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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Female Submissive, 50,  Ft Myers, Florida
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SubbieTonya - photo 1
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SubbieTonya - photo 13
SubbieTonya - photo 14

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05/01/2017 Back after a LONG absence! Update 2/19/2013

If You wish to contact me, please be a straight Dominant Male.? If You decided when You joined this site, to check the box marked "Dominant" then in Your profile state that You are a straight male, then why are a LOT of You so called straight males looking for, sub trans?? If You even entertain the thought of a dick flopping around near Your face, ass or hands, then guess what?? You aren't straight.? The only dick that straight men touch, is their own!

I reside in Ft Myers, FL.

? ? Update? 6/12/12
1. I'm NOT a slave, hence my screen name.

2. I will NOT be dominated via IM's, emails, cam etc.

3. I have a brain, and a mouth, and I'm not afraid to use them.

4. I am intelligent and witty.? If you should decide to contact me with some nonsense,??? I will ignore you.? I'm NOT here to font fight with morons!

5.? N0 response to a read e-mail, IS a response.? It doesn't mean that I'm not submissive, it means YOU cannot read and I'm simply not interested in men with no reading comprehension skills.

6.? If your profile says something along the lines of, "These sub/slaves profiles have "demands" in them...."....yes most do.? We know what we want and what we don't want, much like YOU!? So if your profile says something along those lines, pass me by.? Most of us won't settle!? Learn this, we know you aren't a match and you seek a doormat.? So...MOVE ALONG!?? ;o)

7.? Don't be so quick to judge a strong? willed sub due to her having intelligence, wit, and an opinion.? A woman that drops to her knees all that quickly for you, will in turn, be on her knees for EVERYONE else too!? Food for thought.

?My name is Tonya and I am a submissive female.? I'm 48 yrs old and I've been in the Lifestyle for close to 25 years.?

I have 2 great kids, one grown and out of the nest attending college, and a 15 year old son.?

I'm not about relocating unless I meet someone worth me relocating for and that won't happen overnight.

Hard limits, children, animals, scat.
No, those can't be pushed.

If you're from another country or state, please don't waste my time or yours, unless you want to be email pals.?? I live in Ft Myers, FL

My story of "O"

The "O" meaning Owned.? Does someone have to physically "Own" someone for that person to feel "owned"?

Does someone need to physically say, "I Own you" to feel they do?

Does "Owned" come from words, or how one feels?

I hear the word "Owned" thrown around in this L/lifestyle like the word "the".??

Truth be told, I "Own" my car.? The bank "Owns" my home ( at least for another 17 years).?? I know that my car isn't going anywhere.? Can you say that about the person you claim to "Own"?

You can't keep something that doesn't want to be kept.? People change, circumstances change.? People's lives go into directions that they didn't?expect?or foresee.? People grow apart.? Needs change.? Wants change.

Think of the things you've "owned".? Now think of the things you presently "own".? Have they not changed?

This L/lifestyle as wonderful as it is, can grow tiresome with all the protocol and bullshit that's attached to it.?? Most of it is caused by the participants.? I've found that here on CM for the most part, that the people here aren't necessarily who they claim .? Most are actors and actresses that? have grown tired of the mundane.? The profiles change, the "Owner" changes, and people go on about their lives.?

Now that being said, I have to wonder what Company is used to repossess? the now "UnOwned"
? ? ? I have a fondness for DaddyDoms.? I find that relationship the best in all it's forms.? Some think it's age play.? I guess you have to have been in one to appreciate it.

Thank you!

This profile modify b
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Last Online:


 Submissive Female

 Ft Myers 


 5' 9"






Actively Seeking:

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Scuba Diving


 Breast Play

 Hair Pulling

 Wax Play

 Horror Movies


 Lifestyle BDSM

 Ice Hockey


 Amusement Parks


 Flea Markets

 Garage Sales


 Renaissance Faires



 Horseback Riding


 Sailing / Yachting



 Body Worship



 Being Massaged

 Massage (Giving)

 Role Playing



 Suspension Bondage



 Arcade Games

 Board Games

 Card Games



 Comedy Shows

 Online Chatrooms

 Role Playing Games

 Science Fiction

 Simulation Games


 True Crime

 Alternative Medicine



 Body Art

 Candle Making














 Alternative Music

 Eighties Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Pop Music



 Rock Music









 Coffee Shops

 Fine Dining







 Martial Arts








 Housework Service

 Knife Play

 Mental Bondage

 Obedience Training

 Outdoor Bondage

 Historical Shows


 Puzzle Games

 TV Sports

 Web Surfing







 Conservative Politics


 Intellectual Discourse



 1950s Lifestyle

 Diet and Exercise

 Goth Lifestyle


 Country Music


 Nineties Music



 Auto Racing


 Horse Racing

 Kick Boxing







 Corner Time

 Local BDSM Community

 Maid / Butler Service

 Sensory Deprivation

 Speech Restrictions

 TV News


 Curious About:

 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries


 Anal Play

 Electrical Play

 Erotic Hypnosis

 Fire Play

 Gas Masks

 Medical Play

 Needle Play

 Plastic Wrap Bondage

 Theatrical Scenes

 Vacuum Stimulation





 Skate Boarding

 Cane / Crop Discipline

 Eye Contact Restrictions


 Masks (Wearing)

 Public Play


 Romance Novels

 Cross Stitch

 Liberal Politics


 Bar Hopping



 Foot Worship

 Humiliation / Degradation


 Orgasm Control


 Hard Limits:




 Public Exhibition


 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Gorean Lifestyle




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Journal Entries:
2/17/2018 4:35:26 PM
So why is this site acting wonky again? If I don't respond to an email, I actually have. Anytime I hit send, I'm booted out of the site!

11/1/2017 6:09:38 AM
I'm not quite sure what's going on with this site lately. You send an email, CS logs you out. You go to log in, the server is down. Wth?

10/31/2017 2:18:33 AM
Happy Halloween!!!

10/9/2017 12:45:21 PM
I swear to God, people can't read. Why do we fill out profiles, and fill the dumb questionnaire out, if ppl refuse to read them? This last one was funny! Thought I should spend the day emailing back and forth with responses that are clearly in my profile! THEN, tries to flip the on me. LOL

10/3/2017 8:37:52 PM
Is it just me? It's 11:36 pm EST. The emails I'm receiving from others in FL are dated October 4th, it's still the 3rd, and the time is 3 hours ahead!

9/22/2017 6:19:28 PM
I find myself reading people's journals on here these days. It seems we are all looking for the same thing, or are we? Maybe I'm old school, after all, I've been in this L/s choice for a good many years, but I remember back, WAY back. Ok fast forward, NOT in the days of the dinosaurs! This L/s choice was THEN, built on a foundation of trust and honesty. THESE days, not so much. Saddens me

8/30/2017 6:42:38 PM
Another year sweeps through like a category 5 tornado. Where did the time go? I've reached the big 50. It's funny how when I was a teen, the age of 30 was what I considered old. Then 30 hit, and I thought to myself, ok, 40 is old. So now I'm 50, I guess it's time to face the facts, I'm old.😱

5/4/2017 7:52:56 PM
Ok,so this Tomknight22 is a fucking psycho. Beware! He's also Rickwendy 22 on this site. A serious psycho.

4/30/2017 9:37:18 PM
Wow. It's been a long time. I'm not exactly sure why I even came back here. It seems nothing has changed, and grown men still don't read profiles. Not much going on here. I'm still me, I'm still a SUBMISSIVE and not a slave. I still want nothing to do with an online relationship. I still want a Dominant that doesn't live with his mommy.

10/21/2015 10:54:56 PM

I get so sick and tired or lazy people not reading profiles!  If you ask me questions that are on my profile, I am going to tell you to read my profile.  If you can't do that, then I will simply not answer your questions.  Plain and simple.  If you are so lazy to read, I can only imagine how you live your life. 

Rant complete

10/7/2015 10:03:14 PM
OK, so I'm bored and on here just looking through profiles.  I can't help but notice a lot of "I am a professional, and will not post my pictures on here", YET, you have absolutely no issue showing the face of a woman who's mouth is full of your penis.  Then, of course, a crap ton more pictures of your penis.  If you men think that the only redeeming quality you have is your penis, I have news for you. I must say, most of them are far from impressive.  Listen, if all you can post, are pictures of your penis, then apparently you truly feel that your penis is your only redeeming quality.  At least, that is the impression you are giving.  I'm sure that a lot of you get emailed from some lonely housewives, women with severe mental issues that are most likely on SSI or some sort of Welfare, or even psych meds.  The women that are so unbelievable desperate, that they MIGHT webcam you and are actually willing to be dominated online.  ****Sirens blaring******Let's face it, that is far from a D/s relationship.  So apparently a lot of these subs aren't the only desperate ones on this site.  It would seem the so called Dominants are as well.

7/25/2015 8:54:09 PM
Stuck in Brandon...hating it.  BORED!

10/28/2014 7:32:47 PM
What it is about some of the users here on this site?  Not only does it sadden me that this L/s choice that I made so long ago is now a haven for morons who's female friends read 50 Shades of BS, but the lack of respect for ones self and others is non existent. 

No, I will not post post nudes of myself on here for your "spanking" pleasure, so please, stop asking. 

No, I will not send you those kinds of pics of me to your email.

