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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Male Dominant, 45,  Burbank, California
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Tears4Dragon

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Friends:
SexycelticladycandonisticallhypnoticCaJulieWestonsubmissivesoul38

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I am an experienced, sadistic, polyamorous, Owner wired, lifestyle Dominant formally trained with over 20 years in the LA public scene. I took a break to heal from an relationship ending and I am ready to invest again. Im the Dungeon Master of The Lair De Sade, which has its perks as well as its price. (One of which is keeping me way too busy to be actively meeting new folks elsewhere.)

Being well known and having a reputation as an extreme psychological top and physical sadist seems to intimidate most. I also have Daddy tendencies I do tend to facilitate change, I think Wwe should grow and make each other better. ( My world has rules and terms) youll find quite a bit of ination about Me and My thoughts in My profile writings, but if you have any questions just ask. Im very easy to vet. much love many blessings.
Dragon

Username:

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Joined:

 Tears4Dragon

 Dominant Male

 Burbank 

 California

 5' 11"

 190 lbs

 45

 Hetero

 African Descent

 04/06/04

 

Actively Seeking:

Submissive female

Switch Women

Roommates

A Poly Household

 Lives For:

 Art Galleries

 Movies

 Musical Theater

 Electrical Play

 BDSM Rituals

 Fire Play

 Hair Pulling

 Mental Bondage

 Modern Primitivism

 Obedience Training

 Sensation Play

 Whips

 Taoism

 Loves:

 Museums

 Breast Play

 Cane / Crop Discipline

 Fisting

 Objectification

 Orgasm Control

 Plastic Wrap Bondage

 Public Play

 Sensory Deprivation

 Vacuum Stimulation

 Vibrators

 Wax Play

 1950s Lifestyle

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Polyamory

 Vampirism

 Blues

 Industrial Music

 Jazz

 New Age Music

 New Wave

 R&B

 Likes:

 Blindfolds

 Bondage

 Exhibitionism

 Gags

 Humiliation

 Leashes

 Masks (Wearing)

 Spanking

 Watersports

 Electronica / EDM

 Funk

 Heavy Metal Music

 Oldies

 Rock Music

 Tolerates:

 Clubbing

 Local BDSM Community

 Hip Hop Music

 Curious About:

 Erotic Hypnosis

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Journal Entries:
1/29/2018 2:12:56 PM
It was Once said "Light give value to the dark as does the Dark give value to the Light" In the D/s BDSM world neither side of the slash has more value than the other. To think so is to have failed yourself by not seeing the responsibility you have (Not to other btw but to self).

It is hard to build self esteem and respect ones self on a foundation of lies told introspectively. The person who lies to his or herself listening to ones own lies reaches a point where the ability to distinguish the Truth from the truth told to oneself is lost...Thinking, Since I lie, they must be lying to me as well. This opens the door to the right in their mind to freely disrespect others. Having no respect they cease to love, but yet seek to rekindle love and self worth from the adoration in the eyes of others.

As humans W/we are all broken in one way or another, society has seen to that quite well. The challenge here is that with the advent of the internet and D/s BDSM now becoming chic, every domineering individual (male or female) is now suddenly a Dom. Now, thats not even beginning to talk about all those who choose to kneel for all the wrong fucking reasons.

A Dom once said something that has rung in My ears ever since, She said: "The lifestyle isn't about Honor nor respect... it's about KINK."

There was a point in time that people were Honorable and had respect in their kink. (i.e. RACK, CNC, PRICK, Safe sane consensual and so on)

But, this is no longer that time. Breach of trust runneth rampant! Doms and subs are broken daily by lying and cheating individuals willfully stealing ones right of choice. Believing they have the right in the name of KINK.

NEWS FLASH : YOU FUCKING DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT YOU HALF HEARTED PIECES OF SHIT!!!

Men telling women "I'm a Dom" and have never played a day in their lives.

Women saying "I'm poly" and burning every relationship her Top builds to the ground.

Men telling women oh I'm monogamous knowing very well they are fucking 5 other women at this time.

Joining D/s- BDSM Organizations and clubs to using them as your Credibility Vs. standing on ones own merits.

Slaves serving because the Dom has money and they are too lazy to work.

