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romilly
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NEW INFORMATION: It is now 'WE'. She is very attractive, open, accepting and fun. We are 2 compatible people who love each other very much and are looking for people we can like for more than a night. We want to know you. Like you. Want to be able to talk to you. A voice you want to hear and play partners that leave your body, heart and head happy....over and over again. We promise you moments that you will remember.
OLD INFORMATION: I'm a nice guy who does 'bad' things to nice people who want 'bad' things done to them.
'bad' is what we choose....not a list of 'will' or 'won't'.
I'm smart enough to change course if something isn't working.
I need to like you to play with you so let's not start off with your list of demands.
You will want to be 'willing, open and will eventually take the opportunities' I give you to speak about those things that really 'get you going'.
I'm a dominant and in being so... I am there to feed your needs. If it's all about me you will become dissatisfied.
Whatever other Dom's or men did to you.....I don't need to hear... unless you need to tell it. I don't know who they are...only that I'm not them.....and you may not be entirely right.
I can be rough..but I won't scar you for life.
A relationship is not like instant coffee....quick to make and not overly pleasing. Sometimes the waiting and anticipating is great foreplay.
You should be able to express yourself but not endlessly, demandingly so and to your detriment.
There needs to be quiet, loving moments, more laughter than tragedy and looks that say....we understand each other.
There will be kinky sex.....the kind that will leave you loopy.
Times where we will both be learning.
You'll need (and want) to sign on for the whole ride...the roller coaster isn't fun if it's all downhill.
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I'm moving....to Glastonbury. Into the woods......but not the trees. A converted barn.
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SOMETIMES******things happen. I travel from place to place all day. people I meet change me.....people who meet me are changed. It's the way it goes, I have no say in it. I've had an e-mail a day for the last 8 days that have all changed me. All touching on different emotions and each brought me either to the Mountaintop or to the Valley below. WAITING: Sometimes it actually gets to me and I think "I've waited so long for so many things." One.....more than all the others. I tell myself that the time will come for me and I know that this is true. WANTING: This morning I grieved for something I never had...and yet....it has a memory....and my lips were pressed to it...wanting. I received an e-mail while I composed this and it made me smile.********
SUCH IS THE WAY OF THE WORLD....THAT YOU NEVER KNOW...JUST WHERE TO PLACE ALL YOUR FAITH.....OR HOW IT WILL GROW. Eddie Vedder 'Into the Wild' soundtrack
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SCARBOROUGH BEACH
Took the boys and the older ones girlfriend to Scarborough Beach in RI. New England's best beach (with good parking). We got there just in time for high tide and the waves were about 4 to 5 feet despite the weather forcast of 1 to 2. Boogie boarding was great though we lost 2 because we caught so many powerful curls the power of the waves crashing down on top finally broke their backs. They did their job and went down in flames. That's all we asked of them. I don't know if I should throw them in the trash or hang them on the wall.
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BE THE SOUVENIR ATTACHED TO YOUR KEYS
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My older son leaves for college next week. He's going far away this time. It's hard to let him go this time as we have tried so hard to make sure things were right between us. He has discovered some hard facts about the divorce and told me today that things were finally making sense. He said "Dad, I see now that what she is trying to do is to hurt you and that you been doing what is right all along even when it hurt you." Tough thing to hear from your child but tougher for a child to make that kind of realization about a parent. I'm lettting him go and told him I'd understand if he decided not to come back for the summer. He said he wants to spend next summer living with me. I also see him in love with a very pretty girl. She'd like to follow him...'be the souvenir attached to your keys' (cultural reference younger readers will probably get...couple of you old ones as well)
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I guess I better find a place to live in the next few months. It's been difficult as I get up at 6am and don't get back till about 7pm most nights. I only get to see my little one from Saturday evening till Sunday evening.
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Trying to meet someone but that has proved hard to do with my schedule. I've had a few 15 minute 'let's have coffee' lunch meetings but while I've meet a few nice women....that thing...that indescribable thing...that clicks...it just hasn't happened in a real way. While it's been a while since I've been 'with' a woman, and while I've had a couple of nice 'offers', I'm just waiting for that something 'real'. I'm not talking love, or committment.....just a connection...2 people enjoying each others company and at the same time....themselves. I guess I should say now how grateful I am for internet porn getting me through this difficult time! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
...but seriously.....
(end of section...final thought)
and for the 15 minute ones that didn't go so well......I'm rethinking the 15 minutes.....5 seems to be about the time things go wrong when things go wrong.
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AULD LANG SYNE
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I took my car in Friday. Much less than I was expecting…….for what was wrong with it. I go to pick it up and they want to flush everything….felt like I should bend over while he was talking and ask “how much to flush this out?”. Good Grief, when he finished it was about $800. If you don’t do it they have warning lights that come on and only they can turn them off. A racket.
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While I was there I got a call from an old friend. Hadn’t spoken to her in well over a decade. She’s happy, she’s in love almost 10 years now, didn’t have children of her own but she has 3 ‘step’ kids. She told me something that moved me very deeply and I found myself stepping back in time about 28 yrs ago. Things that hadn’t been said between her husband/my friend and me. things that might have changed both our lives. I felt he had things he wanted to get off his chest but never did and she told me what they were. She also told me that he had something he wanted to say to me but didn’t feel he had the right. So the words went unsaid and she and he decided to break up and he left the state suddenly and without even telling me he was going. I was deeply hurt by that…I thought we meant something to each other.
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Time I guess heals everything. I have rarely thought of him in recent years. I had an appt with a company that related to the product I brand and promote and when the young woman who had escorted me into the inner sanctum gave me her card I saw the maiden name of my old friend. She called me and moved me. We promised to stay in touch but I don’t know if that will actually happen. Maybe we just wanted to know….like going back to a High School reunion.
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It is rare these days for me not to inquire if I see someone hurting. I spend part of each day helping people in trouble. Most seek me out….some I trip over. The years and adversity have changed me. I think back to the last time my friend and I sat together…..the new me would have never let him go.
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But, I don’t live in the past. I don’t know what makes some people tick. I can’t save the world….but I can help pieces of it. Maybe that’s what he wants from me! Move on.
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A FLOGGING ON AN EPIC SCALE:
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FIRST I LAUGHED, THEN I GOT MAD, NOW ON MY KNEES.....HANDS OPEN........REACHING FOR THE SKY......"WHY GOD?"
Maybe this is why I don't torture....I know what it feels like! hahahaha!
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Wait, what did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gasoline? That's interesting. I hadn't heard that.
--George W. Bush
Washington, DC
02/28/2008
at a White House press conference
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You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.
--George W. Bush
Washington, DC
09/06/2006
in an interview on CBS News
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Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican.
--George W. Bush
04/21/2001
declining to take reporters' questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretie
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JEREMY’S SPOKEN TODAY (Pearl Jam) ????//////////////////////////////////
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When I was about 7 or 8, I had a friend that lived about approximately 7 houses away. He had moved into the neighborhood and was the only one that close who was also close to my age. I had friends that lived further down the street and on the next street over in each direction. His parents had named him Wesley or something like that (funny I can remember so much about so many people but can’t remember the names).
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Wesley….that’s like putting a ‘Kick Me’ sign on your own kid (Sorry, hope no one here is named Wesley). I was the only one that played with Wesley. None of the other kids cared for him all that much though he had the coolest toys. He had whole battalions of army men including tanks and jeeps and the like, Lincoln Logs and both Cowboys and Indians to go with them, Knights on horses and castles and endless amount of board games. However he was different. When I got a little older, after his parents had moved to a little more upscale part of town, I began to realize that Wesley was gay or more to the era…’queer’. With all that stuff …he had a Barbie. So anyway Wesley moves away but only about 7/8 of a mile away or 1 street over from the public High School. I went to Catholic School and we would not meet again for 6 more years when I transferred from parochial to public.
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This school was huge. If I showed you pictures the first thought that would come to mind ……...prison. To the East side was grade 1 through 6. In the Middle in what was called the Annex was 7, 8, 9 which is where I entered into the 8 grade. The Eastern part was 10 – 12 which is where I ended my low ‘C’ career in Public education. (“Mrs. XXXXXXXX, he’s the brightest child we have but he refuses to apply himself!”…”if you don’t eat your meat how will get any pudding! {Cultural Reference} Tenneessee was 49th in the nation in education only by the slimmest of margins and the more sloth State of Mississippi had the honors of being dead last. In venereal disease (That’s what we called it back then) we were 2nd in the nation. That’s what you do when you skip school. We were bested by (you guessed it didn’t you?) Mississippi (in my school this particular ‘bested’ was seen as an insult and the call went out to ‘try harder’ to be number one). I should add here that I have somehow managed to go my entire life without catching a disease unless you count my former marriage as a disease…which I did/do).
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OK back to why I’m/you’re here…the story. So I see Wesley again but while we said hello and were friendly for the most part Wesley was a pariah. The kid that people didn’t understand but didn’t want to leave alone if they could taunt him or knock him over or on occasion slug him. On several occasions I stood behind him with a look on my face that said “touch him and I’ll beat the crap out of you” and they got the message. Wesley did his thing….and I did mine. (Funny thing, when my older son was in the same grade here in CT he stood up for a boy he had known for years in almost the exact same way…DNA?).
So here’s the part I was thinking about today. Wesley was in the 11th grade. He was taller, sort of nice looking in a young man/feminine way, the girls thought he was cute…but Wesley was still gay in a savage school, in a savage state, in a savage time. (Damn it! his name was Lesley….I’m not going back now). Lesley for a boy…..”Please hit my child!”. Like most kids he wanted to be part of the school. His crowd was the ‘losers’…the acne crowd, the theater geeks (that’s me folks, I’m owning up to it), the chorus (Oops, I had a great voice [gone now] so I’m in this crowd as well), I’m also in the Vice principals office quite a bit (this ones hard to explain and is a story by itself but for you that are old enough to remember Arlo Guthrie’s ‘Alices Restaurant’ it’s along those lines). So I see Lesley more often but we still don’t hang because I belong to every school social group…the hippies, the jocks, the guys that do woodwork for an easy credit, the art students, the chess club which I didn’t belong to but which I beat on a regular basis …chess that is (shhhh, don’t tell). I also drive the Captain and the Sargent of the ROTC program to near madness and without guile but nearly total naivite (another story for another time). ********************Are you still here reading this…cause this is longer than I thought********************So it’s a Friday night and the Krystal’s is hopping (Krystal’s was the South’s version of the White Castle). Every conceivable group is there from my High School (I should mention that the Krystal’s was directly across the street from the High School and you could see it through the windows of the High School cafeteria while you ate ‘something’ with white gravy next to ‘something else’ with white gravy next to ‘something that use to be a vegetable’ with gray gravy (school pride colors?). Kids sitting on the back of their Father’s convertible listening to Rod Stewart sing ‘Maggie May”. Suddenly 2 cop cars pull in and roaches begin to scurry into the surrounding bushes or those with more balls than I swallowed what remained …hopefully remembering to knock off the red tips before consuming. But they weren’t there to bust a few hippie/jock/cheerleading/football playing potheads. There was trouble inside. A few minutes later out they walked with Wes/Lesley in handcuffs. Apparently Lesley had gone nuts in the bathroom. I got a look at it…pieces of the wall were missing, mirror destroyed, toilet cracked, paper towel dispenser crumpled. One of the football players knew one of the cops and asked him what happened and pretty soon the word spread across the lot. The cop had asked Lesley what was the reason for the carnage. Lesley replied….that the paper dispenser …..had the instructions……”pull down, tear up”.
6 months later Lesley’s Father put a bullet in his Mother’s head and followed with one in his own. They called Lesley to the office and no one ever saw him again.
Today, I took my sons to the amusement park. I write about it way to much but they love it so I love it. They have a basket ride that allows you to go from one side of the park to the other and you can see the whole park from it’s highest point. While we waited our turn a young couple got out of the basket. One was a very sweet looking girl of maybe 15. She could be anyone’s daughter…anywhere in America…an American Sweetheart. She was holding hands and laughing with her obvious lover. A girl, who looked like a boi, still pretty, still happy, holding hands. The walked by a family which you could mistake for an American family anywhere in the USA. The Mother said “Those 2 are going to hell”.
I think there is an equation here. I am here because it’s something I do but it’s not all of me…it’s part of me. I try to be as honest and loving as I can possibly be…even with this. I am not consumed by it…..but it is part of me…and, in part, I flourish with it’s release, it’s giving, it’s taking and it’s loving.
Those 2 girls…..I don’t know what they do when they go home….but I got to share for a second…in their joy. The Mother didn’t ruin it at all. One might grieve for her…to have missed such an obvious gift.
I hope there aren't any Lesley's reading this.