No, I will not text message those pics.

I hope this answers all of your...nude pic questions.

6/14/2014 2:33:20 AM

Sometimes you have to wonder, if cupid carries a gun.

3/25/2014 11:23:24 AM


I know these things have been said in my journals in the past, but apparently I need this one to be on the TOP!!

Resist the urge to contact me if........




If the only picture you have on your profile is of your genitals, please resist the urge to contact me.  Apparently some of you believe that it's your only redeeming quality.  If YOU believe that, then I have no choice than to believe it also.


If you are a submissive male, please resist the urge to contact me.  I don't care if you live so close that I can see your house from mine.


If you are married, please resist the urge to contact me.  Nothing worse than the opening line of, "Hello, married man here.  I am seeking a LTR with a submissive".  Ummm newsflash, you already ARE in a LTR.  If you aren't happy in your situation, leave it.  Be a man and grow a set of balls, instead of looking for a woman to suckle them because your wife won't.  Please refrain from e-mailing me "excuses" as to why you are still married. Trust me, I've heard them all. 


If you are bi-sexual, please resist the urge to contact me.  Gay is gay whether you are full time gay or part time gayBisexual, is part time gay If you mention that you seek a trans, then I suggest you leap out of the closet and scream TAH DAH!!!


If you live at home with parents, grandparents, or any relative, please resist the urge to contact me.  Again, don't email me with "excuses" as to why you are in this situation, or that you are paying rent.  I simply don't care to read about it.


If you are an ex, please refrain from contacting me.  YES, this means YOU!  It didn't work out the first time, and life is to short for me to spend time plotting how I will fuck YOU over this time.  


If I have blocked one of your screen names because I refuse to font-fight with you, please refrain from contacting me under a DIFFERENT screen name.  It shows your immaturity, and it's not Dom-like.


If you wear more makeup than I do, please refrain from contacting me.  I don't share my eyeliner with anyone.  Conjunctivitis is yucky, and I don't want it.



Thank you for reading and please remember this before emailing me.  If you want to email be whining about what a "bitch" I am, don't bother, I already know.  ;o)





9/7/2013 9:58:18 PM

Ah yet another new moron.  Let me just say that I don't know this twit, nor had I ever emailed him before his email to me.   Since he's supposedly back in school, perhaps he should learn the difference between your and you're huh?



  SubbieTonya on 9/7/13 at 1:55 PM:

Actually, I didn't call you names, so I don't know where you got that from.  Remember YOU emailed ME, with an "explanation" of your circumstances, it wasn't I who emailed you due to any interest. 


I also remember adding to the bottom of my response to your first email that no further correspondence was required, however you still find the need to email me about your "circumstances", which I don't care about.


It was YOU who stated you moved back home.  So don't now sit here and lie to me about paying whatever "rent" that your parents are asking you to pay.  If you lived in the real world your rent would be at least triple of what your parents are asking. 


As far as me being here, If you noticed, my profile states "friends only". 


I also have a Bachelors degree, so before you try to talk about me, who owns her home, car,  has a career, and has a daughter attending Harvard Law, you may want to take a good look at yourself before you cast stones.  I didn't run home after any what you call "circumstances" happened in my life.   Apparently, I am a much stronger woman than you are a man.


Soooo why don't you try putting on your big boi panties now. 


A true Dominant is always in control of himself, apparently you aren't a true Dominant. 


Have a nice day. and don't forget to clean your room ;o)

  SubbieTonya on 9/7/13 at 1:43 PM:

mhm..whatever you say

  malibu66 on 9/7/13 at 10:50 AM:

you call me  names but yet you can't figure out where you live?? mass/florida? lmao  i know having a education is optional, but  damn,  unlike you i already did 1 career and moving onto another.  i'm sorry you don't have anything better to do other than bash and be bitter,  might be why your on here still, let's see  i know you've been here for at least 3 yrs, or more, sound about right??  it's ok,,

  malibu66 on 9/7/13 at 10:44 AM:

actually no your wrong i pay my rent, and own bills, so  nice try though,  and i pay for my own school, and everything else, so though you tried to be witty you were wrong, i have  and pay for all my bills, my truck was paid off in 3 yrs,  by me,  so what else you got??

  SubbieTonya on 9/7/13 at 3:51 AM:

Temporarily by definition means limited time.  You're a "full time student", at 39 years old no less, which means maybe 2 years or more for school.  That isn't temporary. 


" I Never ask anyone for money nor would I take it", but you're taking a handout from your folks at YOUR age, the money comes out of THEIR pocket to support YOU.    You're TAKING from your parents, whether or not you realize it or however you feel the need to justify it.  They are supporting you, by putting a roof over your head, food in your stomach, the electric it takes for you to come online, air condition your room, and even shower. 


Sadly my post wasn't directed at you, but thank you for proving my point.  

No more correspondence needed.


  malibu66 on 9/6/13 at 8:57 AM:
  there are always circumstances, some times people have a divorce, or something tragic happen that requires them to move home temporarily. i'm a full time student, with 17 plus yrs Air Force already done, did 1 career moving onto another. and not broke ass, or wanna be Dom. just had an opportunity to save a little extra and acted on it. i never ask anyone for money nor would i take it.

3/5/2013 10:43:54 AM

I've noticed a lot of Doms now looking for human ATM's.  ( I call them whores )


A true Dominant whether male or female has their life together.  They aren't looking for someone for their money.  A TRUE dominant is secure in EVERY way.


If you're looking for a human ATM, you're most likely some broke ass Dominant who lives in his moms spare room, or with another family member.  ( Lazy ass, get a job )


It's sad that things have come to this. 


So anyone coming across someone who is looking for a human ATM, RUN AWAY!  That in itself shows you that this person has no respect for anyone, including themselves, and wants to sit online all day while you work your ass off all day. 


If you truly get yourself involved with that type of dominant, then you need to be committed to an asylum. ( You're basically paying a whore for a little bit of sex )

2/19/2013 11:30:45 AM

So that didn't take long at all.  I updated my profile less than an hour ago, and the emails from supposedly "straight" Doms that have trans relationships added to their looking for list, begin to pour into my mailbox.



Instead of addressing each and every one of those emails, I figured I would address them here.  


Whether you are looking for a trans woman dressing as a man, or a trans man dressing as a female the fact remains that you in some way, shape or form, want a man. 


One even stated that he would only have a relationship with a "passable trans".  Sweetie, that only means that you are deep in the closet.  Since you are so deep in that closet, do you think you can find my cheerleader outfit from High School?


2/8/2013 9:04:47 AM

I received an interesting email from a man on here. 


This person acted as if we had chatted before, we hadn't.  Of course, it was to the nature of, its been a long time since we've talked, let me know if you want to meet.  Meet?  Really?  Ummm, why would I take the time out of my life to meet someone I've never spoken to on this forum or ever in life?  


Of course when I wrote back stating that I don't recall us ever chatting, he never did email back.  I guess it's one of the new "tactics". 



11/26/2012 6:40:06 PM

Oh my.  When will people learn that no response IS A RESPONSE?  Why send emails, texts and voice-mails to someone who doesn't return your emails, texts or calls?  Why be persistent?  Why ask why someone isn't responding to your attempts to contact them?  Isn't it obvious that after a couple of attempts with no response to simply....STOP?!  You know the person is alive because they are here on this forum.  You know when they are here and when they were here last.


When someone doesn't respond to your attempts to contact them, give it up!  Don't ask why, don't ask questions you might not want to know the answers to.  I'm usually a nice person, but I don't understand why some people can't get the hint.  Don't misunderstand me, I CAN be bitchy when provoked, but it's not the person I am.

Sometimes people just aren't a match, or have nothing to offer, or don't have their own life together to be able to be in this type of relationship.  Can they talk a big game?  Sure, they can.  But talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words. 


D/s isn't a part time job for a Dominant.  It's a full time job with excellent benefits lol.


Sooooo with that being said, when someone refuses to respond to you when you try to contact them, simply give up, and move along.  You might find that as great as you think you are in your own mind, you really aren't.



11/21/2012 9:28:08 PM

Ugh...age starts to take its toll after 44.  Can't a woman take a decent picture!!??  FFS!!

11/18/2012 10:58:26 AM

I had an interesting talk today with a friend of mine who recently moved to Utah to be with

his boyfriend.


Due to the economy, his boyfriend got offered an excellent paying job in Utah.  The man was going to be doing the same job he was doing here, but for 4 times the money.  My friend decided he would also move to Utah with his boyfriend. 


They traveled to Utah back in April and both fell in love with the area, and his boyfriend went for the interview and indeed got the job!  July comes around, and they pack the UHaul, and off they go.


Within 5 days my friend has a job, full time, with benefits and all is going wonderful for them.


August comes around when I find that my friend is now renting a room from an elderly couple, because he found his boyfriend not only went to Utah for this job, but also come to find out, that the boyfriend got the job through someone he met online, a woman.  This woman was the same person that not only got him this job, but also found the house that my friend and he were renting when they got to Utah.


Apparently, the boyfriend told this woman, that my friend was his cousin.  The woman had no idea that the man she got a job for, had spent many hours on the phone and PC with, was actually in a committed relationship with a man.  ( Ok so he wasn't quite so committed )


Now, my friend is crushed.  He left everything, and everyone he knew to uproot his life to be with this man.