Men conforming to what the woman says she wants (and vise versa)... Only reverting to what they truly are... days, weeks, months later under the b.s. excuse that it was not sustainable. Yes, it is... Truth is you were just full of shit !!!!

It was said: "If you are not Dom-wired... owning a slave/sub is work."

It was also said: "The reason people lie is because it works, you believe... you do so because of the hunger to meet your needs, you hold out with faith and hope."

Real (I don't like using that word) Tops/Doms have to pay it forward and show they will take responsibility. Real bottoms/slaves pay it forward by showing trust, servitude and devotion. No one Dom or Sub wants to invest in someone and have them walk out. Once you have something or there is nothing more to milk. If people are investing in you, I'd think they are in it for the long haul.

The challenge here is that O/our Society has bred a mindset that people are as disposable as toilet paper... Partially because W/we can now learn anything and become an expert on any subject by looking it up on the internet. What is over looked is life experience is the honey of life. People are comfortable with a very selfish me oriented point of view.... it's ok to steal... till it's you the thieves have stolen from... Oh, now you want to play by the rules because it serves you. if you doubt that next time someone you love needs a surgeon... Pick the one fresh out of school! NOT GOING TO HAPPEN HUH. lol

But yet you're a Dom and want to do fire play and you got in the lifestyle last week. Now, I have to ask that question... knowing all you know, would you say yes to you?

My point is for everything to work, D/s -BDSM or vanilla society the ruler has to be the same length for all the players. Yes, the scale is tipped for the people with experience. There may be a reason for that and it proves my point.

It is said "you are either part of the solution... or part of the problem" But in My work a day world it is: “Don't Bring Me Problems—Bring Me Solutions!”

So Here goes: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

In relationships W/we have forgotten how to be Honest and talk. I was once gifted wisdom of a great man. He offered me rules for My house and life, One of those rules was this: RULE# 2-If anything, at any point, shifts your headset or affects your ability to serve, you will report it As Soon As Possible.

As well as the formula as to how that can be done so I will hear it: 2A-Actions create feelings- Feelings create Emotions- Emotions create Actions- and the Action will always be rule number 2. (i.e. you did Blank, It made me feel Blank, So in am exercising RULE#2. and informing you) In a relationship it has little matter top or bottom the RULE applies.

Treat the women you meet as you want your sister treated... the men like your Brothers... OH! and that One thieving Crack-head member of the family that you wouldn't let in the house when you're not home... Maybe W/we should let them know they are unwelcome in O/our play spaces as well....

Thanks for reading with love and blessings Dragon

12/22/2017 1:29:26 PM

Progression of a D/s Relationship

(NOTE: The term Master/Submissive are used in this text and a state of RESPONSIBILITY not skill level. )

You've decided that this type of lifestyle is for you, and you're interested in pursuing a relationship with a Master or a submissive. You think you are prepared for everything that you will encounter in the Mastery lifestyle, but have you thought about the actual future? Have you considered how the relationship will progress? How things will change as time goes on? Are you really prepared for the commitment you are about to make? I'll take you through a general relationship's lifespan, and allow you to see what is to be expected over time. This is meant as a general itinerary, nothing more. Each Master is different, and will have different plans for the training of his slave. Some will follow a close path to the below, while others will differentiate from it greatly.

Acceptance
The first actual emotion you will encounter and overcome is the fact you are Dominant, or submissive in nature. Some of you will have mixed emotions, of being both Dominant and submissive, which we in the scene call "switches". First of all, you must accept these desires as being worthwhile of investigating. Once you accept the feelings you have, you can then go ahead and either try the lifestyle in the role you seek, or seek your own identity as a Master or one who kneels at the Master's feet.

Finding and Meeting
More than likely, you will find somebody on the Internet to talk with regarding your feelings. You will also use all the resources at your disposal to educate yourself regarding the Mastery and BDSM lifestyles, and will attempt to seek out others that have the same desires as you do. As time passes, you will see that this lifestyle intrigues you more and more, and the fear you have of actually entering into this lifestyle will lessen enough over time to actually introduce yourself to this way of life.

Each one of us has had to take that initial step into the lifestyle, to overcome the fear and terror we have felt for a length of time, and to find out if this is truly what we sought in our lives. Some people experiment with it, and find this lifestyle is not what they thought or desired; while many others embraced what they have found with open arms. Only you will know when the time is right to go past the point of turning back, and to see if the dreams you have had are equalled to what you will find in this new world.

