Consensual Domination seems to be a simple concept for me. For those experienced and have learned a few lessons on the way, this journal entry is probably for those feeling their way so I apologise if this comes across as condescending.

I often wonder why subs get themselves in situations where they are either abused, hurt or subject to consent violations. I see that it could be a paradox as a submissive to have control over the method in which she would like to be dominated, yet have no control over the moment of domination. I guess I am referring to those who 'play' rather than 'live' in the role.

I think the sequence is important. It is important to feel control PRIOR to being out of control. To feel safe PRIOR to feeling pushed and challenged. To feel fear and out of control in an out of control environment can be very scary.

So why put yourself in a potentially terrifying situation?

So I think I have devised a very simple safety mechanism for the new as well as the experienced - particularly if you are in one of those low moments in life.

Your Dom should be able to be your friend. If your instincts scream no then trust them. If you can't be as vulnerable with your thoughts and feelings as you can with your body then maybe step back and take the time to think. Because when all the adrenalin ebbs and the endorphins fade, wouldn't it be nice if you had a friend to give you a hug and help you with the day ahead.

And a friend to dream up what to do next?

A friend you can share absolutely anything with?

A friend that would only hurt you in all the right ways :)