Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I have a lot to be thankful for, but won't bore anyone with a list. If anyone has been following my journal for my poetry, I am still writing it at FL. I'm just posting it over at . I'm also there as Teagana. I shortened my profile because I felt what I had written before made me too enticing to predators.

I still haven't found 'the one' yet. I thought I had a couple of times, but learned differently. I'm tired of married men who are not poly and think because I'm submissive I'm easy and stupid. Okay, I am easy... I don't like repeating myself, but here it is: DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT OR APPROVE OF YOUR KINK. I will require to speak to her. And if you tell me you are separated or single, I am going to want to see where you live. Also, for the love of God, be honest with me about what you are thinking. I'm not a jealous person, but withholding details is just as bad as lying to me. I don't like being hurt by suprises.

Also, please don't contact me if you don't have time for me. I understand life is busy. Trust me, I have three boys at home. I know how busy life can be. But I am looking for more than an occasional fuck buddy or a weekend whip master. I want a relationship. I want friends. Yes, I am married, but we are poly. That doesn't mean I fuck everyone I meet, though if I like you I might fuck you because you turn me on. 

Please don't keep asking me if you have a nice cock. All cocks are nice to me as long as they are disease free and clean. Yes, size can matter, but knowing how to use what you have can go a long way. Don't contact me if you are not really a Dom. Having dominant qualities does not make you a Dom. Also, please understand that I need training. I want to be submissive, but only to the right Dom. If you don't know what you are doing (this goes back to the Dom Wannabes), you could get bitten. I know the safe words (Red, Yellow, and Green). I like rough play, but not necessary speed play. 

Geez, how did Happy Thanksgiving turn into all of this? Guess I need to vent. Now back to your turkey...

For all of my friends. I'm sick with a cold or sinus infection. So, if you haven't heard from me, this is probably why. I'm snuggling under the blankets and either sleeping or watching television. 

Daddy's Girl

Long braids in my hair;
Skirt up past my hips;
Sugar is sweet
And so are my lips.

Your hand on my thigh;
A word in my ear,
As you give me a smile
And say "Wider, Dear."

I open my legs
So that you can see;
You stroke my pink nipples
And pet the 'kitty.'

Now kitty is wet
and wants something more;
Oh, Daddy, Dear Daddy,
Can I please be your whore?

TRAPPED

Your sweet words

Are honey to my bee.

But you are the bear

Trying to eat me.

Don't panic you say.

Be calm you say.

And with a touch

I am soothed

like a wolf at your feet.

You've got me on a choke chain

And I'm pulling hard.

I can't breathe,

And it's my own damn fault.

But sooner or later,

The beast bites back.

A friend from the Munch told me that I'm more attractive in person. :) @squee! That made my day. 

Had fun at the Munch last night. Everyone was friendly. Looking forward to seeing them again next month. Headache is still plaguing me. 

I will be attending the Cobb Munch tonight. Now I just need to get rid of this headache that I have had all day, touch up my nails, wash and style my hair, do my make up, etc., etc., etc. I adore my new heels. :)

Feeling angry, conflicted, and disillusioned. Not my normal state of being.

Why is it that so many Doms I have met are former military? Does that spawn a certain mindset? Ingrain dominant tendencies? Up the testosterone? I'm not complaining, just wondering if it is merely coincidence or if the ratio of Doms in the military is higher than I would have thought. 

My Sir is a former Marine and has started me on a strict regimen. What I eat, how much water I drink, exercise, meditation, what I wear, etc. I said I wanted to change my life, just thought it would be more gradual. 

There are some issues that I hope get worked out. 

I STILL have bruises from a week ago. Geez. 

Puppet Master

You slip off my bra

while biting my neck.

I'm a slave to sensation,

under your spell.

And then you start

slapping my breasts

I awake,

and stumble back.

There is no escape. 

You step closer,

moving me back

towards the bedroom.

I'm  a panicked sheep;

you are the big bad wolf. 

You push me onto my stomach

and spread my legs apart, 

pulling my skirt down

with my panties. 

I feel so exposed. 

I'm afraid, but so wet. 

I feel you behind me;

  hear the swoosh of air

as your hand comes down

again and again.

It hurts so good. 