In time, you will find somebody that has the qualities you are searching for. If you have Dominant traits, you will find somebody that has submissive desires, and/or vice-versa. There is no telling where you might meet this person, however the two biggest methods would most likely be over the Internet through a newsgroup or chat group, or in person at a semi-public or private munch (gathering of practitioners of the BDSM and Mastery lifestyles). No matter where, you will learn that many others have the same desires as you, and will happily help you in your search for your own identity.

Through one of the available mediums, you will find that significant other that you are searching for; and the two of you will eventually decide to meet. During your meeting, this is the time to talk about each other's desires and wants, along with experiences and safety measures each knows of. If you find yourself compatible with this Dominant/submissive, and are comfortable with them in all ways, then you can progress to discuss either partaking in a scene together, or possibly establishing a relationship with one another. Ideas and limits are important things to discuss, along with all safety measures (such as use of safewords and actions, proper tying techniques, avenues for immediate release from bondage, etc.) that will be taken.

The Initial Commitment of a Relationship
Whether you have previously scened together or not, the majority of people in this lifestyle seek some form of commitment to the person that they are involved with. There are many levels of commitment, and what each person wants should be thoroughly discussed up front. Lack of communication is a major problem in all types of relationships, and if your able to be open with your Master/sub, you will find that many potential problems can be dealt with before they have a chance to happen.

Through your talks, you have established limits to both the Master and the slave; and have come upon an agreement as to what manner and to what extent control will be given to the Master. The two of you will have discussed the progression of the relationship over time, and what is to be expected of both the Master and the slave.

It should be stated here that the bond will always continue to grow, and that love (if it is felt) will continue to magnify as well. Both emotions may be felt from the onset of meeting one another, however the depth of it simply becomes amazing. In no other type of relationship is trust so important, for once you allow somebody to restrain you from escape, you are totally at their mercy. Make sure you know the person who is taking away your ability to protect yourself.

Short-Term Aspects of the Lifestyle
The first priority of the Master is to "break-down" his submissive. By this, I mean getting the slave to drop old habits, and to adopt new ones through the Master's teachings. There are many things brought to the relationship that the Master will cherish, but there may be just as many things that he will not care for as well. Each Master molds his slave into his ideal image of how she shall serve him.

I've had slaves come to me, with years of experience, that have been calling their previous Master "Sir" or "Lord" for years. If that is what the Master wanted, the slave has learned to adapt to that. The problem arises from the fact that I am unlike any other Master, just as each is different from the next. My slaves call me "Master", for that is what I personally prefer. Problems arise from the fact she has learned (some call it conditioned) to address her Dominant in a different way. A fake "master" will conitnually punish his slave for each infraction, whereas a real Master will understand that through time and patience, and gentle (but firm) instruction, the slave will easily adapt to her new surroundings. In essence, it will take that slave a period of time to "re-learn" the proper method of address that suits me; as well as all the lessons that I teach her so she may serve me in the way that pleases me.

It just takes time to learn both what the Master wants and expects, and what the submissive is capable of. The first few weeks/months is basically a "getting-to-know" stage in the relationship. No slave can come into a new relationship and completely please her Master from the start, and the experienced Dominant knows this. The Master knows how to guide and teach his slave, with patience and a constant eye, not allowing her to backslide in her training. The submissive learns proper mannerisms and positions, she learns what is expected of her daily, and she concentrates on allowing the control she has given to him.

Some Masters and subs, for whatever reason, may decide to only scene together once or for a short term. The bond never increases to the point of where people living LTR's (long-term relationships) together get to feel. However, if your interests are based on the physical relationship and not the emotional attachment, then perhaps you should shy away from entering into a relationship where the other person is looking for a bonding experience with you...which usually happens with most LTRs to some extent.

Long-Term Aspects of the Lifestyle
The main thing both Masters and slaves have never expected in a lengthy relationship is the fact that even hard limits soften over time. The cause of this is simple...the bond and trust that has accumulated over time between both people. After scening together, and knowing in your heart that the other person cares for you regardless of your desires, it becomes easier to loosen restrictions that you had previously placed on yourself. Once you know you can completely trust your partner with your life, you may find yourself willing to go into some activities or increased endurance levels that you never thought possible.