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SOMEONE PLEASE STOP HIM
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Someone toggled my brain and this came out:
Two blondes on either side of a large pond.
The first blond said "How do I get to the other side"
Second blond says "You silly, your on the other side"
Now admit it you sexist bastard...you visualized 2 women.
I'm blond (mostly)
I go to the gas station (by the way this ones real) and it's the kind where you have to slip your card to the attendant before he/she will let you pump. In this case it's a young brunette who is in charge (That's an important detail as you will see). So I fill up. I go up to get my card and sign the receipt when i notice that the name on the slip isn't mine and that card isn't mine either. Oops, she gave my card and billed me for someone else's gas. He's driven away. She says "Sorry, I guess I was having a blond moment" I say "That's OK....(point to my hair) imagine what life is like for me?" She doesn't get it. It's not funny if you have to explain it. PARADISE LOST
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Now i didn't use any of my separation tricks......looks pretty bad and doesn't quite have the impact.....
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SOMETIMES I TAKE CHANCES WITH MY SANITY....I WRITE KNOWING THAT OUT THERE..... LIES A KILLER....WAITING FOR ME........to step into the 'wrong'.
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The ones who take chances do so knowing that in the end...they will face derirsion. It's the nature of the writing, the writer and the reader turned pundit.
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(WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY FRANK
DISCUSSIONS OF SEXUALITY. IF YOU ARE...BLAME FRANK)
I don't think this is so offensive but these days everyone's
offended by the nothing.
So I go into an Adult Bookstore the other day (couple of months).
Why? I don't know...I'm driving by and I think 'go in' (devil?
hmmmmm?). Sex has changed. Our boundries anyway. I put my hands
behind my back. Don't want to accidently touch an inapropriate toy!
(Look John! That man in the raincoat just rubbed a dildo with the
back of his hand!). Can't believe that I said 'raincoat'...that's
my age shining through. All the women have incredible bodies and
large Hooters (the restaurant kind not the Dr. Suess). It's been a
while and I'm thinking "Wow, that's out there waiting for me?"
Maybe not me......but somebody. Plus, everyone's shaved....ALL
OVER.
I'm near the front counter. There is a countertop display with the
words 'Stroke 29'. Packages in bowl the same size and shape of
those individually wrapped mustard packages you find at fast food
restaurants. The girl behind the counter says "That's really good
stuff" Me: What is it? Her: It's a lube for men. When you get to 29
strokes it becomes incredible slick. ME: 29? How did they get it to
do that at 29? Her: Well it's not exact but it's close. (I'm
feeling like a perv now talking to a girl who can't be over
19....maybe I should count the rings in her nose and see what they
add up to like the rings you count in a tree to get it's age). ME:
29...that's funny... How much?
So in no particular order I think: 1. 'Get picture of this girl
using product out of your head' 2. "Who volunteers for the
research?" 3. 'Get picture of volunteers testing this product out
of your head'.
29..........if I ever make it I'll tell you what happens.
So someone out there is going ...Eeeuuuuwwww.....that's sick.
Someone else is saying that's funny....how does he make that stuff
up? Well the answer..is in the details.
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CRACK THE SKY
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I've said it before....strange weather we are having. I rode up I-91 this early afternoon. One side blue skies and huge billowy white clouds. To the east dark, lightning appearing to travel along the cloud line instead down toward earth. Then the rain. My side torrential for a couple of miles....the other south bound side had patches of dry.
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Driving through Hartford this evening I had to get off the highway. I couldn't see much beyond my wipers....I even slowed down....maybe to 60 ...hahahaha! Then the lightning and thunder....... yet off in the west once again I could see blue. I've heard the expression 'crack the sky' but I never imagined what it would look like until today.
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However, I'm still facinated by the epic power of it all. The terror in the skies muted by the earths need to sip from cups of God. Like the song goes "I'm up on a tightwire....Flanked by life and the funeral pyre" What a dance.........I look down at my feet and count "1, two, 3, four, 1, two, 3, four"
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Your toes are safe today. Be gratefull today...even if it's just that!
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OVERHEARD: W: "If you were rich, I'd marry you." M: "If I was rich why would I marry someone shallow?"
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I hate cell phones. I tell people when I retire (which will be 5 days after I'm dead) that I'm walking to the river and throwing as hard as I can. If I'm not 95 I should get it more than a few feet from the shore.
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I say this because today....the phone held me hostage. It stopped working and to some degree....so did I. Like a blind man driving.
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'Like a blind man driving'? Does that even make sense? Sounds good.
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How will any of you out there take me serious or be terrified after the stuff I've written. Oh well, I'll just have to surprise you. .....and you know I will....and that I can.
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Think 'evil grin'.
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HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I'm listening to Shelby Lynne. Yeah I know...I'm like 20 yrs behind. I tripped across her version of Burt Bacarach's "Anyone who had a Heart" (How old are you? she asked).
Also, I played some Simply Red for my son and found myself, now, listening to that as well.
Reggae Alert...no one seems to come close to replacing Bob Marley...sometimes there is only one. However for some fun....Shaggy 'Mad, Mad World' or 'What's Love'. You can move your hips to it but I don't know if it's side to side or 'in-n-out'....I guess it's a matter of preference.
Can't get any words of my own flowing......so settle for this.
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BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.....HOW, HOW, HOW' I love that talk....When you talk that talk, When you say those things to me. (JOHN LEE HOOKER 'BOOM, BOOM, BOOM')
Quite the storm raging outside. Sounds like a bowling alley without the clunking crashing of the pins. It matches what’s going on inside. Soon it will dissipate and the storm as well. I’ve begun to control what the unknown fills in me with by knowing I don’t own it…it owns me. That the mystery of it….is it’s beauty…….and that in time…….working within a calm….I will see that it taught me something………and I am better for it.
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Always better……………….No matter what…………….always……..
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CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT THAT SALMA HAYEK THING
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I guess from time to time I'll have to repeat this. It's OK. I'm actually complimented by your requests but I don't go that way. I know I said I'd consider it if you looked like Salma Hayek but that was a joke and so far.............you don't look like her anyway.
So for now and the forseeable future...my forseeable future..not yours...I'm going to decline your requests.
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There are others on this site and other sites that would be glad to accomodate you. I'm simply not into men other than conversation and that conversation doesn't include us talking about them going down on me OR me blistering their ass.
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I like my asses, soft, round, red and attached to women. I know, I know ..I'm being judgemental but old habits die hard. (By the way if your a woman out there reading this and you're wearing a 'habit' right now.............he!he! send me a pic... I'm a former Alter Boy! or should i say 'altered boy')
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Tank U veddy mooch!
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"SAME RULES APPLY........ON A RAINY DAY"
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I guess I’ll need to qualify what I say next. I don’t want to but I think I have to. I don’t want to scare anyone. I’d prefer to make a simple declarative and be happy with that but other people are reading and will probably read into it what is not my intent. I guess that’s where the trouble will arise.
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I’ve been on this site for some time. While I try to say ‘to each his/her own’ I’m still dismayed by the words and actions of some. The ‘rush’ that seems to follow a first meeting. The almost instant transference of ‘needs’, ‘desires’ and ‘wants’ onto the new found partner. It’s dangerous and dangerous to the heart as well. What follows is equally damaging. The anger when he/she isn’t what they “pretended to be”, he/she “is married”, he/she are just playing and doesn’t understand that for “me this is real not some game!”.
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Then our hearts turn away.
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“fed up”, “excuse me for being cynical but my experience….”, “everyone’s a phony”, “why don’t you men understand….”
And yet by closer examination “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves” W Shakespere (Julias Caesar). We are the cause of our own undoing, the unhappiness that follows and the wall we build thinking that “the one” will somehow know how to scale it. No one can makes us unhappy…..unless we let them.
Our fantasies are prefect in a way that ONLY fantasies can be. They are of our own making (Cindy Crawford without the ‘mole’). We read, we watch movies, we accept unsolicited advice, we fall victim to stories of romantic bliss in servitude or mastery and bring that to our quest as if they were our own.
The only way around that is to understand our part in the process……to continue the search while staying true to who we are. Who we are is different than what we do. Who we are is the current that flows through us as we play in fields that others do not understand. I am neither saint nor sinner. What we are shines through so that it is apparent to those around us and those we share with.
Our quest starts with a fantasy. In seeking and bringing with us our ‘true self’ we understand that perfection is not possible. We don’t settle but rather we become pragmatic. I am not the center of the universe so not everyone will play their part as I wish (in fact no one plays as I wish…what’s wrong with you people!?). The guy that’s perfect except for the fact that he can stick his entire pinky finger up his nose to scoop out that nugget resting next to his brain (I shuddered while I wrote that). The woman who gets frustrated by the guy who doesn’t understand she needs to be slapped and slapped hard without ever giving him a clue. Those are just the physical….the heart is a much more deadly hunter.
I often fight the urge to meet the woman I want to just fuck and fuck up then leave and/or the woman who has it all and in every way so that I can end this search and just have what I want when I get home at night. Neither one of those is me. One requires nothing of me but my pleasure….the other requires devotional candles. Both require a woman who doesn’t know what an ‘asshole’ is….ha!ha!ha!ha!
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I wrote before in a journal entry that may be gone now, that I am incapable of starting at the end. If someone requires me to say I am going to make a commitment before we’ve even met…..that’s not possible….plus you miss all the fun. The pyramid doesn’t start at the point. Trial and error, baby.
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Why all this?
Well, my sons, a few of my friends, my X wife and a few people I worked with use to say that I was psychic but I don’t believe people are psychic (had they said Psycho……hmmmmmm). I think somehow I developed some kind of observational skill that allows me to watch people and guess things about them. Some numbers and some defining here: If it’s 1 in 5 that would be astronomical for me, 1 in 10…huge…..1 in 20 it’s accidental……..but it’s always accidental. If I think about it …it simply doesn’t happen. If I try to figure out how I do it …nothing….it just comes to me. Something.
So…………. I see her walking across the parking lot. I say to myself ‘That must be her and if it’s not her how am I going to tell the real ‘her’ that I have to go. That I have to try and say ‘hello’ to the woman walking toward me from the parking lot’. It’s her and I’m glad. I’d seen her picture but she was much prettier in person. Not pretty like those mannequins on the cover of Cosmo, Ms., Self, etc…etc….etc. but pretty like a real woman living a real life (and still damn pretty). I had figured on a quick bite to eat….20/30 minutes then go home and figure out if I wanted to persue it but I was almost already there by the time we sat.
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She was smart and funny. She didn’t try to hide anything or build herself up. I listened and all I could hear was truth. The octave of her voice, her words steady and her thoughts full. Then there was the sexiness of it all. I traced, with my eyes, the line from the bottom of her ear down her throat to the pieces of gold that rested at the top of her cleavage, her nails were perfect and painted a rich promising brown (not that stuff you see on the girls running the registers at Stop&Shop….sorry if you work at S&S..nothing personal), the way she wore her hair…. (And a lot of personal information that is not up to me to share…but it was her attitude or the way she dealt with things).
Then after we had talked for a while and we knew there wasn’t that much time left for us… we talked a little bit about play. At first, when she started to reveal some of her experience and some of her desires she turned her face away from me…...but her eyes slowly made their way back until she was looking at me from their corners. I hadn’t run. I started to feel in sync not only with the play but with the emotional needs that was the current under the play.
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I don’t know how she feels. I don’t know if she will, after having time to think about will choose to go forward. I might post this and go to my mail and find a rejection…it won’t change the way I feel. If we do move forward, I know that there will be starts and stops as we ‘discover’. I know that with ‘work’, time and practice the physical thing will be pretty damn good based on this one conversation. Other than that it’s all a crap shoot.
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She helped me write this even though she doesn’t know it. If it sucks don’t blame her it will be only me failing to put it to paper correctly.
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Lastly, you might think this is about her…or about her and me…but it’s really just about me. I’ve searched so long without any real success. I wanted something more than just ‘play’. If you think this is about falling ‘in love’ you would be wrong….though eventually you would be right…..but ‘who’ and ‘when’ fill that ‘eventually’ is as much a mystery to me today as it was on Monday when I woke up. I’m just talking about ‘me’ connecting and only from my perspective.
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James Taylor wrote a line in a song many years ago that said maybe “the secret of life is merely enjoying the passage of time”. How that happens and how we do that is up to us. If I keep that in mind…..things…good things….like this woman I just met…..will happen. Everything that got in the way…the people who tried to draw me into their chaos….the disappointments along the way…will have only been lessons that brought me to where I wanted to be. How can I be angry with that?
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What was I going to say? What was going to be my declarative statement?
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I kissed a girl…..and I know I liked it………………
That’s all…………………….
