tell me, human, what is it you see?
Do you see a monster, a man, or a creature?
Do you see your fears, your savior, your teacher?
You place my hand against your chest.
I move back, leaving you to be with the rest.
As the case may be, I'm looking for the best, too.
Unfortunately, the best is not you.
*A nice little rejection poem, isn't it? :D*
|
|
|
|
|
My main profile image is now a very good picture of me. I'm happy. Yup, gotta appreciate the small things in life.
|
|
|
|
|
Darkness comes, angels hide.
In me, all of the dark ones confide.
They gather ready to do any task given.
They see my eyes, they know I'm driven.
No, my soul I did not sell.
Regardless, I'm burning, but I'll still bring you hell.
|
|
|
|
|
Interesting responses to my previous journal entry. Here's another.
And then she screamed due to the sheer amount of....
Finish the story. :)
|
|
|
|
|
Once upon a miracle.......
Finish the story, somebody. :-p
|
|
|
|
|
Saw a quote I liked while browsing the Net-
I am a life and a half away from paradise.
Don't know who wrote it, but I like it. :)
|
|
|
|
|
The anguish, the pain, the desire, the rain.
The stars, the sky, your motives will die.
Replaced, erased, not easy to see.
But soon my darling, you'll belong to me.
*Mm, I like this one.*
|
|
|
|
|
I can't stress this enough:
I am here to MEET people IN PERSON, not be online talk buddies.
|
|
|
|
|
Males who send me pictures of cocks: I have my own, remember?
No matter what yours looks like, I will NOT be interested.
:)
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes taking a blind leap of faith is the only way of reminding yourself that you have any left.
|
|
|
|
|
Calling people worthless scum in your profile and saying they don't matter is usually a bad way to attract emotionally stable people.
Just saying, folks.
|
|
|
|
|
Waiting, waiting for the perfect one for me.
Is it meant to be?
Fate, religion, hope, trust.
All of those things get lost in people's mindless lust.
Looking, searching, hunting like a beast.
My time has come, tonight, I feast.
*Just written, a random poem, has lots of meaning, if you really think about it. And no, ladies and gents, I'm not going to go eat anybody tonight. I shouldn't have to be typing this, but a poem is a poem, like a movie is a movie, like a book is a book. So enough with the "OMG" messages, I'm not going to go eating people. This is just my writing style which, those who actually take it as a poem, enjoy.*
|
|
|
|
|
The daytime is the time we smile.
Living in nothing but denial.
Sweet innocent glances at attractive strangers.
Unaware of surrounding dangers.
Breath in lies like we have no choices.
Obnoxius whispers in the wind, those dreaded voices.
The sun soon is fading, so is the light.
The voices INSIDE OF YOU COME, saying "GIVE IN TO THE NIGHT".
*Nothing to say really. Just a poem.*
|
|
|
|
|
Sights unseen.
Dreams not lived.
Desires unspoken.
|
|
|
|
|
I laugh at the whores who sell themselves here. I laugh harder at the desperate cocks that buy them... well... for a night anyways. :D
|
|
|
|
|
I've said this before, but here it is again:
I did not fill out my list of likes and dislikes, because to me, each ones means something entirely different than what the description for it says. I have my own views and meanings on things that go deeper than a general idea can provide. Plus, it's a great way to make conversation and get to know what the other person thinks of the activities.
|
|
|
|
|
Married women- NO, I will not talk to you. You have a husband, go give him the attention he deserves. If he doesn't give you what you need, think twice before marrying somebody next time.
:)
|
|
|
|
|
Lately, I've been having trouble putting what I want into words, because I feel that words don't do justice to this strong, passionate feeling in me, a feeling I will share with one that is worthy one day.
|
|
|
|
|
Noobie Subs:
It is okay to message me, but do NOT ask me to give an opinion about your Master/Mistress. While I appreciate you coming to be for guidance, it is not my place to judge how one chooses to live out their fantasies in this particular life style. If you have doubt, talk to them about it first, everybody else later. 99.9% of the time, the problem can be handled internally, without involving other people.
|
|
|
|
|
Magic of The Night.