It is safe to assume that over time, and with a continuing relationship, the Master and the slave will find that the bond has strengthened enough to where they may be able to try new things. Both will look back to the past, and be amazed both at the natural transition of their abilities, and with the endurance each is able to bring into their play. Time is what is most needed to be able to bring the relationship to the level that both people desire.

There is one very dangerous aspect to a LTR. It is called "falling into a routine". While not dangerous from a physical sense, it is very dangerous to the submissive's mental well-being over time. All Masters realize that what makes a slave feel complete is in her submission to the Master. It is very important for the Master to construct a measure of control over his slave on a daily basis. This is especially true in those relationships where micro-management is practiced. A submissive that does not feel owned or controlled does not feel wanted and complete in her being, and will become both restless and self- destructive. If your an experienced Master, and after a long period of time your slave starts a pattern of getting into trouble or acting out, it could be that she is becoming restless of the never-changing routine she is encountering.

It's ok to give a routine to your submissive that makes things required of her on a on-going schedule. The problem comes when the Master does not initiate new avenues for the slave to explore, or give her opporunitites to both learn ways to be a better slave, and to allow her to expand her mind. If the Master accepts his sub for a LTR, he takes on the responsibility of keeping her just as interested five years down the road, as she is at the start of the relationship. This is much harder than it sounds. Imagine being responsible both for yourself and another person, and then having to figure out new and creative ways to both exert your control over her and to allow her to be more submissive to you. Sounds easy? Try doing it daily for YEARS.

It can be a very rough assignment for even the most hardened Masters. However, it is a challenge that most Masters would like to accept, and usually are able to accomplish to a satisfactory result. The slave's main duty is to please her Master, in whatever way she can. The Master's main duty is to be responsible for the on-going training and use of his slave, so she may feel whole herself.

When the Relationship is Over
Just as in any "vanilla" relationship, a large percentage of those created in the Mastery lifestyle will end. There are too many reasons why a relationship may end to list them all, so I'll attempt to go over the emotional "fallout" that happens at the end of this type of commitment.

When the slave asks to be "released" (let out of her commitment), or the Master releases his submissive, the relationship is over. Unless the submissive is in a captive role in her submission, she can walk away regardless of her Master's wishes. The vast majority of Masters and submissives have no desire to be in a relationship where the other is not consensually happy, and the commitment is therefore allowed to end.

It is a sometimes a very traumatic time for the slave during this period of being un-owned. Like a regular relationship, it has taken a period of time to develop a bond of trust and/or love for your Master, and to suddenly be released can be a major shock. You have depended on another to make your decisions for you, to love you the way you are, and to take care of all of your needs. Suddenly you find yourself alone. Unfortunately, this does happen in this lifestyle, and there is but one cure for the depression you now feel...time. Time may not heal all wounds, but it will allow you to find the strength to move on with life.

It is a very hard step to lose your Master, then later have to re-submit to another. However, you will find that this lifestyle is what makes you happy, and you'll know in your heart when it is time to come back. Just like any other lifestyle, it can be very dangerous to be pulled into the "rebound" effect, and immediately search out a new Master to care for you. Make sure not to fall in this mode of survival, for you will find that you may get into a situation you never counted on, and could have avoided had you had your wits about you.

Finally...

This type of lifestyle offers both advantages and disadvantages over the conventional type of relationship that society practices. If you find that this way of life is for you, as long as you use your head and be smart about the choices you are given, you will find this to be a very rewarding way to live. Relationships are the same in all facets of society, and they are only worth what you make of them.

 

1/19/2016 10:28:43 AM
It was recently brought to my attention that kinkdancer74 was using me to vet her profile. For those that have some concern or question I don't know the woman have nothing to do with her and have never played with her thank you all love and blessings dragon

12/5/2011 9:18:24 PM

We may not have what we won't because we are focused on what we think we need. At times it's hard to see what you have because you're chasing what you think you want. - Unknown

Sometimes life requires faith

There is a huge difference between wanting what you want and needing what you want, and both are just emotional states that you need to be aware of. If you are on the path toward attracting what you want, you must be careful not to allow yourself to slip into the negative emotional state of neediness. There is a horrible and vicious mindset among humans that many of the things we have we need when in reality, there are only a few things we actually need and the rest are things we want. There is nothing wrong with wanting, however, allowing yourself to believe that you need something will only stop you from getting it.