Fast forward to  My friend calls me to tell me that not only is his now ex boyfriend living with this woman but......she is also his Mistress aka Domme.  You could have knocked me down with a feather.


My friend knowing nothing about this Life choice, of course calls me in a state of panic, disbelief and anger.  Apparently, this Domme would love nothing more than to bring my friend into her poly home. 


I'm sure you understand that my friend is a gay male, and he's one of those....sensitive, womanly types, of gay males.  Yes, a fairy without the wings.  


I did my best to explain the dynamics of a D/s relationship to him, however he asks me questions that I can't answer.  I can't tell him why this happened.  I can't tell him what his ex is feeling, or what drove him to a Domme.  For those questions, I have no answers.   The only thing I could say was that for a lot of people, D/s is a fantasy world, and that for the most part if he is in it simply for the fantasy, that reality will soon fall upon his exs head and he will run for the hills and out of this Life choice.


If anyone is, or was ever in the situation of my friends ex, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the why, and what drove you.  Maybe then, I can try to shine some light into the mind of his ex.  If not, oh well, I tried.




11/18/2012 10:30:18 AM

Wow!!  Where has the year gone?


I've found out that the older I get, the faster the time goes.  I remember when I was a teen, I thought that 21 would never come, it seemed like it took forever.  These days, the years fly by.


The holidays are around the corner, they kind of snuck up like a thief in the night. 


I guess being single doesn't help the holiday blues. 


I decided that instead of the traditional holiday turkey or ham, that I would make a clam boil this year for Thanksgiving.  I found a seafood market here that has actual clams and not the fake ones ( little necks ).  I'm sure to the people born and raised here in Florida that the little necks ARE the real clams.  Those of us from New England, know better!


My son looked at me like...what the hell, when I told him I was making a clam boil for Thanksgiving.  He was only 2 years old when I moved here with him and my daughter from Massachusetts.   He doesn't actually know what a clam boil is, but he's an eating machine, and I'm sure he will be ok.


I'm thinking this will be great.  No 6 -8 hour of turkey cooking, no real prep this year.  Just wash and soak the clams in cold water and pepper overnight, and throw the clams, potatoes, hot dogs, sausages, whole onions, sweet potatoes, oysters, linguica and chorico in the pot and let it boil.  Well, not necessarily in that order, taters first.    Melt some butter in the microwave and VOILA! Thanksgiving dinner!


Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

10/31/2012 8:05:45 PM



I'm not sure wtf is going on these days.  First off I'm a submissive and no, I don't want a sissyboi, sitting at my feet. 

Sissyboi=waste of what could be a man (to a submissive woman)

10/31/2012 7:51:40 PM

Happy Halloween!!!

10/22/2012 6:30:56 PM



Ah, Halloween, the best part of the year.  Actually, it's my favorite holiday!


The one night we can go out dressed how we want in our vinyl, leather, lace or what-have-you.


I love to see the nilla women dressed up as princesses, witches, or prostitutes.  It makes me wonder if the mask they wear the rest of the year as a mom, wife, daughter, executive, is who they truly are, OR if the costume they wear for a matter of hours, is who they truly are, or wish they are.

8/5/2012 1:22:05 PM

Happy Birthday to meeeee

Happy Birthday to meeeee

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Happy Birthday to me!


It's not often that I can write about something GOOD or fun!  But ah, yes yesterday evening, last night, this morning into the late morning...GOOD LAWD, I got to feel like me again.  Even the hot sweaty flea market was nice! I guess "childish assholes" make the best company!  -weg


I'm hoping to do it again (and again, and again, and again), soon!

7/28/2012 11:07:15 AM

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the one worth suffering for.

7/22/2012 6:29:23 AM
  SubbieTonya on 7/22/12 at 9:27 AM:

No, but I would shoot you for free


  sissybabi on 7/22/12 at 9:23 AM:
  would you spank a guy for 50 bucks?