You flip me over,

your fingers bringing ecstasy.

I am writhing,

so close to heaven--

your pussy puppet.

You hold me back,

telling me no. 

You make me beg,

Make me understand.

You hold the key. 

Finally you say yes;

With relief I arch my back

As I tremble in your hand,

My stream of sex fluid

flowing warm through your fingers.

And then you begin

again and again.

I know no past or future.

I am left shaking,

but at peace...

Until I look in your eyes

and there is nothing there.

It isn't me you see,

but your reflection

in my eyes. 

Happy Samhain! or Happy Halloween!

Everyone around here, this town, has taken Halloween hostage. Instead of Trick-or-Treating on Sunday, the 31st, they are having it tonight for their convenience. I should play tricks on the lot of them. That being said, it looks like I'll be celebrating Samhain alone tomorrow since I received no invites. Maybe it is because I dressed like a wicked witch last year...

I've been known to write poetry from time to time. I'm not saying it is good poetry, but I do like to write it. If anyone likes it, then it is bonus for me. 

Meeting of the Minds

We small talk

in the meeting hour

with toast and tea,

probing carefully.

I think you weak,

and not the one I seek,

but then you capture me

with a hard look

that sets a fire inside.

Leaving,

You pull me close,

your face buried 

in my long, blonde hair

as you kiss my neck;

Your cologne,

an aphrodisiac 

that haunts me 

all the way home,

a promise of more to come.

The braid came out interesting. The breakfast plan turned to lunch. My husband was sleeping, so I ended up getting ready by light filtered through the blinds as I didn't want to wake him. But he took me to a nice lunch, so it was worth the trouble. :)

I just heard the 11yo son ask the 13yo son if he is gay. The 13yo replied that he is almost gay. And then the conversation turned to the subject of poop. What is it with boys? So weird. 

Today is a brighter day. I finished my nails last night and they came out so cute: pink and sparkling. About to get breakfast and maybe go for a good walk in the park. I've been neglecting what I need to do as far as working out because I tend to get wrapped up in what I'm doing and lose track of time. That and I don't like to do it alone. Oh, and I'm always so friggin' busy. 

After all of that, maybe I'll go searching again for shoes and then come back and play with how I'm going to dress up my braid. 

Maybe I'll take a picture of my fingers and toes and post them. :)

I acted like a petulant brat today and now the person I was going to meet tomorrow, whom I was really looking forward to meeting, whom I've been fantasizing about all week, has canceled the meeting while he reconsiders. How can someone I've never even met, don't really even know, make me feel so hurt and make me cry? If you can't handle bratty behavior in chat, how to you expect to handle it in person? He says he is doing what is best for me. I feel like I've been grounded. I'm going to finish my nails, take a shower, get dressed, and maybe go have a margarita. Or maybe I'll just turn out the lights and turn on the TV. I have nothing to do tomorrow or Halloween. 

Yes, I'm being a whiny baby. I'm allowed sometimes. 

The leaves are finally turning golden, but the wind that is sweeping them through the streets and across the driveways is still a bit too warm. I want it to be cool and crisp like a real autumn should be, but what I want really doesn't matter. I supposed the Goddess has her reasons for the balmy weather; however, I must complain a bit. The weather has been playing havoc with my allergies and I've been on antibiotics all week for pharangytis (however it is spelled). Two more days and I'm done with them.

Tomorrow I meet with a prospective Dom. In chat he is warm, has a since of humor, and really turns me on. He's almost too nice and it worries me. I feel a bit like the poor fly who only wanted a bit of companionship from the sweet spider, only to be eaten up in the end. Not that I am comparing him to a spider. I'm sure he only has two legs. ;)

I am painting my fingernails and toenails, a pretty pink with a layer of Pure Ice pale blue glitter; shaving everywhere, and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what to wear. My blonde hair is now down to the middle of my back. I want to wear a small braid next to my face, Celtic style like my ancestors. Maybe even two braids, one on each side, though I think that might be over kill. I've picked up sliver beading thread and some metal star beads; also some thin gauge silver wire. I want to work the silver beading wire through my braid, I've never done it before, so it may not work. I want to end the braid with a small silver star dangling from the end. 