We must know what we want, and we must have a passion to have what we want. There is nothing wrong with having this passion or the desire to have it. The problem for many people though is that they fall into a mindset of neediness. A mindset of neediness will not get us what we want. In fact, it will begin to push it away making it harder and harder for us to have what it is we desire. When working with the law of attraction, we need to have a burning desire for what we want. This is the emotional driver that brings those things we desire closer to us. Our ability to put positive emotion into our visualizations as well as strong, powerful passion into acquiring is in direct relationship to our getting what it is we want. We need to remember not to take it to seriously though. Wanting is a very powerful thing, but becoming so attached to what we want only causes emotional distress.

A great example of wanting vs. neediness that I believe you can relate to would be in relationships. Which would you prefer. Someone who calls you just to say hello and wants to spend time with you, but doesn't get upset when your not able to. Someone who simply enjoys your company when they are with you, but is totally ok with being alone and their own life. Or would you prefer someone who is constantly calling you wanting to know where you are and when the two of you are getting together again. Someone who is upset when you can't make it and holds it against you for weeks. The kind of person who needs you in their life so they feel they have validation for who they are. The first person was probably your choice. We all enjoy someone who enjoys us for us, but is strong enough in themselves to the point where they don't need us to validate them and who they are. Someone who is needy just makes us want to run away, and the law of attraction works the same way.

The more you feel that you have to have something and the more emotion you put into clinging to that thing, the more you push it away. This happens because you get so set on it having to be a certain way that it creates stress from the thought of not having it. If instead you were to begin to be ok with not having what you want, but wanting it anyway, you will be much closer to getting what it is you want. Neediness creates a mindset of lack in your life instead of a mindset of abundance. Coming from a needy position is not a position of power and options. As soon you as realize that the universe will give you what you want and that it can come in a million different ways, the closer you will be to creating a mindset of want out of wanting a life that you control instead of from a position of neediness and having to have it.

Neediness causes us to become attached to a specific idea or outcome. Becoming attached to anything always causes emotional distress. When we try to cling to something we put ourselves in a position that allows us to get hurt when that thing goes away, and since nothing lasts forever, everything is bound to have a beginning and an end. Becoming attached to the idea that you have to have a specific car will not open the door for other opportunities to have another car that is similar or another car that is better than the one you wanted but you simply didn't realize was there. We have to be mindful of our neediness and clinginess to everything in life. Neediness pushes things away and causes unwanted heartache and sorrow in our lives. Instead, learn to open up to possibility and potential. Allow the universe to work through you as though you were an open conduit. Trust that what you want will come to you, or better, and the universe will deliver.

By Dwayne Gilbert

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/543459

 


9/5/2010 4:17:09 PM
I like women in My life that understand the here after. They need to be here after what I'm here after or they can be here after I'm Gone. 

12/14/2008 11:42:33 AM

The funny thing about looking in the mirror is some people who do so think it’s about what’s on the outside. In truth it’s about what one sees in the eyes looking back at them. Some say the eyes are the windows to the soul (or the emptiness if you lack one.) It has been said “That in the eye’s of other W/we sometimes find truth of self.”  So the question one must now ask is:  what does one finds in their own eyes?  Is this the true value of the mirror?

But most people can’t spend 15 min looking themselves in the eye.  
 “Welcome to the home of the Demons!”

 

 

With Love and Blessings

Dragon


6/16/2008 1:58:54 PM

How blind is O/one that can only see from there own point of view? How much does O/one's past limit O/one’s future? With the answer to these questions are W/we the scholar or the fool to change (or not change) O/our point of view.


4/4/2008 12:42:59 PM
If I'm not getting back to you its because I'm on set

7/3/2006 1:52:25 PM
." The mark of a good  Dom is not always being right or what is done when they are right. It's how they handles being wrong."


6/28/2006 7:10:49 PM
symptoms of  TOPS DISEASE:
They tend to believe they are elevated in status, and worthy, by virtue of being dominant.

1) Do you believe your own Bull shit?

2) Is everyone always wrong but you?

3) Do the rules apply to everyone but you?