7/22/2012 5:11:45 AM

~~~~~~~A Mid- Morning Rant~~~~~~~


I'm not sure what it is about every Tom, Dick, and Harry ( Dick being the correct theme ), wanting a POLY. 


First off, most of you can't keep an erection with 4 Popsicle sticks and duct tape, but you want a Poly?  I mean, Really? (Yeah, I typed 4 Popsicle sticks, I'm feeling generous, I should have typed 2 toothpicks since they're shorter, and one small elastic )


As if it's not bad enough that most of the so called Doms here are just looking for a blowjob, now you want multiple women to give you those blow jobs.  Most of your penis's are already on life support.  I think maybe instead of typing you want a Poly, try typing that you need a medic.  ( Although I doubt trying to breathe live into that lifeless piece of skin you call a penis would help ). 


Now, what is it with a lot of you simply posting pictures of your dick? ( OooOOOoo so impressive...NOT !!!).   Is that because you're so ugly that you couldn't get laid in a Mexican whorehouse with a fist full of green cards? 


Alas, you have now discovered CollarMe.Com, and can now pretended you're a Master/Dom/Superior, (whatever the fuck you want to call yourself, with the hopes of getting laid). 


Do us all a favor,( take your foot fetish, sex, blow job wanting ass over to EHarmony ), and let the genuine people that live, and love this Lifestyle choice, carry on with their mission to find a partner.


The rest of you scumbags are simply wasting our time!!!

7/20/2012 7:35:04 PM



My heart and greatest sympathies go out to those shot, killed and or had to experience the horrible tragedy that happened at the opening of Batman.


It's touched us all over the USA. 


My condolences to those who lost a family, or friend in that incident.



7/18/2012 3:38:36 PM

Submissive vs submission



There is being a submissive, and then there's submission.  There are different kinds of submission.  Most submit to a man because they seek something in return.  In a conventional nilla relationship, women submit to get what they want.  That doesn't make them a submissive.


Being a submissive is a genuine urge, need, desire to make your partner happy.  It's an unselfish act that requires no thinking, or consideration, it's something simply done without a second thought.  There's no seeking pleasure, no seeking a reward, or anything else in return.  It's a NATURAL response of NEEDING your partner happy, no matter what it is.  ( Of course, there are limits, everyone has limits ).  That in itself, makes the submissive happy.


Any woman can submit for their own reasons, usually selfish reasons.  It takes a natural submissive to know what it is that her partner WANTS.  She NEEDS to satisfy his every whim, from the most trivial, to the most important. 

7/15/2012 8:21:01 PM




A recent email exchange



Him: Hi

Me:  Hi

Him:  How are u?

Me: Fine, you?

Him:  I'm lookin 4 a distraction 4 tomorrow

Me:  Nice

Him:  Nice? 

Me: yes, nice

Him: You sure don't type much do u ? u rude cunt

Me:  Rude?  YOU should thank your lucky stars that I even bothered to entertain you and the  waste of space emails you sent me.  You use "u" instead of you, "r" instead of are.  How lazy ARE you, that you can't type the words, you and are?  Anyways, as my profile states, I'm not interested in "Doms" that are out of state, nor do I care for one liner emails. don't read profiles....."do u"?  Illiterate asshole!

Him:  yea u r a rude cumt

Me: Yeah? Really?  What's a "cumt"?  Enlighten me oh great wise illiterate one!   



No more emails from that one


AND...I was nice, at first.  LOL

7/14/2012 7:40:27 PM

Oh one more thing....


If you're a bisexual Dominant, please pass me by.  I have a problem with a Dominant loving dick as much as I do.


I don't want to hear that being a bisexual male doesn't mean gay.  Ok fine, being a bisexual Dominant makes you part time gay. 


Happy now?



7/14/2012 7:34:17 PM

Oh some funny shyte here......




I hadn't been on CM for a about 9 days or so.  I come back to a ton of emails.  I didn't bother going through them at first unless they were from friends, and I was too tired to bother with the rest. 


So I decide today, I would read them.  LOL it was the best damned laugh I had in a good while.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Email number 1


Again, I'm told that I'm NOT a submissive.  That made me sad ( not really considering the source ).  I don't tend to usually put a name on my journals of the offending moron, however, I am going to make an exception.  Idomyou33 is the name of the moron in question,  (OK there isn't REALLY a question).


  1. CM is pretty damned good about cluing us in on how far someone is away from us.
  2. 163 miles from me is hardly local.  (He claimed he lived in Naples, FL.  I've made many drives to Naples from Ft Myers, and its roughly 30-40 miles away, or a 40 minute drive).
  3. Wanting someone to simply blow cigarette smoke in your face, doesn't make a man a Dominant, he's a fetishist at most.  The way I was raised, blowing smoke in someones  face is as bad as spitting in their face.

Within THREE emails, this dumbanant lied through his ass.  I felt like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn.  MEOW  Sadly, like most kittens, with a ball of yarn, it lost its thrill rather quickly ;o)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Email number 2


"Dear Tonya,  I'm in Cincinnati Ohio, but will be moving to your area in a few months to care for a family member, and I would love the chance to get to know you".


(Translation:  I need a place to live, I don't like the cold, Florida seems like a nice place, can I eventually move in with you?)


Not to mention, if you have to care for a family member, why are you waiting a few months to do it?  If their illness requires you to relocate to another state, I would think (because I'm smart n junk), that if you were to wait those few months, either they don't really need you, or they will be dead by then.  Basically, I smell bullshit.


Me being the curious kitty that I am, go and check out the profile.  His profile said he was indeed in Cincinnati Ohio however said this as well.  " I Just moved here to Cincinnati... new profile, etc. 


Of course it makes me wonder.  Did he move to Cincinnati to be with a sub who eventually threw his lazy, no job having ass out?  Surely a man that moves so often is running from something. 


Perhaps this site has made me jaded, however, I've learned to trust my instincts.  When the red flags appear, I'm outta there.


7/3/2012 5:43:06 PM

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand


This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

6/27/2012 12:02:14 PM

Life is a mystery, we never know what's ahead of us.   It's almost as if we are driving with a blindfold on in unfamiliar territory. 


I'm finding that life is a series of roads, once you get to a fork, it's up to you to decide which way to go.  We don't always chose the right road, and once that's done, there's no reverse.  No way to undo what you've done.  No way to turn back. 


We've all taken a wrong turn here and there, and we've all have done things that we regret.  Sometimes the road most traveled, that's paved, and seems easier to travel on, isn't necessarily the one that is best for us.  Sometimes, the road less traveled, that's NOT paved,  that seem somewhat....deserted, and looks not so easy to travel on, IS the right road.


I guess what I'm trying to say is, we shouldn't be afraid to take chances or to take the road less traveled.  Good things don't come easy.  We all make mistakes in life, but only a stupid person repeats them.  Try the road less traveled, it could change your life.






6/23/2012 12:57:29 PM

Im bored out of my mind and have the weekend off.  That never happens. 

6/5/2012 9:19:05 AM

Yesterday as an odd day. 


I received an email on here from someone I was building something with about 3 years ago.  We use to talk a lot on the phone, play games on yahoo, and cam.  All was very innocent.  Ill admit, I was getting feelings for him, when POOF, he was gone.  I tried to be understanding, due to his situation.


Then about a year ago, out of the blue, he was back, then POOFED again. 


Then yesterday, I get an email.  Looking back on my response, I might have seemed cold, it wasn't intentional, just....a self defense mechanism. 



4/27/2012 6:41:37 AM

I don't understand why it  is so difficult for people to READ.

I'm pretty straight forward with what I seek.  The fact of the matter is, that I'm pretty straight forward period. 

Dominants that email me with something like "Hello", or "What part of FL are you located"?, or simply send me a chat request through here without even so much as an initial email, make me wonder if they are capable of reading. 

It's obvious by my screen name that I AM a submissive, and NOT a slave. 

The semi-nasty emails I receive when I do NOT respond to the bs email are both comical and sad at the same time.  All of sudden I'm "non-submissive".  I mean really?  Because YOU can't read a profile all of a sudden I'M "non-submissive"? Try learning to read instead of looking at the pictures like a infant that isn't capable of reading text.

The temper tantrums I get in email from some of the dumbanats on here is unbelievable. If YOU can't read, comprehend a screen name or understand that NO response IS a response, then have a hissy fit because I failed, (no wait, CHOSE not to respond to your idiocy) and you yet email me again with a nasty email, It only reflects bad on YOU.  Do you really think that any submissive worth a damned, wants to be with a whiny so called man?  If you can't compose yourself online, what makes me think that you could compose yourself in real life?  I mean really, grow up!

If you feel the need once I've blocked you (because I'm not here to font-fight with morons), to email me again yet from another screen name, then you have issues and should seek help immediately!!

4/9/2012 9:02:51 AM

It always amazes me, how some of the male users on this site don't read profiles.  ( I won't call them Dominants, because most of the men here aren't)  Sometimes simply looking at a screen name, is enough to know ones position in this Lifestyle choice. 


For instance, MY screen name is SubbieTonya.  Not SlaveTonya, not SwitchTonya.  The Subbie part of my screen name means SUBMISSIVE, not slave. 


I'm sure someone will read this and laugh and think to themselves...duh!  No kidding Subbie means submissive.  However, you would simply be amazed at the emails I receive from men here asking me to view their profiles and get back to them.


Upon reading their profiles, the profile will clearly state, "I do not want a submissive I am seeking a slave with no limits".  Usually meaning, they are in pursuit of a doormat. 


All I ask is that people show me the same courtesy I show them.  If you ask me to read your profile, then please, do the same!  Hell, for the most part, my screen name says it all!!


2/21/2012 8:24:29 PM

Ya gotta love these dumbanant profiles.  They're either teachers then go right into a "cock toys oath" or simply only refer to oral sex in their profiles.


For Christs sake and you have the nerve to classify yourselves as Dominants and Masters?  The most you are is a kinkster looking for a blow job.  Give me a break!


I have to wonder how many true submissives fall for the BS.

2/13/2012 12:42:31 AM

Alllllllllllllllllllllllrighty then!!



So, I get an email from a dumbanant ( Yes, that is spelled correctly lol), asking me if I have

MORE pics.  Upon inspection of HIS profile, I can't help but notice that every picture on it, is a picture of his ...penis. 


First off I thought, ahhh isn't that cute!!!  He's SOOO proud of that little thing!  Then Al Pachino's voice came into my head.  " Say hello to my lil friend!"  Of course I then busted out laughing.  My dog was looking at me   Ok so it's 3:39 AM, I'm wired and tired.


To that said dumbanant,


Yes, I have blocked your emails.  