{PS: You read the above and think it’s about you…......your nuts. You read this and still think it’s about you……your right}
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'you don't have mail'......................
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first I want to use my old personal phone and the damn thing doesn't work. I rarely used it and so I'm not going to spend money fixing something I don't use.
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Today my business phone starts to act up. Can't call out unless i dial the number over and over and many who call either get hung up on or they hear me cursing about the f**k*ng phone not working (sorry about that!). Company has been telling us that they are buying all new Apple iPhones because we are using phones that were new when Regan left office.
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SLEEPS WITH ANGELS...........
Neil Young (Tribute to Kurt Cobain)..........
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Today was great. One of those days where everything seems to go your way. I start each day with a plan knowing that by about 9:30 to 10am my plan is gone. However, it gives me structure to a day without.
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The guy who had the position before me wasn’t very….let’s say….hmmmm…I can’t think of the exact word. Let’s say he left the position with things less than he said they were. So I’m cleaning up the mess and it looks like I’m getting very little done except that it’s a lot and sales have jumped hugely since I hit the streets. That’s the only way I think the bosses know I’m working. So today, every where I went….people did what I requested and it worked out well for me….and for them. Win/Win...............
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So I ended my day…upbeat. It's 7pm....ME time.
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I’m standing next to a guy I know and he says “Did you hear about Mike?” Now if I know one Mike….I know 25. That’s not an exaggeration. I don’t know any Mike’s really really well so it’s even harder to know who he’s speaking about. It would be the same if he had said ‘Steve’ or ‘Jim’ as a I know a lot of them. Now ‘Paul’…I know about 5 Paul’s. Paul’s my name though I don’t go by Paul, I go by my middle name. It’s a little unusual and people have a tendency to brutalize it. If I think I’m going to know them for a while I have a little joke I tell them so they will remember how to pronounce it. it works well. I have yet to tell someone the joke and have them forget how to pronounce it and the other plus....they never forget my name. My kids refuse to go to Home Depot anymore as they complain “you say your only going to be in there 15 minutes but after you have spoken to everyone who knows you...... it’s more like 2 hours”. I’m not popular….I’m just known. PS: If you ever meet me and I tell you my name is Paul…it means something about you I don’t like. That way if I meet you again and don’t remember our last meeting….I get my guard up quick. Not to worry….I haven’t used it in years….ha!ha!
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I digress again as you are no doubt use to that if you follow my writings. (by the way, I don’t just write here)
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So I say exactly that…..”Mike….which Mike?” …..”You know, the kid”…..16 to 60 is the age span for my Mike’s…that does not narrow it down. Sorry doesn’t ring a bell. “Well, he had a twin sister….” I feel a chill run through me so deep I actually shudder. “The twin that killed herself a couple of years ago?” Yeah. “He killed himself yesterday”.............
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I met Mike only once about 8 months ago. I walked into a room and he was there speaking to a group of people. He was talking about his addictions. His best friend in the world was his twin. He spoke for about an hour and at least 10 if not more minutes were devoted to her. He got sober. She killed herself without even trying. Mike had been sober 2 years when his sister killed himself. He said it was his program, his belief in God and good friends who helped him get through that terrible ordeal. I listened rapt at his story. He looked all of 18 but revealed he had recently turned 29. I spoke with him afterwards and told him what an honor it was to have stumbled into his speech. It was truly amazing stuff.
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I don’t know how he died….I didn’t care. I pray that God is not the God of my upbringing. That he is as kind as I have come to believe he is. That Mike and his sister are together again. That their pain and suffering are at an end and they are happy to be in each others company. …… and so my day ends with that. Not sad, not shaken……stirred. I’ll keep Mike’s story with me. His end does not diminish what once was and somewhere out there is another Mike with a different ending. I know that Mike as well.
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DADDY-------hmmmmnnnn?////Woke up one morning and found you had issues did you? *********
So the Therapists says "Did we discuss this before?" Patient: "No,....why is it important?" Therapist: "Only until your insurance runs out."******
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***HOMELAND INSECURITY DEUX**** So now we have boaters watching each other. That's the headline that draws weekend pleasure crafters into the search for Osama bin Laden associates. Beer, sun, bikini's, Girls Gone Wild, terrorist watchers. Who's on this list....Nelson Mandela....who's not....Dick Cheny...who's on... thousands of American born citizens with 'foreign sounding' names...who's not...my X wife.////Dick C. said sometimes we have to give up some freedom to be safe....maybe it's me but I think I read that book. Didn't have a happy ending. Isn't that what freedom 'ensures'?//// "Watch everyone" ////Your not paranoid they really are out to get you////The list of admisinstration officials from both Nixon and Bush that can't travel freely to other countries once out of office is huge. There are international tribunals with warrants for their arrest. They are wanted for things like......genocide.
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I'm taking a break for an extended period. if you write and I don't get back to you..... |
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***THE BUMPER STICKER SAY'S 'GONE FISHING'*****
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!!!!
SHE SAID, YOU'RE STRANGE, BUT DON'T CHANGE, AND I LET HER.!!!!! If you knew me better you wouldn't know me at all. There is actually a reason for the way I write. Now if I could only remember where I put it......//////
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***SNOOZE YOU LOSE***Damn alarm clock has a snooze button. they shouldn't have these things. just set it for the absolute last minute you can get up and live with it. this alarm is poorly designed. next to the snooze button is the button that changes 'time zones'. How many times since January 1st, 2008 have I woken in Central Standard Time?****** 2 USE **** I've met someone. Sort of. I think I'm going to check it out for a while. ----SINGLETAIL----I don't know how something so soft could hurt someone. I intend to find out though.---nite
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***AGAIN, I ASK***How do you start at the end? Can you possibly ask all the questions to know absolutely? When you are done(?) will there be anything left to discover...any mystery...any desire.---***--- In one hand .... my heart and the other man made thought...in which will I place my faith? I turn and look and see the world to which I must surrender.....it is not for me to decide my fate. I trust that no mater what happens...catastrophic, benign or the greater good that each will end with the world better. Einstein commented on this very fact....and added that that 'thing' that ended up making 'it' better...that was God. It was like that long before I arrived and I have no doubt long after I am survived. Long before I heard Einstein comment on it. Long before someone gave it a name.////I suspect many of you will wonder what the hell I'm talking about or what happened to get me on this track. Does it matter?
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MAXWELLS SILVER HAMMER *****when I filled in the list of 'loves', 'likes', 'curious', 'tolerates', 'dislikes' I added -clubbing- to 'hard limits'. Maybe they didn't mean like SATURDAY NIGHT FEVOR. And if it's not clubbing 'me' I'll skip 'tolerates' and go right to 'curious'. Maybe try it a few times and see if it moves to 'likes' or better.****** Read a profile tonight by a D as like the D in D/s. Used 'no', 'don't', 'waste', 'won't' or words that envoked a 'negative' more than 12 times in His/Her introduction. I love that...letting people have the chance to define you by the things you don't, won't, no, never, waste, pass, move-on, tolerate (neg), refuse, block etc, etc. I am what I am not. Popeye was wrong, apparently. Move over Joy make room for the hole.*****I think clubbing just moved up the scale****I wish you could hear me laughing. It might bring a smile to your face. It doesn't sound like you've had one in a while. What with everyone assaulting you with all your 'no's'.///////
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### I SEE WHAT I MEAN#### I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination. I can not....inside my room....imagine scenes of life. So whatever beauty I see...I see.///////I ordered smoked turkey with a spinich and articoke spread dressing. She handed me a a plastic square that would have flashing lights when my meal was ready. I stood next to the counter and didn't move when my name was called because the lights were in denial. When did I start following the rules? They said sit down...I threw up..at least it use to be that way.******I sat down several tables and a counter away from a couple. I didn't notice them till they stood to leave. She was tall and somewhat substantial. She wore a dress better suited for mid-Spring but the day was quickly warming and I wished I was wearing a golf shirt. She wore it well. The hem of her skirt was far above her knees and she walked away leaving a trail of her .......a woman......full, confident and complete.........***** To accept who we are is to bring beauty to the space we occupy. My eyes do not lie to me and I have seen these things in spaces and places that others with vision ignorant missed... a moment, a vision, that would have brought them closer......to the thing they want most. >>>>>>--'they said sit down, I threw up' Bruce Springsteen (of course) 'Growin Up'
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***SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD SAY "JERK!"*** Travelled a great distance twice for work but with a clear intention of picking up my singletail. First time he wasn't there he calls 2 days later and says he was there but phone wasn't working for some reason. I call and he tells me that he will definately be there just call 30 minutes ahead. Called every 30 minutes for 4 hours. I need to be less spiritual and more 'spirited'. Awwww...no...crap.
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*OH, OH, OH...MR. KOT-TAARE!***** I just got word that my singletail is ready. All righteee!>>>>>Just in time for the tax man.
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***AT PLAY IN THE FIELDS OF OUR LORD*** Very interesting the conversations that I have had with people in BDSM about spiritualism and God. I'm surprised how easliy it seems to come up and that no one seems to care about hiding their feelings about it. I'm not one much for organized religion (organized to do what?). I don't have anything against them and why should I. They work for those that they work for and who am I to say 'if it's wrong or if it's right?' (Police- Roxanne). But the depth of the thinking is amazing and enlightning and in almost every case.....loving. And not just limited to the subs/slaves. To most people...I think we are 'Devil Worshipers'. Strange to find you have a desire that makes the rest of the world want to shun you and yet at the same time hold within it's self ...people who seek to find themselves within a structure of a 'higher power' or as most people prefer ...God. *****Boy I bet I crossed some peoples lines with that.*******
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'MY SON AND MY MONEY GOES TO (insert name) COLLEGE' ***** Well apparently it was just my money. My son calls me tonight to tell me that he doesn't want to go to 'music' college anymore. Film school is next. He has been playing music since he was 8. He's damn good. He went to high school and music academy at the same time. He was the only student from his academy who was accepted to 2 of the most prestigious schools in the country and for many musicians the 2 finest music schools in the world for Jazz. Out of over 20 who applied only 2 were accepted at one and none at the other. I'm not bragging I'm just setting up what comes next. My son was a great writer though his grammer sucked and he was very visual. His Mother pushed him toward a goal of music and I won't go into the details and the motivations but I always felt that while he was great at it ...he had no passion for it. So after 2 years he has decided to leave. Film...the greatest money maker of all times....for colleges. Like acting, thousands will try, one will succeed. They don't call it the Blvd of Broken Dreams for nothing.*****
Actors I have met: Jason Robards, Warren Beatty, Kathleen Turner, Paul Newman, Robbie Benson, William Shatner (but who hasn't), Radar from MASH (He lives here in CT), Lauren Bacall, Mrs. Robinson (having a brain fart and can't remember her name. Nice as heck too), Woody Allen (strange and I was the only one at the table that thought he was a little weirdly creepy and this was before the Mia shit), a few more. Aren't you impressed? Rock Stars...that's in the hundreds and includes Elvis, Ringo and George, half of The Who, this would go on forever as i worked in the music industry for a number of years. The 2 greatest music personalities had to be Charlie Daniels who was one of the most incredible human beings I have ever met and Bruce Springsteen who I got to talk with about John Steinbeck, East of Eden, His 'Darkness' album and the biblical implications of Cain and Able and how the King James version was at complete odds with the original Hebrew version. I wasn't even suppose to meet him and there we were sitting down having this incredible conversation for the longest time. ****how the hell did I get off on this tangent!
