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The fact that you are involved in BDSM does not make you a dom(me) or a sub. It makes you a top or a bottom. |
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So if you keep a little of yourself until it is right that is a mistruth? Both a mind and a body are no good to who ultimately has you if given too freely to too many people. If has to be special for him to value you it. If you are not valued then you have nothing. Remember, a man takes care of what he values. |
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Your gift is rare? Well, do tell Princess! |
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Gift of submission? Put a bow on their ass, and I will unwrap them at Christmas. Never saw a sub that didn't want a feeling in return. The "gift" trivializes it and was made by online doms to make them feel good about being a submissive. It's too hard for that. Learn for yourself and don't be led around by the nose by people who have turned into the exact thing they were trying to get away from. |
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SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual - It never existed and was the great "dumbing down of bdsm". It was merely a great PR tool used by people to make BDSM more acceptable by the masses. Besides, we need to define everything don't we?
Safe? This is BDSM. It's not safe. Yes you can take the risk out but it is not safe. Things happen. Accidents happen. Sane? Nothing sane about it. Look at the things we do. Are you gonna tell me that's sane? Consensual? You better know him before he ties you up.
You should have
seen their faces years ago when some newbie would ask if I was SSC and I
would look at them and say "of course not". I never gave them an
explanation. Figured they'd learn soon enough or just stay stupid.
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For the record: I have had numerous conversations with women here. Me being separated was always an issue. Women always wondered why I was separated and not divorced. My answer was that it was over when I left. The next question was always, if it's over why not get divorced. My answer was that it she was a good woman. We just didn't work and that when it was time I would do it. I have since divorced and remarried. My new wife knows me as a man who knows himself. Some of us do and when we speak we mean what we say. It's difficult to put a man in a box based upon YOUR life experiences.
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If you're tossed around like a toy at all the meet and graze groups and at all the dungeons in the state while you're finding yourself that is all you'll ever be. Remember, if everybody in the groups have seen you naked you have absolutely nothing special to give a Dom except the whispering the roosters and hens do behind your back.
Remember , DS is built on honor and trust but few rarely do it. Doms are very big on control as long as they don't have to control themselves and their urges. (been there, done that - guilty as charged)
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O/online P/protocol I/is S/stupid.
Oh, if you're "old guard" you're gay. Research it. The meaning to Old Guard doesn't change because you're into DS or some fool on CM makes you think it's cool to be Old Guard.
You're not some precious "gift". I'm glad you're service oriented but if you truly are then you know it's harder work than any other relationship you have been in. If he treats you like a "gift" then he's the sub. If he truly treats you like you belong to him he's your Master.
Stepping down off the soap box.......for now......
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Emotional abandonment - When I got into ds there were no illusions in my mind that we were the same as vanilla's. We march to a different drummer in a lot of ways: sexually, spiritually, emotionally and others. We need the kink and the connection. Most of us have just played with people but i also think most of us want that deeper connection of sharing hearts and souls. We want that one person that gets us.
I have been in 2 serious relationships in the past 11 years. I felt emotional abandonment in both. Yes, I am a dom and I can say that. It was nobody's fault, however it was how i felt.
Doms are notorious for emotional abandonment. Corner time is not emotional abandonment. That takes him away from you as much as it takes you away from him. Leaving you hanging for 3 days with no communication IS emotional abandonment. I feel it when a submissive can't talk to me. She needs time. I need to talk. That makes me feel abandonment.
Just a few thoughts.
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Poly - It seems like the perfect dream for a bi (curious) girl and a Dominant. Not so fast my friends. There are many pitfalls there. You have an alpha sub to think about. How will she feel? Do you care? You better. Will she get along with the new girl? Is she secure enough in herself to see you with another woman in a relationship?
One thing to be aware of is what the girls see. The new girl looks at both of you for guidance. Your alpha has to know that and be secure in it. Otherwise you have 2 women looking at you. Not good.
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The Kidnapping - (not really) 1999. I was in my relationship with Deb. It was our first experiment with Poly. I met Deb in 1997. She was 41 and I was 38. She was this gorgeous country girl with the most magnificent breasts and the cutest little ass. I HAD to have her. A couple years into our relationship she wanted to be with another woman. Fine by me. This is not something she would have naturally done. I was the pivot point. We then entered into a relationship with this wonderful girl named Karen.
I enjoyed both of them immensely. One Sat I left them instructions to meet me at 1:00 in adjacent parking lots. I did not tell them why. That morning I got 2 long stemmed roses and a bowl of chilled fruit. I took them to the hotel where I had already gotten a room. I have to say that dreaming this one up was such a delight.
1:00 came. I picked Deb up first. I had a 95 Z 28 and when I stopped to pick her up I placed a blindfold on her and put her in the back seat behind me. I then went to the adjacent parking lot and picked up Karen, put a blindfold on her and placed her in the other backseat. As I drove off I put a slow blues song on called The Highlands by Bob Dylan.
