- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Steampinkgirl - photo 1
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Not looking for much now, extremely happy with my current situation. If your a smart and well read cis girl. Then happy to chat apart from that totally happy and not looking thanks.

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2/7/2017 8:24:55 PM
I really love this journal, 

Its pretty much exactly how I would love to live my life.

5/12/2016 9:06:02 AM
I am not long up in Scotland looking after a sick family member, but it was hard time and nice to be back to normal. 

I just want to be open here and say that I am Transgender, I have lived full time for over 15 years now, and just consider myself a girl and if you have a problem with that, maybe its time to move on. 

I am not going to be around for the next week or so, I wish you all the best of luck. 

3/22/2016 9:46:41 AM

I am currently testing some software I wrote, that allows me to fetch my messages on collarspace and forward them to my email address for later reading. this means I might be showing as online often but does not mean I am actually reading the messages. I will respond to all message sent to me as soon as I have the time. Please do not get upset if show as being online and do not respond, as its more likely to be my sever fetching my messages rather than me being online. 

I hope this clears things up. 


3/16/2016 4:13:19 AM
A little note about me being Transgender.

Please do not ask how long I have been living as woman, I have been woman all my life, I was born female, my body was just not in alinement's with that. I was never asked how I felt about this and I am woman who was forced live as boy for 21 years. I have lived my correct gender for over 15 years. So asking me if live full time or do I dress full time is just insulting. even if I was wearing men' clothing I would still be a woman, not that I do, "These are not woman's cloths, these are my cloths"

Asking about Surgery, I have not had surgery as of time of writing, but If you more concerned about what I have below and me as person, then its going be difficult for me want to go further with you. please do not ask about my surgery or plans to have surgery as it's a very person medical question and something I prepared to talk about but not on the second message.

Are my breasts real? yes they are real, I have been on HRT for a very long time now and No I have not had surgery on them. So they are Natural and real. So please don't ask. 

thank you for reading this :) 

2/12/2016 4:21:20 AM
What happened to the good old Dom/Domme, who knew their craft so well, they could call themselves Master or Mistress because they worked hard in learning all about this world. 

I read on profiles all time, 20 years Experience and then you speak with them and don't even understand what sub space is, or feel that after-care is topping from bottom.

I find myself pining for that feeling of being totally powerless with someone, does not have be with Bondage, but that feeling of being next to someone else and just feeling that you would do anything they ask and they know you totally are submitting. I miss that feeling with another that brings me so much peace and I miss those Dom/Domme who can bring out those feeling in me. It takes a skilled person to be able to strip someone down to be purely submissive and I really miss that.

It seems nowadays its all about look how good I am at ropes or how many pretty girls I have played with, or look at all Munches I go too and look how many friends I have on my profile. Couple that see Trans people are less than human being only their to do Domestic duties and forget they actually have feelings too. It sad that Transgender community has take this place in the world of BDSM, a second class group who is seen as stand by or someone you can use to do you house work without any of the emotion investment you need to make if you take on a "REAL girl" it still amazes me that people use that term "Real, Biological and GG" its like saying well your not real, your just a fake to all Transgeneder people. Who also grew up as girl or boy without the choice of being able to be themselves. 

I hope that in time the 50 Shades of dipping their toe in water crowd will leave and what will be left is those with genuine love of this lifestyle/world and those dishonest players who will lie, cheat and tell you what ever they think you want to hear will slowly dispensate and the people are left are those who work hard to become great Mistress/Masters and those subs who are honest, real and actually want to meet others and not just sit and play with themselves while someone opens up and pours out there deepest and darkest desires and are given utter disrespect in return.

I hope that there are still those out there who really live this lifestyle and want to share it :)


4/6/2015 11:18:52 AM

Its been really hard of late to try and explain to those who I have been meeting up with that a lot of my desires around the BDSM world revolve round captivity, and Yes when I say Captivity I mean real full on Captivity being chained up in a way that ever if I wanted to to get out I would not be able too. I have met many play partners and such who seem to say they get it, but then want me to spend most of my time curled up on the sofa with them watching films, without even so little as chain. Sometimes I will ask them to chain me up, but this just gets boring after a while. Why should someone who has explained like 100 times that there big thing is bondage and captivity have to ask to be chained up. It just ruins the feeling and even if they go and do it, its just no the same any more.

The other thing I have noticed is when I am chained up and struggling to do things because of my chains, some Dom suddenly offer to take the chains off to make it easier. I am not sure they actually understand that the making it difficult to walk, reach or do something adds to the feeling of being helpless. soon as you ask me if i want to have them off you have just ruined it. its like asking a kidnap victim oh your not happy being kept against your will, would you like me to let you go? oh course they are going to say yes. Just like if i am struggling to reach a jar on top shelve in the kitchen because my chains to don't let me, if you ask me if want to my chains loosened I will say yes! but the point being yes at the very moment I hate those dam chains, and hate that I am so restricted, and I would do anything to get out of them. So when you ask me do I want out of them I am going to say yes.