Yes, I love oral.

No, I don't find your lil friend impressive.  I've seen bigger penis's on mice.  However, thanks for the laugh!

2/13/2012 12:31:37 AM

You know,


This year has started off rather, crapily ( Yes, I know that's not a word). 


First my beloved New England Patriots LOST the Superbowl. Now, it's not bad enough that they lost, but to NEW YORK?  I mean, what the fuck Chuck?


THEN, I didn't win last nights 310 million dollar Powerball.


OK, they say things happen in 3's.  So I have to wonder what will happen next.

~Will I get into some horrible accident where my bewbies are ripped off? 

~Will I not be paying attention and sit nude on a case of superglue? 

~Will I slip and fall into a septic tank, never to be seen again?

~Will I be bitten by a vampire and instead of becoming one, die of Hep C?

~Will I be slapped to death with a giant cock? 


Ok so maybe the last thing wouldn't be so bad, but the rest....? ::cringes::

2/12/2012 11:32:35 PM

Here's a little something women should know...


     A man who truly loves you would NEVER let you go no matter how hard a situation is.


Now here's a little something men should know....


     A woman that truly loves you will be angry at you for SOOOO many things...BUT...she will stick around.

2/11/2012 10:04:40 PM

Ok, so I bought a Powerball ticket today.  The jackpot was at 310 MILLION dollars.  Holy crapola. 


So at work, I was daydreaming about all the things I could do with that kind of cash.  How many people I could help, and how Id never work a day in my life again (I know, wishful thinking).  


Of course, I didn't win.  -sigh



But good luck to whomever did! ::mumbles:: BASTIDS!!  ;o)

2/11/2012 8:57:41 AM

Elton John and David Furnish and their baby, Zach.

They had their sperm mixed together and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated.

When the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming.

In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Elton asked David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the pacifier out of his ass...."

2/11/2012 8:49:04 AM

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. 

"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. 

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ...." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with:" Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" 

"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." 

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" 

The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

2/11/2012 8:43:39 AM
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? 'Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1 There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

2/11/2012 8:39:14 AM
 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC . Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

2/4/2012 6:02:32 AM


A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blowjobs !"

"Blowjobs!", the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's more blowjobs for her ! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied," If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone."

2/4/2012 5:55:16 AM

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Adam?" God replies. "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you." "What's a 'woman,' Lord?" "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you", replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great." "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam." "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies. "She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle." Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

1/11/2012 12:33:48 PM

I had a great time today, it to bad it ended so fast ;o(




7/24/2011 11:27:01 AM

Things that make you go....hmmmm.


It makes me wonder as I search profiles how it's become clearer that most are in this Lifestyle for sex.


There are a lot of Dominants with a link on their profile with leads to a porn site.  Porn is sex, sex is not BDSM.  Anyone can have sex.  It takes certain kinds of people to be in a BDSM relationship.


Im case anyone has forgotten, BDSM is about power exchange, not sex.


Looks like it's time for some to get back to basics. 

6/11/2011 5:06:09 AM

Online submission

I'm not sure what it is these days with these so called "Doms" seeking women for "Online submission."  That may work for the inexperienced or the fakes, however not very well for the people who live this Lifestyle.

A/anyone who has been in a REAL D/s relationship, KNOWS there is nothing like the touch of Y/your partners hands, the feel of Y/your partners touch, the look in T/their eyes.  The feel of the paddle, the feel of the ropes binding you.

The above mentioned cannot be felt.  It cannot be experienced "Online," yet more and more profiles read, "in search of an Online submissive, I have blah blah blah years in this Lifestyle and am a REAL Master."  LOL OK...suuuure.  IF You are a "Real Master" then You would know that an Online Master is NOT a REAL MASTER.  Online submission is not REAL submission.  Anyone can play either role on a part time basis.

My question would be, what are You trying to hide?  Married?  In a long term nilla relationship looking to get Your kink on?  Are You actually nilla, and somehow found out this is a place to look at nude pictures?  Are You just here for the cyber?  Please!  Why do You even bother coming here?

Online D/s is for the weak, and fake.  It takes REAL people who actually meet for a D/s relationship to work.

I don't care how many negative emails I get about this journal,  it's not like it would be my first time I've had to defend what I write.  The best I can say is  this.....

My sister and brother submissives, don't waste your time on this "Online bullshit."  These so called, "Doms" will never meet you because T/they have something to hide.  Don't be fooled with their supposed number of years in D/s.  Think about it!  IF you've lived this Lifestyle at any time of your life, will font on a screen or a voice on the phone replace the FEELING you've felt in the past?

I'm not saying that this forum and others like it, aren't great ways to meet like minded people.  Email exchanges, chatting on messenger, talking on the phone, are all great ways to get to know someone.  But to submit to someone daily online?  Laughable!!

6/10/2011 1:14:06 PM

Aye Aye Aye


Well my few weeks being back on this forum have been...interesting.  Boys posing as Dominants being ages 21-24 claiming to be in the L/S some 10 yrs plus, makes me laugh but also makes me sad.


Apparently truth and honesty are lost amongst this L/S these days.  I guess I should add to my list of "Don't Wants" would be men that wear more eyeliner than I do.  Sheesh!

6/7/2011 11:03:38 AM

I'm so laughing at Mark1961's profile.  He wants so much, however doesn't know how to spell.  There is you, your and you're.  Apparently even at his age the English language is lost on him.  I have to wonder about his intelligence.  Apparently, he has none. 

6/6/2011 5:22:27 AM



Its been a while since Ive been under this screen name.  Truth is, I thought this account got hacked so I made another one.  I had requested a new password from CM but never received it, that is until I went into my email and found it in spam.


I've come back and am again going about my journey.  Strange how time flies when you were happy.  I found some...rather interesting email on this account.  I belong to two sites.  This one, and . 



I'm told I belong to BDSM Singles?  I don't but hell, it couldn't hurt to check it out.  ;o)

12/27/2009 9:55:08 AM

The "One"

Is there really the "One" or is there just, the "One" for the time being?

Do the math.  It's hard enough to find the "One" when you're a nilla.  Even nillas run into fakes and liars.

Being in THIS L/lifestyle, it DOES make it much harder.  Anyone that's see the decline in the, well let's call them pickings, knows what I mean.  One would think, that we were all honest, sadly enough, not everyone is.  We have our fakes, flakes, headcases dumbanants and flaves here.  Sadly enough they are pretty much easy to spot.  Some easier than others. 

I find that I come here more for the entertainment than anything else.   I have made some great friends here, and cherish them.  If it werent for them, I would just delete my profile. 

This L/lifestyle has gone to hell in a handbasket.  I've watched it slowly decline over the years.  Since when are swingers into control?  Since when is being a self proclaimed vampire ever about BDSM? 

It seems everyone wants to bitch and moan about the lifestyle, yet the good majority accept this "new age" style of what they want to call BDSM.  I truly believe, that if we were less accepting of these types, that we could all just get back to the basics.  Control and submission.   What BDSM IS based on!

12/24/2009 6:58:17 PM

Im bored...and thinking of crap so bear with me.

Shaving, yes shaving.  Not just shaving like, your legs, I mean...SHAVING.  Yea down THERE.  Now, ok I've always shaved or waxed, pretty much since THAT particular hair started to grow.

Now women, I mean, they know that hair is...well...icky, when it's....down THERE.  I want to see a man...let his DOWN THERE hair grow, and then take like, masking tape, and put it on the hair, then pull.  Yea you read it right.  See, we women have this thing called...Aunt Flow...No, not Aunt Flo.  Even though there are other things to use during Aunt Flo's visit, I still like that extra bit  So I sometimes use both. 

Let's face it, STUFF clings onto hair.  I won't go into what KIND of stuff, but I'm sure you get my point.  I mean, cling ons.  Not the ones from Star Trek, although, those are MORE attractive but just...JUNK and STUFF.

So what is it with some men liking the ....DOWN THERE hair...there?-

12/21/2009 8:22:09 PM


Some people can find tranquility in kaos, where I can find kaos in tranquility.

I lead a pretty simple life except for lately with everything that's gone on with my mom. 

I have a friend, that found herself a "Dom" here from CM.  I was happy for her, till their relationship took a turn and HE had decided that he wanted a Poly.  Seeing that I'm "single" HE decided that adding me to the Poly would be a great idea. 

First off, I'm greedy and dislike sharing.  Secondly, I like my men with brains, and witt, neither of which HE possesses.  So needless to say HE has become a rather large pain in my ass, and for the most part, so has she.

I don't understand why people do the things they do, and I've given up trying to understand people.  I try to take things with a grain of salt, and let people be who they are.  The thing is, when it involves me, then I have issues.

Some people only think about yesterday and tomorrow.   Don't you know that when you have one foot on yesterday and one foot on tomorrow that you're pissing on today?

12/18/2009 9:18:59 AM

Moms Home

Mom was discharged late Tuesday from the hospital.  She's now on oxygen 24/7, and is now staying with me.  I think it's best, I need to keep an eye on her and get her to walk and things of that nature. 

Just a week ago, I thought I was going to lose her.  Amazing how things change.  I find myself looking at things differently.  Family, relationships, have taken on a new meaning.  You really don't realize what you have until you think you're about to lose it. 

I didn't think that she would be here for Christmas, well at least her mind.  Im happy to say she's making a full recovery.

Also, I want to thank those who prayed for my family and myself during this difficult time.   Your kind words and support were greatly appreciated. 

I want to leave this journal with some parting words.   Life is really to short.  What they say about appreciating life and your loved ones everyday, is indeed an understatement. 

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year, I know that given this second chance, we sure will.

Take Care