4) Do you lack the heart to say you're sorry even when you know you wrong?

5) Do you know more than everyone you know?

6) Do you find you rarely shit... BECAUSE YOU'RE FULL OF IT!?!

(Mastery is an art, Those endowed with the knowledge rarely boast of it,  for They know the price that was paid to receive it.)************************************




6/18/2006 7:28:31 PM
God put Me on earth to accomplish a number of tasks. Right now I'm so far behind I will never drop died.....lol

3/23/2006 5:11:20 PM
A Dom's ego and $3.00 will still leave you short for a coffee at starbucks. It not always being right that makes a good Dom... its how He handles being wrong.

2/13/2006 10:10:07 PM

A V Day thought: Never mistake kindness for weakness, for if you do so in time you may have neither. Value what you have for you can always have less.


2/11/2006 11:38:05 AM
well, it been sometime but I will share a thought from the Tao' for those that take the time to read My post.

Governing a great state is like cooking small fish.

Let the kingdom be governed according to the Way, and the manes of
the departed will not manifest their spiritual energy. It is not that
those manes have not that spiritual energy, but it will not be
employed to hurt men. It is not that it could not hurt men, but
neither does the ruling sage hurt them.

When these two do not injuriously affect each other, their good
influences converge in the virtue (of the Way).

10/28/2005 9:25:07 PM
It is said when you treat a man like a GOD. He will at some point begin to act like a God. Now, I don't know about you But I don't want to be the first one in line to tell God He's wrong.

Just something to make you go hhhuuummm

9/22/2005 11:00:48 PM
"when you look long enough in to an abyss... the abyss begans to look in to you"  Neichi

9/16/2005 12:16:26 PM
Life is sometimes a funny thing. Everyone wants control,but are W/we willing to pay the price for it and weild it when W/we have it? just another HUUUUMMM

9/12/2005 11:04:58 AM
can W/we truely love and give to another if it O/our fear W/we focus on. When O/one fears loss do they not lose? Will W/we not do the things that will make O/our thoughts the truth? The Tao' teaches: O/one who knows everything has room to learn nothing. It is the question from which W/we grow not having the answer. So shall W/we not always seek the answer? Just things that make you go hhhuuummm.

9/2/2005 1:10:55 PM
Is Love really that complicated or is it the games that make it seem so. Does one manipulate a person they really love, why not just talk it out openly. If all W/we can see is the past then we are doomed to repeat it.  Every day is new, that we can start over putting our errors behind us. It take two to make a relationship work ,it only takes one to kill it.

8/22/2005 1:10:31 PM
Slave loop: part 2

The slave is now in a state of questioning self, who and what they are or if they can ever be free to be what they are, as they act or lash out from the frustration of the trap. Becoming a bratty sub/slave to add to their armor to protect themselves till the Master or a master understands what happen and frees her from the trap.  
   
Being that the slave is lost in self trying to work out her thought of what she is,   failing, hurt, pain, trust, and the love for her Master. The Master is in a state of fear and misunderstanding do to the fact the slave is doing thing out side the corrector that the Master understands from His slave.  
   
The Master may start to feel that He can’t care for His property being that He can’t find a fix for what is happening spinning Him out of control. The Master may blame the slave for her behaviors not facing His spin and embarrassment of self. In time the slave will get sick of hearing she is wrong where in truth she is crying out for help. This opens the door to the blame game or the chicken and the egg defense.  
   
The slave is hurting from her love a devotion to her Master who doesn’t understand what needs to be fixed. The slave is looking for anything to justify her acting out. Acting out or being bad is not who or what she is but it comes from the hurt and fear that Master can’t or hasn’t fixed it/her so she is doing the best she can with what she has. Therefore if Master was wrong first then she can be ok with her acting out of corrector within herself and make it through one more day.  
   
To repair this: The Master must step back absolve the slave for her actions from her hurt they are out of love, frustration and conflict with the true slave self. She truly did nothing wrong but get caught in the trap without the D/s communication skills.  
   
(Note: sometimes one must look at the intent not the action to see the truth)  
 Niether Master or slave broke the covenant/terms of the relationship.  
   
The slave at this point must let go of all that she has collected to justify her action. She will not be able to do that till the Master understands (or a Master that understands)  and absolves her of the thought in her head that she failed in some way allowing her to be that true slave she is. This will allow her to again trust her slave self and open the door for the Master to earn trust.  
   
