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Something everyone who is new to BDSM websites should read.
There are a lot of very lovely, genuine, wonderful people online. And its a good place to make an initial contact with someone.
However there are a lot who are tossers! Male or female, sub or Dom/me trust me the gender or orientation or where they identify on the spectrum makes no difference whatsoever.
From experience here is my advice when you are talking to people you have NEVER met online.
1. Never ever send money. I get that there is a whole "tribute" thing going on but unless you really get off on pissing your money away don't be sucked in.
2. Its understandable that some people don't have a face photo. But don't "work" for it. What I mean is, if they ask you to complete a task in exchange for a photo then they are a tosser! You would not walk into a bar with a bag on your head and expect everyone to prove something to you before removing the bag. Its amateur and those claiming you are not submissive if you refuse are basically cunts to be avoided.
3. You are not their submissive. Do NOT do anything for them. You are not their Dom/me. You are just people talking on a website.
4. Despite photos - you have no idea who you are talking to. People pretend to be other genders, other orientations and different ages (including minors). Always use caution until you meet them in person.
5. Don't rush to KIK, Messenger, Chat, Whatsapp. If they cannot be arsed to put in a few decent messages and rush you to a chat app then they are showing signs of desperation.
6. Don't give out your phone number or e-mail. There is no harm taking a couple of days just in written message. Sure people want validation, if they cant wait a couple of days then screw them.
7. When you do want to chat use a face to face or voice to voice facility that will not give your location.
8. A stranger asking for immediate help is always a scam. Drama llamas will give you a story about how they are trapped in some way. Refer them to the police, Samaritans or domestic violence specialists and walk away.
9. its a new exciting world and you will discover things that arouse you more than you ever realised - this will cloud your judgement. Get your arse out from the laptop and go meet other local kinksters. They will help guide you in your decisions.
10. Ask questions! There are people who have been active in BDSM way before the internet. There are decent people who have been around 40+ years. Do not shy away from those who are a bit older and run events or munches, they are your gold dust! Always approach with a polite manner, do not harass if they do not answer right away, and FFS listen to them - just because they give an answer you might not want to hear it does not mean they are attacking you or ranting at you! You are new - take advice - the journey is long and never stops.
EDIT This does not mean munch organisers or event hosts are any safer than anyone else and the same safety rules should ALWAYS apply - my point being that for advice they are a good source of wisdom!
11. Meet up fairly soon if you think you found someone you want to explore with. But do this publicly. Nobody worthwhile will try and get to your their home, nor will they want you to drink alcohol, nor meet in a secluded place. They will expect you to have a safe call in place and your journey home organised. Don't leave it too long - hesitancy and nerves can be mistaken for flakiness. Do a daytime meet for coffee or tea, allow about one hour, then go home. Do not allow the person you are meeting to dictate what you wear or do - another sign of an amateur. You are not their submissive.
12. Follow up meetings are "Dates" this is no different to vanilla dates. Until you know each other well enough - there should be NO BDSM activity. Keep it public, keep it safe and keep the safe calls in place.
Please feel free to add anything I might have forgotten. |
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