12/13/2009 3:23:12 PM

I just love the song and its lyrics...By COLD, Suffocate.

I did adjust the wording tho, since that's how I sing it when it's cranked up in the car on my CD -smiles

I could take every fucking word you said
Throw it in your face
would you even care
I'll still remember when you looked at me
that frown upon your face
Trying to be sincere
I'll gather all those little things you said
Kept them close to me
Trying to make this real
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today
'cause now I see

Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)

I could take every fucking game you play
Blow it all away
would you even care
I could take all those lies you said to me
Never go away
Never dissappear
This cloud will always hover over me
I'm leaving you today
'Cause now I see

Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)

Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake) 

Now I'm far away from you (You're always far away)
I'll never bring back yesterday (bring back yesterday)
You're such a fake it's true
I can't believe the words you say
I'm far away from you
I'll never bring back yesterday

Suffocate, you suffocate
That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake)
Suffocate, you suffocate
You always take (I don't take)
What you can (what I can)

(I always take)
(What I can)

That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake)

(I always take)
(What I can)

That you lie (I don't lie)
That your fake (I'm not fake)

12/12/2009 2:18:54 PM

A Day of Thanks

As most of you know, my mother was admitted to the hosptal for either a seizure or a stroke.  She was unable to remember me.

Today I was home, and the house phone rang.  I was wondering who it was, since no one calls me on my home phone.  A lady asks for me, and I ask who it is, she says "It's your mother"!  My knees buckled for a second, and I started to cry.  I said "OMG MOM!! YOU REMEMBER ME!!  YOU REMEMBERED MY PHONE NUMBER!!!" She replied, "Of course I do, you're my daughter."

I rushed to get dressed and went to visit her.  It was so good to see my mother again, not the shell of a woman that didn't know who I was.  We talked about everything and she didn't miss a beat.  Finally after 2 plus hours, she was getting tired so I returned home with my son.

Needless to say, after this being such a grim week with all that's happened with her, I finally have my mother back.

I want to thank everyone for their kind emails and prayers that went out for my mother and our family.  They were greatly appreciated.

12/10/2009 11:52:23 PM

Laughing At Dom Profiles

Ok, I think its due time for this one.  What is it with some of you Dumbanants? 

Your profile age says you're 57 and your pic is from the 70's.  Who do you think you're fooling?

Your profile says youre 23 yrs old, yet you've been in the lifestyle 9 years.  Yea sure you have, using your little brothers plastic handcuffs at 14 yrs of age, doesnt make you a Dom/Master.

On your profile is just a pic of you sitting there with your cock hanging out.  Oh yea, that's class.  By the way, don't be so proud, it's not that impressive.

Your profile says that you're serious about the lifestyle, yet there's a pic of you and your friends giving the middle finger.  Oh that's SO very mature, and so...Dumbanant.

You rant on your profile and in your journals about fakes, yet, you have no pics or there's a square over your face.  The USUAL explanation is, "well I own a business" or "I can't show my identity due to my job".  Yeahhh righhhht!!!  If your boss comes on here and sees your picture, do you actually think that he's going to DO something or even mention it?

The ONE that claims he's not a Dom or a sub.  Umm so why arent you on E Harmony?

It's like this fellas, any sub/slave worth a damn and with half a brain, can see right through your shit.  With all the above mentioned, is it any wonder why you continue to email the same subs and slaves time and time again?  It's to a point where you  geniuses don't remember who you emailed, so you try again.  Guess what?  We remember you, and have you blocked and that's USUALLY why we don't respond to your emails...we NEVER GET THEM.
Not to mention that when you get NO RESPONSE, that IS a response.  It means screw off, we don't want to be bothered!!

Now, with all that being said, there are a FEW actual, true Dominant men that come here.  So this rant isn't for you.

Take care

12/10/2009 8:42:50 AM

My Rant From Hell

Ok, wtf?  First off, My visit to the hospital to see my mother COMPLETELY SUCKED!!  However, that is for ANOTHER rant.

So today, I put the phrase..."No longer seeking, take this as you like" to my profile.  I'm gone for a little over an hour, and I come back to a SHIT load of emails about it.  I did find it rather odd, that I received the mail from both Doms and subs.  First off, IF, there is a HE, HIS information is of NO importance to you.  (that should take care of the 8 Doms that emailed me)

Now, for the subs.  Look here bitches, just because your little online Dominant lives in my area, does NOT mean that HE is the reason for the change in my profile.  (that should take care of the 6 subs that emailed me)

Maybe, just maybe, I wrote that because with the turn my life has taken, I just wouldnt be a good sub. 

Or even that, do I dare say it, I DO like the nilla shit in my life.  I LOVE the cuddling, holding hands, sitting on the sofa chit chatting with a rum and coke!!  Then later going to bed to cuddle and feel safe! I NEED someone that ACCEPTS the fact, that I have a brain and a mouth, and am NOT afraid to use either or both when necessary.  I NEED to be the one listening to HIS problems and fears, and talk about what we seek and desire.  Is it always about BDSM?  No, it's not.  Hence why I am a sub and NOT a slave. 

Truth be told, IF I AM seeing someone from this site, do you need to know anything about him?  NO, you don't!    

Basically what I'm trying to say is, mind your own business, get a life, and stop worrying about MINE!

12/10/2009 3:43:09 AM


It's been a hard past few days.  My mother suffered either a seizure or stroke, on tuesday morning.

It's hard to see her the way she is now.  The person I visit in ICU looks like my mother, but it's not.  It's difficult to have known someone literally all of your life, and have them not remember you. 

I remember complaining as to how she would call or come by my house and talk my ear off.  Now, I wish I could have those days back!   The reality is, she's not just my mother, she's my best friend.  I feel horrible that there were times, that I took her for granted.  I had just always assumed that she would be here.  Crazy I know.
I lost my dad some 12 years ago, that in itself was difficult.  Now Mom's slipping away. 

I'm not sure WHY things happen, I'm sure we're not supposed to know.  They say things happen for a reason, they say "God" or whatever great entity that you choose to believe in, has a greater plan.  I wish that I could sneak a peek at those plans, because this shit isnt working for me.

12/3/2009 3:22:20 PM

Simply Amazing

Before my CM account was hacked, I had a rather extensive profile.  It was about how I joined and soon stopped visiting this site not long after I joined.

I'm begining to think that a majority of the people here are..well...fucked in the head.  Yea, you know who you are.  The ones that just want to play games,  ones that "act" like they want something, then don't,  ones that have NO clue at all what they want, ones that go POOF and disappear, once you get to close!!

A Dominant friend of mine told me not so long ago, "Most people don't know what they want, so they take what YOU want, and make it theirs".  I really didn't want to believe that this was true. 

The fact of the matter is, that it IS true.  Seriously, why waste someone's time?  This goes for BOTH Doms and sub/slaves.  It's the assholes like you, that make the rest jaded.

Ok, I THINK I'm finished...hmm..wait...ummmmm yea....well.....HA

12/1/2009 8:35:18 AM

Hmm Wondering

I wonder how many other subs were contacted by the "Dumbanant" with the Erectile Dysfunction problem?  Oddly enough, that was the least of his problems. 

Go figure, when you have a mind of your own and express your opinion you're labled a fake or nilla.  LOL ahh the insecure "Dom" I guess they make the world go around.  Well, at least they THINK they do. (Laughing)

12/1/2009 8:25:48 AM

Warnings on profiles

What is it with all these "WARNINGS"?  DO NOT USE ANYTHING FROM MY PROFILE!! 

Jesus Christ!!  This is BDSM.  MANY of us have similar interests.  Most profiles are extremely similar, but are just worded differently.  So what, if someone comes to this site to do research.  BIG DEAL if they gather information from profiles and do a paper for a college essay.  Like you're going to find out?  Get a grip.  Some of you take yourselves to seriously.  Take a breath, take a minute and smell the roses.  Better get..psych meds

11/28/2009 5:48:38 PM

The Joys of Motherhood

Well, I had plans this evening, but my son got sick.  Poor little guy.  He tells me it's a stomach bug, and that a few kids in his class had it last week and were out of school.  I'm hoping that's all it is.  I think they need to do to the schools like they do in the corrections system.  Turn the a/c on full blast so that the germs can't grow!!  Yeahhh that's the ticket!! 

So about my plans
Yes it stunk that they fell through but I'm rescheduling them for SOON!  I had a great evening planned.  But, alas, kids come first.

I know I've said this before in previous journals, but he IS the best kid in the world.  He's funny, caring, sweet, helpful.  He helps others when he can.  Hmm he reminds me of someone......

11/27/2009 4:31:57 PM

The joys of homeownership

Well, tonight my son goes to take a shower, no water.  So me, in my infinate wisdom, decides that I'll go fix it!  Yea well, that went over like a fart in church.  The GOOD thing was, that I KNEW it was the pump.  Even though it was replaced less than a year ago.

So, I call my Well Guy, the one that put in the pump.  He talks me through it over the phone.  THANK GOD!!!  Now, there is water!! 

It goes to show you that there are still some good people left in the world.  He could have just as easily said, " $100.00 for me to look at it, its the weekend, and a holiday, plus parts".
It's great to see there are still some good people left in the world.

11/27/2009 7:25:22 AM

Thanksgiving is over.  Thank God!!  There's enough leftovers to feed a small army.  We had a good time, but something was missing.  Well, someone was missing.

Perhaps I was only able to hold his interest for a fleeting moment.   If that's the case, I'm still glad I held it for that long.

11/26/2009 5:01:55 AM

Hmm..Does Collar Me just...delete all your email?  Oddly enough I woke up and all my mail was gone.


11/26/2009 4:45:24 AM

Happy Thanksgiving E/everyone

11/25/2009 1:47:07 PM


I think that anyone that has to actually cook Thanksgiving dinner isn't looking forward to all the work it entails.  Days of preperation to end in roughly 30 minutes. -sigh

I knew I should have done a good ole New England Clamboil instead.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!

11/24/2009 3:02:43 AM

Dreams and Nightmares

If the old saying is true, that dreams can come true, what about nightmares? 

This nightmare caused me to spring out of bed and make a phone call.  I'm sure he's thinking, "what a nutjob".  In case you're wondering, its about 5:30 a.m.

Have you ever had a dream or nightmare that seems just, so real, that you HAD to be sure?   Ok so MAYBE I overreacted with the phone call, but only out of concern.

Is it that we only want to believe that dreams can come true, because they're usually pleasant?   Since the definition of nightmare implies something negative, is that why we just tend to shrug them off?

Eh, nevermind, I won't be going back to sleep.

Take care

11/23/2009 2:44:45 PM

            Dom and sub/slave bashing