We drove to the hotel. I got them out of the car blindfolded at 1:15 on a Sat afternoon and walked them across the parking lot and up 3 flights of stairs. That takes balls. I have balls. If anybody saw us they never said anything. It was slow going and they were both holding onto my arm. Do you know how hot it is walking 2 blindfolded chicks that are both holding onto you for dear life? It's hot!
We got to the room and I undressed them both except for the blindfolds. I took the roses and touched their bodies with the petals. All over their bodies. Then I took the thorns and touched their nipples and their bodies with them dragging the thorns across them. I fed them the chilled fruit letting the juices run off their chin and onto their breasts. All of this took quite some time and at the end I let them smell the rose. They never knew what was touching them until then.
Next it was bed time and i had them beside each other on their hands and knees with their asses in the air. What a sight. They both had fine asses. I was as happy as a fat kid eating candy. I flogged them and cropped them. After that we all crawled into bed and has a great great delicious time loving and kissing and hugging. It was very very intimate. There is no feeling like being all hugged up to 2 women that belong to you and are so in tune emotionally with you.
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2008 - B was the most unique woman I have ever known. She just had this way about her. I considered her beautiful. Society probably doesn't but I did and do. She used to watch all these off the wall reality shows that I hated but thought it was cool that she loved them. It was that kind of relationship. I adored her uniqueness.
We had a very strange relationship. When we first got together we spent a lot of time talking in bed. Somehow we got away from that. She was not your typical submissive. B was not your typical anything. It was what made her unique to me. I have long thought that you go where the connection is. I don't believe in a cookie cutter submissive. You meet people where they are. Hopefully, the connection allows it to flourish in that manner.
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1996 - My first submissive - I got into this thing back in 1995. I had thought about it for years and was really trying to work it all out in my mind. I had to know why i felt what I felt. Society tries to feminize men. Men basically have no balls when it comes to women. That comes from a couple places. 1) When we start dating girls at a young age. How they react to us establishes how we react to them for a long long time. 2) Secondly, society tells us not to put a hand on a woman. Society doesn't know it makes them wet.
Back to the story - I worked it out in my mind and felt I wanted this for the right reasons - basically, the need to be in such a deep relationship that would cause me to be focused. You cannot be a dominant and not be focused. Even when life all around you is in chaos that singular focus on a submissive gives you the strength to get through the chaos.
I met Phyllis online in mid 1996. She was from Seattle - Mid 40's and a accountant. We connected really well. We spent hours and hours online and on the phone talking. The connection was very deep. We decided to meet. She flew into Charlotte the day before Thanksgiving.
Now I like risque. It is the single thing that turns me on the most. We had a trust level even though we had never met.
I tend to break all the "rules" that the "meet and grazers" lay down. Yes, I know this can be dangerous, but I know this. I never would harm anybody in my risqueness. I know there are men who will, but I am not one of them.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, I gave her instructions on how to meet me. When she got to Charlotte she took a taxi to the hotel. She checked in, took a shower and called me. I was only a few blocks away. She then got in bed nude, got on her hands and knees, cuffed herself, put a riding crop between her teeth, and then blindfolded herself to wait for me. I walked in to see the most beautiful ass I had ever seen.
I walked over to the bed, rubbed her ass and said "you're ok baby". We then played for 2 or 3 hours. It was the first time for either of us. It was amazing how it felt.
The next morning we went to Myrtle Beach for the weekend. The first night there I whipped her with my belt. She came. I think after that I walked around for 2 weeks thinking I was "it". At the very least I was spacing really well. I walked her down the beach on a leash at 2 in the morning. We really had a very very good time exploring ds and bdsm together.
We saw each other 2/3 times after that but the distance was so great we couldn't continue. I have often told this story when I used to go into chatrooms, partly to get reaction from the "meet and grazers". That way they could see how "dangerous" i was.
; )
And yes, I know this thing we do can be dangerous. I know some men meet women and really abuse them. It happened to a friend of mine.
Someone sent me an e mail after reading one of my other posts saying that all I wanted was blow jobs. If that is what they get from my posts then I guess that's ok. When I do the risque thing it is always with a connection. That's the only thing that makes it worthwhile and fun.
Next time - The kidnapping.
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Folks, we have all been through the ups and downs of relationships. It's a part of the process. I was fortunate enough to have a relationship that lasted 8 years. I have many friends around the country that have lasted. When I split with Deb people in the community couldn't believe it. It was always Paul and Deb. It happens.
I see a lot where people feel played or used. Well, maybe that's the case and maybe it's not. The fact that you feel that way may not be the reality of the situation. Now that doesn't change how you feel but often when lack of communication is there it lets our mind wander. Women want to know "why". Men are basically cowards and say "it's me". They lie. It's you. They just don't want to say it.