Here is the catch though, if you left me in those chains and I struggle, wriggle or have to ask for help about 10 mins later I will be left feeling totally helpless and useless which where I get my enjoyment from. the feeling of being completely unable to get free or do anything without someone controlling me. on the other hand if you let me out of those chains to do something, I have just lots the feeling. I no longer feel helpless infact I feel free and feel like I get what I want and that totally ruins the feeling for me.

My desire to be captive runs deep inside of me, my dreams when I was little were not of being ballerina's, princesses or pop stars. my dreams were about being kidnapped, locked away in a dungeon cell some-place, chained up and kept locked away from the world. My dreams were about my captive falling in love with me, but never letting me free. always keeping me in chains and letting me be around his home and such but with chains attached to me, never letting me get outside. maybe I am screwed up in some way but that was my dreams. so when Dom's I play with suddenly start saying I don't think you would enjoy captivity or that I think you have so many other things you can do, all these hobbies and such you have. Firstly if actually look at most of my hobbies they are majority of things I could easily do indoors with a big chain round my ankle and secondly why can't you see that they are just secondary to something I have been dreaming about since I was little.

another thing I have notice, is sometimes when I am in heavy captivity I will get upset, Yes sometimes I will cry, other times I will get upset and beg to get out, other times I fight and scream to get free, but that's all part of process. I will want out, I will try and fight and beg and do anything I can to escape, because if I can use that to get out of the chains, then its not proper captivity, and I will settle down eventually. I know what I ask is extreme and many will run a mile with what I talk about, but I am looking for the person who understands I will love them more deeply than anyone has loved them before if they help me find my place in life, a captive little girl


2/12/2015 9:07:25 PM
It just seems there are so many angry profiles on here, people complaining about people asking them for money, complaining about time-wasters, telling people how their visions of M/s or D/s or even the BDSM world are wrong. I mean seriously though, how does help attract a mate? If i read someone profile and its full anger and hate, it makes me think your not really suited to this lifestyle. if your going frustrated about things online, then how do you expect to be a calm and caring force in D/s or M/s relationship in real life. Its like they have not thought this world thru and think that only their way is right! which in truth there is a thousand paths and thousand different ways to achieve D/s or M/s just because you can't see path does not mean it does not exists.

The trick is to find someone on the same path as you and walk together on the path, trying to force others on to your path never works because your values will always be different, no matter how much you beat them or try break them into it.


2/8/2015 12:26:39 PM
Chasing slave space

Its almost been 12 years since I entered into my first M/s relationship. I had very little then, I had move from Scotland to England and I had only been dressing in my chosen gender for about a year at this point. I sometimes say I became a woman that year, but truthfully I always was a woman, but I was just forced to be something else for 21 years. I met someone online and we chatted, He was just coming out of a relationship with his ex. Later on I was to find out she had not even moved out yet, but that's not point of this story. We spent a lot time talking on internet, and being very honest with each other in what we wanted. I explained about my dreams since I was little about being kidnapped and eventually falling in love with him. It may sound strange but I now realize that I am wired differently from most people. I am a slave, my desire to be captive is part of that. Its not sad or lonely captivity but more a loving captivity where I do not want to ever leave his presence or his home unless its with him. My dreams about being a Gothic Lol-ita/ballerina was part of that and I guess my love of Gothic Lol-ita dress and ballerina things was because I missed out on being a little girl. I never got to wear pretty dresses, or run about in the garden with angel wings, or have imaginary tea parties with my teddies. I never had sleep overs or had my mother brush my hair and tell me how beautiful I was. So at the age of 22, I really wanted to explore those things, but I also realized I had the heart of a slave. Yes I was submissive but I also wanted someone to completely control me. I needed him to control every aspect of my life, from when and what I ate, to when I could go to bathroom and even things like if I should have gender reassignment surgery. I wanted to do everything in world just please one person, I wanted to be so close to someone that it hurts when I am more than ten feet away from them. I wanted to be broken down, to state of total innocence and just forget about my past of growing up being forced to be something I was not. I wanted to be kept in chains 24/7 not so chained up I could not move, but enough that every step or hand movement was reminder of who I was. the jingle of chains and bells to remind me that I am his. I wanted to give up myself completely and become part of him. My heart has longed for that feeling of being owned and totally controlled. in truth Its only thing I have truly wanted and when I am not in M/s i am lost. I think many around me think I am crazy or delusional, but I have never worked so hard in my life than I have when I am in truly deep into M/s total power exchange relationship. How can you explain to your friends and family, that in truth you would truly give up everything even going outside if meant being the person you were meant to be. How can tell anyone that really? So when I met my first Master, I was so excited because of first time in my life I was able to be myself, nothing but myself and let go of all the other things in my life that really meant nothing to me. I don't want a job, a career, money, cars, fame or any of those things. In truth they mean very little to me. What I do want is to be by my Master's side everyday for the rest of my life, to be at the end of chain that he is holding and know all he needs to do ask me do anything and I will without question or hesitation.

