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Spirlort

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Master for 24/7 Submissive/Slave
If you're an intelligent & capable girl over 30 who views herself as the "property" of her Dominant; particularly one who wants to relinquish control of her body & setting shared priorities, you have the kind of a slave mentality that I'm looking for. I'm not a micromanager and will expect you to make decisions for yourself while following instructions. When it comes to certain kinds of decisions, you'll know what my preferences are which I'll expect you to follow. Your submission is something I don't expect to ever need to question. If anything, it will be a question of whether you understood my instructions and preferences well enough to follow them. If you didn't, that means we need to work on communication. Either I wasn't clear or detailed enough for you to understand the intent, or you didn't ask the questions you needed to of me to fully obtain sufficient clarity (no blame here, just accountability). In either case, we'll simply work on improving the communication between us. Healthy, compassionate communication is something I'll encourage, teach and model. I can't be your Dominant if you don't feel safe communicating your thoughts and feelings. I view it as my job to create that safe environment for "Us". Your trust is something I value and don't take lightly. Its also something I expect to earn through my behavior. I do my utmost to provide unconditional love and acceptance. I may not always "like" your behavior, but you'll still be loved and will know it. When there's an issue between us, our discussions will be focused on behavior, not who we are as individuals. I don't believe in a punishment dynamic. I know that having failed to please me will cause most to not feel good about themselves. I've learned that punishment only serves to tear down a person's self-esteem. I'll try to help you view those experiences as "learning opportunities" and not as "failures". It's important to me that you have good self-esteem, know that you are valued, and continue to grow as a human being in all aspects of your life. That's something I'll foster and encourage. I've no interest in having control over your your money or finances; those will be yours to handle. I'll expect at a minimum to control your sexuality. I'd enjoy eventually selecting your clothing and making other decisions about your appearance. The rest is negotiable and renegotiable as the dynamic builds and the situation warrants.

My body isn't perfect and I don't expect it of you. It's my desire that you care enough about yourself to stay healthy and fit so we can share a quality life together for years to come. Monogamy, fidelity and honest communication are paramount to me. I seek a committed relationship where you'll eventually wear my permanent collar 24/7, preferably in a 1950's style household. I'm traditional and "old school" in that I started on the bottom over 30 yrs ago. I follow traditional "leather" practices. I'd describe myself as a sensual sadist who enjoys exploring the area of sensual torment that borders between pain and intense erotic pleasure. I do that through various kinds of sensation play; contrasting it with either conventional impact play or other physical, mental & aural stimulation.
I'm convinced the largest sex organ in the human body is the mind and strongly believe it needs constant stimulation through building anticipation. Service is something that deeply resonates with me as does the art of "eloquent or formal begging"; something I'll teach a girl to do in the manner I desire.
That's a bit about me. I look forward to learning about you when you write expressing your interest.

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12/16/2017 6:44:36 AM
      Another Year of Experience Gained & Lessons Learned

The close of another year is upon us. For me that means another birthday is about to pass. I'll be 60 on Monday. I never imagined myself being single at the age of 60, but life rarely seems to follow according to one's plans. I learned years ago that there are things I cannot control. Instead, the only thing I can control is how I choose to respond to the events and circumstances I'm presented with. That applies to my age, health and other things as well. There are things I can do to maintain my health and fitness which are under my control which I do, but I have no control over the passage of time, only what I choose to do with my allotment of it, how and with whom I choose to spend it.

I've definitely learned that I'd rather spend that allotment of time doing things by myself that I enjoy outside this lifestyle than with someone who isn't compatible, that won't be a good partner for me. Another important thing I learned this past year is that I don't need a submissive to be close to my age as I once thought I did. My last slave was 35. Aside from her having "fallen off the wagon" while I was away on business, I discovered that she was a good match. The difference in our ages wasn't an issue for either of us. That was something that surprised me which I hadn't expected. Her addictive behavior however was ultimately a deal breaker.

Something I'd always known was that a submissive needs to have good self-esteem. That's something I can reinforce, but I can't instill it in a girl who doesn't have a foundation from which to build on. My last experience confirmed that as well. I found it very draining to try and prop someone up who had hit rock bottom and didn't have within what it takes to lift themselves up. I can provide the structure a submissive often needs, but i can't give them what they first need to be able to give themselves. If you can't learn to accept and love yourself as you are in this moment now, it's unlikely that you'll ever believe that someone else can accept and love you as your are now too. 