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This is to the several I have heard/ read/or spoken with who question why they carry on:
LET’S DO THE MATH********* About 4% of the population engage in what is termed S/M or BDSM. Over 75% is the slap and tickle kind…”Oh No you don’t (slap on ass) get over here honey.” She kind of likes that but tie her up and it’s the police and a divorce atty. Then about another 20% is the tie her up and eat her out or tie him up , blindfold him and give him a BJ (I don’t get this by the way but that’s me….”Is that you honey? Did you call over your girlfriend? Is that her sucking my cock?” divorce atty …but no police). You are now down to the final 5% and that’s what makes up a good percent of collarme.com. Those that are ‘real’ that is. A huge number are those that want to jump into the world for a second and get a cheap thrill. Men who’s porn habit’s have lead them to believe that the women here are waiting somewhere, already trussed up, in stocks with their asses high in the air, waiting for ‘you’. Their eyes moisten when you enter the room and they beg “use me until your satisfied. I mean nothing to you or the world and deserved to be abused”. (by the way if this is you and you DON’T believe you mean nothing to the world…give me call…ha!). This is the porno created version of BDSM. It has nothing to do with the real world. I have nothing against porno. I think used properly it can be a good teaching tool and/or open your eyes to a wider sexual world. I remember seeing a man fist a woman on screen when I was about 19. The girl looked a little like Susan Dey of the Partridge Family and like many guys that age I had a thing for her. Wow! I fantasized doing that with a woman for decades. When it happened it was wild and great. I would have never thought that possible. BACK TO THE BIG BOARD, ALEX: So we have a population of 300,000,000. 4% of that is 12,000,000! 75% of that is 9,000,000. So we are left with 4,000,000. Big Pool but not the one we want to swim in. We have to also take out 2, 400,000 (20% that doesn’t go far enough). We are down to 1,600,000. Or 32,000 per state. Damn good if we didn’t have to be so hidden in our desires. Number jump up when you think of states like Montana, Utah, N & S Dakota but those are gobbled up by NY, CA, TX and I can only imagine the numbers consumed by Washington DC. CT where I’m writing from seem a tad on the submissive side in both men and women and not in huge numbers that would seem to detract from other states. The numbers are small, there are people preying on us, and it’s hard enough to find someone when you are ‘normal’ sexually so it’s a daunting task when you have to add ‘likes to be tied up and have nipples twisted until the morning sun is on the horizon”. Yet we still get pissed off when someone turns out to be not what he/she says they are. We are quick tempered when we feel (rightly or wrongly) someone has insulted us. We wonder why bother? When (not if) we find that right person…it will all be worth it. Don’t let other peoples chaos become your chaos. Disappointed?....yes…….then move on.*******///////
DIAMOND OR ZIRCONIUM or KNOW YOUR (WO)MAN: A phone number with no ‘absolute’ time to call. He says only call between 4:30 and 5:15 he’s asking you to call him before he gets home and gives his wife and kids a peck on the cheek (I’m being kind here). You agree to meet and when you do you should ask for his Driver’s Lic. He says ‘no’ get up and walk away. Bring a bottle of perfume and say that you just bought it and would he mind if you sprayed a little to get his opinion. If he gets up and starts running you can be sure he won’t be back (Please don’t try this with me as I am VERY allergic to perfume) . Look at the ring finger. Tell him you are actually a man…if he stays then maybe you should go. ^^^^^^*******^^^^^^^PS: Mostly women will read this. You have probably experienced a certain amount of abuse on collarme. Let me add that as a man I can assure you that we also get our fair share of liars, phonies, wanna-be’s, fantasizers, and men pretending to be women. Crap is not gender specific.
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FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI****....**** I read the following on someones profile "We believe the brain is the most erotic of all organs". I am not making fun of this entry and in fact I agree whole heartedly with the statement but when I read it I suddenly flashed on Ray Liotta in the second or maybe third installment of the Hannibal Lecter movies. Kids don't try this at home and always wear a condom. For those that saw the movie you might feel a little quessy right now. For those who haven't...be grateful. Quessy...that just doesn't look right?! God I'm tired..I shouldn't be writing.**** I actually had intended a long political rant but thought it best to do it when I'm rested and spend time 'editing' it which I almost never do (as if you couldn't tell). However, I watch very little TV or the news but I couldn't help to find it incredibly sad and more than a little maddening to find out that 'we' have tortured prisioners to death. Oops!? we evesdropped then dragged our moral authority out of it's home and stomped it to death thinking it was the enemy (Cheney "Sometimes you have to suspend certain freedoms to keep people safe from terrorist"---Gee, if it keeps me safe attach those wires to my balls again.) When these people are finally let go and return to their countries and relate what they went through.....Our 'cloak of rightiousness' will lay in rags at their feet. **Shit did I just make that up cause that's good stuff. I bet I stole it. That's OK it's how we get things done here in Detroit. (I live in Hartford, CT for anyone I just confused) PS: don't come looking for me as I'm never here but you can ring if you want. Now for some relief for you people...bedtime.
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'I YAM'**** I like it when someone says "I know who I am". For some reason it makes me think of Popeye. It's a fun, innocent, nostalgia thing. In the town I grew up in popeye was on almost every day. I've dated myself with that but like Wonder Bread, there's no mold on me now and hopefully never. I feel like if I had a package of Wonder Bread from the day I was born...I'd go bad before it did...on second thought, I did go bad before it did! ....*****.....I was digressing which I'm ape to do. (pun intended..insert groan here). ****^^^^**** Sooooooo, "I yam what's I yam...I'm popeye's the sailors man" (boop, boop) 'I know what I am'..interesting. Most times that's followed by a long list of what the person will not now, has not ever and will never do. Defined by the 'not(s). Strip away all the not(s), no(s), never and 'no way' and you have a complete picture of the person. ???Maybe not. Most likely not. Almost never not. I think (and it is just my opinion, you may have your own, but on your own profile) ....never not (sorry Ms. Brown/English Teacher). Unless you have some experience, and by some more than a few days, weeks, months or your 1000 hours+ watching porn, your 'no-not-never' is just an extension of your fantasies. As is your desires. The thing(s) you want. The thing(s) you would wish to make real. They are peaks formed in shadows (and yes I did mean peaks) without action. *ACTION*^*^* 2 people change each other. No matter how brief the exchange some microcosm of your being changes. We look for acceptance in every one we meet. We assess the other person, we change. In a way, most times, so small that it is imperceptible even to ourselves and in fact this happens dozens of times each day. The selfless and the selfess brought forth and used for better or worse. Don't seek with 'not-no-never'. The result is always negative. Be selfless. Be bold. And if your writing me 'be imaginative' because...it's been a while!!!!LOL
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LISTENING TO: Page Faith, Damien Jurado, Calexio, Gary jules, Old Crow medicine Show, 'Into the Wild' soundtrack (fantastic), Carole King (weird, I know), Devendra Banhart, Damien Rice, Damien Gray ..oh anyone named Damien.., State Radio and (this guy is great) Sufjan Stevens.
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SOMEONE ASKED: someone asked why all the dots..... slashes////// and hyphens ------. Collarme journal shoves all the thoughts and the words together. I have several thoughts and/or conversational thoughts in one entry. I use them to seperate them .....plus i think they look pretty ///----don't you?
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A MEETING MISSED: if you arrange for 3 or 4 meetings and something happens......everytime.....is that a sign?
.............................///////////////----------My last entry reminded me of a line from a song in the 50's. "it is the rocks in the water that gives the river it's song"....Nice way to look at our troubles.
at least mine...anyway....
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A STRANGE BREWING....-----..... Ever read those personals where they say "likes long walks on the beach".. Seems to be almost universal. I like them too but rarely ride down to the beach. However, mine might read 'likes to hike in the woods'. When I conjure up fantasies and I admit that I do play out scenes in my head, I rarely find them taking place in the bedroom or the basement or in some play space dungeon. No, they mostly take place in the woods. I wonder if it's that long lost animal instint to mate (or whatever) in the woods. The smell of last years rotting leaves mixed with Spring's new growth a heady cologne or perfume if you prefer. I have over the years had a few liasions in the woods sometimes on the banks of a brook or river flowing pregnant with the waters of melting snow from above (Spring seems to be my lucky season). The sound of her mixing with the song of the stream. The smell of her mixing with the earth. We are what we were.....animals...but passionate and giving. She ... "in whispers of soft refusal....and..then........ surrender". ....----...if you haven't guessed by now my hormones seem to be raging these last 3 weeks. I don't know if it's because I've been working out a lot and my body is telling me "OK..enough already...go for it..what are you waiting for?". And maybe that's the answer..I'm waiting. Or maybe it's the more 'base' part of me listening to Spring and the call of the Earth.
/////"in whispers of........" from Bruce Springsteen's 'Jungleland'.........../////----......
PS: Ever notice how hard it is to get the earth stains out of your knees?
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'THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS'...Sound of Music..Julie Andrews---...--- I was asked for some personal information. I share with you now.......-------........./
likes: cold snowy days, Fall, long walks, smell of a fireplace, smell of freshly baked bread, my 2 sons, about 4 weeks into Spring when the world is coming back to life...full force, the smell of clean skin, the smell of skin in heat, cold showers, the feel of cool rain on my face and in my hair, Breyers Vanilla Ice Cream, music, music, music, music, a first kiss, the sound of the ocean, the sound of a beach full of people, a baby's cry, lustful moaning, I could go on for days...........
desires: a first kiss and the second, the skin I lay on, a new place to live, my sons love, helping others, watching someone grow into a new life, the sound of laughter whispered in my ear, laughing so hard with someone that it hurts, I could go on for days............
favorite book: East of Eden, This too would take a while but East of Eden way above all others.
favorite candy: Heath Bar but I'll settle for a Skor if the Heath Bar isn't available. Low taste I guess. Don't like Godiva or Dove.
bulldogs: Now that's ugly but I can't help but find them cute. I prefer mutts with a little Black Lab in them but I go to the pound every once in a while just to look at dogs (can't have one where I'm presently at) and there's a good half dozen I'd take with me every time.
I work out 6 to 7 days a week and I'm trying to get enough money to get back into scuba diving. My sons want to take up paintball, camping, fishing and kayaking. None of which interest me but i will enjoy each of them if they do.
I hope that she wasn't looking for my waist size or the size of my ****! Just kidding but even so -----One is small and the other big. Guess.
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AH, BUT THERE FOR A MOMENT: Silly, I know but for a moment I thought I almost connected. To be honest maybe I DID see only her 'looks'. I had very little else to go on. I was thinking about a line in a song that goes "these days I work down at the car wash / where all it ever does is rain". Been there, done that, ain't goin back. Moments come and go. I lived in NYC for a while. Sometimes your standing on the platform as the train begins to pull out and there, in the window, is a face. You wish you had boarded.
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IT NEEDS TO BE SAID:
....----.... "I'll whip you till you bled, cunt!" Not a great way to introduce yourself. Maybe she's a hemophiliac. ....... C'mon do you talk to your wife like that? You know you don't or she would make you vacuum the house and make the bed. You are watching way to much porno. There are days, weeks maybe months (hopefully not years) before you can bend her in half like she's a gymnist and brand her with your golden spunk. If your here to pretend please know that you are hurting people who are here to find something real. You wouldn't want someone to treat your daughter that way.....well would you?
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MONOGOMY:
Someone wrote me saying they didn't think I was monogomous. . . . ---.... MY ANSWER: I'm not monogomous, I'm celibate. There is an aching difference. LOL For
me to be monogomous, there has to be meeting, a date, talking, a first
kiss, a second a th....you get the drift, dinner, a walk, touching,
feeling, playing and a moment where we say "Maybe this is something I
can hold onto". That's where M starts for me. I'll be honest...the
process of dating terrifies me. It's been a while for me. I read about women who
have been hurt and I don't want to add to that (at least not in the
emotional way). With each step of getting to know someone, I have to
say to myself "Am I being selfess?" If the answer is 'no' then it's OK
even if it ends.(END) I don't walk into a first meeting expecting a woman to fall on her knees and submitting to me. That's unrealistic. If it's in a restaurant it's also embarassing. I know that some people know at first sight.... for the other 99% of us it's starts with "Hi"
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THE PROMISE....----....
Each night, as my part of the earth turns away from the sun, there comes a moment when my part of the world is as far away from the light as it will ever be. The dark, full. Then the earth spins just a degree and I am headed toward the promise of a new day. That is good place to be. I wonder if the people living in Montana or New Mexico (and you know who you are you beautiful thing) have an easier time knowing that there is a God. Unlike new England where the night sky is always a blue/black and the stars are found in the dozens, they look up and see a sky with millions/billions of stars. Fiery diamonds filling the canvas of night. Seeing that and knowing with that we couldn't possibly be alone. Under these conditions how can we lose hope? Trusting that no matter what happens if we look at in the right way ...everything will be OK. I cannot change anyone but me.
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SINGLETAIL: Someone sent me a link to a singletail. Waiting on the 'tail' and someone wanting.
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INTO THE WILD: ...---... Just saw this movie. The soundtrack alone is worth the price. May be the greatest soundtrack...ever (excluding musicals). Oh, and the movies good as well.
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SINGLE TALE: Hmmmm anyone in CT know where I can find a quality single tail at a resonable (mean $ not $$$$) price. Let me know.
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COLLARME HOLDS ME IN BONDAGE: ...---... So I sit here hitting 'view profile' over and over again and nothing happens. So I hit 'read mail' over and over and nothing happens. So I hit 'home' and nothing happens so I hit 'who's viewing me' and nothing happens so I hit I hit 'my account' and nothing happens so i close my browser and open back up and run from one site to another and then back to collarme.com and hit 'who's viewing me' and nothing happens...........aarrrgggghhhh. 'logout' nothing happens.....'edit journal' and finally something happens. So I get to write this. Let's see what happens when I hit 'Save Ch
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ANOTHER KODAK MOMENT: ...---... Why is it that people ask for a photo without first offering to send you theirs? or adding "I asked first." If you want my pic I'm fine with sending it to you but you need to send yours first if having a picture is paramount. Even if I don't think physically we are a match I send mine anyway because it's a matter of trust. I don't ask for pics because I'm a word person first. I'm not ugly...at least 'I don't think so' and that's what's important. If you don't think your attractive ..... you shouldn't write to me. Not because my opinion matters but because yours does.