So, learn your lessons. Pick yourself up and move on. And please don't put stuff in your profile that says you feel you've been played. The more things you put in your profile that speak of the negatives the more you open the door for someone to do the same thing. Just be open, communicate and find somebody that will love you and that you can love. (If you're looking to play or have sex cancel that last transmission)
(Stepping down off the soapbox now)
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2007 - S was beautiful with a sweet sweet spirit. A former model, who like so many of us, let people and places drag us down. She used her beauty and spirit to control men. She'd do what they wanted, but she was in control.
We talked online and built a connection. She wanted to meet. Meeting me required that I get a bj. (Now, I do not do that every time. Sometimes it's better) It turned her on but she refused. I would not change my mind. It's what I wanted (with her). She'd come around talking to me and I still required the bj. It puzzled her. She finally agreed. I picked her up and drove to an inlet. I grabbed her hair, pulled her head back, and kissed her hard. We then got what we came after.
We went out a couple weeks later. A black dress, black hose, and black heels look good on 5'2" and 115 lbs. We stopped at a convenience store and every man there stared at her. I had a condo on the beach so we went there. As we walked past the bathroom in the hall I pinned her to the wall by the throat. As her eyes widened I let go and grinned. It was probably more of a smirk. Then we played.
She told me when we started talking that she had agreed to go stay with a Dom and his slave for a couple weeks. I understood. As the time got closer I tried to stop it. She refused saying she gave her word. I understood but didn't like it. The day she was to fly out I was crazy. I went to the airport. She saw me and was pleased. I told her to come with me. We got into my car and I drove a short distance away. I made her suck me and told her not to brush. I wanted her to taste me all the way there.
She came back a couple weeks later. She did not want to be with the Dom and his slave. Telling you I was happy is an understatement. I adored her.
We set a date to meet on a Saturday. I told her to wear the same black dress, same hose, same shoes. I picked her up at 1. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. We drove out of town for 20 minutes and i stopped behind a grocery store. I walked around to her door and opened it. I told her to get out. I put 2 eye bandages over her eyes and said, "do not speak unless you're spoken to".
We got back in the car. Music is my lover and I had a special cd made for this. As we drove, we listened. She was so content there with the bandages over her eyes listening to the music. She put her feet on the dash and her skirt slid up. I played with her.
We drove for another 30 minutes before I pulled up to Planet Hollywood. I walked around and opened her car door and walked her to the front door. I told her to wait outside. When I walked in I told them she had eye surgery and had bandages on. I then walked her in. She had no idea where she was.
We were seated. I ordered by pointing at the menu. When the food came I fed her and even held her drink for her. Halfway through the meal I took her bandages off. We finished and walked around looking at all the props and outfit from the movies. Then we went to my condo.
We talked every day online and on the phone. The connection only grew deeper. One day she was having a bad bad day. She had to go to a meeting so I offered to take her home. She said, "don't come". I went anyway. I stood in the drizzle for an hour so she could see me when it ended. I wanted to give her the option. I wanted her to know that I was there. She came to me livid and got in my car dressed in tight jeans and a tight top. She had to make the men in the meeting notice her.
She would not talk to me except that she wanted me to take her home. She told me later that I was too much. She still tells me that to this day. I was able to get into places inside her that scared her. After all, She always controlled men.
I left town a week later.
We have talked since and we both have been through more people and places.
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Rule No 1 - Never, ever lie to me. If we're talking I'm done. If we're in a relationship I will not handle it well. I have references. : ) I can go a lot of places. I can do a lot of things. I have plenty of understanding about this type of relationship. There is no need to lie.
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Just so you know.....I don't claim to be very deep with this journal.....It's just a collection of thoughts based upon what I see here on CM.....What I put here is basically 101 and you should already know it if you have been doing this any time. .....I'm not trying to win a Nobel Peace prize here......I don't wanna hear "well Master said"....If it walks like a duck, acts like a duck.....(you know the rest) I think. : ))))
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FYI - Old Guard - If you're Old Guard you're a gay male. Now, I understand you like the term and all that because it makes you have self perceived depth. However, you cannot change the meaning of the word due to your own preferences or to pad your perceived resume'.
I hate terms, such as "lifestyle". I am much more "old school", but hey, I have to hate that word also because it's popular. I have always hated the "gift" and "ssc". I told a sub that i didn't believe in SSC once and she went and told everybody at the local "meet and graze" I was dangerous. However, that was kinda cool, because when you tell chicks that there's always one sitting there that thinks "i wanna see"!!
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Oh yeah, If you refer to yourself as "this girl" depart from me and sin no more. If you're over 30 and refer to yourself as "this" girl you really have to be kidding me. "My Dom wants me to" doesn't fly here. If he's that stupid then it's your fault for choosing him. "This one" also applies here. How can you be a 40 year old woman and do that? How can someone convince you that this is the thing to do?
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Ok, I'm back and it's time to get this journal thing going and cleanse the unwashed masses. If submission is a "gift" I'll just put a bow on your ass and unwrap you at Christmas. Please don't trivialize DS by calling yourself a gift. It's takes too much effort to make it work. The "gift" was made up by online doms to make a submissive feel good about her submissiveness. DS is about a relationship. If you thought vanilla was hard!
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