We're all "works in progress". I continue to learn and grow daily. If there's one thing I know that I have to offer above and beyond anything else, it's unconditional acceptance and love. It begins with myself and extends to the girl I'll take into my life. I don't expect her to be "perfect", instead only for her to desire to learn and grow. That's what I desire for myself. In fact, I expect it of myself. If a submissive doesn't want to learn about me and what's important to me, then she'd be with me for the "wrong" reasons. After all, I expect to learn about her and many other things I want to learn about as my life continues; something I expect will happen for many years to come.

In many ways this has been the "best" year of my life. Yes, it's had its successes and disappointments. The successes have been quite large and amazing. I now have 2 additional professional certifications and have received other recognition for what I do. I began working for another company where I make more money that I ever imagined. A very nice perk is that I work from home and don't have to commute each day back and forth to an office. More importantly, I'm doing what I enjoy and am demonstrating my value.

The challenges I've faced have been difficult at times. Not only did I have to deal with coming home from a business trip just after starting the new position to find a sub at home who'd been on an alcoholic binge, hadn't been to work for days, and had lost her job as a consequence, but I also had to deal with major problems with my vision from a vitreous detachment last Christmas along with a cataract that grew worse throughout the year. I recently had surgery to resolve the cataract and am recovering well. My vision is now improving daily to where it's nearly back to normal.

It's how I handled and dealt with these events that made the difference for me and demonstrated the growth that's occurred over the years. There were other things that have happened too which I'm not sharing that were important and significant to me that only serve to add weight to what I'm sharing. They tell me I'm on the right track, that not having a submissive partner at the moment isn't a "measure" of my success as a man or a Dominant. I've learned to set my priorities, to be very patient, and to know what's most important at any moment in time. In time I'll meet the "right" girl for me. I don't know how old she'll be, what she'll look like, or much of anything else about her except that she's a submissive with tendencies toward slavery. What I know more than anything else, is that I'll recognize, accept, and love her unconditionally.

The year ahead will doubtless be awesome with more growth and learning to come!


10/31/2017 10:11:01 PM
Let's play "Fetch"!
Continuing from my previous journal entry,  when I play fetch with a dog, all I expect the animal to do is return the ball or toy I've thrown to me. I don't expect it to tell me anything extra about what it saw or experienced along the way to retrieve it. I don't expect to learn how it felt to hold it in it's mouth, how satisfying it was to retrieve it for me, anything I might need to know about the condition of the toy. I know that's all the dog is capable of. It might give me some physical cues that tell me a few things more, but it can't tell me the answers to most of those questions; instead, all I can do is observe.

Here on CS, I don't have the luxury of being able to observe the other person who's responding to my messages. Instead, all I have is the words they've written to me. Are they engaging me in conversation or are they merely "fetching" direct answers to a question I've posed without providing any "color" to provide material to continue the exchange? Have they given me any insight into who they are? Does their response tell me they can be transparent should we enter into a relationship?

If all they're doing is "fetching", to me it's a sign, the answer is clearly "no". If I write you a 5 paragraph long message and you reply with a two line message that only responds to my opening question, what do you think that tells me? You might also want to ask yourself why you even replied. 

If you've ever done something similar, I hope you'll think about why you're here and why you're continuing to exchange messages with someone you're not engaging in meaningful conversation with. 



10/26/2017 5:08:40 AM
Transparency

What does it really mean to be transparent with one's Dominant? For me, it means a number of things. For one, when I ask a question, I don't find myself asking it twice to receive an answer. My questions are never avoided. Ideally, I never need to ask those questions to begin with, instead, my submissive volunteers the information; wanting me to know everything I might desire or need to know.

That leads me to the final part. When I do ask a question, I'm not told only the minimum a girl feels she needs to tell me to answer my question. Instead, she volunteers to share with me all that I might ever need to know that might be related to the question I've asked. She doesn't hold her "cards close to her vest". She wants me to know everything about her and doesn't feel the desire or need to hide anything from me. She trusts that I'll accept her unconditionally. She also knows that transparency goes both ways, that what's given is received in return. That's part of sharing intimacy.