The first year went by quickly, We spend pretty much every waking hour we could together, I would be sitting at the front door on my knee's waiting for him to come home from work. It was best part of my day, because I would get to see my Master, my Owner, my love. for that year I maybe left house a dozen times, and never on my own always with him. He would always hold his hand or cling on to his arm. For me the most beautiful state of being, it was not always perfect and we had issues just like any other couple does be that vanilla or M/s. But we worked so well together we just talked everything out and sorted it. He used to say, if there is problem with your car, you just don't throw it way, you look at what warning light is on and then try and fix it. So when warning lights came on in our relationship we would fix them together and grow closer each time. By the end of that year, something magical happened, one morning, He chained me up as usual before he left for work, my ankle chains and wrist chains locked into place with enough space between them that I could potter around the house and do my house work and chores. I woke up and suddenly felt this amazing warm glow come over me. In my late teens, I had done some ecstasy and its pretty much closest thing I can relate it too. It was like warm euphoric buzz came over me, But not the sweaty horrible Ecstasy type. I felt at peace, it was as if I had been slotted in the right place in the universe, I have been plugged into my rightful place and suddenly everything made sense. I had a sense of purpose and it was as if everything was just right, like I was meant to be in this time and this place and this state of being. I though it would go away, but it did not. I stayed in amazing place for almost two months. looking back now, I realized I had reached a point of totally selflessness. I had just given up everything about me, everything I wanted, everything I desired. none of that mattered, it was just about Him. It was just about being part of him. I wanted to melt into him and just be part of him like symbiotic in Star Trek. The peace I felt was just like being at one with everything, any anger, aggression, hurt and pain was all just washed a way. I felt like a innocent little girl, who did not want to harm or hurt anything. my Master realized just how innocent I had become and also realized that people could also take advantage of me in that state so he took extra care in making sure I was never alone with anyone but him. It was the most beautiful, awesome and peaceful states of being I have ever experienced, it was like being in permanent state of subspace. Those months were the best moments of my life so far. I realized then that I was meant to be a slave, it was what I was born to be. I don't believe in god or anything like fate or such, but if I did, I swear that I was born to be this way.

Sadly like most good things in life, it had to end. my Master at the time, was not ready for how submissive I had become, He liked my when I wanted to do my own things and liked when I asked to do things and such. In truth He had not realized how deeply I fallen down the rabbit hole and clearly was not ready for it. I was totally and utterly depended on him for everything. Yes i would cook and clean and look after him, but nothing else mattered to me but just please him and be close to him. I would just spend hours curled up at his feet as he would read, unless he asked me do something I would just spend every moment I could curled up at his feet. In the end the relationship came to end. a lot outside world factors had effect Him and He changed quite dramatically and it ended with bang. I suddenly was snapped out of that space and suddenly thrust back into world with less than a days warning. I took me over year to get over the loss of my Master, but It gave me a sense of purpose in life. I realized that I knew who I was now, and I know what my role was in life, that it was to be a slave.

Years have past since then, I have been in other M/s relationships, and I am always trying to chase that feeling of slave space, Sadly I have not found anyone yet who has been able to take me back to that place I was with when I was with my first Master. I do not think it was their fault either, but more I think we just not right match and things were not as they seemed. I tried my hardest to make it work with them, but sadly it was not meant to be. They either were not ready for M/s TPE or just wanting very different things from me. I think to find the right person for you is about finding a person who matches up with you. Yes a lot Masters seem think you can shoe horn any slave into his life and if they obey they should be happy, but I think truth is for a M/s relationship to go to levels like I have been too, you really need find someone who matches up with you. What I mean is things like goals, desires, interests, fetishes and so on. Find the right Master or Mistress for that matter is about finding the person who is your exact opposite. The yin to your yang, and when you join up, you become one whole being. I am still searching for that person who matches up to my yang and hope one day I will find them, but at least I know my purpose in life and who I am, and that brings its own rewards and peace to ones self even in the hardest times of my life, I can find peace knowing that I have sense of purpose. I do hope one day that I will meet that person and I will drop back into slave space and hope this time I will never come out of it again. All i can do keep looking and keep hoping and never give up with fact that He might just walk into my life.

2/8/2015 11:07:55 AM
I have more pictures of myself and happy to provide them, but please do not suddenly think i am going send you naked full body pictures of myself after talking to you for 5mins. people who do that normally tend to vanish quickly afterwards. So dont ask, because the answer is no. If you take the time and want to get to know me as person and we build a rapore then that's different, but not going send naked pictures after talking on yahoo for 5mins.
I think one things that saddens me about meeting people online, is those who chat to me for days online, or even on phone, spend hours and hours asking me all sorts very personal questions and such, and then they just vanish without a word or even a "Hey thanks for taking up your valuable time to talk to me, but I don't think your what i am seeking" I really do find that height of bad manners, its like I have put all this effort into sharing the most intimate parts of my life and personality with you, and you can't even be bothered sending me one line to let me know your not interested. Instead many just leave you sitting their for days wondering what's going on, and even just ignoring you. 

Sorry Married guys, but I am not interested in you, unless your seeking a poly relationship where I am part of a relationship with both you and your wife then I am not going be interested. I am seeking to be centre of someone's universe, not just to be their bit on the side. 

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