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R U LISNIN? n th 8g of cht n txt mess wht wil hapn 2 cogNtv thot. sinAPtv bran respnc wil inLrg but shrt n Lng trm memree wil deMenish oar sees 2 xsis n sum LevLs.
....which means that history will not teach us any lessons because we have nothing but surface words to rely on. Words are larger than just themselves. To communicate real things is to use words that convey the larger scope of our interactions. What we are to each other and how we hope to grow closer. Since the dawn of time tribes have sought to redifine how they communicate to further understand the world around them. If there are any teachers on this site, your seeing what I'm talking about.
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WILLY WONKA .-.-.-
I like to read profiles. Mostly female submissives. Found an interesting one from out West and we have written to each other a few times. Beautiful woman I'll never meet. I have ADD and I'm already off track. What I started to say was the amazing amount of woman who start off by saying 'please do not send me a picture of your 'cock' (I'm on a 'cock' theme tonight). It's strange to read 'that' and even stranger to think that guys are clicking away at their genitals. In this age of porn you would just have to have an incredibly magnificent 'cock' to impress someone with it. I know 'for me' that if I sent a picture of my 'cock' that would be the end of any chance of getting to be a Dom. LMFHO Really pictures of your cock? If you are smart you'd do what I use to do...send pictures of my wallet. Then I wised up and started sending pictures of my friends wallet along with a picture of his house. I asked him for a picture of his cock but he said no.
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GEE THIS SOUP TASTE FAMILIAR: ..---.. I'm in Stop & Shop (grocery store chain in the North East) and they have those bins in front where they throw the 'under $2 items. There was a bin with with these packages of dried soup mix from a company called 'Grace' and it says 'Authentic Jamaican' on the bottom. Beef soup has an artist rendering of a cow, vegitable soup had tomato's and what looked like celery and onions, and the chicken soup had a rooster. However, while the first was titled 'Beef Flavored Soup' and the next said 'Vegetable Flavored Soup' the Chicken said in even bigger letters "Cock Flavored Soup". I bought 10 packs so I can serve it my friends. See if they taste the difference.
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MIRROR, MIRROR
---...--- Sometimes in training I use a mirror. The submissive speaks to herself as she verbalizes her desires. Revealing herself in a whole new way.
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I SAID IT BEFORE:
-.-.- if you are a transexual or if you are a transvestite, unless you look like Salma Hayek or Kim Bassinger (today not 20 years ago) then the answer is "Yes, it does matter". ....---...--- Probably just opened the door.
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a thing that makes you go 'hmmmm':
Quote: "I like serving all kinds of races"
....----....think about it. get back to me.
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THIS WOMAN SHOULD BE IN ADVERTISING! ...----...
"**I'm The Naughty Woman your conscious runs from and The Sadistic Bitch your subconscious begs for!!..."
That is fantastic!
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JUST CRAZY STUFF
God I want to be a cowboy tonight. Riding under the stars, feeling the cold, watching the steam of breath, taking off my glove and holding a warm hand. Free.
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ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE I-PODS
She wears the headphones, eyes bandaged, mouth gagged. she listens to music...sweeping, soaring, soft, erethral as she is stroked, in rhythm, leaving long thin trails across her skin..tiny marks of red. ying/yang....beauty/beastly
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YOU WANT WHAT!!??!!
Good grief the price of BDSM toys and such is unbelievable. Nylon rope, plastic bags, duct tape. Cheap and much more frightening if that's what you are going for. Please be smart...no duct tape on the skin I don't care how many movies show it being used as a gag. Real life...you yank the duct...you remove the lips. If you can get good at recognizing household goods as potential BDSM play toys you will be good to go (as the say in the viagra commercial) 'no matter when the moment arises'.
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I OWE, I OWE, IT'S OFF TO WORK I GO....
Started a job 3 1/2 months ago. Hated it almost from the start. Another company calls me up and offers me almost double so I say 'ok'. I start in a week and a half even though they said they would like me to start sooner which it's looking like that will happen. The only problem....Wall Street took a crap these last 7 days and the product I'm working is for people with some disposible income.....out of the fire....into the inferno. This is where trust in God is tested. Oh well....
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IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
----......----
http://www.mycollarspace.com/
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DREAMS I WISHED I'D HAD AND A THOUGHT I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T MENTION
-----......-----
I never dream of BDSM. I've had sex dreams. I always wake before the best part.
----....----
I was sent a small file called 'Bondage Thoughts'. It was like a dream in that it was sort of disjointed and jumped from moment to moment. I don't watch a lot of porn but I wanted to see more of this. I went searching a couple of times and finally found it.....fascinating.
-----.....----
I once dreamt that I was having sex with myself and I'm not talking masturbating. I wonder what it would be like to have a BDSM dream and I looked down and I was spanking me....
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My God That Was Fast...Do You Mind If I Go Again?
someone must have been reading my profile when I added the journal entry....they aske dif it was true within a couple of minutes of it going online.....Yes that is a true story... it really happened.... and there is someone on this site that knows it's a true story. She may be grinning right now. I wrote about it before and probably in more detail but I think it may have been deleted.
-----.....-----
'yes it's true....and it could happen to you' Cat Stevens
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IS THAT AN ECHO?? ECHO?? ECHO??
-------.......--------
I stuck my hand inside her. I’d never done this. I was amazed at how it felt. Her cunt pulsated all around my fist. Like having your hand inside the heart. She responded…loudly. The neighborhood girls were on their walk outside. They stopped and called out “Are you OK? Are you OK? Should we call the police? HELLLOOOOO? Are you OK? We should call the Police.” The slut and the man with only one visible hand both blushed. She responded and they left…. probably wondering why their husbands couldn’t make them cry out like that.
------……-------
------……-------
Did you know that spell check doesn’t recognize ‘cunt’. Even more can you imagine someone spelling it wrong….Kunt.
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THE SOUND OF THUNDER...HOW FAR OFF I WONDER.....----.....
There is a journal here that includes an account of a submissive whose son died out on the waters of the Northwest. Days waiting in hope replaced by the desire ‘to know’ what has happened to her son. When a body is found she hopes that it is her son so she will have completion even though she feels guilty for having the thought while other parents wait for their children to return to them in a similar fashion.
--------…….--------
I have 2 boys myself. The older one is almost 20 though he acts like he’s 16. The other is 11. He thinks he is a big boy and wants to go to the bathroom in restaurants by himself so I let him and then stare at the door watching who may come out or who may go in. Those seconds……….waiting. My heart aches for her.
--------….…--------
Is it the end of ‘new memories’ with a loved one that makes a grieve so? My older son is away in college and yet if I reach out far enough we might touch fingertips. He is there and here. For those who are gone I remind myself that they were once flesh and loved. In loving me they would be fine with me grieving but in loving me they wouldn’t want me to grieve to long or to hard. That would be selfish of me because for a person to ‘live on’ they must live in my memory of them and to live in the memory of them I must live in the love that we shared. Love does not live in grief it lives in the heart of what was best in both of us and the memories we built from those moments when we were perfect to each other even if we were not perfect on our own.
--------…….---------
I will not walk this way again. Nor contemplate the valley below.
--------……..-------
------…….----------
JUST SO YOU KNOW…I don’t talk like this in real life…. like say when I’m buying groceries or whipping someones ass.
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Taking chances....I'm back.
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What do you do when your brain plays tricks on you? The skier, graceful, powerful and talented wakes one day to find he/she has been in a car wreck. One leg is gone. How different his/her reaction to that loss will be from the person who drives to work, sits in a chair all day and then goes home to watch TV from the couch before bed. I was once a like a skier. My brain gracefully showed me the way. -----/////-----\\\\\-----
Unlike the person who has a stroke and wakes to find their speech slurred, their face drooping, their gait halting my brain took a slow subtle turn for the worse and it wasn’t apparent for years. Slowly I became un-done, twisting thoughts and traveling into the the dark until I arrived at a place where no light reached. Then…slow attempts at recovery. I recently twisted again, my arms flailing knocking at people and things and leaving insult and pain. Sleep alludes me most nights despite the best efforts of Docs. -----\\\\\----//////--- NOW:….______________... The thoughts come…”What was real? Are the things that brought me pleasure in BDSM part of the brain fart or are they organic?” I take pleasure in giving her pleasure through her submission, her pain, her parts that respond to touch by blossoming into words/moans/openings. (‘her’ being in general a play partner and no one specific at this time). How does she ‘trust’ me when I not sure how to ‘trust’ myself. I can take a knife and scrap the wax from her skin without ever once thinking of slicing into meat….but her soul! That is where the danger lies. To draw her in and then chemicals of which I have no control, explode and send neuron messages saying ‘this is wrong’ or ‘this isn’t what you want’ or ‘RUN!’. A soul is tortured and it is not consensual. I can do so many things with your body. In time, I can make your skin sing in ways you may have never experienced. I know how to use words. I can suck on you till your done and yet leave you wanting more. But…I can also napalm your soul and I’m experienced. ----\\\\----////----Lyrics: Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world…---…Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before…---…Let your soul take you where you long to be…---…Only then can you belong to me. ‘Phantom of the Opera'
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RUMINATIONS PT 102
MEET & BEAT or DIMINISH & DESTROY
THE DEATH OF A GOOD THING
I received a note about a year and a half ago from someone on collarme.com. A note regarding degradation on an extreme level. I looked at the picture of what appeared to be a very homely young girl with apparent extreme desires to be essentially destroyed. I wrote her back and questioned her commitment to such sceneing and the risks to not only her body but to her soul. When she wrote again I realized that it wasn’t a woman at all but a man posing as a woman. I didn’t confront him then but later I got him to admit to being a man. He wanted to know if it was a problem?! ……….._____________.....
The problem is expectations and desires…reality and nature. Fantasies unfulfilled run amuck fueled by lonliness and failure to find someone who accepts us as we are. The female sub or if you wish to be called ‘slave’ is a greedy, selfess woman who’s need to serve and/or submit places demands upon the Dom or if you wish Master/Sir/Daddy. Her need a heightened sense of the order in which evolution has diluted. To be taken, owned so to speak, to serve within the familia unit even if there are no children. To give and give through sacrifice and commitment is her need, her desire. How easy it is for men with low self esteem and using only their base desires to play someone for the fool. They succeed only in creating disaster for themselves and breaking the heart of someone who only desired to please……………______________.............
The Dom who is true to himself can stand quietly anywhere knowing his place in the world. It doesn’t mean he has absolute mastery as none of do. He is secure enough to know that people are not playthings. Toys to be discarded. Knowledge is constant and changing and with it so are the things we do, say and how we communicate. I don’t care if he looks like Don Knotts if he trusts himself, is secure in his place in the world, isn’t some momma’s boy and doesn’t throw a shit if things don’t go his way…he’s probably someone a submissive would be glad to serve. He could look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and complain endlessly and no one should serve him.
Why is it that some people believe if they let you use a knife on them you will open up their souls? All that will reveal is blood, muscle and bone. Get to know someone. Let them become like the air that you breathe…then inhale.
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I went to see who is viewing me. I was surprised to find that I am one them. Can you do that? View yourself? Before my last profile was dumped by gremlins I had a very long page of people from around the world. A good hundred easliy. Now I have about 16...but they are a very good 16...the exception being.... 'me'.
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She's always a woman first. Why do we think it always begins with some kind of 'beat down' or tortures? Are we God's or are we guides. I prefer to think the latter. Their submission hides their greed/wantoness. Our actions hide our service. She's a woman first and desires to be known as one. How hard is it to nurture that and show our pleasure within the nature of that primitive calling. Her hands, her mouth, her skin, her soul...giving....her heart waiting for our response. She's always a woman first.
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I had a lot of work to get done. I sat down at my computer and the lights in the room flickered. Seconds later the power was gone. I opened the drapes and sat watching the rain fall and enjoying the sound of thunder in the distance. I ate frozen grapes and every once in a while sucked their sugars from my fingers. I spent a couple of hours meditating in the calm quiet of the semi dark afternoon. Sometimes bliss is forced on you.