It seems there's an uproar of profiles about "fake" Doms and sub/slaves. 
It seems the biggest complains are, that sub/slaves aren't submissive enough, demand more than they should.   Dominant men, think that if they email something crude to a sub/slave, that the sub/slave should fall to her knees at her computer and worship him.
I remember a time, long before the Internet, when this L/lifestyle was " a dirty secret full of freaks". 
Yes "freaks", but thanks to the Internet, and sites like this one, we are more "out" so to speak. 
It never ceases to amaze me, on how other communities of "like people" manage to support one another.  Gays, foreigners, liberals, and democrats all tend to support each other. ( for the most part).  Yet a site such as this, can't seem to band together and stop the stupidity.
We are all INDIVIDUALS with similar "kinks".   To rant on and on in countless journals and profiles about "fakes" and "want to be's"  is a complete waste of time and effort.  In all honesty, the more you complain whether you're a Dominant or a sub/slave, you aren't making yourself look "better". 
There's a huge difference between the TRUTH and BASHING.  We are all here for a purpose.  Whether it's a play partner, or an ACTUAL BDSM relationship, the results are the same.  We are all WANTING, NEEDING something and someone to do it with.  
I'm not naive enough to think that anything I type in a journal is going to effect what's going on in anyone's life.  However, I do believe in common courtesy. 
~Dominance doesn't mean, having to yell, scream, bark orders, using threats or being rude to get your point across.  Let's face it, if you have to do that, then you may NOT be so dominant.
The Dominants point of view:  If a sub/slaves profile states that she "lives for", "loves" certain things...then she shouldn't whine later.  When meeting, it shouldn't all of a sudden be a HARD LIMIT.  Sub/slaves that want to be played the first meeting after coffee, that may work with some Dominants , but not usually the ones that may want you to meet Mom somewhere down the line.  So basically, don't whine and cry when a Dominant won't play and fuck you the first time they meet you.  Then later on tell everyone through your profile, what a GOOD and DECENT woman you are.  You're a nut job.
Sub/slaves that won't ever meet, or just want the fantasy or BDSM.  Please, get a life. 
~Submission doesn't mean a doormat or subhuman person.  If you think that about yourself, maybe being in this L/lifestyle isn't for you, perhaps a psychologist and heavy medication would do the trick. 
The sub/slaves point of view: Yes, we have a point of view.  Biggest complaints are the emails.  Rude, crude, obnoxious..etc.  I've gotten those, and so has just about every sub/slave on here.  I will say, that I respond to EVERY email, whether it's a simple, "Hello, I'm fine and yourself?" to "I'm sorry, I'm under consideration".  I find that being POLITE is the best way to deal with less flattering emails.  If you act like a bitch, you're going to be treated as such.  Stop your whining!!  Some sub/slaves like those kind of emails.  You know the ones, the one from out of the country.   The one that wants you to come to his place and suck his dick.  (laughing)   The one local that sends,  Hey bitch, let me play with your tits!! 
For Christ's sake sub/slaves, WAKE UP.  COMMON COURTESY.  Let's not forget the, BLOCK USER button.  I admit, I've had to use it, when all else failed.
What I'm saying is, if everyone typed LESS about the "fakes, flakes, and want to be's" then maybe one could put a little more about themselves in their profiles. Just weed out what you don't want, and keep looking.  No one likes a whiner!!  So...quit your bitching!! ;o)

11/19/2009 2:28:07 PM
Today was a day of awakening.  As I was trying to get things in order, phone calls, appointments, etc.  I was yet again hit with a brick wall. 

I'm not sure what it takes to get things done within the justice system.  When they say the wheels of justice turn slowly, they sure weren't kidding.  I'd spent a better part of this week trying to get something accomplished at the court house, only for everything to come to a screeching halt.  Apparently they're so backlogged that one hand doesn't know what the other is doing.  So, I'll try again after Thanksgiving.

I know all of what I'm doing, and all the frustration is for a good reason, my son.  He deserves a role model, not just the sperm donor his father has become since our divorce almost 7 years ago .  I wish you could all meet my son, he's the best 9 year old ever.  He's loving, kind, funny, and sometimes just a little smart ass.  (I wonder where he got that? -grins)  As I've mentioned in previous journals, I have two great kids.  My oldest, a daughter, attends Harvard.  My son, is still in elementary school, and does well.  Of course, they've both needed some pushing to excel.  But hey, what are moms for? 

I remember when I first married their dad, some 24 years ago.  Never did I expect things to end up like they are.  I would think, well...I'd LIKE TO THINK, that at his age now, he would have some sense of responsibility.  I guess I ask to much.  Or maybe it's because the brunt of all responsibility always seems to land on my shoulders.  So, it's time.  Time to shed all of his bull, and make him accountable for things that I shouldn't have to.  Responsibilities that he knows he has, yet refuses to accept.  It's now wonder the courts are so backlogged. 

I'm not by any means saying that all men are doing what he does.  So before I start getting "hate mail", please read this thoroughly. 

I knew that things needed to be done, but for some odd reason, had faith that MAYBE one day, he would do what's right.   I never used "our" kids as pawns.  I've always let him see the kids, even though he wasn't paying his child support.  Providing they wanted to see him. 

It's come to a point where, he's not a "dad".  My son now refuses to see him on the weekends, and his dads new wife, soon to be ex wife, is psychotic.  Imagine, her telling my son that she loves him more than her own kids, yet she hasn't had custody of hers for at least 8 years and they live in another state! 

Regardless of what I've thought over the last couple of years, my son is better off without his dad.  He's sworn at my son, called him names, left marks on him while in his care, and it's more than enough.  My intention wasn't to ever keep my son from seeing his dad, but my son has made that decision on his own.  Frankly, his dad helped him make it.

Apparently over the last 2 years, it's gotten worse between them.  I didn't have the "nerve" to go after him through the courts.  Our marriage was bad and ended worse.  I fear him, I admit.  I despise that he has THAT CONTROL over me, but, I'm working on it.

Lucky enough for me, with Masters guidance, he's helping me take back that control my EX husband has, and putting it into his capable hands. 

I've been in this L/lifestyle almost 13 years, and have yet to meet a Dominant of his caliber.  Kind, loving, and caring are just a FEW of the words I use to describe him. But let's not get it twisted, he IS Dominant and a Sadist.   He knows that being Dominant doesn't mean that he needs to yell, scream, or bark orders to prove his dominance.  Those mentioned are traits of an insecure man, not a Dominant man. 

I hope for the subs/slaves that read my journals, that you will find what has found me.  Happiness, desire, bliss, and a want to serve more than ever before.  He's captured my mind, and the rest is following it's lead. 

11/15/2009 4:16:53 PM

Well, there's so much to type today, I guess I'll start from the begining. 

Of course anyone that's been reading my journals, knows that I'm under consideration.  It was a fabulous weekend, although a rather short one. 

I remember being on my knees while he was tieing the rope around my breasts thinking to myself, Wow, I feel....comfortable.  I'm not sure how to explain it, except that, it felt like home.  I was so excited, that I broke out into a sweat, anticipating what was to come. 
Of course, I wasn't the least bit disappointed. 

I have a lot of emotions that I've yet to get in touch with.  A lot of, "crap", for lack of a better word, going on with my feelings.   I'm not sure how to explain them, and that's a good thing, because I WON'T. -smiles 

Last night, I was feeling, insecure about things.  We talked in bed while I was cuddled in his arms.  I felt safe.  I loved that feeling.  Nothing could touch or hurt me, I knew I was where I wanted to be. 

The last couple of weeks, I've changed a bit.  My attitude is better, and I'm just...happier. 

I've been told all my life, that I have this "dominant" personality, and I know I do.  I've always had it, whether I've used it in my nilla life, or my BDSM L/lifestyle.  I just....let it all go when he's around.  EVERYTHING.  Worries, fears all out the window.  This calm and feeling of safety takes over me, and it's a feeling that I haven't felt in a very long time. 

Ok back to my insecurities.  As Master left to buy some rope, (perk), and breakfast food, he made a few stops along the way.  Came back home with Body wash, razors, etc, and something for my son.  I think of everything he bought, that thing for my son, meant the world to me. The razors, toothbrush and all those items to be left here for when ...well, just because.  I'm not sure if he saw the look on my face, or if I hid it extremely well, but that kinda eased things for me.  Even though we had spoken in bed the previous night, those what would seem, insignificant items he brought to leave here, did it for me.

Odd, I know.  But all in all, I felt great about it.  I'm hoping that he's got to do that more often ;o). 

Well, I hope yalls weekend was fun and fruitful.  I know mine was excellent!!

Take Care

11/12/2009 10:20:08 AM

Court Day...

Let's see, where to start.  I'm a divorced mom of 2 beautiful children.  My daughter is soon to be 21, and is in Harvard Law School.  My son is 9, and he's the best little boy in the world. 

I've done my best over the last almost, 7 years and raised my kids alone.  I think I've done pretty well with them, without the help of their dad.  Their dad has only recently, become a part of my sons life, when he decided to move here to Florida. 

I could sit here and type a bunch of mean, heartless things about him.  That would be pointless, since I chose him many years ago.  Let's face is, I'm sure he's got some doozies to tell about me also, since there are 2 sides to every story.

Now, to the matter at hand.  He chose not to show up to court.  This won't be the first time, and I'm sure won't be the last.  I'm sure there's some elaborate story as to why he couldn't make it. It wouldn't be the first time.  

I don't know what makes people do the things they do.  I'm family oriented, and can't fathom the things I see going on these days. 

Mothers giving up custody, mothers simply having kids when they're happy in a relationship, then deciding when the relationship is over, that the don't want their kids anymore. I must admit, that in most cases the children are better off somewhere else.  I've seen women that physically have their children, and just don't take any time with them.  The time necessary to nurture and teach them.  To me, that isn't a "Mom". 

Master and I had this discussion this past weekend.  He told me basically to not to try to understand it, that everyone is different, much like in this L/lifestyle.  I understand what he meant, but it's still hard to swallow.  I always thought that being a parent meant, that you sacrafice for your children.  I know I've had to on many occasions.  

My daughter, who refuses to have anything to do with her father, puts it plain and simple.  "Well mom, its this way.  He didn't give a shit about us when we were a family, why should he give a shit now"?  Sometimes I feel that I let them down, because as I stated, I CHOSE him.  Of course if I had known the outcome, I wouldn't have.