12/21/2016 10:34:22 AM
                                         When is a Dom "perfect" for you?

I see many profiles that speak of their "perfect" or "ideal" Dom. As I read those things, I look back and see the growth I've experienced over time and continue to have with each year that passes. Doms are not "perfect", we're human and fallible just like everyone else. We expect to continue to grow and learn in the same way we expect our subs to grow and learn with us too (at least I do). In fact, I expect to learn from the many experiences I'll have with my submissive. I expect that she'll have knowledge and skills she'll bring with her to the relationship that I don't possess; knowledge and skills that I'll utilize for our mutual benefit.  

You're probably wondering what I'm getting at. First, none of us are perfect. We're each on a journey, including you. The Dom (or sub) you seek, won't be the same person a year from now they are today. They'll be more experienced and wiser. Just as a Dom trains a sub to serve Him, to a certain extent, a sub trains a Dom to understand what she needs from Him in order for her to be happy and content in providing her service.

A wise Dom will understand that if a sub isn't getting her needs met, the relationship has no chance of long-term success. If that doesn't happen, it's bound to fail or self-destruct. It's a power exchange where both are supposed to get what they want from the arrangement. Subs can negotiate for what they want from a relationship. We Doms, despite what you girls might think, cannot read minds. Ultimately, we only know what you, or as is often the case, what your body reveals to us.

It's ever so important that you communicate with us about what it is that you desire from us. We all know there are healthy and respectful ways of doing that, ways that others will be receptive to vs ways that will cause someone to become defensive. Requesting what you desire without blaming or shaming a Dom for not knowing you desired it will be much more effective towards getting what you want. Make the request about the behavior you'd like to see, not about him. Be respectful, particularly of your power exchange should you wish to preserve your dynamic. Helping him understand what you desire like that is how you're more likely to get the "ideal" or "perfect" Dom that you seek. 

Enjoy the process of building the trust, intimacy and foundation for a relationship that allows that happen rather than focusing on where your relationship hasn't yet gone to. Appreciating all that you do have will help you build what you desire with a man who can be that Dom for you. 

12/4/2016 11:19:47 AM
                                                Anxiety and Worry

Do you find yourself getting anxious and worrying? Researchers say that people spend nearly six years of their lives worrying. A primary regret of the elderly was the amount of time they spent worrying! No amount of worry will change the outcome of what's to happen. We can choose our response to events and how we want to perceive them. We can choose to view events with conviction, resolving to use our abilities to make the outcome a positive one. 

No amount of worry will change the outcome of what's to happen. We can instead choose our response to events and decide how we want to perceive them. We can view events with conviction and resolve ourselves to use our abilities to make the outcome a positive one. In taking action, we put our energy to use. That can begin by just sitting down to write out a plan.

It's been written that "worrying is a form of self-inflicted torture." Some people have the cruelest "inner dominants" they choose to submit to! 

11/28/2016 12:04:05 PM
                                            Focusing on the Positive

I see many profiles listing all the things they don't want; sometimes accompanied with an abundance of profanity. It's my belief that these profiles only attract the type of people they're intended to discourage. I don't find them appealing. I'd prefer to read about the positive and what someone IS looking for than what they're NOT.

Profiles that don't focus on the negative tell me a woman generally will have a positive view on life; they'll have a cup "half full" attitude instead of a cup "half empty" perspective on life. Those are the women I know I'll find much more enjoyable to spend my time with.

To further illustrate my point, if I write in my profile that I'm looking for a single, unattached woman, and proceed to add "No Married Women", repeating myself and being superfluous. To me, the former is stating the positive while the latter is not.

I hope some of you find this helpful.

12/5/2014 11:36:59 AM
Making requests vs demanding submission
I'm not one who "demands", but instead generally "asks" or requests what he desires of his submissive. I only desire to receive service and submission which is given freely from the heart. Thus the reason I rarely demand, but instead make requests. I know from experience that when another "sacrifices" their desires and feels as through they've "lost", resentments build. Small resentments eventually grow into mountains of it; making a recipe for a relationship to eventually fail as anger builds. 