I'm just now learning how to sew or else I'd make something white with a belt, though that might draw too much attention in I-HOP. :) That could be fun. I wanted to buy some open-toed shoes. I don't normally wear them. I'm too much of a tomboy normally and hate getting gravel, sand, etc., in my shoes. I thought perhaps about a clear pair of heels. I now know how difficult it is to find open-toed shoes in the fall, especially when you are looking for a particular style. 

I'm nervous. I'm an empath and I imagine that a confident and skilled Dom could be like a drug to me. But on the other hand, if he is not strong enough, I will know. It's almost like going into battle, but with a smile. 

If you are married and your wife DOES NOT KNOW you play, DO NOT contact me. Just because I am married, doesn't mean I'm hip to you cheating on your wife. My husband knows and approves of my play and I know and approve of his. We have an open and loving relationship where we are both free to explore our desires. So, if I agree to play, my husband will know all the details for my safety. If you have a problem with that, then don't contact me. 

I'm pleased to say that the search is over..for now. We know how these things go. What might taste sweet today, might turn bitter tomorrow. Well, hopefully not that soon. I welcome everyone who would like to be friends. I'm extroverted and love a bit of fun and a lot of laughter. I hope no one is sore over my decision. I am happier than I have been in a long time, so I know I'm on the right path. 

~Tea

I took this from a mail I sent to a friend. It is about what I am hoping to find.

I really don't want some jackass amateur who wants to be a weekend whip master just to build his ego. I want someone who wants to know me for who I am and who makes me want them. I don't want romance. I have that with my husband. I'm still in love with him. I do believe it is possible to love more than one person, but I really just want fulfillment and friendship. 

Does that sound familiar to anyone? 

I am a very multidimensional person. I'm a wife, mother, sister, daughter, lover, temptress, child, rebel, wolf, writer, artist, and many other different roles, some I enjoy and others just have to be done. Having said this I left one out. I am a geek. Yes, I admit it. I play games like Dungeons and Dragons, Magic the Gathering, etc. At 45, it is getting harder and harder to maintain my geekiness. I hate texting and don't really even like answering my cell phone. I used to be able to put a computer together and knew how to run DOS. I've been out of the workplace a long time, so while I'm not afraid to learn, there is just so much to learn. I believe that an intelligent person can teach themselves just about anything with a good book and confidence. I'm not talking brain surgery. I taught myself to knit and crochet. I am now teaching myself how to paint. I've taught myself mosaics, and fabric dying. My problem is that I have way too many interests. I love life and learning. So, yes, I am a geek, but I am also a goddess who doesn't submit her will to just anyone. I guess that makes me a haughty geek. ;)

I also have a sense of humor that sometimes gets me into trouble. I am a mischief maker, but I can also laugh at myself.

I guess my point to this is that we need to remember that people are more than just a face, more than just a name. More than just one role. We are all multidimensional. We should be treated as such, unless we have agreed to other treatment. ;) 

This is my first journal entry and let me say, WOW. I am totally flattered that so many want me. What an ego booster. ;) I've received a lot of mails and everyone has been super nice, which has helped put me at ease, but I'm having to make some tough choices as I narrow down who I think is a good fit for me. So, I've had to send out some 'let's be friends' messages. I hate having to do that, but it has to be done. If I sent you one of these messages, I'm sincere about wanting to be friends. If I just said we aren't a match, it probably means that I don't think think we would mesh well. 

I'm trying to be quick, because I don't want to waste anyone's time or for anyone to think I'm playing games. I would like to become a part of the community also, because I want to meet others that I can be myself with. I would love to meet other subs and get their take on being a sub. I would also to maybe go to an event once I get to know more people in my area. This is the first time I've had a chance to explore this side of myself with anyone but my husband, so it is a bit scary. Chances are if you came on too strong, you made it on the friends list. If you didn't give me enough info or a picture, you may have made it on the friends list as well. I do want to stress this, that if you do accept me as a friend, I will be very honored and will try to be a good friend. This does not mean that I will send you money or become your mother. 

It's almost six in the morning and I've been up since three, so I think I'll try to grab a few more Zzzzs before I have to get up and start my day. I'm very happy to be here and glad to have met so many cool people in such a short amount of time. It's only up from here...or down on my knees. ;)

Tea