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For the past year I have been looking around wanting to find something to fill this void I have. It's taken me a while to actually put all this together in my head. I've known for a while now that I am naturally submissive, But I allow my fears to hold me back. I've come to the point that I just want to let go and give in, But I don't think I can do it on my own. I want to find someone who can show me the way to find my true self. I want to forget my fears and let go entirely.
I'm not 100% sure of exactly what I want, but I would like to fine another individual who would like to help me through my experience.
I want to discover all the emotions I am capable of.
Alright well, here's my story, and all the quirks that you might not want to hear...
Looking back at my childhood I remember very odd things that made me stand out. I like to play weird games. (ex: playing kidnapped:which entailed being tied up and trying to escape, Spankings, Playing capture and being whipped. ) I had odd interests. Of course as I got older I realized what I was doing wasn't socially acceptable, so I quit. Even then since I was about 11 I started having dreams about being raped, having to do task I didn't want to do, being used, etc. I still suppressed all these thoughts. I still struggle with myself over this.
I contemplate the reasons I am like this.
Could it be my Codependence...
Lack of Structure and Dicipline in my Childhood,
I don't know why I long to be used, to feel helpless and scared, but It's there and I know it.
I dream of being broken in like a horse...brought down to my lowest point.
Why is that...
Could I want to explore my self more...Or is there something wrong with me.
I dream of being with someone, who make all my decisions, and creates a structure for me and diciplines me when it doesn't happen...
This aspect makes me think that due to my upbringing (moving around so much) That I never had any stability so now I want to cling to it.
All I know is there is a void in my being, and I'm trying to fill it. For some reason, becoming submissive is helping me discover myself more everyday.
If you would like to help me, get to know me or even have a discussion, that would be great.
THIS WAS MY PREVIOUS PROFILE:
(I have found the one I want and I am no longer looking, but I always love great conversations, and advise seeing that we are both kinda new at this.)
*more to be said later* All is still true tho.
I need help with my submission...
I having some difficulties.
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