I realize not everyone is the same and not everyone is going to fall into the category of what I'm about to talk about, so please keep that in mind when you read this.
I seem to have a different take on D/s than most. Almost all of the submissive or switch men who contact me seem to be looking to immediately serve me and most of them are looking for a D/s relationship that involves bondage, humiliation or some form of pain. I understand that D/s is put a part of the spectrum of the BDSM lifestyle and that it typically is wrapped up in a neat package all together, but it's not quite what I'm after.
I'm looking for a submissive - preferably a switch. I admittedly don't have a lot of experience yet in being a Dominate or a "Domme", but I can't help but feel as if even a submissive should be treated the way I know I would want to be treated if / when the roles are reversed. Being a submissive doesn't make you some mindless fuck-toy, or at least it shouldn't. That's not what submission is about. It's about being your own person with your own desires, likes, dislikes, preferences, personality, life... and desiring to bend it to the will of another person. That's why so many talk of "training". You aren't just a submissive to someone because you say you are. It takes time to learn... to learn how and when to please your Dominant and more importantly it's time to learn to WANT to please them.
Respect is a two way street. You can't just walk around calling yourself a Dom/me and demand respect. That's not how it works. Being a Dom/me doesn't make you any more better than others than being a submissive makes you less. It's a partnership and it requires both parties to have a certain level of trust and respect in one another in order for it to work. That's why I believe that D/s relationships need to be strongly based on a Vanilla relationship. Oh yes... I said Vanilla!
How can you serve someone if you don't even like them? Okay... more importantly, how can you serve them well? If you legitimately aren't romantically interested in someone, it's really hard to want to please them.
My biggest pet peeve is getting messages where a guy refers to me as "Miss" or "Ma'am". For starters, I'm not your Mistress. Don't address me as such. That's an EARNED role. The same guys doing that are the same ones who claim they are "begging on their hands and knees to talk to a beautiful woman like me". Seriously? Man up and stop being so pathetic. Ask politely if we can chat. Act like a normal fucking human being.
Your job is to talk to me and for me to talk to you in order to establish some sort of chemistry that would lead us to believe we're interested in getting to know one another further. From there, we'd talk more, maybe meet in person and see if we can even stand to be in the same room clothed first before we even think about trying it naked. If that all sounds like it would take too long or is too much work, then you wouldn't last as my submissive anyways.
I'm not a brutal Domme. I'm not interested in humiliating you or harming you - certainly not in any way that would affect your personal life outside of the house. Because oh yes... I expect to have one. We're not going to the local Applebees in bondage gear because no one stands in the way of me having a nice, normal dinner out. There's too many opportunities for Vanilla fun to ignore that we're all just normal people with a collection of fetishes - ones that should be reserved for their time and place.
...getting to know me so that we can stand to look at each other over a steak and a glass of wine isn't the time and place for it.