So now, it's a constant battle with him, trying to get him to do whats right.  The courts can only do so much.  There are a lot more people out there that just don't want to take responsibility for their children.

I want to leave you with this thought, ANYONE can make a child, and be called a "parent".  The thing is, it takes a strong person to be a Mom or a Dad.

As far as my kids dad,
 eh, let him tell it to the judge.

11/11/2009 11:46:11 AM

First I'd like to say, today is Veterans day, and thank you to all who lost their lives serving our country, and their families.  I'd also like to thank those that made it home.  Without you, only God knows where this country may be today.  To those overseas fighting, I thank you, hurry home, and come back safe! 

~Since being under consideration......~

It's been a couple of days since I've added "under consideration" to my profile.  For the most part, the responses has been positive. 

I have revised my whole profile, and stated that friends were always welcome, either new or past ones.  It seems that now, ( with the exception of VERY few, who were very respectful ),I've been infected with the Black Plague.  It's either that, or the occasional Dominant that says "sure, friends are good", and ends up trying to get me to be his "online slave". 

Is it not possible for a submissive to be under consideration, and have Dominant friends?  Or is it just that Dominants are so busy looking for a sub/slave, that they miss out on a chance to befriend a sub and perhaps learn a few things in conversation about a subs mind?

I am happy with Master.  He's a wonderful sadist.  He's very straight forward, firm, and fair.  Hence why I have done a complete revision of my profile.  Yes, I could have made it easy on myself, and just wrote in my journal "under consideration", and let the next journals hide that fact.  But I'm in no way trying to be sneaky or hide it.  I'm proud that I'm under his consideration, and I'm proud of the man that Master is. 

So for the Dominants that say, "sure friends are fine", then want to take me into another form of "online Dominantion", you're wasting your time.  For the Dominants that actually want to chat with an intelligent female sub, I'm here.

11/10/2009 8:08:15 PM

Just thoughts....

I remember when I joined this site some 3 or 4 years ago.  It wasn't bad, persay, it was just, different.  I left not long after I joined up, and thought I'd deleted the profile.  When a few weeks ago, I got an email under my AOL screen name that was attached to this account, that read, you have mail from CollarMe.  Of course it was in spam which I don't usually read.

I remember thinking to myself, hmmmm.  So I logged on, and couldn't remember my password to save my life.  Finally, it came to me.

It was a rough time.  I was hurt, and upset, and decided to do a little updating on the profile, and start a journal.  Never once thinking that I'd actually find what it was that I'd been looking for.

I had gotten so many emails due to the original journal.  Most very kind and wishing me well, others just thought I needed a good beating or to be used until I, "snapped out of it".  Some with advise as to how time heals. Just, very supportive emails for the most part. 

Then out of the blue, there was this one email, from a Sadist, wishing me well, and saying he was sorry he didn't live closer, sorry for...himself.  That email made me want to get to know him more.  We corresponded for a few days, then spoke on the phone.  He was intelligent, sweet, funny, caring, and my favorite part, sadist.  So we spoke every night for that week.  Then we met.  He wasn't any different in person than he was on here and on the phone, he was real.  I'm proud to say that I'm now under his consideration.

I guess what I want to say is, that sometimes it's just better to be kind instead of a jerk to people.  When I checked the profiles of the Dumbanants that offered to beat me and use me, I wasn't surprised at what I read.  These Dumbanants were bashing a good majority of subs and slaves .

I'm not sure what most expect on here.  I know we are all looking for something different.  I do wonder if most would approach a woman in real life the way they do in this forum.  If a little respect goes a long way,  imagine what a LOT of respect can do?

Eh, these are just my thoughts.

11/9/2009 2:05:08 PM

Well, today was the start of approaching things "differently".  I remained calm, cool, and collected, as I started to resolve some of the issues that have plagued me.  Oddly enough, my issues have been resolved!!  There were 3 major ones.  I'm sure there are small ones lingering around somewhere, kind of like a dog fart.   Luckily enough, they don't matter.  I don't like spending my time and worrying myself over the small crap

It looks like things are getting on track, and looking better.  I kept my tongue in check, and without any smartass undertones, achieved a few mildstones. It felt good, not to mention salvaged a relationship that would most likely have otherwise been destroyed.  Now that I think about it, it was starting to crumble more and more on my end. The thing is, that I don't even think I realized it until today.  Ah that wise Dominant! 

The line "What painful pleasures we have to show you", keeps popping into my head".  Eh maybe it's wishful thinking, perhaps a movie, or maybe a dream.

This week looks to be a rather eventful.  My son has no school on Wednesday for its Veterans Day, and I have court Thursday.  That should prove to be an interesting day. 

I'm sure by Thursday, I'll have a journal about THAT!!  Eh, it is what it is.

11/8/2009 4:19:12 PM
 I've finally stopped counting the days of the breakup.  Once the hurt is gone, and the smoke clears and emotions settle, you begin to see things in a different light.  Now that it's over, hind site being 20/20, I realize that the relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

This weekend I met a Dominant, who really has his stuff together.  He's intelligent, articulate, witty, caring, and handsome.  (No there wasn't a play session, so don't think that it's the reason why I say that about him).  We have been talking on the phone for the past week, getting to know one another.  I can honestly say, that he is NOT the "typical" arrogant, egotistical Dominant.  Though I was informed, he CAN be.  -grins

I learned a lot about myself this weekend, he helped me look inside myself.  He was honest about what he saw in me, and suggested that I try to approach things in a "different way".

He asked me hard questions, some of them I didn't want to answer, or admit to myself.  To be realistic, he had me pegged by simply listening.  I admit, it was a little hard to swallow at times, but he did it kindly and gently.
I've met Dominants in this lifestyle and not all are the same.  It's not a BAD thing, people are just different.  Everyone has their own views and opinions on the Lifestyle and the differences between what a sub is vs. a slave. 
I do say in my profile that I am a submissive.  I can easily be turned into a slave for the RIGHT Dominant.  I won't kid myself into thinking it's NOT possible, for I know it is, and I've done it.  I'm not the type of submissive that's just submissive in the bedroom.  Once I'm in a comfort zone, I'm capable of anything.  I'm a firm believer that once you've capture a submissive's mind, (aka my mind),  then the rest will follow.  Mind, heart, body, and soul.  It's all I have to offer.  What I present is a gift.  The gift of submission, in which I intend to fully surrender.  To put in your hands, if you so chose to accept it.
I stood at the window, as I watched him pull out of the driveway on his way home and sighed a heavy sigh.  It's easy to see what Lucille sees in him.

In closing, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.
Take care

11/6/2009 6:18:12 AM
Day 6...-yawns and stretches.   It was a good night, again the combination  of a generic sleeping pill, and good conversation, made for a good nights rest. 

I'd like to thank the people that have sent me emails of support and advise, they're appreciated. 

But, of course there are the OTHER EMAILS....the ones from ohhhh lets say....Bukarest, Greece, and some here in the USA.   My profile CLEARY states , if you are NOT in Florida, then please don't waste my time or yours.    Can you NOT READ?

I don't live for the "fantasy" of BDSM, I live to serve the Dominant Man that I'm with.  Whether it's to walk proudly by his side to visit family, or whether it's to be his whore when the house door closes behind us.  Whether it's the shoulder he needs to lean on when he's had a bad day, or whether it's the slut he needs to control to forget his day.  I'd do it all proudly  and enjoy it, for the right Dominant Man. 

I guess basically what I'm trying to say is, I'm not here for some "Dumbinant" to "think" he's going to control me over my computer, from another country or state.  That may work for some subs, but it doesn't to me.  I know for certain, that Ive made it crystal clear in my profile.   So here it is, again, in a nutshell....

11/5/2009 5:04:12 AM
Day 5.  I FINALLY SLEPT!!  I was talking to the most interesting Dominant last night, I won't say perfect, but his mom would-smiles.  He was witty, charming, and we talked about, anything and everything.  It was refreshing to NOT spend a ton of time on the "lifestyle", and talk about just..anything. 

But I slept!!  It was great!! Thank God for generic sleeping pills. I did get up once, but at least it wasnt the every 15 minute kind of wake up like it's been.  I feel..calmer....more...well....settled.  We will see .....

11/4/2009 5:50:43 AM
Day 4.  It gets harder to sleep, I'm up every 15 minutes.  I was so tired that I passed out last night, only to wake up again 15 minutes later, over and over.  I'm thinking sleeping pills at this point.  I may have gotten 3 hours total sleep in 4 days. 

I have questions about a lot of things, but I have to wonder if I truly want the answers to my questions, or if it would hurt too much to know the truth.  In my heart, I know the truth wasnt given to me, just a cop out, an excuse.  Something to save HIM

11/3/2009 6:46:08 AM

Day 3...Things are better. except for my internet connection.  I slept well, mostly due to exhaustion.  But, nevertheless, I slept.  I'm not sure what the future holds for me, It seems that mostly, I'm weeding out the Dominants that feel the lifestyle is about sex.  Fakes, wannabees, whatever we want to call them. I can't stress enough that I'm not a sub that just plays with anyone.  Some don't get it.  I didn't wake up crying, so that's a good sign, but  it doesnt mean I won't cry today.  The hurt is still there, he will always have a place in my heart, but it's time for me to move forward.  Explore new things with another Sir/Master, hopefully he will come along soon.

11/2/2009 4:47:08 AM
Day 2:  I feel sick to my stomach, my heart in pieces.  I tried to sleep last night, all I could do was toss and turn.  I've gotten some very sympathic emails, and I thank you all for your words of encouragement, and support.  I've always been a rather strong woman.  Some would venture to say that I have a Dominant personality.  Over the years, I'd build this wall around me, and my heart.  Since the passing of my very first Master, Master Jonathan, I didn't think that I'd ever find the kind of man he was.  To be honest, I wasn't seeking anything when I found HIM.  My last Master.  This is day 2.  By the end of day 1, I didn't think I had anymore tears to cry, apparently I was wrong.  I'm still confused, and hurt.  The anger has subsided.  I have a pain in my chest, and I do believe, a hole in my heart.

11/1/2009 3:15:40 PM
I want to thank you all for your supportive e-mails during this crappy time in my life. It means alot, Thank you

10/15/2009 1:32:30 AM

Amazing some of the fake Dominants that tend to prey on these sites.  Remember one thing, I am a submissive, and I am far from stupid.

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