11/2/2014 10:32:26 AM

Dominance - Part2 

Continuing from Part 1, I hope anyone who's reading this is getting the idea that I don't view healthy Dominance as equating to creating a situation of "codependence".  Instead, I view it as a situation where a Dominant mentors a submissive to help them learn to take control of and manage all the various aspects of their lives on their own. The Dominant helps them develop the "inner voice" that says "Yes Sir!" (or Ma'am) when another voice is saying "I can't" or "I don't feel like it". 

Submissives are adults and need to be treated as such. They're not immature children who need to rely on a "parent figure" to care for them and make the important decisions for them in their lives. In my view, the role of a parent is to help their children "grow wings" so they won't be dependent on them after they leave the "nest". It's to help them develop the emotional and practical skills necessary to become an independently functioning adult. That doesn't mean we don't look to a "partner", regardless of their lifestyle role, for nurturing in a similar context to what many either received or desired from their parents. However, I'd expect that to generally occur on a different level emotionally even if it does touch us at the same primal level. 

That isn't to say they can't at some point decide to share their lives with another along with delegating or "relinquishing" some of those responsibilities if they choose to, the key being that what they delegate or relinquish is their choice to make. What's important is that they have those skills to begin with and are capable of functioning on their own. They'll never be dependent on someone else nor will they be nearly as susceptible to abuse by another from never having developed those essential skills to begin with. In terms of power exchanges, a submissive who isn't capable of making decisions on their own brings no power with them to the exchange. Without power to relinquish, there can be no real exchange of power. Irrespective of any exchange that's agreed to, I still view the role of a Dominant as primarily being that of mentor and role model. 

The Dominant models self-discipline, self-control along with other values the submissive finds admirable. In essence, the Dominant "teaches" the submissive to control of his/her life (to the extent control is possible; more on that later), developing their own "inner Dominant". In doing so, the Dominant mentors the submissive toward developing his/her potential to grow into the kind of human being they're capable of and were "meant" to be. 

The reality is, we don't need an external Dominant to develop an "inner Dominant". Having a mentor and support system can be valuable assets toward that end, but it's still something each of us can do on our own. No one truly "needs" to relinquish control over their life to another. They don't "need" to become dependant on another to make decisions for them. If they find it erotic to do so, that's a choice they're free to make. Please recognize, there's a difference between a "need" and a "want/desire". 

My point being, if you choose to enter into a power exchange, I hope you'll look inside and question whether it's to avoid taking responsibility for making decisions important in your life that you wish to avoid. Are you perhaps looking to someone else to "blame" should there be undesirable consequences from certain kinds of decisions? Do you feel you don't "deserve" to experience pleasure and are seeking someone to reinforce your lowered self-esteem or sense of self-worth? 

In other words, do you really want to be "abused and punished" or do you want to feel better about yourself? It's one thing to indulge a hot fantasy that involves playing with those emotions but another to live a day-to-day life that only serves to break you down and continuously reinforce a low sense of self-worth. That is not a pleasant way to live one's life! 

I think it very important for any submissive to understand that giving away your consent to someone else to make decisions on your behalf is no different than choosing to make those identical decisions yourself. Those decisions were yours to make. As such, you're the one who always has to "own" them and will ultimately live with the consequences of decisions which result from deciding to delegate or relinquish the power to make them for yourself. 

If you decided to delegate or relinquish your power to another, that was the decision you made about issues in areas you delegated! The consequences belong to no one but YOU. Regardless of what you might want to think, the consequences for decisions made for you do not belong to the person you delegated decision making authority to! Instead, they're still yours to deal with and belong only to you. If the decisions happen to damage your credit record, you gave your permission, thus "deciding" to do that to yourself. I know that can be a tough pill to swallow. 

As another example, if you now resent the great number of orgasms you were denied permission to have, it's important to understand that you agreed to allow someone else to decide you couldn't have them; essentially making the same decision for yourself during the time period you gave your consent for it. For those who "blame" others for what happens in their lives, there's no one to "blame" or "shame" but yourself. Instead, I hope you'll choose to learn from the experience. As an aside, I view "blame" as wasted energy, what's done is done; the past can't be changed. 