In the dark, we will see each other clear as if it were day.
In the dark, your sweet moans are the result of our play.
In the dark, your body rubs up against mine.
In the dark, we will stand the test of time.
In the dark, we will dream.
In the dark, we will be a team.
In the dark, a whimper and a moan.
In the dark, but never alone.
And once you are worthy, we will look at the sky.
We will wonder together what happens when we die.
In the moonlight, we will conquer all.
In the moonlight, you and I will stand tall.
In the moonlight, we will share much joy.
In the moonlight, you will whisper "I am your toy".
*I started typing again, and looky here, another poem. Pretty decent, I'd say, just for the words and the meaning behind them. Think about it.*
|
|
|
|
|
Currently interested in finding a play partner, long term or short, to see which is stronger. Pain, or an orgasm?
Message me for more details.
|
|
|
|
|
Kamelot- The Spell.
I really like this song.
|
|
|
|
|
Anybody who doesn't want to talk on the phone and then meet, STOP WASTING MY TIME.
*67 blocks your number, save your cries of privacy for somebody stupid enough to believe them.
Fake people that are full of fuck are worthless to me.
End rant. :-/
|
|
|
|
|
With as many admirers as I have, I'd think one would actually try to talk to me. Strange, strange people.
|
|
|
|
|
I want to touch you, kiss you, torture you, love you, caress you, tease you, abuse you, care for you, be there when nobody else is, cuddle, hurt you, deny you..... until the moonlight hits. Then, the night is ours.
*Intriguing, isn't it? :O)*
|
|
|
|
|
Your high school games are worthless.
Your drama, your demise.
Your lying blabber, your fake smile.
I will now strip you of any power you have squandered.
Silence, I have spoken.
*Rough night+angry text= good night? Not quite, but I tried. (shrug)*
|
|
|
|
|
Anybody in the Cincinnati area want to meet at a night club? I happen to be going to one tonight.
|
|
|
|
|
I got messaged by spam bots. :D
|
|
|
|
|
DRIVER LICENSE OBTAINED.
Monster on the move, ladies and gents. :)
|
|
|
|
|
Some say it's hard to find the one for you.
Some say it's impossible.
I say "mine got hit by a bus".
:D
Joking. I'm randomly typing, had a pretty rough day, nothing cute to say, all of this suddenly rhymes..... dog. There, it doesn't rhyme anymore.
I'm witty, yep yep.
|
|
|
|
|
Making a woman achieve orgasm without touching her, or her touching herself, is something I enjoy.
*Random fact*
|
|
|
|
|
Darkest desires and restless nights.
So many victims, so many fights.
Deepest affection and yet no return.
Fuck you hoe, I love watching you burn.
Keep your life busy with stories to tell.
Remember the time that the angel fell.
He didn't become demon, a God, or a man.
He became a monster who killed because he can.
Soul of the night and wind of the day.
Help these pour souls, for they shall all pay.
*Random 2 minute type up again. Nothing to do with anything, just thought it was worth copy pasting over onto here.*
|
|
|
|
|
I saw my ex of 2 years today for the first time since the break up earlier this April.
She had my Windows CD over there, and clothing, and other stuff. I came, and she was walking out the door.
FLASH BACK *The last thing we said to each other before I left was "I love you".
So, back to modern times, she looked at me, talked sarcastically on the phone to her mom, said she had to be somewhere. "My life doesn't revolve around you and never should have", she said. I'd dispute that, but you, the reader, will never know both sides of the story, so I'll let you think what you want.
We made eye contact in between her rudeness and insulting me to her mom on the phone behavior.
For her sake, I hope she felt nothing, because when I looked her in the eye and realized how badly she was STILL treating me, I only felt one thing.
Rage.
It saddens me, this whole thing does. It saddens me even more that despite my civil attempt to get my stuff back, she treats me much like she treated me when I was with her.
But life goes on.
