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StabbyMcStalker

StabbyMcStalker - photo 1
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None of the lengthy journal posts are my writing. I am mostly just reposting some good advice that comes from kind people over at FL. This site has a deafening silence when it comes to decent advice for those just stepping into the lifestyle.

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12/12/2014 9:12:16 AM
So you have a service heart. You could express this in a leather relationship, or in your vocation, or in a vanilla relationship, or in your church, or as a volunteer, or whatever. You may value a certain degree of self-sacrifice. That, to a point, is a necessary quality. You may be a bit stoic at times, willing to deliver no matter what. Again, this is an awesome quality, to a point. You are faithful, loyal, and willing to give the benefit of the doubt. You log hours of effort into building your skills and tending to your self-development. You find a person or a cause that resonates with you and you dive in and start serving. Wait? Stop. Ask yourself this: Does the person or system you are serving have a sense of honor? Do they take responsibility for the things in their scope? Is integrity there? Are they able to direct your efforts to do actual good, and, as close as humanly possible, to fulfill their stated mission (you know, that inspiring Leather Family Mission Statement, or that statement inscribed on that fancy plaque in the lobby). In other words, are you given the tools and the instruction needed to carry out the needed service? Do you know what your limits are? Are these limits consistently enforced? Is your safety and well-being considered and thoughtfully planned out? Yes, IS YOUR SAFETY AND WELL BEING CONSIDERED? Being of service can be quite a high. It can make you feel invincible. Burnout? You feel like you are so full of light and energy that burnout is a distant fantasy. You will fight the dragons and take the risks to do what your heart demands. And, you are human. You are NOT invincible and this seemingly endless source of energy and devotion has its limits. Even worse, it can be damaged and eroded, especially if you insist on serving the dishonorable, the deceitful, and the emotionally immature?or if you are your own boss and you just fail to take care of yourself. Worse, while it may catch up with you suddenly, it can also catch up with you gradually, compromising the quality of your service without your full awareness. If you are going to serve a master, a dominant, an organization, or a cause, here are a few things to consider: Is your service going to help create or maintain something of actual value? Serving to enable someone to keep drinking, to keep abusing, to keep avoiding responsibility, to keep lying, to remain emotionally immature, or to keep making a profit that serves no greater good, is going to drag both you and that person/organization down. Nothing beautiful is created. You are simply perpetuating ugliness. A service heart is fed by working towards improvement, not decline. Strive to serve honor, and you will increase the honor in the world. Does the one(s) you serve acknowledge that you are a human with needs?: Nothing that serves is without needs. If they take better care of their car than you, consider moving on. I am not speaking of indulgence here, but if your service requires you to skimp your basic physical needs and your mental health needs, start asking questions. Is there a good reason for this (ie: you are the surgeon who must skip lunch and miss family time to save lives) or is this merely the whim of your master. Someone who grinds down his slaves, employees, or other ?help? and moves on to the next victim likely does not meet criteria #1. Furthermore, your capacity for service may be temporarily, or permanently, compromised. Even worse than that is the possibility that a number of bad experiences like this may quench that precious fire. The part of your brain that really likes survival will eventually take over and kick you out of the service game. Are the rules you must follow as consistent as possible?: Following inconsistent rules and being arbitrarily punished WILL erode your sense of self-worth and value eventually. If your sense of worthiness declines, your faith in your own ability to serve starts to slip. You may take yourself out of the game early thinking that your service does more harm than good. Worse, you may feel like you have lost part of your soul. Believe me, trying to get that soul part back when you have lost it is a far worse pain in the butt than simply saying no when you need to and protecting it in the first place. Is your safety valued?: You may need to walk where angels fear to tread in order to fulfill your service mission. Fabulous. However, if you cannot at least carry a charged cell phone to the 3rd circle of hell because your leaders won?t let you, or won?t provide you with one, consider finding a worthier master to serve. Expect your leaders to make the best efforts they can to insure your continued survival and wellness, even in high risk situations. If they refuse to do so, they are probably not people of integrity and honor. Perhaps rethink your decision to continue. Are you treated with respect in accordance with your position?: You may not share equal power?but are you being called names? Does this person try to cast doubt in your mind concerning your strengths and abilities? If you get negative consequences for some action, are you told why? Do you have a discussion about what you can do in the future to avoid these consequences? A decent leader maintains and improves their tools. They do not attempt to undermine and destroy them. If a person is consistently tearing you down (outside of a hawt scene) consider getting out. Are you given the tools to do your job?: OK, you and Master may love playing around with this for fun. Trying to crack and scramble Master?s eggs with your hands tied behind your back may make for a good game (if I just gave anyone ideas, you are welcome?). However, if you are given an important responsibility and are not given the tools for the job (including the maintenance of your physical and mental health), start examining the situation. What, of value, are you serving here? What is being destroyed in the process? EDIT: When I wrote this I had no idea it would strike such a nerve. I have had one request to repost, so before I grant it I want to give another person credit for helping me with this. MasterWolf and I talked the night before, and his wisdom and ideas added to mine and helped them gel. Thank you MasterWolf!

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mixalex014
 
 Age: 35
 Mumbai, India