If you're wondering where I'm going with this, I hope you'll see that I've now come around full circle back to where I began in Part 1. It's clear to me that the role of a Dominant is to help others develop their "inner dominant"; to learn more self-control and self-discipline for themselves. It's not to create or foster emotional dependence on their "Sir", "Daddy", "Mistress" or any other term used for a "Dominant". The latter is about puffing up someone's ego at the expense of someone who's in their "charge". 

Instead, both can learn from one another on their journey together. They can grow and develop in a healthy relationship that shows mutual respect and love for one another. I see this kind of relationship dynamic as offering great potential for more growth than either could possibly experience without the other. I see genuine possibilities for synergy that this lifestyle has always promised, but rarely delivered. 

What do you see??  

 


11/2/2014 10:26:06 AM

Dominance - Part 1

I've met and known many Dominants in my 30+ years in the lifestyle. I've listened and learned from their diverse views on what they've believed the role of a Dominant "should" be. I use the term "should" as it represents an ideal, that being human few Dominants can possibly live up to. Needless to say, I've developed my own thoughts on what I view as the role of a Dominant with respect to a submissive in their charge or under their tutelage. 

First and foremost, I want to begin by stating that I don't believe the primary role of a Dominant is to completely control the life a a submissive in their charge nor to influence them with the threat of punishment. Its my opinion that punishment only serves to create resentment and ultimately doesn't resolve underlying conflicts in a relationship. Instead, it only lowers self-esteem and reinforces any feelings of inadequacy and shame on the part of a submissive. For those reasons, I don't see it as being constructive or useful. The reality is that consequences naturally follow as a result of a person's behavior. To my way of thinking, dealing with those natural consequences is sufficient in and of itself without having someone adding to them.

When it comes to control, I believe a Dominant first needs to have his or her "house" in relatively good order if they want to take responsibility for someone else's life. What does that primarily entail? I'll get to that in a moment. First, I'd like to say that I'd hope a submissive wouldn't entrust control over parts of their life to someone who isn't capable of managing their own life! To me, "having one's house in order" means someone has developed a certain amount of self-discipline along with a sufficient display of self-respect accompany it to make it apparent they have some of both. I believe the process of developing these traits is an iterative and/or progressive one. We all have our strengths and areas where its obvious to others (and hopefully ourselves), where we could use improvement.

I don't think it's realistic to expect a Dominant to be living a life where it appears they have everything absolutely "together". What I do think appropriate is to expect a Dominant to take responsibility for their life situation as it stands at any given moment. I'd hope it's fairly obvious what I mean by a person having developed a fair amount of self-discipline in the various areas of their life; these areas ranging along the lines of work ethics, diet, exercise, language, drug & alcohol use, personal hygiene, finances, and more. 

You may be wondering what I mean by having self-respect? What I've come to learn is that there are many ways in which we disrespect ourselves that we may not initially be aware of. As we learn about them, our awareness increases. As it does, we frequently discover more, but perhaps less obvious ways, in which we do this. 

An example of what I speak of is how often we tell ourselves something along the lines of "I can never...", whether it be "remember names", "figure out how to balance my checking account", etc. These thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies. They become part of the belief systems we take on about ourselves. With this kind of thinking, we limit ourselves; preventing us from revealing the potential to reveal what already exists within us. Without realizing it, we diminish ourselves and what we're capable of. As we become aware of just one area in our lives in which we take on these self-defeating thought patterns, our sensitivity to them increases, helping us identify more of these thoughts which disrespect and diminish us as enlightened human beings. 

Its my hope for any submissive that they find a Dominant who's on a journey of self-realization, one who has a value system they not only espouse, but actually demonstrate through their behavior they do their utmost to live by. To me, a Dominant on this kind of journey would want to assist a submissive on their own journey of self realization. Doing that, involves mentoring a submissive while supporting and encouraging them as they take their own journeys of self-discovery. That's something which can't possibly happen through taking control of their lives. It precludes helping them learn to take responsibility for their lives, particularly the consequences resulting from their behavior along with the decisions they make.    


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abcdjenny
 
 Age: 42
 Burton, Michigan