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SOMETIMES NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE…YOU STILL GET TO BE 16 ON OCCASSION____________----------______________
When I was 17 give or take a few months I was upstairs in a girls house that I had been seeing for about 108 hours. We had been going at it for about an hour when I stopped because I thought I heard something. She just kept on keeping on. I said “I hear something”. She told me not to worry no one was going to be home for hours. I hadn’t thought about her in years but last night I couldn’t get her out of my mind. It was like it was yesterday with her trying to get me to keep going while I, not moving, head cocked sideways, listening for something that wasn’t suppose to be there. Then….”Hello! You home” (frantic whispering) “Oh my God it’s Dad!” Then “Hello! (her name) are you home!” (more frantic whispering) “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!!” This was a problem. She’s Jewish…Orthodox. I’m not. And what we were doing….not orthodox, not reform, probably legal…in most states anyway. So now here I am 30+ years later and she comes to mind. I’m running around gathering my clothes and she, on top of turning strawberry red, is hyperventilating and freaking. I hear footsteps. I tell her to get in bed and pull the covers. I step out the window and onto the 4 inch ledge of the second story and shimmy sideways out of site. Shit! The windows open. I hear her Mom talking so I jump. I run and jump into the bushes and put my clothes on all the while catching them on every branch. I look up and see her Mom close the window. I can only imagine what would have happened if they found out their precious daughter was having sex. I see banishment when they find out that I’m a goy.________----------__________
Last night I said “Sssshhhhhsss”. She kept screaming. “Shhsss, quiet” she continues. She’s still screaming and she’s requesting that I fuck her in a particular way. I hear a knock. “Someones at the door.” “Are you sure?” Knock/Knock/Knock “yes, I’m sure” “oh my God! It’s my daughter” “Your daughter? Why would she be here?” “Did you lock the door?” “I closed it, maybe I locked it…does she have a key?” “Yes, of course she does” “Shit” “Shit” Then I hear “What should we do?” {What does that mean?} “Hello, are you alright?” {What do they think we are doing?} I look out the window and there are 2 women about 50ish saying “Hello? Hello? Is everything OK?” I drop down to the floor and start at the ropes. I think to myself {I really have to work on my slip knots} “My clothes are in the front room” Somehow the thought that it's her daughter still lingers even though it is disapating faster for me than for her. She runs out and throws my clothes in the room.………….”Hello, are you alright?” “Should we call someone?” {Oh Fuck…police} ”Tell them you are OK” …”I can’t….you tell them” “I’m a guy they will think I’ve killed you. Just say you are OK” “I can’t” “Do you want to explain to the police”…"Hello? Hello? Are you alright?” “Go to the door and say everything is fine.” “I can’t I don’t know them” “What?” “I don’t know who they are” “What does it matter?” “I can’t go to the door” “go to the door and say everythings fine” She goes to the door and says everything is fine. I lay on the bed and think of my 16/17 year old Jewish sex partner. Then I think about this woman's background and make an analogy that I can’t reveal here but we are 2 different cultures as well. I laugh so hard I can’t get a hard on as every time I try again I start laughing. {She says she couldn’t go to the door because she didn’t know them…..If she had they would have known better than to inquire….lesson here….tell your neighbors you are into bdsm} This is a much edited version as the real thing was much longer and Laural and Hardy comes to mind.
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Someone wrote: 'Time to post a picture...what will admirers think?'_____
______-----------________
They will say "He must be ugly". It weeds out those who are into looks more than they are into submission. There is an expression that goes "I'm not half bad...... I just don't know which half." 'que sera sera' (sp?)
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MORE OF MY FORMER WRITINGS: -----------
---------------
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PINBALL
John Steinbeck once wrote:
--“I
believe there are monsters born in the world to human parents. Some you
can see, misshapen and horrible, with huge heads or tiny bodies; some
are born with no arms, no legs, some with three arms, some with tails
or mouths in odd places. They are accidents and no one’s fault, as used
to be thought. Once they were considered the visible punishments for
concealed sins.
And just as there are physical monsters,
can there not be mental or psychic monsters born? The face and body may
be perfect, but if a twisted gene or a malformed egg can produce
physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed
soul?”--
Lately, debate in this country has taken a
decidedly and incredibly nasty tone with patriotism and freedom being
used as pawns to political agenda’s meant to line the pockets with
power for those people who not to many decades would have been pariahs
in both parties.
A nation no longer interested in
‘reading’, unable and unwanting to have meaningful discourse.
Preferring to make decisions based on sound bites from people they
don’t know and whose authority is their presence on TV, their expertise
is their television Q factor (Q factor = ability to be seen and later
recognized…WiKi it). Elections decided on the strength of hairspray,
collagen and estee lauder.
I say this as the GOP has
suddenly turned on their hero/god in an effort to remain in Washington
and staying on the lucrative dole.
How long before we have
debased our intellect (will we still be able to call it intellect?) and
elect a ‘monster’ with intent to do real evil. I never joined the group
calling this President the ‘village idiot’ because he was far from it.
His work and the pain he brings will last long after his last breath.
What
is a Monster? Am I? The man who reduces you to tears leaving your ass
bruised, your skin red, and a puddle of wet beneath you? How about the
guy who allows his boyfriend or girlfriend to fist his ass until he
passes out from pleasure or squirts repeatedly as knuckles ripple
across his prostate. Certainly extreme. I myself have let this be done
to me. When it was over, and I could think again, I was grateful and
thankful to have been given the gift. Strangly even though it was a
woman I wondered if I was going ‘gay’ to have such a thing thrill me
physically.
Over the last several years, I have written
that I was up for anything my sex partner wanted as it is my personal
fetish to help someone fulfill some fantasy. I recently found that I
have my limits though I still didn’t judge you by your desire.
In
the last few years I have had one woman ask about piss, another about
K-9 (dog) and the other scat (shit). The first 2 I was fine with though
neither is a particular desire of mine (though the voyeur in me
wondered what it would look like to see a woman [under?] Lassie) but
the scat I decided was beyond my ability to be apathetic about in
person. I think I would actually vomit (which I haven’t yet had a
conversation about). I’ve been with people who wanted a certain amount
of humiliation and degradation and as it was their fantasy it was a
turn on for me to be able to not only help them fulfill their secret
desire but that I got to be there and participate and in some ways make
it even better than their fantasy.
I went to have blood
tests today. I’ve decided to end this celibacy thing I have imposed
upon myself. Didn’t intend to go on this long but it had a clarifying
effect in some ways.
She called the other day and asked if
she could see me. I said "sure" but I’m pretty busy right now and
didn’t know when I could get some free time this week. So she just
tells me that it didn’t work when she went back to her X boyfriend. She
realized that I had given her more than he ever had and she kept
comparing him to the ‘me’ that had been with her. She wanted to know if
it was to late to try again. (If you open your front door you may be
able to hear the laughter as it rolls pass your house.)
This
scene involves chains, rope, a whip, a paddle, a cane, and a gag. The
heavy chain is wrapped around her neck twice. Padlocks placed through
both chains front and back prevent the chains from moving and
potentially choking but the weight adds to fantasy. The end of the
chain goes over the top of the bed and I show her the lock that will
bind her to the bed. I don’t actually attach it to the bed and the
ropes that hold her spread eagle face down are tied tight to her wrist
and tied to the four corners. If she tested then she would find that
she could pull herself up until one hand can undo the other and then
pull on the chain and find she free but while I’m I’m next to her she
remains still. She has asked that it be hard and fast with no warm up.
She wants the pain and the endorphins to rush over her. I casually
throw the gear in the space between her face and her arm so that she
will see as I pick up each piece. The paddles and the canes for her ass
and upper legs and thighs. The whip is for the upper back. Her panties
inside out with the crotch pushed into her mouth and onto the top of
her tongue. Ace bandage around her head holding the panty in then duct
tape over the bandage. I hate to see or hear about people who have put
duct tape right on the skin. Then a red ball in her hand. If she lets
it go we stop. I place the ball in her hand and pick up the cane and
begin immediately. She screams through the gag, tears and snot. I stop
long enough to make her blow her nose so she can breath and then start
right back up. She drops the ball once and I stop but she is trying to
get the ball so I put it in her hand and tell her to drop it if it’s
over but she doesn’t and so I continue again. I undo the ropes and cut
the tape and bandages and turn her over. In her eyes all I see are
stars over a land I have never seen. She is talking gibberish now and a
couple of times she says ‘Mommy’ which is something I’ve experienced
before but still it freaks me out a little. I read a long time ago that
women who have been tortured for real start calling for their ‘mommy’
to come save them. Her legs are free but her arms are retied and the
weight of the chain remains. I give her water which she accepts though
her eyes still say shes beyond my reach. I lay on top of her and I’m in
her. I hear pleasure in her moans and she eventually wraps her legs
around me. She’s begging but for what I’m not exactly sure.
If your wondering what this is all about…I’m tired...think mental PINBALL.
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 7/4/07 at 3:34:01 PM:
It's raining and I had finished the work on the dresser. It was outside
and was once again going to be subjected to a bath. I ran down stairs
with my soft purple rope and tied it so that the drawers would not fall
out and so that I, alone, could hoist it upon my back to bring it
inside. My back is not that strong. However this excercise in bondage
proved that it has been awhile. For the most part I did a great job but
ended with about 5 feet of rope!? It's not done well if you have too
much just ahnging around. Anyone into bondage that will volunteer to
let me practice on them? I promise on my Boy Scout (I was one...for a
moment) Badges that it will be only practice..clothing is optional
(please say you prefer being naked) and you can have your girlfriend,
boyfriend or even a police officer present (I'd like to see the look on
that cops face!). Please be withi 40 miles or so of Hartford, CT. No
men unless you want to be tied with your girlfriend/wife/or policewoman
or all 3.
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 7/4/07 at 3:41:31 PM:
I just looked at my 'Who's Viewing Me' Good God it's a whole page
long. Can therre be more than one page or does it just end and the
bottom people disappear when new ones come on? I seem to be getting a
lot from England (Critcal and Severe), 1 German, Nigeria, several South
Africans, several gay men and several gay women (little strange there),
there's a little hard bodied pixie from NH I would have been hot for a
few years ago. She's nude/4'11/and kinky. There is a litle 32 year old
redhead looking for tall older men. She has actually been mentioned to
me by 2 other women which I find ...hmmmm....strange I guess as they
mentioned that this girl (she's 32 and that's a girl to me now) might be
'fun' for me. Promoting someone else.....really hmmmmnnnnn?
And those people from England....none of them are 'O'. Ping!
Today England downgraded from 'critical' to 'severe'. The whole country
heaved a huge sigh of relief. I could see this as a Monty Python
sketch. Two guys (blokes?) meet in heaven and the first one says "This
is 'severe'? I mean wouldn't you think this is 'critical' us being dead
and all?" Second one says "No this is 'severe' , Mate. 'Critical' is
if your Missus comes up with you."
A comedian I'm not but it's the best I could come up with.
If it was me I'd have a whole different rating system.
1.Holy Fuck!
2. Oh! Fuck!
3. We're Fucked!
4. That wasn't so fucking bad!
5. I'm sick of these fucking warnings.
I'm reminded when we hear these warnings of the book '1984' how they
constantly made public announcements to be 'on guard'. Or was that
Farenheit 451?
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 7/2/07 at 9:52:49 PM:
She said "Do you think you could get me to cum while in pain?" ...."No,
but I could cum while your in pain". Sometimes it's just a turn of a
word.
I had not one but 3 responses to my age under 40 thing and 2 of them
from women who have profiles which show their ages as over 43. Who am
I to fight a rising tide. I guess if it was just play but not for LTR.
What's good BDSM music for a scene? I think any Wagner opera would
suffice. LOL I'd kill myself first. Why not listen to Celine Dion if
you want it to be really excrutiating? If you want some romantic
music and aren't that much into talking while suffering there is a
beautiful piece from the movie Pride & Predjudice by Dario Marinelli
(sp?) call 'Your Hands are Cold' or for you retro the Chambers Brothers
'Time' which will seem like an odd choice but if you strike to the beat
and the chorus is has a symestry that is can be interesting. For you
outlaws you can download them with Limewire and when you get a guilty
concious (and you really should) just delete them (I know someday I
will). While your at it if you want to hear the most beautiful
rendition of 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' ever there is a version by a
Shawn McDonald (I'm not including the movie version in this assessment
nor a TV version she did a short time before dying - Judy Garland).
How did I get onto that?
I try not to watch the news but I'm a liberal. So Bush pardons Libby.
This guy makes Nixon look like a Boy Scout. Never say to yourself it
can't get worse than this. I cried a little when Nixon resigned. It
was like the country had gone terribly wrong and was finally fixing
itself. I thought "We learned a terribly but valuable lesson." Redux
but without the hearings or the resignation or lesson learned. Next up:
Margret Thatcher without the accent.