I do have to add that this is one of the hardest land mines in a D/s relationship to see and to fixing this takes time, caring, willingness, understanding and lots of love.  


8/22/2005 9:05:28 AM

The Slave Loop : I have been taking a lot of time to read and think as of late about the traps that befall new slave wired people in the life:  when a woman come in to the life and is Honest of heart, devoting that heart to the service of her Master. If something happens that causes her pain from her loving nature. She can be trapped between her devotion, honesty and hurt, feeling that she has failed. This can be compounded if the slave has not yet mastered the communication skill of a D/s relationship, there is no release valve for her.  Try as she may to voice this pain she can’t find the words.

 

 If the pain is caused by something the Master wishes the trap is now set. First let Me note that the slave has not failed her or the master nor did she lie. If there are issues in ones past dealing with love, trust, relationship the slave can spin out of control bring her to feeling broken. The only way to fix this state is to remove one of the walls that trap the slave. (Walls of the trap: her devotion, her honesty, the wish of the Master that brought her the pain or that she sees will bring her pain in the future and the issues of her past.)

 

If one of the walls are not removed to free the slave from this trap a true slave will spin, building trust issues with the Master feeling He doesn’t value her till the relationship is dust.

 

Know that this is not the fault of the slave or the Master. The Master is lost in the shock of that great slave girl acting out from the trap and in most cases becomes more forceful out of fear of loss. ( Yes, Masters have fear to when they love there slave)>>>> To be continued


8/20/2005 3:19:17 PM

Thoughts: There are times in life that people look to others to see there way clear to the future. The funny thing with that is our lives were given to us, each one’s own vault of joys and pains. Others can at times help us see our way if we are willing to see there point of view, A mirror so to speak to compare our point of view. But if we only see the vault of our lives, our answers why did we take the time to ask another. If they only agree, not making us question then are we not just looking to hear what we wish. I am finding as life moves forward, that truth to one is not truth to another. It is said:

" In the eye's of others we find the mirror of our souls".(The Tao')


8/18/2005 3:05:46 AM

Some days you just find things that open your eyes and make you face self.  How well will you do ?

A Relationship

Author: Dr. Robert W. Birch Ph.D. Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator
 

Relationships are often hard to maintain, even when two people profess undying love for each other. A major problem in a relationship is that one or both partners continue to make the same errors but then cannot understand why the relationship is in trouble. It is almost as though they are determined to do things their way, even at the risk of damaging a good thing.

In my clinical practice, I have discovered at least 22 errors in thinking and communicating that people make, which if repeated, have the potential of destroying a relationship. Which of the following errors are you making?

1. Rigidly maintain that you are always right, even when you do not have all the facts!

2. Never apologize, even when you are proven wrong beyond a shadow of a doubt!

3. Be relentless in rubbing it in when you are proven right!

4. Dogmatically maintain that you know your partner's motives better than he or she does!

5. Assume that your partner should understand your needs and should respond immediately without being asked!

6. Totally ignore your partner's priorities and insist on your own!

7. Operate on the assumption that your partner's sexual need cycle is identical to yours!

8. Add deep psychological meaning to your partner's sexual disinterest, and take it very personally!

9. Do not ever admit hurt, but go immediately to the _expression of anger!

10. Identify your partner's character flaws and family secrets and use them to make a point when logic fails!

11. Use guilt to manipulate, to get your own way or to punish!

12. Become proficient at catching your partner being bad, but do not ever comment if you catch him or her being good!

13. Cut no slack, yield no ground and push your argument until your partner walks out the door... then follow the coward!

14. Do not let go of the past, rehashing your version of it as often as possible!

15. Cling very very tightly, claiming that you will surly die if you are ignored!

16. If you are not a clinger, then stay emotionally/physically distant, and show no signs that you really care for your partner!

17. Make promises, but never keep them!

18. Be factious so you partner never knows when you are being serious!

19. Always make excuses for your bad habits!

20. Insist that what you have to say is always more important that what your partner is saying, so interrupt!

21. Pretend that you understand what you partner has said, even if you have no idea of the point that was being made!

22. Act as though you do none of the above and it is your partner who must make all the changes!

 


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