You know, I almost lost my virginity to her because of promises of forever, and "I lost you once already" (when she dumped me the first time), "and I'll never make the stupidest mistake of losing you again. That was the stupidest thing I ever did". But while my heart, my soul, every fiber of my being hoped that it was true, I saw through it, and DID NOT have sex with her.
Right now, I'm proud of myself.
Some victories, like this one, I'd rather not have had to win.
I cried again today. Not because I love her, not because I want her back, and not even because I miss her.
I cried today because I realized I will be okay without her, eventually. And by eventually, a couple more days.
|
|
|
|
|
Now THIS I had to post.
An 18 year old submissive messaged me and asked if her age matters. I'm 21. She's 18. That's three years. I've played with people who are MUCH older than I am, but 3 years? Really? She had to ask about 3 years?
Age doesn't matter to me as long as it's over 18. People are being silly on here today.
*BY THE WAY. This is my last complaining post about stuff, unless something comes up that I HAVE to post. From now on, my journal is reserved for poetry, thoughts, and views.*
|
|
|
|
|
I just got a message saying that as a Dom, it's my job to buy you everything you need, and that in return, I get you.
No, you stupid whore, that's called.... GASP!.... prostitution!
I've had more positive experiences than negative on this website, but these past two days I've been messaged by some of the most... special.... people in the history of my life.
|
|
|
|
|
I don't really want to post this, but I guess I should.
It seems that some women on here don't understand the concept of the lifestyle. They think that some handcuffs and a rope is all you need to be a good submissive.
Wrong.
To serve your Sir well, or better yet, scratch that. This is MY journal, so let's talk about me.
To serve ME well, you would need to have the right mentality for it. I can go on and on and on about what that is, but that will be saved for conversation with somebody.
The bottom line is, if you think that all you need to do is get tied up, don't bother sending me a message.
If, on the other hand, you need to be trained and actually WANT to learn, by all means, message away.
|
|
|
|
|
I love how this site is slowly turning into a place for whores to sell themselves.
*sigh*
|
|
|
|
|
Note note time:
Cyber slaves are worthless to me. I can cyber with myself, and trust me, I can probably come up with much hotter shit than you can. On the same note, cam slaves are also worthless to me. Oooh, naked girl on a webcam in another state, ooooh. What am I, 10? Come real, or don't come at all.
|
|
|
|
|
To hunt and hunt, and still not be able to kill.
Those funny people, that funny little drill.
They ask themselves why they can't weaken the prey.
I laugh, and tell them it's possible, but not today.
They ask why so many who have tried have perished.
And I say "forsake yourself, for I am cherished."
*Random type up in a minute. It's not my best, but then again, I wasn't going for something perfect, just a quick little poem. I really enjoy the ending to it, though, and may work more with that as time goes on.*
|
|
|
|
|
I'm not looking for sluts. I don't know if you realize this, but I can get them for free, with much less effort.
So, anybody who thinks they're a "slut", good for you. Get off the fucking computer and go stand on the corner of a street in a bad neighborhood.
Meanwhile, I'll continue to look for somebody that has some self respect, even if just a little.
=)
|
|
|
|
|
After a 7 month absence I am back. Where did I go? Ask and I shall tell.
If you are new and wondering why you should care, the answer is, you shouldn't. You have a choice too, and besides, conversation is good, right?
On the topic of finding a submissive, slave, or a pet. Yes, I am seeking again. And as always, MESSAGE ME if you want to, and address me as a person, the dom/sub chat will come later, I'm sure.
|
|
|
|
|
Funny stares, nobody cares.
They want to hurt me, but nobody dares.
A sudden flash of lightning reveals this aging face.
They come from all over the world to slay the beast, but soon they learn their place.
The time has come and gone for words, there's nothing left to say.
They try to take the monster down, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
*A random piece I wrote for no good reason. I do believe it shows how the good can be mixed with the bad, especially with the last few lines. No matter what, the creature wouldn't have it any other way, because he has accepted himself.*
|
|
|
|
|
Darkness Falls (not the movie....)
You watch the setting sun, wondering what went wrong.