I have a very soft purple rope that I have never used. It's thick so I
can't hang clothes on it. I must have 50 feet of it.
Laundries done time to dry.
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MY THANKS TO THE PERSON WHO KEPT A COPY OF MY FORMER JOURNAL WHICH DISAPPEARED SOME MONTHS AGO. BELOW IS SOME OF MY FORMER WRITINGS:
/1/2007 1:36:38 PM [Report Entry]
There are tears and pain and
she's going "ow, ow ow" but the scent of her cunt is strong and
wanting. She should be having the exact opposite reaction but she wants
to fuck or be made to cum. If you put your fingers inside she will feel
soft and the wet will be full and feel like refined olive oil. It's
like when it's raining and the sky is clear and the sunshine is strong.
You don't understand why or how but it feels good and right.
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 7/1/07 at 1:50:16 PM:
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing.....end them?
A woman I know only in passing (Hi! How are you?!) locked herself into
her apartment and drank herself to death. It is hard to understand this
action and even harder to convey the feelings that bring you to this
point. I once was there myself but not by choice.
I took a medicine and it had the wrong effect and for almost 10 hours I was as crazy as a
person can be and live. The memory of it haunts me as the anniversary
of it is tomorrow. To hear this news today of all days brings me back to
the surface and I look around and all I can see is good....and God.
Now I've gone all spiritual on you. Hard to believe that the man wielding
the whip is more often on his knees. Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/30/07 at 10:41:50 PM:
If you know me by now you know that every once in a while I just explode
here and things keep coming. I think I see it dripping down the
screen.
You know I'm a big hit in the Ukraine....and in Rhode Island.
Don't know why for either of them. I wish I could help some of those
women out in the Ukraine and in Belize.
Apparently
monies tight when your President Daddy has been
assassinated/captured/on the run and you need to transfer millions to a
kindly stranger (like me) so you can get access to it. Let's see at the
30% they are offering I will make.....?
Holy God, Marge pack the bags we're going to Disneyworld!
I
received a correspondance in what I think is German and so I ran it
through a translator program on the net and depending which one I go
with I may be her Dad or I'm goat milking in the near future. I made
that up they both came out gibberish. Imagine your surprise if I said
something softly, lovingly or erotically in Spainish or French and the
translation was "I'm going to twist your nipple first before making you
clean windows".
It's all in the presentation. Anyway you 26
to 32 year old RI girls keep writing as it really boosts my ego.
However if you or anyone else is old/young enough to be my niece and
especially if you can be my niece in the Appalachian Mountains you are
way to young for me. Please have a few years, a couple of lines and
don't be as thin
as a rail if you want to catch my interest.
This
of course is a joke (PLEASE DON'T WRITE ME ABOUT THIS..IT IS A JOKE)
it's just that i get a lot of people 'saying' they are young looking
for older men. If it's
true my next door neighbor is about 86 but he doesn't have wheels on his
walker so I think he's potential boyfriend material.
6/30/2007 2:24:41 PM: So many fans of Anais Nin. I had no idea.
I
asked her, “Is this your desire? I would have you read passages (Anais
Nin) so when we do not have our own way, we have a way that is desired
by both with no words needed, only action and the knowledge that you
are safe within these walls which we have built ourselves. That we can
live the words and know their true meaning”.
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/30/07 at 2:34:19 PM:
I saw a dresser by the side of the road. Funny that I was thinking of
buying one just that very morning. I drove back again that day after it
had rained and it was still there...probably ruined. I got out to take
a closer look and at one time it must have been magnificent. Dovetail
drawers which you don't see much of these days. I took it home and
stripped it. The drawer fronts were still perfect and naked their
beauty shone again. The top has been beaten but the marks add not
subtract from the look. The back has to be replaced but that is where
the manufacturer was cheap anyway. Almost restored and pleasing me
already. Nurtured alive beneath my hands letting me enjoy it's beauty.
It's has a song....not of 'thanks' but 'relief and joy'. Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/30/07 at 10:17:43 AM:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
Freddie Mercury/Queen
You wouldn't believe the mail I get. Much of it the same. People
afraid to take a chance. Not with me...but themselves.
I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by
giving, by losing.
Anais Nis Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/29/07 at 9:17:24 AM:
Rolling Laughter
Apparently some people misunderstood what I meant by the sound of
laughter rolling by their house.
I was nice about it but I basically told her she would have to be the
last woman on earth...or Connecticut.
When she asked I did actually laugh..not loudly nor meanly...just
laughed at the thought of it.
Ever put your hand on a hot stove and then weeks later wondered if it
really hurt as bad as you thought ...so you did it again? Hopefully you
didn't answer 'yes' to that.
Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/30/07 at 8:50:37 AM:
I'll make it even clearer...I told her NO. Journal entry posted by ThezArmzOfMine on 6/29/07 at 9:17:24 AM:
Rolling Laughter
Apparently some people misunderstood what I meant by the sound of
laughter rolling by their house.
I was nice about it but I basically told her she would have to be the
last woman on earth...or Connecticut.
When she asked I did actually laugh..not loudly nor meanly...just
laughed at the thought of it.
Ever put your hand on a hot stove and then weeks later wondered if it
really hurt as bad as you thought ...so you did it again? Hopefully you
didn't answer 'yes' to that. THE END
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There are no other random thoughts on these pages. At least not from me.
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RANDOM THOUGHTS PT 23:------……----
Timidity in ones daily life should not be the exact opposite of the dominance you wish have in your BDSM play. It’s an anathema to what you are presenting and in time the façade will crumble and you will have made ruin not only your disguise but it will destroy the ‘trust’ and the hope that the submissive was so willing to give. The submissive having been treated this way retreats and buries even deeper those things she/he hoped the Dom would bring to light and accept. Her/his gift was the ‘trust’ to share in the hope of finally finding acceptance. The Master, the SIR, the Daddy is not selfish. He doesn’t think of his needs, his desires his wants, his fantasies…first. His thoughts are to bring out the darkness of the submissive and to let it flourish underneath his guidance. It is within this that the Dominant is true to his/her calling and where he/she finds her/his happiness and fulfillment. This action defies ‘abuse’.----------
----------------
-------------------
All people live multiple lives. Work, play, fantasies of glory, money, sex. Those of us who play here have regular jobs selling vacuums, working a counter, building homes and then at night we grovel or wield the whip. It’s a large leap and one done in the darkness behind closed doors. It’s OK to hide it from the neighbors as long as we don’t hide it from ourselves. Our true sexual nature. Our lust for taboo. The wo/man who fantasies of being raped, who wants to feel the sting of the cane or whip or even the those who harbor secret desires so base they can not tell anyone not even those who know of their submissive nature. The really dark desired things like wanting to be pissed on, fist fucked, gangbanged or having Master watch you fuck the dog. There are some who will read that last line and go “Ewwww!” and yet others who will say he is talking about me. ----------------
-----------------
-----------------
Sometimes our nature and/or our desires take us places that others can’t understand but if your reading this and thinking to yourself he’s talking about some pretty sick stuff I want you to realize that just by being on this site there are people out in the world who would say “your disgusting”. I have played with people who’s desires were not mine however they were able to share their needs and isn’t that what we are all trying to achieve. To find someone to help carry the burden, to help us live our desire, to accept us as we are. That’s what it boils down to…acceptance. How lite our hearts would be to have that. How could I turn away from that? --------------
------------------
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The Master, Daddy, SIR! has to be a working well functioning part of regular society if he is to be truly a good dominant. That doesn’t mean he can’t have problems like regular people. Money woes, illness, bound to a wheelchair but he/she can’t let those things prey on him/her. He must know that he/she can triumph over these adversities before he can say “I take your hand in mine. I accept you as you are. Let’s explore your desires and needs”. ------------
-------------
-----------
Having said that I’ll add “Bend over, bitch, I’m going to tan your hide!” YeeHaw!
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INTO THE WIND---------------...............
-------------------...................
Time is what I need. I need time to take you places both mentally and physically. To have you under my control, marking you, bringing both pain and pleasures until they are interchangeable. Small blows to your psyche reducing you to the animal we are all meant to be. How much pleasure it would give me to help you to be reduced to the rutting animal you long to be experienced in if only for a moment or so. I need hours and practice just to have you experience small satisfactions that I intend to thrust upon you. Then maybe when we start getting good, a whole weekend taking you apart piece by piece and then putting you back together again. What small crimes I could commit on you and you by your nature relish through tears. I would make you suffer for your desires and ‘free’ you to accept that most base part of your fantasies. The ones you refuse to reveal to me now. What is your darkness that I will bring to the light? In the midst of ‘the act’ will you look for me and say ‘Thank You’? Time. Tick. Tock.
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PT 2 A GIRL NAMED LARRI
_______________________
I left but I came back 3 months later as planned. I don’t know how she found out but 3 days back she calls. Midnight. Let’s go for a ride. She’s back to her old ways. She needs. I’m too young to see that she is looking for someone to make everything right. I’m to young to know how to make everything alright. I have problems of my own. Her weight, her father, her mother, her mother’s death, her sister, the weight of the world and loneliness make for the sadness that she carries in her arms. Her need is making me angry. She talks about her weight and wants me to walk with her again but I don’t have the time. 6 weeks later I’m fucking her again but I treat her like meat. Fuck, cum, small talk then go. She has to go to Georgia can I come with her. “2 weeks?! I have a 2 jobs and school how am I going to go to Georgia” She goes and I don’t miss her. I work late one night as the ‘play’ is a couple of weeks behind and part of the set is going to be changed and we will be reworking part of the sound. I walk outside an there are people hanging outside the bar next door. 3am closing back then and there is a girl I know. We talk and she’s flirting with me drunkenly. We go to her place and fuck till 6 then I take a shower and put back on my clothes and head to school. Larri comes back and somehow hears I fucked the girl. She blames herself. Her weight. I want to be rid of her and this is my opportunity. I tell her she can call me again when she has some sainity. She calls me…….10 years later. She visiting Hartford and knows I live there. She’d like to see me and catch up on old times. She’s lost weight, colored her hair, has a good job with the company in Georgia, has a man and thinking of getting married. We talk, I’m married, my work, yada, yada, yada…… I drive her to the airport. She asks if she can have a kiss goodbye. I agree and she’s on me in a second. Then she’s crying and she doesn’t know what she should do. I’m the only man she’s ever loved even though she is thinking of marrying the guy in Georgia. She goes home and writes me a letter. I don’t respond. She calls a month or so later. We talk. She’s getting married. Later another letter…she’s pregnant. I hear through old friends she has 2 children. Her best friend tells me that she’s happy in a way but that she still holds a torch for me. Still later I go back home and run into her friend again. She tells me things are going well with Larri. She’s changed her first name legally and that one day Larri fell in love. It surprised her. She was indeed fortunate. She fell in love with her husband….for the very first time. I went home for a visit and the phone rang. It was for me and it was Larri. She was visiting her sister. We met and talked and she was indeed very happy. I said to her “I bet sometimes you say to yourself ‘what was I thinking’ when it came to me.” She said yes ‘sort of’ and then revealed that when her Mother was dying her Mother said to her that she (Larri) should try to marry me. Near the end of my marriage I remember one night the phone rang after midnight and the thought came to me that it was Larri calling to ask to go out for a drive. I picked up the phone and there was no one there.
The end. You will have to decide if you understand what this all means.
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A DIFFERENT THOUGHT._____------_____
She turned off the lights. What would have been the pink and reds of her ass looked like what shadows are in moonlight. I had to keep checking her hands as i didn't know if the rope was to tight. Usually purple means to loosen. However I tied them so there was little restriction. The dark hides to many things. This darkeness also denied me the pleasure of watching my knuckles disappear into the folds of her cunt. I had to depend on her moans to keep me hard and wanting. When she's turned on she's a cunt from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. And she wants that cunt fed.
And I like feeding.
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We communicate our desire through words and the braille of the skin.
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This entry will not make sense until I have completed the story. That may take some time.