You stare nervously at your watch, thinking, 'can't be long'.
Slowly squirming in your chair, you whine out.
Nothing answers, except your own doubt.
Your shiver violently as your bound form comes in contact with something cold.
No matter how hard you try, you can't see through the blind fold.
A cold hand grabs your wrist, and the second he kisses you, you know you'll have a story to tell.
About the after hours, after darkness fell.
*This poem is a 2 minute type up off the top of my head. I've had a long day today, and am extremely happy it's night time, and while I don't have anybody to perform this with as of now, I thought it'd be an interesting one for folks here to read.*
|
|
|
|
|
Erotic Torture. And I don't mean torture with meaning, I mean beyond that. Dim room, candles, screams of pleasure and pain coming from a writhing body beneath me.
Come feed, my hunger.
*before I get the "oooh so scary" bullshit, realize that this is a perfect world scenario, not something I want to do with somebody I just met. So don't give me your psycho babble bullshit about scaring people off. Thank you. :-)*
|
|
|
|
|
Honesty is the biggest thing with me. I will like you more if you tell me the ugly truth, but I will never talk to you again if you tell me a pretty lie.
|
|
|
|
|
My video and audio intro are very messed up right now, and I have no idea how to fix them. But, I do have a cam and a mic, so if you want to talk that way, it IS an option.
|
|
|
|
|
Darkness- I cough, to cancel out the tears. I laugh, only at suffering. I don't want, only what I have. I need, only one out of this whole world.
You crawl to me,
fade to black....
I felt like typing, and that's what came out. Cute, huh?
|
|
|
|
|
People often ask me to describe myself as a Dom. Here.
Psychotic
Demanding
Passionate
Enjoy.
|
|
|
|
|
I currently own a beautiful submissive, that I did NOT meet here.
Am seeking nothing ATM, will update with any changes if need be. (hopefully not, she is very good.)
|
|
|
|
|
I have had so many slaves describe their past, and I am saddened by some of these stories.
What they described wasn't submision, it was a male abusing his power, assuming the role of a dom, and taking his anger out on them for NO REASON.
I realize that some of them may have lied in the story they told, still, submission and domination isn't about abuse. *shakes head*
|
|
|
|
|
Alright, new rule, listen up, this is important.
If you no call no show, DON'T MESSAGE ME.
|
|
|
|
|
A no call no show tonight. I met her on here, too.
Is anybody worth a shit on here? Or all you ALL fake?
|
|
|
|
|
Do I deserve the best? Of course. What is best? Is it money? No. That one submissive, that's best. The one that will crawl to me, kiss me, and take her punishments well. Not a door mat, a submissive. Key words: NOT. A. DOORMAT. The one that will let me wipe away tears that life creates sometimes. The one that will know what I do, how I do it, and why I do it. The one that has a brain, a will, a desire, and a goal in life. The one who's primary goal is to serve me. So special.
Quit being doormats, people. :(
|
|
|
|
|
Seems to me the trend is "I want...----", but when offered such, they don't come.
So, in an effort to save my time, and yours
IF YOU DON'T PLAN ON MEETING, DON'T MESSAGE ME. I DON'T DO INTERNET BDSM.
|
|
|
|
|
Apparently, people think this site is for going on a power trip and finding a fuck toy. They all have rules, regulations, names they want to be called, so here are some of my own.
You will call me Leo, because that's my name.
You will talk to me as if I'm a human... because I am.
You will NOT offer to suck me off, or be my slave before you get to know me, because that's not how it works.
Damn folks, what the hell is up with the world these days.
|
|
|
|
|
People who add me to the admirer list and say nothing will be removed and ignored. Talk to me, or don't talk to me, don't half ass it.
|
|
|
|
|
I would like to point out that subs who complain about not finding the "one" are probably not giving enough people chances. Don't go with somebody 20 years older than you if that's your preference, but don't cut off contact from anybody sending you a message. Have fun.
|
|
|
|
|
I have more pictures on request, folks.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 22 |
| Sydney/melbourne,
Australia |
|
|
|
|