_____________________________________________
THIS IS A TRUE STORY. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE I’VE TALKED TO, WRITTEN OR MET. IT’S JUST SOMETHING THAT CAME TO MIND AS OF LATE. ------
-------
Her name was Larri. Her Sister was Sam. Their father wanted boys. He drank. He left them. He died. Imagine knowing that you weren’t wanted even before you left the womb. Being abandoned because you weren’t the right gender. Tortured every minute and unable to escape the lash.-------
She and I had to sing together for the High School Choir group. She played the piano so I went to her house on the weekend so we could practice. I knew she had a crush on me but I wasn’t interested. I sort of had a girlfriend. She played and I sang. Her Mother was there and came out and asked if I took lessons. Lessons for singing? To me that was like taking lessons to learn how to go to the bathroom. Couldn’t imagine lessons. You sang or you didn’t. Her Mother was a voice trainer/teacher. She said I had a wonderful voice and should take lessons. She offered them for free but I declined. I had enough going on. However every time I came over she offered advice and she asked me how I controlled my breathing and my pitch. I told her I sang on the way to school and I would take a song and break it down line by line then practice that one line until I liked it. later I would put it all together changing it so the song worked from one line to the next. Her daughter was embarrassed by her Mothers attention but she wanted me to keep coming over. We became friends. At school we would talk and some of the crueler kids would ask why I hung out and talked with the fat girl. She wasn’t fat she just wasn’t Peggy Lipton from the MOD Squad or the girl from the Partridge Family skinny. Every girl had to be skinny, straight hair, use Breck shampoo, be popular..
After high school I didn’t see her for over a year then she called one night, late as I worked in the evenings. She wanted to come by and see me. I was tired and tried to beg off but she said her Mother had died. Cancer. She had it when she was trying to teach me to sing. A voice teacher with a 2 pack a day habit. We drove to the park and she told me what her year had been like and I told her how sorry I was to hear that she had had to go through that. I let her kiss me thinking it would be cruel to do otherwise. I felt bad for her and let her cry for a good while. She drove me home and kissed me again but she wanted more and I was tired and didn’t.
She called again a few nights after that and asked if she could come by and see me. I said ‘no’ as it was after midnight and I had homework and work and just too tired. She let me hear the sadness in her voice and after a short while I capitulated. She wanted to kiss but I told her ‘no’ and this time I meant it. I was to busy, too tired, and wasn’t able to figure out what her needs were and how to help her with her Mother. We talked and drove. I got home around 3am and had to be up at 6.
I told her that I would come by and see her and that we would take a walk every night and talk. She had gained some weight and I needed exercise. So every night we walked and in a short while we were walking 3 to 5 miles and really moving. Her weight started to fall off. She played the piano and we sang together. Her voice was far superior to mine. Her Mothers training. Her sister Sam had just turned 17 and was skinny and beautiful beyond all belief. I introduced her to a friend of mine. Larri was starting to feel better about herself and I talked her into singing with a group. It took a lot of work to get her to the point she would perform but the very first night in front of an audience she was great. She wanted to cook her first Thanksgiving dinner and she invited me and my friend to have it along with her sister. Worst turkey of all time and she was inconsolable. The next day I brought over another turkey and showed her how to cook it. Then we fucked. Not just a ‘wham-bam-thank-you-Mam!’ but for several hours. She didn’t bleed but I was her first. A few nights later she got to play a solo gig. She was afraid and wanted me to sing with her but I said ‘no-way’. She did very well. It was a hippy crowd and she was singing Joni Mitchell, Laura Nyro type of music. We went back to her place and Sam was out so we hopped in bed and fucked until we heard Sam come in the house. She was Sam’s guardian and while Sam knew her sister was having sex with me we didn’t flaunt it in front of her. The next day when I woke up Larri was in her tub soaking, softly singing to her herself a ‘la-di-da’ little riff. I could see her from the bed. One arm hanging over the side, her happy. I watched her for a while not letting her know I was awake. But I had to pee and had the stiffy that comes with it. She wanted to watch me as she had never seen a man pee. I refused and went down the hall once I found out Sam was gone. I was going to have to tell her that I was leaving town in few weeks. But I didn’t want to ruin this/that day so we had sex again then she let me go.
END PART 1 (I’m not correcting spelling, grammer or anything else. If something doesn’t make sense point it out and I’ll read it and either explain or fix it)
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LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT--CRAIG ARMSTRONG
"Where the cars go by,
All the day and night,
Why don't you say,
What's so wrong tonight?
Pray for me,
Praying for the light,
Baby baby,
Let's go out tonight.
Where the lights all shine,
Like I knew they would, "
----
---
--
-
Had a spectacularly bad day. Maybe tomorrow. -----------
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The above is a beautiful song by Craig Armstrong. I heard it on a particularly moving episode of 'Six Feet Under' which means it was the first or second season. It's hard to find. He writes some evocotive music and sometimes songs. He has a piece he did for the twin towers but i don't have that. If you want a copy of 'let's go out' send me your e-mail and I'll attach a copy for you to listen to but you have to promise me that you'll either buy it later or delete it. I did neither. I'm a bad boy....on occassion.
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Beneath,--
the city,--
two hearts beat,--
Soul engines running through a night so tender, --
in a bedroom locked,--
in whispers of soft refusal---
and then surrender---
Bruce 'Jungleland'
There is a woman who asked if I was writing to her. I suppose when I talk/communicate to you my reader/writers, pieces enter my writing. Lately my thoughts have been about the moment when one.....finally......surrenders to the fact.....that one must 'ask' before anything can begin. I suspect in all of BDSM...it is the hardest thing of all to do. RISK v REWARDS?
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NOW THIS IS DIFFERENT.-----
FOUND ON THE INTERNET: 'A vampire cannot enter your home unless you invite him in, but once
he has been invited, he can come and go freely. Vampires sometimes
masquerade as Girl Scouts or Jehovah's Witnesses for this reason.
Before inviting a Girl Scout into your home, make sure she casts a
reflection in a mirrior. Just to be safe, never invite a Jehovah's
Witness into your home.
Vampires are repelled by garlic, crosses, holy water, and roses,
which were the flower of the Virgin. They are also repelled by the song
The Rose, by Bette Midler.'
------
-- The Dom as Vampire, does the sub invite him/her in? It's the most important part.....opening the door and 'asking'.----- --
The Rose sung by Bette Midler...yeah that would turn me away.
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'all these riddles that you burn
all come runnin' back to you,
all these rhythms that you hide'-------
__It's unbelievable all the missed chances, all the opportunities that pass us by as we wonder about acceptance and/or rejection. Games played with no chance of winning because our mouths remain shut or hell bent on not revealing our needs, desires and the darkeness and the light we wish to share. To give to someone, to let them hold them, held up to the light, to share, to exault in the wonder of the deepest part of ourselves. ___
----'the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate.'----
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Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out-----/
Pink Floyd ‘The Wall’ ----------
-----See Me, -----Feel Me, ------Touch Me, ------Heal Me---/
The Who ‘Tommy’
-----It always starts the same way. Someone has to ask. -----
----Take my hand, and let me sleep.--
In the coolness of your shadow,--
In the silence of your deep.--
--
Someone accepts.
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A PRESIDENT, AN ENGLISH ROSE AND AN HISTORIAN WALK INTO A BAR ___-------
Wierdly, I found myself laughing that Bin laden has shown up on yet another video. Bush has failed and in so many spectacular ways that you would think that it would take planning to do it so incredibly well. Here was BL, alive, the reason for all this mess, taunting b'US'h as only a real terrorist could do to the man who described himself and the “ender of terrorist’ism” ------ Back in the 60’s an issue of National Lampoon (comedy magazine) came out while Nixon was still President and Patty Hearst (kidnapped heiress/SLA terrorist) had disappeared into the underground. The magazine had a ‘letters to the editor’ section made up of fake letters touching on present day topics. I believe it was the second letter in the issue that read: “I know where Richard Nixon is.” Signed Patty Hearst -- Yellowstone National Park. Richard Nixon was the Law & Order (HA!) President at the time even though he was shortly going to be taking a helicopter from the White House to jail if it hadn’t been for a Presidential pardon. No one could find Patty Hearst who at the time was probably the most recognizable face on the planet after Mohammed Ali. Now Bush is all but washed up and disgraced and Bin Laden shows up. If BL would put his thumb to his nose and wiggle his fingers I believe many would cheer him now. How far we have come from his mass murdering to his growing popularity among many nations. Right after 9/11 the whole world wanted him dead. Not so many do now. Bush, the whole world wants gone and most of all his cronies are jumping ship faster than the vermin on the Titantic. As for BL, vermin scurry from hole to hole which he will be doing till the end of his days. He will be found, I believe, and sometime within the first four or five years after Bush is gone and people once again look toward the US as a beacon of freedom despite having tyrants of our own. ---------
This weekend, I traipsed across watered down hay, 2 stepped around horse, pig, goat and horse droppings and almost fell prey to a corn-dog before meeting a woman with a profile on this site (collarme.com). To use a word she might use…..she was ‘lovely’ even though she might say it more like ‘fucking lovely’. She will get the joke. She has a mouth on her in between the sweet and the innuendos. In the right moments and in the right situation some of the words might be like Viagra. Interesting, enigma, a tale with 2 (or more) story lines, Diogenestic(?) and with lily white cheeks hidden waiting/wanting. Breakable? Definitely Not! Trainable? ………????? ------------
I may need to be going to the gym more. ------
---____----Someone has my old entries! Most of them anyway. Fantastic! I will put them up as soon as possible. How can I repay you? I sort of like my new profile name even though for those who were previous readers the new name makes perfect sense……for the new readers/subcribers it may be confusing. Maybe I should start it again and be DarkLordtoSubAngryWhores. But then somebody out there will think to themselves “Hmmmnnn? I bet he’s 4’11”, bald, beer belly and his wife wears the pink polyester suit in the family. TAoM...it even looks good don’t you think?-------------
--------If you make a leap, and I urge you not to, make it one of faith.-------
I went to Mystic Seaport Aquarium to day with my son. We had a great time. I can’t believe he is my son. He’s smart, funny, farts in my car, has the makings of a scientist and president of a fraternity. I told him that I had agreed to let his Mom have him next weekend as it’s her birthday. He was somewhat disappointed in that we have such a great time together. I need more time not less. Before we left he asked if he could ‘borrow’ some money to buy his Mother a gift. He had already picked it out. He’s 11. It was a glass art object. Inside was a Mother Penguin (could be Dad) hovering over her 2 babies (he has a much older brother). I hope she appreciates it. It was an incredible thing for him to pick and to want to give his Mom. I know if he had given it to me I would have melted. Well to be fair, I have his one year old baby shoes that I have kept all these years. When I moved out I forgot to bring them with me (along with almost everything else I didn’t bring). My ex threw them in a box of things she didn’t want along with a clay sculpture he made me a couple of years ago (she broke part of it when she threw it in the box). More on this later.
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I sort of miss my entries. Not that they were great or anything and once written I never went back and read them. They did however draw people to me. Not in a sexual way because if they did.....I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN A LOT MORE OF THEM.....but people asked me questions or wanted to have a discussion. never lasted more than 3 or 4 back and forths but, you learn things about people. Mostly that they are crazy but even that's good. Look who's calling people crazy. Head loon, with a powerful right swinging arm, a head full of wickedness and some gray hair, torture that'll make you swoon with just a hint pink when you wake the next day. -------- "Hey there little girl is your Daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone....o..o..o..I'm on fire" Bruce ------- and if you need his last name you need a paddling because your not listening to the really good stuff.
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I'm back on less than an hour and my first 'Who's viewing Me' . A submissive male from another state. It's a beginning! God love you. Should I play the pimp? O what should I do...should I help the poor boy find his way? NO! I think most definately not. I'm guessing he has someone waiting for him at home, has to be there by 4:45 Mon thru Fri yet has a few minutes Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Already a submissive with none of it's pleasures but just doesn't know it. Are there pleasures? As in "yummy, that feels goooooood!" or is it "I don't do windows and I really don't do them in a cocktail dress, stockings and high heels". Hmmmm.
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Well, I'm back. Gone for a day or 36 hours not sure which. Those looking for 'thezarmzofmine' apparently my arms are gone! And with it my journal entries. And so it is........
Alright I can cry over spilt milk or I can get down on the floor and lick it up. Oops that's a BIG one for 'O'. Quit cackling.
So if anyone has my entries saved you'd be my best friend for a good while.
I was asked what 'naughty' thing did I do to get booted? I can't think of anything. I mean what would you have to say or show to get booted from collarme. Unless this site is run by Republicans I can't think of anything. My writings are a little quirky but disrespectful, vulgar, intelligent or with children? NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!
Did someone somehow find my 'password' and become malicious with my account or is there some Gremlin in the machine?
So my 'favorite' characters are gone into the wind. I suspect that with this some will find me and as one wicked person here wants to do is they will handcuff or shackle me to themselves. It is 'here' that will please me to no end.
I guess I could have come back on and unburdened myself of any preconcieved notions that people held of me from my previous writings. I could have been new and shiny. But eventually my writings would have betrayed me and people would think that, like a 'playa', I was trying to get over on people/women/girls/menpretendingtobegirls.
So if you knew me before, it's the same old me just with a new or should I say abbreviated name....'T'hez 'A'rms 'o'f 'M'ine. Back for more.
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| Age: 22 |
| Triangle,
Virginia |
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